SEASON 1 EPISODE 1 (PILOT)
i was 17 then going home after school when i came home my mother was hanging and spinning in the ceiling on a ceiling cooler. i was said WTF when i saw a letter on the table the letter contained letters "this is we killed your mother because your dad is in debt to us (so we killed your mother)" i started crying then angry i HIT the wall and when i het the wall a gun fell out from it they had stashed the gun which was murder weapon for my mother. to get killed. so i took the gun and went to my friends they agreed to join me to hunt my mothers killers down so first i went to my dad i ask him WHO DO YOU OWE MONEY to. he didnt wanna say. i uppercut him twice then a direct punch to the head and knocked him out. before he died he tells me "okay okay it was the milano mob from the italian city milano". i went to milano with my friends by bus and went to mafia headquarters. there were 2 guards outside one of them i strangled the other one did my friend. we jumped across the fence into the bushes then sneak up to the don of milano and he said: i expected you. i yelled YOU MOTHERFUCKER and killed him with my car then i got outside started dragging his liver over the floor started skullfucking him and them smashed his head with a sledgehammer. he bled out to death. there was his personal bodyguard next to him he was big boned he laid there paralyzed so i decided to spare his life mercifully he was thanking me i said its ok. when i went to my mothers grave i left the eyeball of the milano mob leader that i killed and from the skies her face showed up and said I AM PROUD OF YOU MY SON.
NOTE: THIS IS A FAKE STORY (LORE) I MADE UP.
this is only the pilot.
Nice try, but you should learn to use propper grammar. Start by learning how to use a paragraph and basic elements of style. Also this isn't in script style. And make sure you use caps after every period. Make sure things like "Milano" that is a personal name have caps. You need to add to the dialogue some beats, plus don't abuse the all caps for yelling. Try to use ! symbol.
Nice try, but you should learn to use propper grammar. Start by learning how to use a paragraph and basic elements of style. Also this isn't in script style. And make sure you use caps after every period. Make sure things like "Milano" that is a personal name have caps. You need to add to the dialogue some beats, plus don't abuse the all caps for yelling. Try to use ! symbol.
SEASON 1 EPISODE 2 (BREAKING BAD)
as i was standing up from the grave to go home crying weeping in tears two men in black outfits stopped me and said mister you are under arrest for murder of the first celsius so i started running so one of them shot me in the foot and i couldnt run anymore. i was being in court and they asked me mister why did you do this i said you didnt have to experience seeing your mom dead. the judge had his own mother murdered so he understood what i said and let me go. the cop that arrested me told me after the trial IT DOESNT END HERE. i noticed he had been following me everywhere and while trying to lose him in traffic i got in a car accident and woke up in a hospital. they told me i have a visitation it was that detective i saw on his badge it said DETECTIVE MILLER. he gave me a vaccine and said goodbye. i suddenly saw myself in a hole 50 meters deep i couldnt get up. so i devised a plan. i dug a hole through the ceiling to get out and when i got out of the hole i found myself in the middle of a field in the middle of nowhere. after 3 days of walking i couldnt get anywhere so i started getting hungry thirsty. i finally found a home it was a 40yo man and woman also the same age and he pulled out a rifle on me and told me to leave. i had to leave but when the night came i went to their house and ate all their cookies and cream spices mayonnaise pastries etc etc but the man woke up and started shooting me so i knocked him out with a hammer and ate him and his wife too. i looked myself in the mirror and realized what a monster the milano mob made of me a cannibal. i realized i am not safe in public anymore and i have to be on the run. i went to a man who sold me fake identity for 250$ (i stole that from the house i found) and i was known as JOHN SMITH. i graduated medical college and became a doctor and my first patient was unbelievably the daughter of the people i ate and she noticed it was me. she started crying. the other doctor asked her: what is wrong with you. she said nothing. she didnt want to rat on me i respected that. so we got married.
English has retarded grammar anyways lol. There's this military clothing store called "Propper" and I got confused. Why do brand names gotta do me in like that?
