Musicians that are also Lolcows?

[Ron Jeremy Stan Account]

Pathetic. 2 of the 'worst musicians' didn't do anything.
Varg allegedly participated in church arson. That happened at Notre Dame last year and no one gave a shit.
Manson killed no one - his followers did.

Well, killed someone or not, they're still evil people and pieces of shit. Phil Spector's body count is exactly one victim, but he was infamously a sociopathic lunatic for decades.

I guess he didn't include any rappers in the list since it would have been too long!

 

[Orange Rhymer]

Well, killed someone or not, they're still evil people and pieces of shit. Phil Spector's body count is exactly one victim, but he was infamously a sociopathic lunatic for decades.

I guess he didn't include any rappers in the list since it would have been too long!

There are more evil musicians tied to child rape and cp. I think the Brit didn't want to clog the video with that shit.
Also, in CY , aren't we supposed to praise/elevate the mentally and behaviorally 'differently abled'?
...and the Brit uses the slur 'pedo/pedophile'. Someone needs to tell him what a MAP is...

Yes to the Rapper comment. Peeing on an underage girl during her stat rape is p fucking evil.

 

[SSJGPUAR]

Yngwie Malmsteen must be very close to lolcow material.
The man is autistic as fuck and has a sperg"ego" like no other.
Was seen as a wonderchild as he had his breakthrough but has pretty much been a dissapointment ever since (because of his lolcowish ego that makes him absolutely impossible to work with and allso prevents him from understanding what his audience wants/wanted)

This is a classic Yngwie moment, Yngwie and the band is drunk on a plane when he starts to rant racist stuff, a woman takes offence and pours her drink over him wich leads to this (secretly recorded by another bandmember :

Yngwie Malmsteen - You unleashed the fucking fury

Yngwie screaming at a woman on an airplane to Tokyo.

www.youtube.com

"You have unleashed the focking fury"
"if she wants a war i will give her a focking war"

Classic material at this point!

This made me like Yngwie more tbh. Plus Black Star is a banger.

 

[Michael Jacks0n]

Pathetic. 2 of the 'worst musicians' didn't do anything.
Varg allegedly participated in church arson. That happened at Notre Dame last year and no one gave a shit.
Self Defense - with no witnesses.
Possession of naughty stuff- victimless crime.
&
Manson killed no one - his followers did.

Still, I'm impressed that a Brit denounced CP and child rape. In CY, I would expect otherwise...

Well, killed someone or not, they're still evil people and pieces of shit. Phil Spector's body count is exactly one victim, but he was infamously a sociopathic lunatic for decades.

I guess he didn't include any rappers in the list since it would have been too long!

If Savox made a follow-up to this, I wonder who'd include next? R. Kelly might be a little too on the nose and because it's recent it might not fit in all. Also if he's basing it off which musicians are pedos, the list would be long but also have a lot of gray area, because it was common for rockstars to fuck underage groupies in the 70's -- Jimmy Page, Iggy Pop, Steven Tyler, Mick Jager, and David Bowie come to mind. Also it's alleged that Ted Nugent banged underage girls, but since a lot of people hate him solely because of his politics, if he got included in the list it would definitely be polarizing for viewers.

There could be a grey area for musicians who aren't exactly evil per-se, but have done fucked up things at some point or were just assholes. Examples would Boy George for assaulting a gay prostitute, John Lennon for his spousal abuse, Eddie Van Halen (RIP) for his mistreatment of Michael Anthony, Axl Rose for causing riots, James Taylor for abusing Carly Simon, Lars Ulrich for his Napster debacle, Courtney Love for suing the surviving Nirvana members, Vince Neil for killing a passenger in a drunk driving car accident, Bob Marley for sabotaging other musicians' careers, or Keith Moon for being destructive, violent, and accidentally running over someone.

Also there are a bunch of smaller musicians (like lesser-known band members of big bands) that got busted for CP or rape. Notably one of Judas Priest drummers from the 80's sexually assaulted a boy. I think some other hair metal drummer from a band like Warrant or RATT also got busted for CP, but I forget who and for which band specifically. Like, if his new list mentions Priest's drummer for diddling kids, people in the comments would say "Literally who?"

