MatchLink.com Dating Profile

[Tubular Monkey]

Really, Chris? Really?

Well, I'm paraphrasing.

He sees himself as a victim because of his entitlement, not because he likes being a victim.

Well then I wish him the best of luck getting different results from doing the same thing he's done for 10 years. But a word of advice, Chris. There is no help coming. No chesty white knight is going to ride her steed into McDonald's and sweep you off your feet. But by all means, sit there and stare at your handhelds and ignore the rest of the world. I'm sure you'll get a girl that way, even though you never ever have. Whatever Chris's motivation, repeated behavior gives repeated results. But of course being miserable and lonely for ten years is way worse than asking a girl out and getting rejected, right? Eh, I'm in a bad mood, and this is likely to turn into a rant if I don't end it here.

 

[Batman VS Tony Danza]

Chris, cut your hair and stop dying it. Ditch the purse and get a satchel or something. Shower everday. Get something for your bad skin. Maybe you could do some kind of weird facemask routine so you can be like those women in the movies. You know, with the cucumber slices in your eyes. Wouldn't that be fun, eh? Eh? You and Barb could lie around in bathrobes while gossiping until it's time to flip her over again.

 

[BillRiley]

"Pondering" eh? So that's what he calls stimming.

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

Chris, cut your hair and stop dying it. Ditch the purse and get a satchel or something. Shower everday. Get something for your bad skin. Maybe you could do some kind of weird facemask routine so you can be like those women in the movies. .

 

[CatParty]

at least he read the thread about his okcupid dating profile and has upped her height to 6 feet.
but also, chris, STOP PUTTING YOUR STUPID SONIC RECOLORS IN YOUR PROFILE AND NO ONE WILL FEEL COMPELLED TO GOOGLE THEM.

 

[DykesDykesChina]

I'm really starting to feel sorry for that poor ol' goofball... He's so impossibly stupid.

 

[JULAY]

Maybe you could do some kind of weird facemask routine so you can be like those women in the movies. You know, with the cucumber slices in your eyes. Wouldn't that be fun, eh? Eh? You and Barb could lie around in bathrobes while gossiping until it's time to flip her over again.

 

[Male]

I just realised how thick those slices were, I thought you were supposed to put thin slices on your eyes

 

[BillRiley]

I think he might be counting his walking to Wal-Mart as "exercise".

I've no doubt Chris considers waddling a daily lap around Wal-Mart to be true and honest exercise.

I feel better being treated as a person than some sort of freak or something.

Chris really is moving into some sort of adolescent phase, isn't he? I don't recall him using the word "freak" to refer to himself. I wonder how long it'll take for Chris to go full emo.

 

[CatParty]

I think he might be counting his walking to Wal-Mart as "exercise".

I've no doubt Chris considers waddling a daily lap around Wal-Mart to be true and honest exercise.

it's a twofer. he stands as he walks.

 

[renomakicwc]

I have to admit, I find it odd how he put taking care of his mom and two dogs in the "for fun" slot, despite proof that he clearly doesn't enjoy that.

I think the only reason he even bothered to put that in there is A) to make girls think he is sweet and caring and/or B) He put it in there with the hopes that a girl will date him out of pity.

Also, when Chris talks about volunteering, he is talking about Pokemon.

Also ALSO, he still cares about Sonichu it seems. Doubt he still draws him for fun like he claims, though.

 

[pickleniggo]

Goddamn Chris.
If I were a casual observer of this profile - not knowing what I do about Chris - I would be seriously creeped out by it. From the pictures, to the requirements for his lady, I would think he was some kind of serial murderer trying to lull an unsuspecting, yet well-off woman to marry and then kill for her money. We all know this isn't the case here, but look at it without our CWC-goggles and it paints a really disturbing picture.
He's so creepy.

(Also I like that he'll divulge any detail about his "hobbies" but when it comes to "exercise" and "occupation" he shies away. Yeah you're a real catch, Chris.)

 

[BillRiley]

I have to admit, I find it odd how he put taking care of his mom and two dogs in the "for fun" slot, despite proof that he clearly doesn't enjoy that.

I think the only reason he even bothered to put that in there is A) to make girls think he is sweet and caring and/or B) He put it in there with the hopes that a girl will date him out of pity.

It's probably a bit of both.

Also, when Chris talks about volunteering, he is talking about Pokemon.

Ah, but you forget the Alex's Lemonade Stand which Chris built from the ground up. He had to sit there all by himself for as much as six hours in the hot, hot sun. I also wonder if he's going to include his community sevice as "volunteering" as well.

