Not Always Right - Not Ever True

[81680085]

Not really a community, but something almost there. Not Always Right is a site dedicated to "TRUE AND HONEST" stories about horrible customer service experiences. It began as a vent for frustrated waiters and baristas to let off steam about ass-hat customers, but now covers any experiences in all walks of life.

https://notalwaysright.com/

Thing is, none of these stories are true and all read like nerdy fanfiction about geeks getting their vengeance on those chad assholes who make their lives a misery.

Most stories feature conversations that would never happen IRL, high-level eloquence from dudes working in waiter jobs, implausible sexism/racism and the asshole always always getting humiliated.

Some examples:

https://notalwaysright.com/playing-unfair-with-the-fairer-sex/71890/

(I provide Internet support over the phone. I am the only qualified technician working today. I also happen to be female.)

Me: “Welcome to [Company] Internet support. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, hello, sweetheart. I didn’t realize I’d reached the reception. Would you please connect me to Internet support?”

Me: “This is Internet support. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “I want help with a technical problem. I can’t talk to you. I want to talk to a man!”

Me: “Sir, I can assure you that I’ll be able to help you with your technical problem. I am the qualified technician here today.”

Customer: “You are a girl! You have no clue how to help me! This is man stuff. I demand to speak with a man!”

(This continues for ten minutes. The customer gets more and more aggravated, and starts yelling nasty comments. I give up, and connect him to my coworker, who sits next to me. My coworker is male.)

Coworker: “Welcome to [Company] Internet support. My name is [Coworker]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Finally, a man! My Internet is so unstable these days; I can’t seem to stay on it! It takes forever to load and the speed is horrible!”

Coworker: “Sir, I see the problem, and I’m sending a report. It will be fixed on Monday.”

Customer: “What?! It’s Saturday! Why do you have to wait until Monday? I want it fixed now!”

Coworker: “Well, we would need a qualified technician to log into the system to fix your line. It’s Saturday, so there is only one qualified technician working.”

Customer: “Get him to fix it now! I demand to speak with him!”

Coworker: “Sir, you have already spoken to her.”

Customer: “Wait. Her?”

Coworker: “Yes. You spoke to our only qualified technician earlier today. You yelled profanities at her, and demanded to speak to a man.”

Customer: “So, I’ll be lucky if my Internet is up again on Monday?”

Coworker: “You’ll be lucky if you have Internet at all.”

And another....

https://notalwaysright.com/magic-the-embarrassing/104855/

(I am a girl who has grown up as a nerd from a young age, enjoying comics, card games, etc. I go to a comic book store where I’m a regular, to play Magic: The Gathering. Since I’m a girl, a lot of guys tend to think I’m a ditz and that I have no idea how to play the game. We have just finished “drafting” and creating our decks, and I am extremely confident in my deck. I am assigned to play with a guy I’ve never seen before.)

Guy: “Hi, I’m [Guy]. You’re [My Name]?”

Me: “Hi, [Guy]. Yes, nice to meet you.”

Guy: “Okay, so, I’m guessing you’re new to the game. I’m willing to go easy on you so you can at least have the first round.”

(All the guys who know me just kind of chuckle under their breath, knowing that he has just signed a death warrant.)

Me: *in my best ditz voice* “Oh, thank you. I was so worried; I’ve never, like, played this game. I just came along with my dad.”

(I gesture to one of the guys close by.)

Guy: “Oh, that’s sweet. Dad-daughter time.”

Me: “Yeah.”

(We begin to play. As he promised, he goes easy on me, and I win. But he also lets me see a lot of his good cards, whereas I haven’t played mine, because I want him to believe I am bad. We continue to the next game, and he’s no longer going easy on me. He realizes over this round that I am now putting out heavy hitters and excellent combos. As I’m about to win, he stands up.)

Guy: “YOU’RE A CHEATER!”

Me: “How?”

Guy: “You had your dad build your deck! You’re supposed to make your own!”

Me: “Actually, [Guy I pointed out earlier] isn’t my dad. He’s someone who knows me because I constantly come here and win. I have done so for at least six months, now.”