I think next he should include...

• Chuck Berry for assaulting a minor and spying on women in bathrooms
• Chris Brown for obvious reasons: in fact, he did far more than just hit Rhianna a bunch of times...he straight up beat her nearly to death
• Marilyn Manson ('nuff said)
• Ike Turner (spousal abuse)
• Miles Davis (spousal abuse)
• Sid Vicious -- although just like the rappers mentioned previously, adding punk rockers to the list is a cheap and easy cop-out

 

[Zbk3VmLfujjzjxBd43tL]

Chris Barnes, the former vocalist for Cannibal Corpse and weed connoisseur, is tard raging about how death metal is crap nowadays. I admit I like Barnes as a vocalist more than Fisher but his EEEEEEEE growls are so cringy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlw77SEQX58

Something tells me that there's gotta be a lot funny stories about Chris Barnes out there, given how much weed he smokes, garbage albums he's been on like pretty much the entirety of Six Feet Under's discography (anyone who likes musical comedy should give Bringer of Blood a listen), and how Seth Putnam wrote a tribute song calling him a faggot.

Pathetic. 2 of the 'worst musicians' didn't do anything.
Varg allegedly participated in church arson. That happened at Notre Dame last year and no one gave a shit.

Wait, I always thought Varg admitted to burning the Fantoft Stave Church, hence why he commemorated it in the name and cover of the Aske EP? And Charles Manson did a lot of crime before he started the Manson Family like armed robbery and rape.

Also there are a bunch of minor musicians (like lesser-known band members of big bands) that got busted for CP or rape. Notably one of Judas Priest drummers from the 80's sexually assaulted a boy. I think some other hair metal drummer from a band like Warrant or RATT also got busted for CP, but I forget who and for which band specifically. Like, if his new list mentions Priest's drummer for diddling kids, people in the comments would say "Literally who?"

On that line, there's Artimus Pyle from Lynyrd Skynyrd who's a convicted (attempted) child molestor.

 

[Michael Jacks0n]

On that line, there's Artimus Pyle from Lynyrd Skynyrd who's a convicted (attempted) child molestor.

I did some digging, and here's who came up:

• Guitarist from Wicked Lester, aka the band that would eventually become KISS
• Keyboardist from John Melloncamp's band

I'll keep searching, but I'm like 99% positive there was a lesser-known guy who played drums or bass in some 80's metal band, and he was busted for either CP or diddling (apart from the aforementioned Judas Priest drummer).

Speaking of which, at least with Judas Priest, they've had multiple drummers in their tenure -- and although their pedo drummer played on some of their best albums -- he wasn't a particularly amazing drummer nor someone of key notoriety like legends such as Alex Van Halen, John Bonham, Cozy Powell, Dave Grohl, Ginger Baker, Vinnie Paul, or Roger Taylor. Priest wasn't really a drum-centric band: their key features were their dual lead guitars as well as vocalist's flamboyant persona and high vocal range. I can't think of a single person who can even name Judas Priest's drummers -- but if you ask someone who plays drums where they got their influence, chances are they'll say the intro of "Hot For Teacher" by VH or "Walk" by Pantera.

 

[Zbk3VmLfujjzjxBd43tL]

I did some digging, and here's who came up:

• Guitarist from Wicked Lester, aka the band that would eventually become KISS
• Keyboardist from John Melloncamp's band

I'll keep searching, but I'm like 99% positive there was a lesser-known guy who played drums or bass in some 80's metal band, and he was busted for either CP or diddling (apart from the aforementioned Judas Priest drummer).

All I can think of is Karl Logan from Manowar getting busted for CP since that was relatively recently (and very ironic given suggestive Manowar songs like "Pleasure Slave"), but he was a guitarist and didn't even play on the Manowar albums anyone cares about. Or maybe David Ellefson from Megadeth, but that was just a accusation he sent a picture of his dick to a teenage girl, but there's no proof he ever sent explicit material to her before she was 18/19 so he wasn't arrested.

 

[Michael Jacks0n]

All I can think of is Karl Logan from Manowar getting busted for CP since that was relatively recently (and very ironic given suggestive Manowar songs like "Pleasure Slave"), but he was a guitarist and didn't even play on the Manowar albums anyone cares about.

