Mall Ninja Weapons you secretly would like to use

[HumanHive]

Lol, I actually already got mine. Middle Eastern Knife. Purely decorative, though.

 

[byuu]

This counts, it's a weapon too!

 

[Doctor Placebo]

Hell yes custom walking stick counts. It reminds of this badass (Russian or Bulgarian) assassin who used a custom made umbrella that was essentially a hidden pellet gun, with a trigger in the handle. It shot small ricin pellets into the victims, to which it felt like an insect bite, which would then dissolve over a few days and lethally poison the target.

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This is straight out of either Roger Moore James Bond or the Pink Panther. Which just shows how sometimes the more over the top designs can be more practical than you might think.

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This. One of the witchblr people found it on their walk and it looks like a fucking dragon fang and I'm a sucker for the color blue.

Those awkwardly positioned pinkie ring grips are excellent finger dislocators if you ever hit something with a lot of force.

 

[TiggerNits]

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This. One of the witchblr people found it on their walk and it looks like a fucking dragon fang and I'm a sucker for the color blue.

A friend of mine is big in to reef diving, he has a karambit with a blunted tip (that's still a decent little flathead screw driver) and serations toward the base of the blade, says it is the best diving knife in the world, cuts ropes and lines really well, the tip can be used to pry shit and adjust busted valves, but he NEVER wears it anywhere other than his dive suits because it makes him look like a Tacti-cool, mall ninja fag.

He's a wise man

This counts, it's a weapon too!

I had one for camping. It broke the first time I tried to use it to break down mesquite for a fire. Chinese mil shit is still Chinese shit

 

[Kornheiser]

I don't know if any of you are up on your black metal lore, but there's a famous picture of Varg Vikernes posing like the edgy boy he is with a couple of knives.
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That knife in his left hand though? It's actually a crappy replica of the villain's knife from the movie Cobra.

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Practical? Not particularly. If you want to have a chuckle you can take a look at all the different sheaths people have designed to accommodate this thing without it stabbing the person carrying it. But it still looks wicked and you wouldn't want to be on the wrong end of it in a fight.

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You can’t kill me! The law says you have to take me in!

The knives from action movies are so over the top that you would have a better chance in throwing them at your enemies then using it. If your talking Cobra I want Stallone’s pistol and 1950 Mercury instead as they are over the top but more useful.

 

[Dante Alighieri]

I want shuriken, of all sizes.

A quarterstaff or thinner would also be swag.

 

[Meat Target]

Found this thing at Academy. I'm not paying $50 for something I could make with a kitchen knife+broom+duct tape.

 

[Doctor Placebo]

Found this thing at Academy. I'm not paying $50 for something I could make with a kitchen knife+broom+duct tape.
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But you didn't include black paint on yours to make it tactical so it's not remotely comparable.

 

[LazloChalos]

This, the shape announces my intent to harm and leave little doubt on how I plan to use it both before and after.

 

[Badungus Kabungus]

Do they make electric whips yet?

 

[XYZpdq]

This, the shape announces my intent to harm and leave little doubt on how I plan to use it both before and after.View attachment 1549700

buddy had a proper police-grade nightstick, basically everybody was like "haha I'm gonna smack this on my hand and holy shit that fucking hurt what the fuck did they do to make a stick hurt that much"

 

[A Grey Cat]

The swords from kill bill used by bill and the bride and shiriken from Naruto

 

[5t3n0g0ph3r]

@GlueStick would be the best person to ask regarding this situation.

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

A sword cane, since those are illegal in my country. I already have a small collection of mall ninja weapons, mostly knives.

 

[OvercookedBacon]

I've thought about getting this thing, but I'm not sure about the quality.

 

[Sexual Chocolate]

This but only if I can play the music while we fight

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

I think my tastes run more towards Mall Celt or Mall Viking but someone posted a tactical tomahawk in a thread somewhere that got me a-nerdin'. And I own a beautiful sgian dubh that I got for Christmas one year.

Also, holy shit an official Frazetta-approved Death Dealer axe?!

The iconic Death Dealer, for people who aren't massive nerds and are unfamiliar with the reference:

 

[Travoltron]

Oh God, when I was like 13 -14, I was obsessed with this stuff. There used to be a couple of stores in the next town over that was full of martial arts weapons and gear. They even had the Bruce Lee tracksuit for sale. I bought nunchaku, sai, shuriken, and kusari-gama. I still have them all except the shuriken got lost.
I really wanted to get a katana, but I'm just a layman and can't tell the difference between the quality ones and the junk ones. TBH, I'd still like to get one. I kind of like the wooden-sort of katana that Zatoichi used.