Lovequest Misc Colin Communications - Updated

[jemas42]

I don't necessarily agree that the Colin character is weening. He occasionally walks up to the line, but I don't think he's there. He seems to be a reasonable approximation of what would happen if a normal human was confronted with the vortex of madness known as Christian Weston Chandler.

Other than that, I don't know what I can say that hasn't been said. I've been in open and semi-open relationships, and if I'd ever acted anything like this towards someone my partner was pursuing, I'd have been out (of the relationship) on my ass. But Chris doesn't think the rules apply to him.

Although his turning Stonewall Jackson into a verb is still inexplicably hilarious to me.

 

[Drawets Rednaxela]

You'd think the fact that these are characters Chris is interacting with rather than someone who's not familar with his spackerness would make it less funny. But nope.

 

[Smutley]

Chris's penis seems to be in constant state of fluctuations. It's 7 Inches when he's talking to males, it's 5 inches when talking about the hooker. It's almost as if he's minimizing his penis to women to show he's a lesbian while exaggerating his penis to ward of rival males.

He's a penis-peacock

 

[axcel]

"I'm not racist, Fat Albert is funny."

That's another great part. Most racists backpedal by saying "some of my best friends are black."
But since Chris doesn't have friends he has to resort to "some of my favorite people from the TV are black."

 

[24isthehighestnumber]

Holy shit, so much hilarious.

Chris of 2004: "Would you like to meet for pleasant conversation over a light beverage?"
Chris of 2014: "Would you like to have a pleasant conversation and grind our fucking crotches together?"

 

[trueandhonestfan]

I love that Bill Cosby is his first choice of a male who's "actually decent and respectable."

The only black people Chris respects are Blake, Obama, and any black person who amuses him.

 

[Count Hoarduon]

I wonder if Chris has actually tried to work his penis up his ass... He does have a weird fixation with putting things up there...

How do you think it came to be bent in the first place?

 

[DeadMansHand]

Why the hell did he bring up all the Snyder shit in the middle of the test conversation? He apparently assumes that everyone knows about his issues with Snyder and the law, and just throws it in like a friendly non-sequitur that proves his point even when he doesn't have one.

Two other gems:
"I come to my own rescue in fucking up"
"HMPF!"

 

[kobebyarlant]

To be fair, if someone looking like Chris threatened to literally fuck himself in front of me in person, I'd be scared.

 

[JULAY]

"I would even get my breasts enlarged to a C cup..."

32 years of poor diet and sloth have taken care of that particular issue.

 

[StupidSexyFlanders]

Voice Mail 1

Voice Mail 2

1: "I hope you drop dead"
2: "I see you're still alive..."

Guess he tried his Lego voodoo again

"Have a... FAIR day... UGH!"

 

[Anchuent Christory]

I caught autism just reading that shit.

 

[24isthehighestnumber]

" I didn't hide behind my mother! I simply told her what you were doing and relayed her threatening message to you with the express purpose of getting you to back off."

 

[Android raptor]

Not sure how I feel about him knowing about Yellow Submarine since its been one of my favorite movies since I was a kid.

 

[Some JERK]

We all know that Chris is a child, but even little kids seem to know that a person who obviously doesn't like you probably doesn't care to hear unsolicited minutiae about your life.

also: users "blinded by poo light" and "stung by a scorpion" incoming.

 

[NiggoFiggo]

Love it when chris goes tic for tac with his accomplishments. They mean the world to him when really they mean squat

 

[Charlie's Chaplin]

Does Chris think the only sex lesbians can have is tribadism?

 

[MrsFrizzle]

Does Chris think the only sex lesbians can have is tribadism?

Or he thinks it's the ultimate sex act. So fucking weird.

 

[The Joker]

it's nice to see that Chris thinks that he is the mature one here. That is a good way to show that rich boy Chris!

You are no batman

my new favorite insult.

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

"I'm not racist because I didn't use the N-Word!" Really calls back to "I wasn't bullied because no one ever shoved me in a locker!"

Even when it works to his benefit, Chris can't see beyond the narrowest and most comical definition of any word.