OH SHIT, I didn't know that -- and I liked 90's/2000's power metal era Manowar, too. Damn, that fucking sucks. Well, at least Eric Adams is still pretty based from what I've gathered.

 

[Orange Rhymer]

Seems like the most abused substance in rock is actually children.

 

[Mojo Thief]

Extreme metal tends to attract some odd characters, given it's a genre defined by pushing boundaries; let me introduce you to Glen Benton of Deicide, who's like death metal's crazy uncle.



While most death metal acts that write about Satan and other unsavory stuff are pure kayfabe, Benton made it clear he takes his lyrics completely seriously. In the band's early days, he came out as a Theistic Satanist (which is vanishingly rare even in Norwegian black metal scene), and burned an inverted cross into his forehead - repeatedly, to make it ever deeper and more prominent. In the band's live shows, he would throw buckets of animal guts on the crowd, and in one particularly infamous interview he shot a squirrel with a pellet gun in front of the interviewer. He was the guy who embodied everything moral guardians and animal rights activists vilified about death metal in the '90s.

Much like GG Allin, Benton claimed he would commit suicide at the age of 33 to top off his life lived the opposite of Jesus Christ. Of course, he never followed through, and he's still being bombarded with accusations of being a pussy to this very day.

Unsurprisingly, he has a history of feuding with his bandmates and with other bands, such as when he called Slipknot fags for never taking Deicide on tour (can't imagine why, Benton was so nice to them). Several of his ex-bandmates hate his guts to this very day, most prominently the Hoffman brothers.

On a unrelated note, according to former guitarist Eric Hoffman in a pretty funny rant, Benton's a bald-ass bitch wearing a bad wig.


That said, Benton has mellowed with age, and with his lack of a filter he makes for a hilarious interview. Here's one from 2012 where he relates his experience getting food poisoning from Waffle House, his encounter with Bigfoot, and more. When the interviewer brings up "double fire hydrant" you know it's going to be good.

Spoiler: Text of interview

You’re off the road now, right? Are you still enjoying touring at this stage?



I had a blast. I didn’t want it to end and it wouldn’t have, except that I got food poisoning in Dallas. I really fucked myself up. I would have done another ten or fifteen shows because I’m loving it that much. Before I got sick we were doing twenty-one or twenty-two songs a night.

Me, [drummer] Steve (Asheim), and [guitarist] Kevin [Quirion] were at a Waffle House. Steve and I love it, but Kevin doesn’t enjoy it as much. We’ve been out on the road for three weeks, so we’d been eating Waffle House for three weeks. So we go and I get my favorite — three pork chops and some eggs, right? And the fucking guy throws two pork chops on the grill, but the meal is three pork chops. After he almost completely cooks these two pork chops, he throws a raw pork chop into the mix. Well, obviously, you know what can happen when you mix raw and cooked food. About six hours later, I’m in a sushi restaurant a few blocks down from the club, and I’m spraying yellow water and puke out of both holes at the same time. I sprayed the whole bathroom of this place.

The dreaded double fire hydrant?

Oh yeah. I’m down at the venue and I’m trying to clear myself out, puking and shitting in the bathroom, and trying to clean myself up enough so I won’t make an ass of myself on stage. I don’t want a YouTube video out there showing this for thirty years. So, I get up there and I can’t remember how many songs I did, but it was about three-quarters of a set. And I was worried I might pass out or rip my fucking ass taint. I went to Austin and juiced myself up with some five-hour energy drinks but was still dry heaving from the night before. I pulled all the muscles in my chest and tore my diaphragm.



Did you finish the tour?

I couldn’t do New Orleans. I can’t believe I’m even talking to you now. By the time we were an hour outside of New Orleans, I couldn’t even breathe, and said I need to get home and go to a doctor.

Did you go to a hospital?

A walk-in clinic. I think I lost fifty pounds. [A few months ago] I stopped eating carbohydrates. I started this back in October. I’ve been on high blood pressure medicine for a few years and because of the weight loss my doctor wanted me off of it. I’ve been getting my exercise chasing after my ten-year-old, cleaning my house, mowing my yard, doing my chores. I don’t need to pump weights to get my exercise. I’m constantly moving.