Also ALSO, he still cares about Sonichu it seems. Doubt he still draws him for fun like he claims, though.

Who knows? Despite what the kewl kids claim, he certainly does still obsess over Sonichu. And he probably still draws - he's just learned not to share.

 

[Rio]

"exercise habits: 5 days a week"
one line above that
"exercises and sports: I'll tell you later."

Has he finally realized that standing actually doesn't count as real exercise and that potential sweethearts won't see it as exercise? Or is he ashamed that his exercise is his walk from his car into mcdonalds and back?

Also, I like how he basically wants the woman to be the breadwinner, judging by that. He probably has 0 intention of getting a job at this point. As for the volunteering, I guess he's either referring to the lemonade stand, or the pokemon thing he used to do a long time ago.

 

[Kosher Dill]

Who knows? Despite what the kewl kids claim, he certainly does still obsess over Sonichu. And he probably still draws - he's just learned not to share.

I doubt he still draws. Even in the Classic days, when he was an unstoppable dynamo of zappin' energy compared to today, the Sonichu pages had to practically be wrung out of him.

 

[UltraSonichu]

A couple of things:

For Fun: Creating artwork, reflecting/thinking, video games

We all know out of those 3 activities there's only one he ever does now and only 2 that he's ever done. I also love that he considers 'reflecting/thinking' a fun hobby. He's clearly trying to make himself appear deep and insightful so that the girl will overlook the obvious childishness of the third listed hobby, which is vidya.

Ethnicity: British, French and English

Clearly Christard doesn't know the difference between British and English. I'd expect him to say British if he knew he had British roots, but wasn't sure whether his ancestors were from England, Scotland or Wales. Saying you have ancestors who were English and British is like saying you come from the United States and New York. The UK and England are not different countries.

Not that I'm surprised at his utter lack of knowledge about the world outside his bedroom; this coming from a man who describes himself as Native American BEFORE White/Caucasian.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

Seriously, I think he likes to make impossible demands, because he enjoys being a victim. He'd rather be a victim than have a girl. Probably the right attitude, since he's too fat and retarded to stand a chance in the singles market.

That implies he realizes his demands are impossible. To Chris, the universe OWES him a pretty girl for him to grind up and it's only due to the efforts of a grand conspiracy that he doesn't already have one. Also he has had STRESSFUL experiences with trolls online, so people should be nice to him and understand that he can't be nice back until they've proven themselves.

He sees himself as a victim because of his entitlement, not because he likes being a victim.

He doesn't like being a victim by any means, but he sure as hell feels comfortable as one. He won't pull himself up by his bootstraps or do any kind of work for himself because he's spent so long telling himself (and being told by Barb) that the world has robbed him of any power or freedom, so it won't be "justice" unless the world fixes it for him. Victimhood has become his true autistic routine.

Who knows? Despite what the kewl kids claim, he certainly does still obsess over Sonichu. And he probably still draws - he's just learned not to share.

I'm sure he doodles now and again, but there's no way he's making full-fledged comics in the same vein as the Sonichu series we are used to. Most of his Sonichu "creations" these days are just customizing his player character to look like a piss-yellow ragdoll in whatever game he's playing.

Well then I wish him the best of luck getting different results from doing the same thing he's done for 10 years.

In five days I plan to raise my glass and wish Chris another ten years of adventurous love-questing. :mrgreen:

...But yeah, like I said, self-sustaining victimhood. He tells himself he's suffered more than anyone else at the hands of the cruel cruel world, so he has to make that as true as he can - even if that means he has to create his own suffering and failure, by doing something he knows doesn't work for ten years straight. He has no problem blaming the world for his own actions, of course.

 

[snowkitten91]

"Occupation and income: I'll tell you later"

It should be obvious by the income he expects his future sweetheart to have that the answer to the former is: "nothing that deserves being paid for by the rest of society", while the answer to the latter is: "not enough to cover my ridiculously high selfish expenses".

 

[Marmalade]

I giggled at the specifications for his "potential mate". Has Chris ever had a concept of length and height, or does he not realize that 4'10" is borderline Dwarfism height?

 

[Fialovy]

I like how it says he got his bachelor's degree.

No Chris, you got your associate's degree in the time it takes for someone to get their bachelor's degree and I'm being generous, six years is even longer than the average four years! It usually takes 2-3 years (even shorter if you take classes in high school for college credits like my brother did), that's 2-3 times as long!