Interests OFF TOPIC: OPL - The D&D PC - Group project: Let's make stats for Chris if he had to play himself.

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The Fool said:
it literally isn't his fault he's slightly overweight
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Hahaha is this what americans really believe? Yeah, your own body is not your own responsibility. I'm sure the reason you're a fat eunuch is the jews or the government, or maybe "fate", "jesus christ" or "genetics" wanted it that way.

To the topic, my only knowledge of this nerd shit comes from Baldur's Gate I & II, but I think good class for Chris would be the cleric, since his entire "personality" (for the lack of better word) revolves around idolatry of nonexistent imaginary beings. I'm not sure about his alignment, maybe lawful evil? He seem to have a strong sense of law and order and is convinced he is qualified to be the ultimate judge of what the law and order should be, with complete disregard to other people.
 
The Fool said:
you fucking 18th century medical science neanderthals think it's so easy for chris in his current state to just pick up a barbell and start pumping iron like it's a fucking video game. ever think about his diet? his lifestyle? that maybe psychological issues need to be covered before physical ones? no of course not because you all think exercise and physical health are just points to be collected and you have to treat those with less points like an outcast like you're playing fucking fortnite. you're pathetic.
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calm down chris
 
Oskar Dirlewanger said:
Hahaha is this what americans really believe? Yeah, your own body is not your own responsibility. I'm sure the reason you're a fat eunuch is the jews or the government, or maybe "fate", "jesus christ" or "genetics" wanted it that way.
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Inflatable Julay said:
calm down chris
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Your anger and pushback are pretty telling that you know you're wrong but can't quite figure out why. I pity you.
 
I’ve only played 3.5 so that’s what I’m going with.

Race: Human - Self explanatory.
Class: Psionic - he at least thinks he has psychic powers.
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral - Chris has very little respect for laws or order in general unless it suits him. He’s not overly malicious and tries to be nice but does have a selfish overview.
Str: 8 he’s weak but not like crippling weak
Dex: 9 he knows how to hold a pen.... kind of.
Con: 16 nothing can ever kill him but he’s not in shape exactly.
Int: 14 Controversial I know, but he passed college and knows a lot of lore in the various fandoms he’s a member of. However it doesn’t really apply to the real world.
Wis: 6 and that’s being generous.
Cha: 10 I think that’s a good midpoint. He manages to evoke sympathy and people do give him money and talk about him more than most do, but he’s also really ineffective at negotiating in general.
 
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I disagree that Chris shouldn't get a feat. He should have exactly one.
"Elicit Sympathy"
However it only works a limited number of times per character it's used on, each subsequent use carrying a greater penalty to the saving throw. On a fail a reroll is made to decide if the character washes their hands of Chris or actively turns on him.
 
Oskar Dirlewanger said:
Hahaha is this what americans really believe? Yeah, your own body is not your own responsibility. I'm sure the reason you're a fat eunuch is the jews or the government, or maybe "fate", "jesus christ" or "genetics" wanted it that way.

To the topic, my only knowledge of this nerd shit comes from Baldur's Gate I & II, but I think good class for Chris would be the cleric, since his entire "personality" (for the lack of better word) revolves around idolatry of nonexistent imaginary beings. I'm not sure about his alignment, maybe lawful evil? He seem to have a strong sense of law and order and is convinced he is qualified to be the ultimate judge of what the law and order should be, with complete disregard to other people.
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This is true but since his views on what should constitute law and order are not consistent over time I want to say chaotic evil.
 
Super Colon Blow said:
This is true but since his views on what should constitute law and order are not consistent over time I want to say chaotic evil.
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"Christine good, if you agree with everything Christine says you good, if you disagree you bad."

What exactly he says changes over time, but the above remains the same. It's the mindset of a pathologically egotistical dictator which reminds me more of lawful evil. The bullshit he spawns evolves at a rather steady pace, it's not like he does a complete twist of his beliefs overnight. That and Chris seem avert to the idea of chaos, he hates to experience new things, dislikes to change his environment, minor changes in things he used to can make him absolutely irate (sonic's blue arms) - doesn't seem very chaotic to me.
 
Oskar Dirlewanger said:
"Christine good, if you agree with everything Christine says you good, if you disagree you bad."

What exactly he says changes over time, but the above remains the same. It's the mindset of a pathologically egotistical dictator which reminds me more of lawful evil. The bullshit he spawns evolves at a rather steady pace, it's not like he does a complete twist of his beliefs overnight. That and Chris seem avert to the idea of chaos, he hates to experience new things, dislikes to change his environment, minor changes in things he used to can make him absolutely irate (sonic's blue arms) - doesn't seem very chaotic to me.
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I don't know, man, he's an enigma. Nothing matches... it's just an autistic mess of slowly degenerating lunacy.
 