I told the promoter in New Orleans that I was completely committed to rescheduling their show for September or October when we do a secondary tour. I plan on fulfilling my obligations to the people in New Orleans. If anyone is upset, relax, people get sick. And if you can’t get over that, go fuck yourself.

Deicide has had a creative renaissance ever since The Stench of Redemption. What’s given you a second wind? The two albums before To Hell With God were basically about anger toward ex-bandmates and ex-wives. What keeps you going now?

If I didn’t love what I do, I wouldn’t do it. I love this. As far as creating, I think the best songs are life experience songs. It’s like in country western. The dog died, my wife ran away, the truck won’t start. That makes the best songs, life experience. My best work was done when my heart was lying in the toilet.

Were people surprised you took your music in a personal direction?



Well, I think Till Death was our least liked album. But it was like therapy for me. It was our last album for Earache, so put two and two together on that one. My last record for another label [2001’s In Torment in Hell for Roadrunner] wasn’t my best either; put two and two together on that one. I save my best stuff for the people who appreciate my work. The Stones did it; a lot of people did it. When it’s time to complete your obligation and the relationship has soured, some people create shit. Some people don’t understand that, but people in the business do.

I liked Till Death Do Us Part.

I think it’s a great record. If you’ve ever been through a divorce or fucked over or screwed over by a person, that record applies to you. It’s about anyone that’s ever hurt you. That’s my revenge record, standing my ground and letting you know that I’m not going away.

What was up with all the retirement talk when that record came out?



It was bullshit stuff that was just blowing up. I was heavily involved in the custody battle for my son. I put it out there that if I have to retire to maintain custody of my son that’s what I’m willing to do. And if you can’t understand that as a human being, that a father’s love for his son is more powerful than anything, I don’t know what to tell you except you don’t have a heart. It was me putting that out there: if I have to, I’m done.

But I don’t have to. Why? Because the courts and lawyers understand that I have to work and they understand what I do in a way is a service. I take care of my bills and responsibilities with this. So you can’t deny me an income. It would like be telling Stephen King you can’t write novels anymore, telling Anne Rice you’re a bad parent because you write books about vampires. You can’t do that in this world. We don’t live in Stone Age anymore.

I remember a story from the early 90s about how you were visited by child protective services.

I was having a dispute with my neighbor. They kept calling the cops because we practiced in the garage. The last straw they had was calling child protective services. When they came over to the house we were on break and my son was sleeping in his crib with a fresh diaper on, the house was completely clean. We were in the garage drinking Gatorade. When [the police] came over and then saw the neighbors just standing there they knew it was unfounded. Those people eventually moved out and I threw a brick through their windshield as they were leaving. It was a beautiful scene. I gave them a little parting gift.



Is our culture more understanding of a person like Glen Benton now, or do we have more right wing lunatics that ever, some of them running for president?

The people we have running for president are nothing more than talk shows hosts. It’s a farce, an absolute joke. There’s no one with any sincerity, no one real. I want to see a real person run for president. I want a real person with real person problems running for president. Some rich guy with rich guy problems, they think us schmucks at the bottom don’t mean shit.

What about a guy like Rick Santorum, who has some of the same views as your old foe Bob Larson?

He has as much of a chance of winning as I do [laughs]. Y’know? I can tell you the Democrats are rallying behind Obama and the Republicans are struggling but will rally around Romney. I hate to say it, but get ready for four more years of Obama.



Would you vote Republican?

I voted for Reagan and I voted for Bush.

Did you vote for Bush II?

Once. I voted for Gore the first time. I was one of the lost Florida votes for Gore [laughs]. I also voted for Obama because I wanted to see change in the country. I travel around the world and don’t need to hear fucked up opinions about us. But they are opinions about the guy running the country. We need to bring all our kids home, get the hell out of all these other countries and focus on making this the best country in the world. Why can’t we do that? We’re falling apart fast. I’m a child of the 70s and I was lucky I was able to taste that innocence.



What about someone like Dave Mustaine who became a Christian and supports Santorum?

He’s a prolapsed rectum. One minute you’re in, the next you’re out. Let’s just say prolapsed rectum.