Guy: “You aren’t new, then! Why didn’t you tell me?”

Me: “Maybe you shouldn’t assume that, because I have boobs, I don’t know how to play something. It’s extremely sexist. Now. Are you going to let me finish the game, or are you going to run out the door with your tail between your legs?”

(At this point he is looking around for support, and the owner says

Owner: “Maybe you shouldn’t be a sexist d**k!”

Guy: *looks at me* “You b****! *stands up and huffs out*

Owner: *yells to customer as he leaves* “I hope you learned your lesson!”

(He tried to come the next week. He opened the door, only to see me sitting there, facing the door, smiling. He automatically turned around and left, and he didn’t come back again. It’s always nice to put those type of guys in their place.)

This should give you an idea. There's a ton of other goonish treasures to be found.

 

[ICametoLurk]

I assume these stories are as realistic as green-text ones.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

I used to really like NAR, but it really degraded into that sort of "this totally happened you guys" kind of posting. I haven't taken a look at it again in years.

 

[From The Uncanny Valley]

Don't forget the sob stories written by someone who clearly owns a patreon.

 

[skiddlez]

I assume these stories are as realistic as green-text ones.

Less so.

 

[heymate]

I go there on occasion, and I must agree that you have to be cautious reading that site. Sometimes the stories are obviously and undeniably made up. Other times, the stories are real anecdotes, and you can tell they’re real.

Still other times, the story may appear to be scripted due to outlandish it is, but is actually real. As many people in the comments section of these types of stories have pointed out, sometimes reality is stranger than fiction.

 

[Bad Times]

Used to read these religously as a kid. Looking back, the whole thing stinks of "and then they stood up and clapped. The kid I helped? Albert Einstein.". They have a whole series of websites which you will see in the toolbar like on the opposite end, stories of customer's getting shit service. A lot of them are just retold stories you've probably imagined in a stupid sketch. Lots of sterotypes. Clearly for the "Omg so relevant to me" crowd.

 

[The Great Chandler]

Some customer went up to me and said:

I was INFURHERIATED and I decked him in the face with my penis!
End.

 

[81680085]

Here's a great one. God knows which state (Utah?) this school is supposed to be based. Not even one sentence of this would have happened in my high school.

https://notalwaysright.com/math-exercise-dividers-of-theoden/32975/

(We’re taking a calculus final. The TA is a well-known Lord of the Rings fan, and we’ve had running LotR jokes all semester.)

TA: “Okay, guys, everyone look at me. We’ve been over the rules, but just in case: no notes, pencil your answers in on the scantron sheet, and graphing calculators only – no more ‘can I just used my cell phone’ nonsense.”

Student: “[TA’s name], my calculator batteries just died! What should I do?”

TA: “Here, I’ve got a big box of spares.”

Student: *struggling* “I can’t get this packaging open…”

Student 2: “Here, I’ve got a pocket knife.”

TA: “And I’ve got a pair of scissors if you need them.”

Student 3: *from the back of the room* “OR MY AXE!”

(Everyone starts laughing.)

TA: “The only axes allowed on the exam are in the graph section.”

(Everyone groans.)

TA: “Oh, come on, you’re in a math class. Deal with the math jokes.”

(The professor enters with a stack of exams. With him are two exam proctors.)

Professor: “Tolkien jokes already, [TA’s name]?”

TA: “Hey, I didn’t start it.”

(The professor starts handing stacks of exams to the TA and proctors.)

Professor: “But I’m about to finish it. [TA], take these exams down the left flank. [Proctor 1], follow the desks down the center. [Proctor 2], take your exams right, along the wall.”

(At this point, many of the students have realized where this is going: Theoden’s lines from ‘Return of the King.’)

Professor: “Forth, and fear no problems! Solve! Solve, students of calculus! Points shall be taken, scores shall be splintered! A pencil day! A red-ink day! Until three thirty!”

(The professor pulls out a pencil, holding it out like a sword, and runs down the first row holding it out. Students hold up their pencils, hitting his as he passes.)

