Nama, a proud mum of a queer teen who is called "fa**ot" by bullies at school, wants you to talk to your kids about the abuse.
Hello, I'm Nama, and I'm the super-proud mum of a queer teen - Winston.
Yes, QUEER.
That's something I've learnt to say only recently, because apparently in 2022, that's the preferred term to 'gay', as it's deemed more inclusive.
Yep, that was news to me. I'm so glad I learnt about it. What also has been news to me is that my kid, in Year 9, is still called "fa**ot" at school.
Yes, FA**OT. In 2022.
How are kids still using this word?
When Winston first came home and told me what was happening, I felt sick to my stomach; like I'd been thrown back to 1955. I just didn't understand how kids today even know about that word.Naïve of me, I know.
It was early last year when a new boy came to school - someone Winston had known from primary school. Winston had told a few fellow Year 6 mates previously that he thought he was "gay", and this kid took it upon himself to share the news at high school. And not in a positive way.
Despite not feeling a need to hide, it took the narrative and power away from my kid and gave it to the bullies.
Winston was called that f-word every time he'd walk past one of these bullies; in class, at lunch, waiting for the bus. Others would laugh. It was crushing for him.
I was so grateful he told me.
Desperately worried, and thinking about how many kids have been called the same and taken their own lives, I went to the school. They were brilliant, and it was handled at the time.
The f-word would still be whispered, but then something amazing happened. As a mum and son team, we were asked to be Sydney Mardi Gras ambassadors.
It was a game-changer in Winston's confidence against the bullies. It shifted his focus. He realised how unique it was to be able to feel confident in his identity, and wanted to show others they could be, too.
No matter what anyone else says.
"It says more about others"
Winston now says, "Like the n-word, the f-word will always be used by d*cks. It says more about those people using it than me."He has a strong group of like-minded mates around him, who now stand up for him when they hear what he's called.
But many others aren't as lucky.
So I think two things need to happen: one, that kids need to really understand what they're saying when they use that word, and two, others need to get it, too, so they can be prepared to advocate.
And it's our job as parents to ensure both happen.
What you can do
Talk to your kids. It's just as important now as it ever has been.This may sound easier said than done for some of you, but there's so much support out there.
ReachOut, Australia's most accessed digital mental health service for young people, has five tips:
- Educate yourself. Talk to people who identify as LGBTQIA+ to get a sense of what it's like to live in their shoes. Read books and magazines, listen to podcasts, check out relevant websites, and follow social media accounts.
- Support the community. Being a good ally could also mean attending rallies and events, calling out homophobia and transphobia, and supporting LGBIQIA+ owned or operated businesses.
- Check in. It's important that you check in with your LGBTQIA+ friends, family, and classmates and ask how they're doing. Be kind, lend an ear, offer a shoulder to cry on and consider doing something you enjoy together to lift their spirits.
- Apologise if you make a mistake. It's OK if you make a mistake, just acknowledge it, and commit to continuing to educate yourself to do better.
- Seek support through ReachOut.
Conversations in time for Mardi Gras
The Sydney Mardi Gras parade is this weekend, and content is everywhere - online, on TV, even posters on the streets. So it's a great time to talk.One example that Winston and I have loved is the Fairy ANZ new range of conversation plates.
The range contains four plates with questions printed on them, all aiming to encourage discussions and provide families with the support they need to engage.
What an incredible idea. I can think of some homes that need these plates.
Families can claim their free plate here: https://www.intheround.house/collections/fairy.
For every plate claimed, Fairy will donate $20 to Minus18 to go towards its mission to improve the lives of LGBTQIA+ youth.
And maybe one day, no one will hear that f-word anymore.