Do you ever think of calling back into Bob Larson’s show?

Is he still alive?



He’s still on the air.

Not really. We all know about Bob. Bob knows we know. And then Bob gets asked questions he can’t answer anymore.

Are things with family now good?

Yup. I have my son and I have a wonderful woman in my life that enjoys helping me raise him. For the first time in my life I’m ready for any battle sent my way. I tell people I’ve had something and lost something, had something and lost something. I don’t give a shit. You can’t kill me; I’m already dead. I’m a prehistoric cockroach! You might stomp on one of my legs but I will crawl under the shed, come out in a few days and bite your nuts. I’m the Madagascar cockroach, the hissing and pissing ones, the one that pukes and pisses out of its ass.



How did you meet the new person in your life?

We met several years ago as I was leaving a venue. A few years ago we reconnected when I was in Miami. We ran into each other.

Is it strange for people, say a potential romantic partner, to have this image of Glen Benton versus the person they end up meeting?

Listen, man, anyone can testify that I’m worse. You think I get a handful in the public eye, you should see me behind closed doors. But I’m just kidding. I’m a big kid with a big ugly beard and big cross on his forehead. I enjoy laughing more than anything else and I like having fun. I like potty talk time. My significant other can handle me; she has the education for it. I’m special needs [laughs].



Has being in a good place personally been good for you musically?

Now that Kevin is in the band, we’re writing and have already grossed a few albums of material. We just need to rehearse it. I’m not a guy that likes to put out a record every eight months because you lose your integrity, your lose inspiration, you lose all of that. I’m old school kid. As kids we’d wait years for a record to come out. And when it came out you were psyched for it. But now people are mechanically shitting out these records. I’d rather have a record with ten songs on it, nine of them awesome, then five records in five years but only five good songs. I also like my albums to reflect where I am.

Personal issues with [former lead guitarist] Ralph [Santolla] aside, what’s it like to have Kevin as an integral part of the band?

We’re tight, machine tight with Kevin. As a lead player he’s quadrupled his ability. If you give someone an ability to shine they will and he’s shining. I will tell you on the next record we’re moving away from the whole melodic thing and going back to the attack.



Something like Legion?

Yes. We’re totally getting away from the melodic thing. It’s done. To Hell With God is the last of it. When I said To Hell With God I really meant to hell with Ralph [laughs].

I think Jack [Owen]’s playing with Deicide is incredible, and he’s very underrated.

Let me tell you something about Jack. When the call came for help, the first person that was in was Jack Owen. I’ll never forget that, because he saved my ass. He learned our set in twenty-four hours and showed up to practice and played it better than those other two morons. I have a lot of respect for him. The guy is like a Wurlitzer jukebox. Name a song and he can play it. He’s an encyclopedia. Underrated? Yeah. He blows away almost anyone. Don’t let his country corn charm fool you.



When he was still with Cannibal Corpse, I heard him sound check once to “Sweet Home Alabama.”

[laughs] Yeah, he’s a good old boy at heart. But that’s what we are, a Southern band.

Do people constantly ask for the old stuff, or is there an attachment to the melodic stuff from the past six years?

It’s a mixed bag of tricks. You have the fans who want the older stuff and the kids who want the newer stuff. It’s great, but it allows me to retire some stuff I’ve been paying for years. It’s hard to ditch some songs people consider classics. If it were up to me, I’d play all new stuff.



It would be hard to ditch “Dead By Dawn.”

I know [laughs]. But every time we tour we throw something different in there.

Have you been to Latin America recently? Deicide’s fan base there is huge.

We’re setting up something now. We have an offer for Colombia and I think we’re going to take it.



Is that one of the few times you feel like a Beatle?

[laughs] Yeah, especially when the little Peruvian ladies with the Frank Sinatra hats are all waiting at the airport for me. The greatest thing about South America is that they are so forgiving. They understand people have lives. If something happens and I don’t make it down there they aren’t mad; they are glad to see me when I do come. Because they know what life is all about. They know life isn’t perfect, and neither are people.

