Interests Nerdy Q&A

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Maybe he should ask Miss Kagney Lynn Moore from Seattle, Washington to buy him a girlfriend from Fingerhut.
She's been generous to him so far.
 
"Uh, but eye colour's definitely not a factor, I do any eye colour."

Wow, he's finally starting to lower his GF requirements. If he keeps taking baby steps like this maybe he'll be willing to date someone at his own level of attractiveness and thus have a small chance to find true and honest love in about a century or so!
 
Sperglord Dante said:
Find one single book Chris hasn't mastubated to!
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Heh, Chris never really masturbated that frequently. Sex is a big fetish for Chris, but ironically enough, his actual sex drive is pretty weak.
Beauty said:
"Uh, but eye colour's definitely not a factor, I do any eye colour."

Wow, he's finally starting to lower his GF requirements. If he keeps taking baby steps like this maybe he'll be willing to date someone at his own level of attractiveness and thus have a small chance to find true and honest love in about a century or so!
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Chris' stated requirements are high. Chris' actual requirements are bottom barrel. Hambeast and wallflower, for example.
 
Chris dreaming about sex is the only way he'll ever be able to experience it without paying for it. His own history, as well as being a repulsive person, prove this fact.
 
Marvin said:
Heh, Chris never really masturbated that frequently. Sex is a big fetish for Chris, but ironically enough, his actual sex drive is pretty weak.
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I was already suspicious of that. His standards for a girlfriend are way too high to a guy in actual need to bang someone.
Chris is wasting his adult life believing he is unhappy because he doesn't have what average people supposedly need. But he is actually a antisocial autistic obsessed over toys and games.
 
Kev said:
I was already suspicious of that. His standards for a girlfriend are way too high to a guy in actual need to bang someone.
Chris is wasting his adult life believing he is unhappy because he doesn't have what average people supposedly need. But he is actually a antisocial autistic obsessed over toys and games.
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Perhaps. But the "social respect" angle is a weak theory as well. Chris' life is deficient in so many ways, and he's very aware of all those ways, and he really doesn't give a shit.

Chris' desire for a woman is motivated by feelings a lot more specific than "he just wants to be normal". Chris revels in being a societal outcast in many ways. There's something unique about the girlfriend situation that the "being a grownup" explanation fails to address.
 
Marvin said:
Perhaps. But the "social respect" angle is a weak theory as well. Chris' life is deficient in so many ways, and he's very aware of all those ways, and he really doesn't give a shit.

Chris' desire for a woman is motivated by feelings a lot more specific than "he just wants to be normal". Chris revels in being a societal outcast in many ways. There's something unique about the girlfriend situation that the "being a grownup" explanation fails to address.
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Are you saying you know what it is, or are you inviting speculation?

Personally, I like the Fuckmommy theory best, as lately every time he asks for a girlfriend, he's specifying that she take care of him. However, I think there's also an element of "I want a Player 2 in my life". Not that he necessarily wants to share his interests with someone else, but he wants some kind of validation of his interests from someone else. He wants someone who can not only buy him that PS4, but assure him that he's an awesome dudette for owning it.
 
ChurchOfGodBear said:
Are you saying you know what it is, or are you inviting speculation?
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I think Chris has a big mix of motivations in his head. He probably doesn't have a solid idea himself of why he really wants a girlfriend. I think simplistic explanations like "oh, he's trying to be a normal, straight guy" are really shallow. And I think those explantions are constantly being watered down by Chris' eccentric, unpredictable behavior.
ChurchOfGodBear said:
Personally, I like the Fuckmommy theory best, as lately every time he asks for a girlfriend, he's specifying that she take care of him. However, I think there's also an element of "I want a Player 2 in my life". Not that he necessarily wants to share his interests with someone else, but he wants some kind of validation of his interests from someone else. He wants someone who can not only buy him that PS4, but assure him that he's an awesome dudette for owning it.
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Oh, that's definitely a solid chunk of why Chris wants a girlfriend.

Right now, my current theory is a mixture of:
  • Chris loves his internal cliche of women. The funny thing is that evidence does not dislodge Chris' horribly offensive stereotypes of women. Chris has been aggressively bullied by really malicious women over the years. Regardless, Chris still holds up women as a paragon of virtue.
  • Chris feels like the social allocation of women should've bestowed a woman upon him by now. Chris cannot fathom why some men have women, but not him. He thinks that there's got to be some sort of bigotry or personal malice, because honestly: Chris is the everyman (as far as he can tell). So why is he singled out for this torment?
  • Chris needs a woman because his life is dogshit as things are with Barb. And he knows Barb is going to keel over someday. Can you imagine how fucked Chris will be without a girl? He has to prevent that situation.
 
Marvin said:
I think Chris has a big mix of motivations in his head. He probably doesn't have a solid idea himself of why he really wants a girlfriend. I think simplistic explanations like "oh, he's trying to be a normal, straight guy" are really shallow. And I think those explantions are constantly being watered down by Chris' eccentric, unpredictable behavior.

Oh, that's definitely a solid chunk of why Chris wants a girlfriend.

Right now, my current theory is a mixture of:
  • Chris loves his internal cliche of women. The funny thing is that evidence does not dislodge Chris' horribly offensive stereotypes of women. Chris has been aggressively bullied by really malicious women over the years. Regardless, Chris still holds up women as a paragon of virtue.
  • Chris feels like the social allocation of women should've bestowed a woman upon him by now. Chris cannot fathom why some men have women, but not him. He thinks that there's got to be some sort of bigotry or personal malice, because honestly: Chris is the everyman (as far as he can tell). So why is he singled out for this torment?
  • Chris needs a woman because his life is dogshit as things are with Barb. And he knows Barb is going to keel over someday. Can you imagine how fucked Chris will be without a girl? He has to prevent that situation.
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I would put money on the last point. I do think it's mostly just chris has a natural biological attraction to women, but I think he wants a barb replacement too. He has to know when barb goes it's gonna get a lot harder on him. I really think chris doesn't want to become self sufficient, he wants to be taken care of. He wants the social responsibilities of a child, but all the benefits of being an adult.
 
Lipitor said:
I would put money on the last point. I do think it's mostly just chris has a natural biological attraction to women, but I think he wants a barb replacement too. He has to know when barb goes it's gonna get a lot harder on him. I really think chris doesn't want to become self sufficient, he wants to be taken care of. He wants the social responsibilities of a child, but all the benefits of being an adult.
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He doesn't want a Barb replacement, he just wants Barb.
 
My standards for women are extremely high and only the most illustrious China shall do for me. And the best way to score high class China is to throw on my favourite illuminous pink sweater courtesy of the thrift shop, making sure moobs sag over my gut like a pair of lard filled maracas.
 
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Marvin said:
Heh, Chris never really masturbated that frequently. Sex is a big fetish for Chris, but ironically enough, his actual sex drive is pretty weak.
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He's too fat to have the energy for a normal sex drive. He may seem horny and hopeless but if he ever found himself in the situation where he would have to perform sexually with another willing person present, he just straight-up would not have the actual energy to perform because, well, he's so fat and out of shape.
 
It's probably a lot simpler than that. He most likely just wants a woman other than Barb to like him as a way to convince himself he is socially desirable.

Of course, he THINKS he is, but if a girl likes him then he will KNOW he is, and the hotter the girl the more socially desirable it would mean. That whole sugar-mama angle only began after he became aware of Barb's mortality, but he has wanted women since the very beginning, so the most basic reason of his cannot be just a caretaker. It has to be related to something he has also been thinking since the very beginning: the fact that he THINKS he is the shit and his ego demands proof of it.
 
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