Alex Krycek said:
Int: 14 Controversial I know, but he passed college
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Not legitimately. They pushed him threw because he's a tard. It's like when the rival sports team lets the one mentally handicapped kid on the other team score a touchdown so they can say to him "Good job, George! You totally scored a touchdown in the big game!" And then they pat themselves on the pack for making the kid's day. Chris "passed" college the same way. Just look at any example of his classwork on the cwcki.
 
Stephanie Bustcakes said:
Not legitimately. They pushed him threw because he's a tard. It's like when the rival sports team lets the one mentally handicapped kid on the other team score a touchdown so they can say to him "Good job, George! You totally scored a touchdown in the big game!" And then they pat themselves on the pack for making the kid's day. Chris "passed" college the same way. Just look at any example of his classwork on the cwcki.
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Eh he still knows a lot about lore. I’m a History Sperg and read history shit constantly. Chris is a Fandom Sperg and while yeah he invents his own lore in his head, that’s not terribly different than me playing Crusader Kings 2, HOI4, or EUIV and coming up with a story in my head about how the gameplay would be recorded in history. The difference is I know this is just a fun thought experiment and nothing to take seriously at all. Chris believes it’s all real and if you say it isn’t he’ll have a fucking fit or block you.

So because he knows lore that promoted me to give him a higher Int Stat and if I was going to make him a Psionic that’s something he needs anyway. However I guess it’s telling he forgets his own lore because he could remember that he retconned murdering the Asperpedia guys and instead made them Amish, I mean he does remember but he called them Pilgrims and I don’t think he even really remembers anyone’s name except Alec. Still, nice to throw him a bone or two.

Or maybe I’m completely forgetting shit because my roommate just said Psionics also rely on Wisdom heavily in which case, yeah he’s fucked.
 
Yaoi Huntress Earth said:
Now here's a question for you, what would Chris' stats be in d10 (World of Darkness' system)?
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Better suited for modeling Chris. Intelligence 2, Manipulation 2, everything else 1.

As for DnD, things to consider for his Dex score: he's physically inactive and has no athletic background; he's displayed poor cordination; he doesn't move quickly or gracefully; we've seen him dance. I'd put him at 8, a bit worse than average, a slight penalty.

I just leveled up my autism and faggotry by typing this.

I think his Con and Int are the most interesting to consider. Horribly out of shape, yet able to withstand ugly health problems (his taint). Able to graduate school and memorize lots of useless lore, but no demonstrable critical thinking.
 
Subconcious Offense said:
You try getting arrested for running over an old man that everyone knows you hate and see if you come off as unscathed as him.
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In my experience people get away with this kind of shit all the time in court as long as they don't kill or maim someone AND the victim isn't looking to have them thrown in prison (Synder wasn't). I'm not saying that's a good thing but Chris isn't actually that unusual in that regard.

I don't feel all that sorry for Chris because he's an ass, but I certainly don't wake up wishing that I had his life, even if it did mean I could run over some dummy that stood in front of my car.
 
So here's my thoughts...

STR 8 he can do basic tasks, but not much more than that.
DEX 7 he is uncoordinated but thinks he's better than he is.
CON 10 he can survive having his heart repeatedly shattered and eating tons of crap that might kill a lesser being.
INT 9 he is almost average intelligence.... Almost.
WIS 6 his primary weakness. His extreme naivete constantly hampers him. He can't see tricks that others see coming a mile away.
CHA 14 his greatest strength is his ability to entertain. Because of this, he slides through life, but can never get ahead.

class, Bard, or something his stats are unsuited for, like an illusionist.
Because he's a moron, he would also have many other self imposed penalties, such as penalties for trying to wear heavy armor and duel wield without any of the prerequisite skills. His stench would destroy his stealth abilities, and he would end up overpaying for anything he buys because the shopkeepers would recognize he is an idiot.
 
Gonna call it for DEX; giving him 8 in the OP.

This moves us on to determining his CON score.

Some key points I'd like to highlight in pinpointing his CON are the taint wound, his living conditions, and his perceived metabolism. Regarding the taint wound, any normal person who had Chris' level of hygiene would have had severe complications by the time Chris' finally agreed to seek medical attention. Chris also lives in some less than acceptable conditions, particularly pre-fire, but appears to suffer no ill effects from this. And as for his metabolism, even today, most people with Chris' diet and lifestyle would be considerably fatter than Chris.

While he's no stellar example of endurance, it seems like he could have been under different circumstances.

I'd give him a CON of 13.
 
Mr. Manchester said:
Here goes

Str- 8, enough to still function normally but weak compared to the average human
Dex - 7, dat chun li kick
Con - 9 - Gets sick a lot, has to take a bunch of pills but isn't so frail that he breaks bones.
Int - 8 - he's dumb but not THAT dumb, Chris can do basic math and is literate
Wis - 3 - Nigga believes in the dimentional merge and pissed on his floor to prove it
Cha - 16 - Everyone knows who the motherfucker is, there's something about that shit that earned him a wiki. There's charisma there it just doesn't benefit him.

Conclusion: Chris should be a sorcerer.
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I think he would be a bard.
 
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