Professor: “Solve now! Solve now! Solve to good grades and the class ending! MAAATH!”

Entire Class: “MAAATH!”

Professor: “MAAAAATH!”

Entire Class: “MAAAAAATH!”

Professor: “Forth, exam-takers!”

(The entire class rises to their feet and gives him a standing ovation. A week later, we get an email from the professor.)

Professor: *at the end of the email* “PS: I appreciate all of you who wrote in their evaluations that I was the one professor to rule them all, but the best one yet was the student who called me ‘Mathrandir.'”

 

[From The Uncanny Valley]

Here's a great one. God knows which state (Utah?) this school is supposed to be based. Not even one sentence of this would have happened in my high school.

https://notalwaysright.com/math-exercise-dividers-of-theoden/32975/

(We’re taking a calculus final. The TA is a well-known Lord of the Rings fan, and we’ve had running LotR jokes all semester.)

TA: “Okay, guys, everyone look at me. We’ve been over the rules, but just in case: no notes, pencil your answers in on the scantron sheet, and graphing calculators only – no more ‘can I just used my cell phone’ nonsense.”

Student: “[TA’s name], my calculator batteries just died! What should I do?”

TA: “Here, I’ve got a big box of spares.”

Student: *struggling* “I can’t get this packaging open…”

Student 2: “Here, I’ve got a pocket knife.”

TA: “And I’ve got a pair of scissors if you need them.”

Student 3: *from the back of the room* “OR MY AXE!”

(Everyone starts laughing.)

TA: “The only axes allowed on the exam are in the graph section.”

(Everyone groans.)

TA: “Oh, come on, you’re in a math class. Deal with the math jokes.”

(The professor enters with a stack of exams. With him are two exam proctors.)

Professor: “Tolkien jokes already, [TA’s name]?”

TA: “Hey, I didn’t start it.”

(The professor starts handing stacks of exams to the TA and proctors.)

Professor: “But I’m about to finish it. [TA], take these exams down the left flank. [Proctor 1], follow the desks down the center. [Proctor 2], take your exams right, along the wall.”

(At this point, many of the students have realized where this is going: Theoden’s lines from ‘Return of the King.’)

Professor: “Forth, and fear no problems! Solve! Solve, students of calculus! Points shall be taken, scores shall be splintered! A pencil day! A red-ink day! Until three thirty!”

(The professor pulls out a pencil, holding it out like a sword, and runs down the first row holding it out. Students hold up their pencils, hitting his as he passes.)

Professor: “Solve now! Solve now! Solve to good grades and the class ending! MAAATH!”

Entire Class: “MAAATH!”

Professor: “MAAAAATH!”

Entire Class: “MAAAAAATH!”

Professor: “Forth, exam-takers!”

(The entire class rises to their feet and gives him a standing ovation. A week later, we get an email from the professor.)

Professor: *at the end of the email* “PS: I appreciate all of you who wrote in their evaluations that I was the one professor to rule them all, but the best one yet was the student who called me ‘Mathrandir.'”

Lord of The Rings was a mistake

 

[Urban Superstition]

That Totally Happened, No I'm Not Just Fantasizing About Sticking it to Dudebros

Spoiler: Transcription for the lazy

(A con is going on nearby, and the fast food joint is full of people in cosplay. A rather attractive woman — dressed as a cheerleader with a pink chainsaw — leaves the building with her friends. They are whistled at by two rowdy customers entering.)

Customer #1: “Hey, dude, check out all these freaks in here!”

Customer #2: “Oh, God! They’re everywhere! F****** freaks.”

Customer #1: *to a male cosplayer in front of him* “Oi, mate, what the f*** are you supposed to be?”

Male Cosplayer #1: “M-me? I’m ‘Karkat’ from Homestuck.”

Customer #1: “Well, you look like a joke. What the f*** are those on your head?”

(The customer flicks the orange horns clipped to the cosplayer’s hair.)

Male Cosplayer #1: “Please don’t do that; I made these myself and I don’t want them to break.”

