Lovequest Misc Colin Communications - Updated

[Haesindang Park]

I really enjoyed these transcripts, but I can't help but feel bad. Christian was never all there both mentally and in conversation, but he seems to be even more disjointed than normal.

Not to belabor the point but Colin was a troll, correct?

Colin was indeed a troll but even that, a normal person would tell Chris that he is a man because he's born as one and that he has a penis whether he likes it or not. And if you think he's mentally disjointed now, wait until 2015 starts rolling in.

 

[CharlieBrowns]

Also funny because he has used the word Nigger plenty of times, maybe its another N-Word he's thinking of.

Niggo.

 

[Handsome Pete]

Voice Mail 1

Voice Mail 2

And here I was worried that I'd never get to hear Chris's smug-rage voice again. Hearing these calls was like lighting that first cigarette after a 3-hour movie.

 

[Shovel Mick]

Colin was indeed a troll but even that, a normal person would tell Chris that he is a man because he's born as one and that he has a penis whether he likes it or not. And if you think he's mentally disjointed now, wait until 2015 starts rolling in.

You're right, and thats terrifying. Trying to understand Chris is like slowly wading into the ocean and saying "This is it. This is as deep and dark as it possibly can go" and then, the waters just get deeper.

 

[Mogambo]

This is just pure gold. I love Chris' weird attitude to swearing - there's just something hilarious about a 32-year-old man who says "poo" when attempting to insult someone. Also, I know Chris gets attached to particular phrases, but someone needs to tell him that if you're trying to impress someone with your penis, you probably shouldn't refer to it as an "ugly growth."

Chris has always been kind of weird about swearing, and violence, and even simply talking like an adult. There's something profoundly unsettling about an unwashed transvestite who tells other people about tribbing and visiting prostitutes, but uses euphemisms for penis and vagina.

The funny thing (at least from my experience with lesbian pornography ) is that tribadism isn't even the most often used position in porn. It's difficult to shoot and a bit awkward if you're not really into the one you are doing it with (as I was told by a bi-sexual friend). But I assume that any other form of lesbian sex might be an unpleasant idea for Chris with all that body fluids and maybe he even realizes that he doesn't have too much down there to go down on except that damn near 7-incher and a holey taint. Nothing that a lesbian would go crazy about. Or maybe he believes that real Sex just means slamming bodyparts together and any other form of stimulation is useless.
I apologize for maybe putting some horrible pictures in your head.

You might be onto something there. Chris has a very naive, childlike view of the world, and he very well may find bodily fluids to be 'icky.' His two minutes of penetrating the whore may be all the sex he ever needed, or wants. That may explain why he's so hung up on doing sex acts that don't require exchange of body fluids.

Then again, maybe it's a fetish. Some guys like tittyfucking, even though they obviously don't get as much physical sensation out of it. Others are aroused by articles of clothing, or bondage. Maybe Chris has somehow fetishizes the act and derives satisfaction from the idea more than the actual act itself. Or maybe I'm just grasping at straws here. It's a moot point since he won't ever engage in it outside of his lesbian fantasies

Why wouldn't he still be alive?

Well we are living in some sort of post-apocalyptic zombie movie, right?

 

[Assorted Nuts]

The hypocrisy on display is incredible.. Chris is actually insulting him for greasy skin, being shallow, and making weird poses in photos. I'm sorry, but this is just hilarious.

 

[Iamthatis]

Speaking of lesbians not liking penis, how long until someone introduces him to pretendbians.com?

Chrissy is going to Zap to the Extreme right through that cotton ceiling!

 

[NiggoFiggo]

wow Over 3/4 of Chris's TV/movie/other media references went flying over my head. The fact that he was raised by mass media really shines in these text messages.

TV really does rot the brain, he can't have a normal conversation without peppering in media. He even pulled the old "city boy" cliche out

 

[axcel]

TV really does rot the brain, he can't have a normal conversation without peppering in media. He even pulled the old "city boy" cliche out

Why this clit piercing was made in... New York City!?!

 

[Tubular Monkey]

He's seen Yellow Submarine?!?

He went to Pepperland, but it didn't go well.

 

[Kosher Dill]

Why this clit piercing was made in... New York City!?!

GET THE ROPE!

 

[The Joker]

TV really does rot the brain, he can't have a normal conversation without peppering in media. He even pulled the old "city boy" cliche out

Chris was raised by good old Uncle Television when borb didn't want to deal with him.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

Of all people to invoke to prove he's a good person he chooses Cosby. God dammit Chris.

Lol "city boy."

 

[Seahorses]

Of course he would like Bill Cosby. The only way either of them can get any action is through force.

 

[Gensdupays]

I'm guessing Chris hasn't heard about what's happened with Bill Cosby recently. Also, those voicemails are great. Thought I'd never hear that kind of Chris again.

 

[Count Olaf]

"How about you take a spin on the color wheel, and get dizzy in the spiraling rainbow?"
"WTF does that even mean?"

this is absolute gold.

And unquestionably belongs in the top right hand corner.

 

[The Doctor]

Of all the famous African Americans he could have named that he enjoys watching, he has to name the one who is now revealed as a rapist.

Stay classy Chris.

 

[The Dude]

I'm sure Colin was real impressed that Chris had an easy ride through high school because of lax standards for speds. Colin is my fourth favorite person in Christory.

 

[Count Olaf]

I think it's an extension of Chris's "Curse" idea. He told Colin to drop dead, so it's a bit of a surprise that he did not actually die from that ill will itself.


@Bridechu , great job on the transcripts. I do think on the first call Chris actually calls Colin a mischievous cad, though.

Also I'd just like to say it's always refreshing to hear his voice. It's the perfect blend of awkwardness and self-absurdness. It just makes me happy our boy is alive.

He sounds like an autistic Microsoft Sam.

 

[The Joker]

I'm guessing Chris hasn't heard about what's happened with Bill Cosby recently. Also, those voicemails are great. Thought I'd never hear that kind of Chris again.

Chris and Bill seem to have the same respect for women and fashion.