Whereas if you missed a show in the United States…

I have the New Orleans promoter calling me saying everyone in New Orleans and Louisiana hates me now and I’m not welcome back. And I say I gave you advanced warning but it wasn’t good enough. But I think he’s getting over it and we’ll work it out. I mean, I perforated myself.



Are you still having fun?

Absolutely. At any moment my life could be over. I’m not going to spend every waking moment worrying.

If you ever go back and watch YouTube videos of yourself from the early 90s – I think your entire life is online – what do you think of the kid in those videos?

I think, “I can’t believe you got married.” I was a kid having kids. That’s what I think. But it’s all good. My hairline might be receding, but I think I’m in better shape now than I was twenty years ago.



Do you get recognized outside of a metal audience or can you do your own thing?

I’m one of those people that until you get a glimpse you don’t recognize me. But I do get recognized. When I’m on my Harley people might pull up. Some people who see me are at a loss for words, like in the supermarket. Is this guy going to beat me to death with a head of lettuce? I have a few fans at the local supermarket so I’m actually treated well.

What about all the Internet haters?

They’re a bunch of thirteen-year-old kids with smartphones that have nothing better to do than to go around hurting people’s feelings. I think they are the cancer of society that’s eating away at the goodness of our country and our moral integrity. They are immature and arrogant. When I was growing up, I was told if you have nothing bad to say about something don’t say it at all. If you want to go around saying rotten, horrible things about people you’ve never met then whatever. I can honestly say I don’t read reviews. I don’t read interviews. I don’t read Blabbermouth. I don’t read any of that shit. I watch Fox Channel 13 news, that’s it. If you think you are going to affect me, go fuck yourself. Because the only thing you are doing is making yourself look retarded. I’m not exposed to it and my family isn’t, either.



What about bands that are coming up now that live in this world?

I feel sorry for them. They have more against them then what I had, and anybody can try to be a musician now. I’m an originator and not an imitator.

When you started, you had to worry about predictable enemies, like censors and evangelicals. Now people are attacked by their own community.

It’s part of the business. You have a lot of shit stacked against you. But the world is a different place. A lot of the things that were stacked against us are no longer in the equation, censorship for one. Or, going to play places and getting banned.



Do you want to set the Bigfoot story straight?

[sighs] I will put it straight for you. I remember it like it was yesterday. I never came out and said it was Bigfoot. I don’t know what it was. That’s what I said back then. It was a large gray–brownish animal that leaped across the road. I pulled my vehicle off the road and pulled my .45 out of my glove box. I saw an animal snapping branches and going into the woods.

I called Florida fish and game. At that point I had Bigfoot trackers calling my house. It was put down as an unofficial sighting of what is supposedly the Florida skunk ape. I wasn’t drunk or high or anything close. I don’t know what it was, but there are a lot of things in the woods of Florida that are unexplained. I’ve seen Florida panthers walking through my backyard. I’ve seen alligators eating other alligators. And you have to remember there was someone who lived near me who released all of these wild, exotic animals the state wanted to take. They are still roaming around. Okay? Before you make an ass of yourself and say I’m crazy ,listen to what I say.

A few years ago when I was doing a show in Orlando, I saw what was later identified as a UFO near an Air Force base. Not only did I see it, but the rest of the guys in the bands saw it. It was on television that night. Does that make everyone else an idiot, too? Before you try to make me look like a kook, just know I saw something. But I’m not an anthropologist. It was some kind of crazy animal. I made a mistake of telling people and I’m still talking about it.



What’s worse, being chased by evangelicals or Bigfoot hunters?

I’d rather deal with the Bigfoot people. They’re a lot nicer. And, listen, they don’t think I’m crazy. They tracked it through the woods. I’ve had famous Bigfoot trackers contact me. I had to change my phone number. I don’t care who believes me. It was no big deal. Until you just mentioned it I hadn’t thought of it in ages.

What does retirement look like for you?

I’m thinking about going to the Keys and becoming a professional fisher or catching lobsters. I love the sun, love fishing, and love the water. That’s my route. Something relaxing, something where I don’t have to scream unless the boat is sinking.

 

[Orange Rhymer]

Burning the Cross of St. Peter into your forehead would be considered a deep and reverent act of penance for a medieval monk or pilgrim.
What a devout Christian.