Customer #2: “You hear that? The little freak made his own horns! Ah, I guess it’s not all bad, though; did you see that chick before with the massive rack?”

Customer #1: “I know, you don’t see hot cheerleaders everyday. She’s totally going to get it off me later.”

Customer #2: “Yeah, we’ll find her and give it to her good. I’m going to squeeze those t*** of her so hard.”

Male Cosplayer #1: “Can you please stop?! It’s really degrading to talk about women like that.”

(The whole restaurant goes quiet, and they turn to the rowdy customers.)

Customer #1: “If the slag didn’t want it, she wouldn’t have them hanging out.”

Male Cosplayer #1: “She was in costume! Besides, what does it matter how she was dressed? Clothing isn’t an invitation.”

Customer #2: “Do you want to take this outside?”

(Just then, another male customer in the corner, who also happens to be a cosplayer, speaks up.)

Male Cosplayer #2: “If you fight him, you have to fight me first!”

Customer #2: “Who said that?”

(Male Cosplayer #2 stands up to reveal he is well over 6 ft tall, and very muscular, but in costume too.)

Male Cosplayer #2: “I am Thor, Son of Odin, God of Thunder, who commands the Lightning and the Storm!”

(At that moment, a third cosplayer stands up, revealing he too is very tall and muscular.)

Male Cosplayer #3: “And I am Loki of Asgard, and I am burdened with glorious purpose… to defend women from sexist pigs like you, and defend people’s right to cosplay!”

(The two rowdy customers quickly removed themselves from the restaurant, while Karkat, Thor and Loki received a round of applause.)

Spoiler: The second saddest part?

Some people in the comments actually bought this load'a BS

 

[ES 148]

That Totally Happened, No I'm Not Just Fantasizing About Sticking it to Dudebros

Spoiler: Transcription for the lazy

(A con is going on nearby, and the fast food joint is full of people in cosplay. A rather attractive woman — dressed as a cheerleader with a pink chainsaw — leaves the building with her friends. They are whistled at by two rowdy customers entering.)

Customer #1: “Hey, dude, check out all these freaks in here!”

Customer #2: “Oh, God! They’re everywhere! F****** freaks.”

Customer #1: *to a male cosplayer in front of him* “Oi, mate, what the f*** are you supposed to be?”

Male Cosplayer #1: “M-me? I’m ‘Karkat’ from Homestuck.”

Customer #1: “Well, you look like a joke. What the f*** are those on your head?”

(The customer flicks the orange horns clipped to the cosplayer’s hair.)

Male Cosplayer #1: “Please don’t do that; I made these myself and I don’t want them to break.”

Customer #2: “You hear that? The little freak made his own horns! Ah, I guess it’s not all bad, though; did you see that chick before with the massive rack?”

Customer #1: “I know, you don’t see hot cheerleaders everyday. She’s totally going to get it off me later.”

Customer #2: “Yeah, we’ll find her and give it to her good. I’m going to squeeze those t*** of her so hard.”

Male Cosplayer #1: “Can you please stop?! It’s really degrading to talk about women like that.”

(The whole restaurant goes quiet, and they turn to the rowdy customers.)

Customer #1: “If the slag didn’t want it, she wouldn’t have them hanging out.”

Male Cosplayer #1: “She was in costume! Besides, what does it matter how she was dressed? Clothing isn’t an invitation.”

Customer #2: “Do you want to take this outside?”

(Just then, another male customer in the corner, who also happens to be a cosplayer, speaks up.)

Male Cosplayer #2: “If you fight him, you have to fight me first!”

Customer #2: “Who said that?”

(Male Cosplayer #2 stands up to reveal he is well over 6 ft tall, and very muscular, but in costume too.)

Male Cosplayer #2: “I am Thor, Son of Odin, God of Thunder, who commands the Lightning and the Storm!”

(At that moment, a third cosplayer stands up, revealing he too is very tall and muscular.)

Male Cosplayer #3: “And I am Loki of Asgard, and I am burdened with glorious purpose… to defend women from sexist pigs like you, and defend people’s right to cosplay!”

