🐱 Man Avoids Charges After 20 Pig Eyeballs Were Found Inside His Rectum

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http://www.albertatimes.com/red-deer-man-avoids-charges-20-pig-eyeballs-found-inside-rectum/

A 54-year old man from Red Deer, Alberta has avoided charges after he was discovered with over 20 pig eyeballs stuffed inside his rectum.
Officials made a routine traffic stop early Friday morning and got more than they bargained for when Michael Guthrie, 54, stepped out of his vehicle for a field sobriety test. The officers were shocked after noticing several eyeballs sliding from his right pant leg onto the road. Fearing they could have a potential murderer on their hands, the officers quickly cuffed Guthrie and took him into custody.

Guthrie warned the officers that he had more eyeballs inside his anal cavity, but said they were not human – instead, he claimed they were pig eyeballs he had pilfered from a local slaughterhouse where he is employed as a butcher. “We saw his ID tag, but we had to conduct a test on the eyeballs to confirm his story"

“The company won’t let us take animal scraps home and instead toss them in the landfill,” Guthrie said in his statement. “They’re a very wasteful company. We should be allowed to take scrap meat and other parts home so that they don’t go to waste. There’s nothing wrong with pig eyes, even though my family protest eating them they’re full of protein.”
Tests of the eye balls found inside his anal cavity confirmed Guthrie’s story that they were of pig origin. Guthrie’s employer declined to press charges, and told media that they will review their policy about not permitting employees to take home animal scraps in light of the incident.
Meanwhile, Guthrie has been released without charge and has been handed back the confiscated pig eyes. “Instead of being thrown in the trash, I’ll use them to put dinner on the table,” he said.
 
Arrest him?
Motherfuckers, you see this kinda shit, you need to run.
A man who deliberately jammed 20 pig eyeballs in his rectum?
Yeah, that's the kind of crazy law enforcement is not prepared to handle. That is a kind of man you do not fuck with. What are you gonna do? Throw him in jail?
I guarantee that if you do that, you are going to come back to find his cellmates missing and him picking his teeth and suddenly not hungry for lunch.
A guy who is crazy enough to stuff pig eyes up his ass to take home and feed his family is operating on a different level of fucking terror than you. Fucking hide and pray he doesn't notice you.

oh, and he works in a fucking slaughterhouse
 
Too bad Criminal Minds got cancelled. This guy would make a great unsub.

(Also fuck off. I know the series allegedly still exists. But without Thomas Gibson, it's dead.)
 
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http://www.albertatimes.com/red-deer-man-avoids-charges-20-pig-eyeballs-found-inside-rectum/

A 54-year old man from Red Deer, Alberta has avoided charges after he was discovered with over 20 pig eyeballs stuffed inside his rectum.
Officials made a routine traffic stop early Friday morning and got more than they bargained for when Michael Guthrie, 54, stepped out of his vehicle for a field sobriety test. The officers were shocked after noticing several eyeballs sliding from his right pant leg onto the road. Fearing they could have a potential murderer on their hands, the officers quickly cuffed Guthrie and took him into custody.

Guthrie warned the officers that he had more eyeballs inside his anal cavity, but said they were not human – instead, he claimed they were pig eyeballs he had pilfered from a local slaughterhouse where he is employed as a butcher. “We saw his ID tag, but we had to conduct a test on the eyeballs to confirm his story"

“The company won’t let us take animal scraps home and instead toss them in the landfill,” Guthrie said in his statement. “They’re a very wasteful company. We should be allowed to take scrap meat and other parts home so that they don’t go to waste. There’s nothing wrong with pig eyes, even though my family protest eating them they’re full of protein.”
Tests of the eye balls found inside his anal cavity confirmed Guthrie’s story that they were of pig origin. Guthrie’s employer declined to press charges, and told media that they will review their policy about not permitting employees to take home animal scraps in light of the incident.
Meanwhile, Guthrie has been released without charge and has been handed back the confiscated pig eyes. “Instead of being thrown in the trash, I’ll use them to put dinner on the table,” he said.

qbqodMU.jpg
 
I googled it, and found a blogger describing what eating a pig's eye (minus the poop of course) was like.

Alberta Man is the Florida Man of Canada.
Its kinda hard to actually pinpoint where Canada has its heavy concentrations of crazy people. Being in Western Canada I'm biased against Toronto and Quebec, but then I look at Vancouver and Calgary and realize it's about the same insanity.

But judging from the stories I've heard, you want wierd, go North into the remote regions. The wilderness eats your sanity apparently.

oh, and he works in a fucking slaughterhouse
That alone should make the creep alarms go off. They probably let him go because a butcher with eyeballs up his ass unnerved even the RCMP.
 
The question everybody has overlooked up till now:
How can a butcher jam 20 eyeballs up his ass during work without anybody noticing?
That dude was involved in food processing while diddling around with his asshole.
 
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