Anyone that believes 'nihilism' from faggots signed to a label and on tour is an idiot.
As for being a 'Satanist', go to (((NYC))) or (((LA))) and find out you are eons late to the party.

At least GG killed himself and lived as he preached, even if he was another narcissistic fag.

(also getting the shits from Waffle House is a right of passage. It's like drinking water in Mexico, after a couple times - you are immune.
Bitch has been eating at too many Fridays on tour.)

 

[Leaf Wage Slave]

I’ve admittedly skimmed the thread, but is it too easy to just say Bono? With the reason just being “it’s fucking Bono?”

 

[Mojo Thief]

Here's one that fits the KF model: a Japanese tranny hobo self-described "Visual Kei artist" who cheerfully plays twisted aural abortions for passersby.

His name is Maria Cross, and he's...something.

His pronouns are "Xis" and "Xir", shitlord!

How bad is his music? If the picture above didn't lead you to any assumptions, take a listen for yourself:

Yeah, Anal Cunt with a kawaii aesthetic wouldn't be far off. About the only praise I can give this guy is that he can scream like no other human being in rock music.
Everything else sounds like a sugared-up toddler mashing random keys on a synthesizer while he screams like he's getting his toenails ripped out with pliers.

According to this blog I found, Maria really caters to his niche gay-obsessed demographic and even did hardcore gay porn for them. Apparently this same group of weird groupies follow him around to all of his performances.
(On that note, what's the point of having groupies who only follow you around because they want to see you make out with another man?)

Despite this, he's also been jailed for diddling an underage girl.

Maria Cross serves to show that even in glorious NIPPON trannies are still the same talentless deviants they are here.

Unsurprisingly, TVTropes has an exceptionally detailed page on this dude.

 

[DoomsdayElite]

Venom. I mean, shit-need I say more? At least they were in on the joke.

 

[LazyMaid]

Charles Hamilton

 

[Megaroad 2012]

Venom. I mean, shit-need I say more? At least they were in on the joke.

View attachment 3084434

I don't think Cronos was in on the joke.

Also Tony Demolition Man era best era.

 

[Cow-Lovin' Fool]

Wolfie Van Halen is turning out to be a rather obnoxious young sperg and his nepotistic music is no great shakes either. I'll leave his weight alone and just stick to slamming his shitty behavior. The kid takes after his unbearable mother a lot more than he does Eddie.

 

[P.0.0.P]

Sewerslvt. There is already a threat about that troon here on kiwifarms. Check it out. A breakcore "musician"

 

[Onni Kalsarikännit]

Either I am to dumb to use the search function or KANWULF/ASH from NARGAROTH hasn't been mentioned so far.


(Kanwulf)

René Wagner aka Kanwulf (later changed to "Ash") from German Black Metal band Nargaroth is kind of infamous for some truely hilarous antics, drama creating and lying.

For a very long time he claimed that Nargaroth as a band has been formed around 1989/1990 or 1996 which would have made Nargaroth on of the very first Black Metal bands in Germany. Although he has been called out for this lie over all the years he only started admitting it in the 2010s. He claimed that his first two demos ( "Herbstleyd" and "Orke") have been recorded and released between 1991 and 1996. Most times he stuck with 1996 as release year. In fact they have been recorded and released in 1998.

He also lied about being a close friend of Varg Vikernes (Burzum) and that they both had exchanged several letters for years. Kanwulf claimed several times to have been the one who sent Varg a lighter which Varg allegedly used for the burning of the Fantoft church (Varg never got convicted for this church burning). Varg commented once about this topic stating that he doesn't know anyone named Kanwulf.

Non Black Metal fans may know Nargaroth's most famous song "Black Metal ist Krieg" from the album with the same namen and which quickly turned into a meme and has been mocked countless times. Speaking about the album "Black Metal ist Krieg" and the earlier album "Herbstleyd": there have been several bitchfights between Kanwulf and other Black Metal musicians about Kanwulf stealing riffs for his band.
One his most well known bitchfight was with German Black Metal band MYSTIC CIRCLE. To be fair that band got ridiculed by everyone because of their fantasy cosplay dressing shit. But of course there is more to the drama: Insults and threats between both bands have been exchanged through interviews until Kanwulf had enough and tried to raid a gig of MYSTIC CIRCLE. But he got denied entrance by a bouncer and so he went home again. Because that's what Black Metal warriors do.