(The two rowdy customers quickly removed themselves from the restaurant, while Karkat, Thor and Loki received a round of applause.)

Spoiler: The second saddest part?

Some people in the comments actually bought this load'a BS

I wouldn't care if freaking John Cena stood up and proclaimed he was Thor, that's still a sad and pathetic thing to do. Goes to show how the author thinks, really.

 

[DietCherry]

I’ve gotta be honest here. When I was a kid, I used to write obnoxiously fake stories for this website, to see how obnoxiously fake I could get before they’d catch wind and not post said story. The answer is: pretty damn obnoxious, anything less than TJ Kirk’s Banned From series and you would be posted with a sassy title and get all the upvotes you wanted.

 

[denpakei]

I can't read any of these without my eyes rolling back in my head. This nearly beats Homestuck cop.

 

[Jungle Princess]

I’ve gotta be honest here. When I was a kid, I used to write obnoxiously fake stories for this website, to see how obnoxiously fake I could get before they’d catch wind and not post said story. The answer is: pretty damn obnoxious, anything less than TJ Kirk’s Banned From series and you would be posted with a sassy title and get all the upvotes you wanted.

Which stories did you post?

 

[John Titor]

One story that sticks out of my mind is this one woman at a Subway who went into a tard rage because she can't read the sign that said the philly cheesesteak is not part of the $5 footlong menu. In that particular case, I could believe it happened.

 

[Darwin Watterson]

That Totally Happened, No I'm Not Just Fantasizing About Sticking it to Dudebros

Spoiler: Transcription for the lazy

(A con is going on nearby, and the fast food joint is full of people in cosplay. A rather attractive woman — dressed as a cheerleader with a pink chainsaw — leaves the building with her friends. They are whistled at by two rowdy customers entering.)

Customer #1: “Hey, dude, check out all these freaks in here!”

Customer #2: “Oh, God! They’re everywhere! F****** freaks.”

Customer #1: *to a male cosplayer in front of him* “Oi, mate, what the f*** are you supposed to be?”

Male Cosplayer #1: “M-me? I’m ‘Karkat’ from Homestuck.”

Customer #1: “Well, you look like a joke. What the f*** are those on your head?”

(The customer flicks the orange horns clipped to the cosplayer’s hair.)

Male Cosplayer #1: “Please don’t do that; I made these myself and I don’t want them to break.”

Customer #2: “You hear that? The little freak made his own horns! Ah, I guess it’s not all bad, though; did you see that chick before with the massive rack?”

Customer #1: “I know, you don’t see hot cheerleaders everyday. She’s totally going to get it off me later.”

Customer #2: “Yeah, we’ll find her and give it to her good. I’m going to squeeze those t*** of her so hard.”

Male Cosplayer #1: “Can you please stop?! It’s really degrading to talk about women like that.”

(The whole restaurant goes quiet, and they turn to the rowdy customers.)

Customer #1: “If the slag didn’t want it, she wouldn’t have them hanging out.”

Male Cosplayer #1: “She was in costume! Besides, what does it matter how she was dressed? Clothing isn’t an invitation.”

Customer #2: “Do you want to take this outside?”

(Just then, another male customer in the corner, who also happens to be a cosplayer, speaks up.)

Male Cosplayer #2: “If you fight him, you have to fight me first!”

Customer #2: “Who said that?”

(Male Cosplayer #2 stands up to reveal he is well over 6 ft tall, and very muscular, but in costume too.)

Male Cosplayer #2: “I am Thor, Son of Odin, God of Thunder, who commands the Lightning and the Storm!”

(At that moment, a third cosplayer stands up, revealing he too is very tall and muscular.)

Male Cosplayer #3: “And I am Loki of Asgard, and I am burdened with glorious purpose… to defend women from sexist pigs like you, and defend people’s right to cosplay!”

(The two rowdy customers quickly removed themselves from the restaurant, while Karkat, Thor and Loki received a round of applause.)

Spoiler: The second saddest part?

Some people in the comments actually bought this load'a BS

I hope whomever wrote this dies violently.