Law Man breaks into pie shop and covers himself in jam while naked - I can't believe it's not Florida

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Pie shop burglar strips, covers himself in jam, cops say. People thought it was blood
BY JOSH MAGNESS

jmagness@mcclatchy.com





April 25, 2018 08:00 AM

Updated 31 minutes ago

When someone saw Michael Brooker at 5:30 Monday morning, police say, they quickly called law enforcement for help.

That's because the 22-year-old man, wearing just his underwear, was covered in what appeared to be blood, according to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. But when officers arrived, they say they learned that the Missouri man was actually doused in something much sweeter.

It was jam, police told KMOV, and Brooker had just finished a break-in at a nearby bakery in Maplewood that specializes in pies.

"His behavior was odd, to say the least," Maplewood Detective Sgt. John LeClerc said in an interview with the TV station.

According to police, Brooker had stripped down after he "tore the (pie shop) up, threw jam or jelly onto paintings, all over the place." But officers say they knew nothing about Brooker and the bakery when they first found him outside and nearly naked, the Post-Dispatch reported. They had just planned to send the man to a nearby hospital for an examination.

Police say they learned about Brooker's strange crime once the bakery owner came outside and told them about the sticky situation inside her business.

Melennie Lorence, who runs the pie shop, told KMOV that "the damage was minimal, more dirty than broken."

A picture of the scene inside the Pie Oh My! shop was posted on the bakery's Facebook page.

It shows the shop floor covered in beans.





The store wrote that it would be opening on Wednesday after workers spent Tuesday cleaning up the mess.


Lorence said that she walked into the bakery early Monday morning and saw sticky pie fillings everywhere and random clothing on the floor, according to the Post-Dispatch.

She has a theory for how things got that way.

"I think he jammed in the door," she told KMOV, "and he disrobed behind my counter."

Brooker faces charges of burglary of the second-degree and property damage of the second degree, per the Post-Dispatch. He has a bail of $15,000. Police say Brooker hasn't given a reason for his alleged crime even though he confessed.

Some took to the pie shop's Facebook to offer their condolences.

"So sorry to hear about your shop and I hope you will be able to recover quickly," a user named Michelle Marcus wrote.

Others, like Liz Stasieczko, poked some fun at the whole thing.

"Your pies are so good," she wrote, "I just want to break in and smear them all over my naked body!"

While the Pie Oh My! Facebook page itself responded with some humorous hashtags like #nopantsstreetdance and #wildbeanjamman.

It appears that Brooker might have had another target aside from the bakery — as police say the 22-year-old broke a window at a nearby shop and also put a red "X" on a window that some mistook for blood.

The owner of that other shop, Barry Greenberg, told KMOV that he has one wish for the marking on his shop's window.

"I'm hoping it's jam."
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What is it with these fucking naked guys in the news lately? This is one of those rare things that I'm not totally numb to yet, I swear it's been a significant uptick in the past few weeks.
 
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You know, I was expecting this to take place in Florida, not Missouri.
 
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Doing that at 5:30 is preposterous. The sweet spot is 2 AM; not much foot traffic, sun’s not up. And you don’t leave the building before you clean up and get dressed. And leaving your underwear on is just going to get them dirty. If you strip completely beforehand all you need is a roll of paper towels once you’re finished.
 
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God damn it how many naked people need to freak out in food establishments before we bring back asylums?
 
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Testaclese Maximus said:
Doing that at 5:30 is preposterous. The sweet spot is 2 AM; not much foot traffic, sun’s not up. And you don’t leave the building before you clean up and get dressed. And leaving your underwear on is just going to get them dirty. If you strip completely beforehand all you need is a roll of paper towels once you’re finished.
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Well they article just says that's when someone saw him and called the police. For all we know, he could've been fucking pies for HOURS. Fucking semper fi my dude.
 
I'm not the only one who thought of the original American Pie, right?
 
Testaclese Maximus said:
That’s another rookie mistake. Belive me, it’s easy to lose track of time when naked and covered in pie goo. That’s why you need to set an alarm, otherwise this is what happens.
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Man, I never thought about it like that. I can't believe my BnE-Pie-Fucking adventures have been such a joke all these years.
 
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