When the internet started to become a thing it didn't take long for a now defunct website (nargaroth.shaddai.something something) to start and to call out all the lies Kanwulf has told over all the years which of course started more bithfights. Here is a blogspot site from 2011 that covers some of the early drama (in German and English).

1999 Nargaroth played a concert in Erlangen (GER) where Kanwulf started to use a gas pistol and to shoot into the audiance which sparked the police to show up and fights broke lose in the audiance and on stage.

Also in 1999 Kanwulf showed up on national TV in a talk show dressed as a gothic faggot where he was crying about how society is not accepting him when dressing in skirts and make up. He also cried about his roommate being ignorate and not cleaning up the flat both were sharing.


("René doesn't want to abide to any mainstream trends")

Unfortunately all videos have been deleted from YouTube and I only could find this shitty picture.


(Ronald "Wolf" Möbus)

Ronald "Wolf" Möbus is the older brother of Hendrik "JFN" Möbus. Both have been involved with infamous German (NS) Black Metal band ABSURD. Wolf is also linked to his local Nazi scene, is into fighting sports and a father.
What did Kanwulf do? Started insulting Wolf, calling him a faggot and a jew, threatend to kidnap and kill Wolf's kids and to show up at his place with a Panzerfaust.
What did Wolf do? He whacked the shit out of Kanwulf at a little Metal festival (Festungs Open Air) in front of Germany's Black Metal high society.

There was once an online forum which belonged to Eternity Records. Kanwulf showed up there with different accounts praising his music, his genius and defending his actions. The admins of the forum detected that all accounts originated from the same PC, located in a university in Leipzig and it was known that Kanwulf was studying there at that time.
The forum is long defunct now and I couldn't find any screenshots anymore.

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2007 Nargaroth released the album "Semper Fidelis". The album got also released in limited special box with extra merchandise stuff and some "personal items" that Kanwulf chose from his own stuff. It didn't take long for fans to report about these "special free gimmicks". Tissues with Kanwulf's goo, T-Shirts with Kanwulf's goo, patches with Kanwulf's goo, goo everywhere.

At that time he also dropped his name "Kanwulf" and started to distance himself from Black Metal (while releasing another Black Metal of course). A video showed up on YouTube where Kanwulf is sitting in his home and crying about the state of Black Metal. How noone is understanding him and his art and noone deserves his music and shit. He then went out in his backyard and burned his Black Metal records, some of them very rare, very expensive. Later he realised what he did and started crying again about his lost records and begged fans to send him their records so that he can rebuild his record collection.
Kanwulf got constantly mocked for his behaviour so he deceided to leave to Germany. He started to sell all his stuff, like all his stuff, his furniture, his t-shirts, his remaining records, everything on Facebook and eBay to collect money. When he got enough money he started to travel around the world and settled in South America.
Nargaroth has a large fanbase in South America so he spent some years there, got married, got divorced and got bored. So he started to sent e-mails to fellow German Black Metal musicians like Wolf and Unhold (Luror/W.T.C. Productions; also a musician of Absurd) and asked for settling things so that he could return to Germany.

When he came back to Germany things had settled down and he started to play concerts again. Everything went smooth. Until ...

... he started a gay Black Metal bodybuilding rocker club, the G.B.M.C.



Manly man with muscles and with hoods writing manifestos about "being a warrior" on Facebook, hiking like boyscouts and showing up on concerts looking bad ass.

The mockery started again and at some point Antifa groups got involved and doxxed most of the members. Why did they dox them? Because Nazis.

This led to Kanwulf crying again and fleeing Germany, again, and the G.B.M.C. faded into obscurity.

He now lives somewhere in the USA on a farm and does the Varg Vikernes experience: Uploading videos on YouTube where he is sitting in the woods and talking about survival, ranting about Black Metal and being a man.

 

[Monkey Shoulder]

I remember thinking Nargaroth was cringy as fuck for including Norwegian audio on a bunch of songs. Always took it as larping.