- Joined
- Jun 5, 2024
It doesn't strictly end there. Sparta is probably the most miserable society that ever existed. It's also hysterically funny.
The reason the Spartan brides shaved their heads wasn't just so the men can get used to women. It's that Spartans had a completely non-existent family unit. The woman and man would not inhabit the same house for the first half a decade. They would either inhabit different houses or would have a wall built to separate a house in two. In Spartan society heterosexual relationships were essentially considered shameful. In order to have intimate relationships either the woman or man would have to stealthily sneak into the others house. Usually the women were the ones to initiate this because Spartan men were well documented prudes. The women would sometimes shave their head in order to blend in better (One could also make a joke here about the commonality of men sneaking into other men's bedchambers at midnight).
Once they would conceive the child, the child would be anonymously donated to the council. The father and mother would never be revealed, at least that was the long lasting common practice. The child would be considered a Child of Sparta and would be raised in segregated nurseries until maturity. That is partially the reason why Spartans had an easy time killing sickly or disfigured children, because they had no emotional attachments to them. The serious need for Spartans to implement hard core eugenics at birth was also because inbreeding was widespread due to the lack of family units and siblings unknowingly engaging with each other. Sparta for most of it's classical history did not exceed 50.000 people making it really easy to produce inbred tard babies.
Now to add to the misery. Sparta was ruled by a council of elders which was described as highly traditionalistic and dysfunctional. Sparta also had truly outlandish rules. For example drinking was strictly prohibited for men, and Spartan economic society was one of the earlier forms of anarcho-communism of sorts. Currency was essentially disallowed in Sparta and the main token of trade were Iron Bars. Literal large iron rods that made it completely impractical to accumulate wealth and were worthless by design. Instead Sparta had a system of communal property just how they had communal children. Barter was also present.
It was well documented by surrounding Polises that most Spartan armies would not return to Sparta. Because the commanders and most soldiers after encountering organized economic systems and money earned through merc work would just stay perpetually drunk and eventually settle down in other parts of Greece or sell each other into slavery if they ran out of money. They would do their best never to return to Sparta.
And the final coup de grace. To be a citizen of Sparta you would have to contribute to annual communal feasts hosted by the council of elders. Only men had to contribute and if you couldn't contribute you would be exiled and your property seized by your wife. Given how property was divided in Sparta it meant that subsequent generations would come into less and less land until it became completely unfeasible to contribute to the feast because you were less then subsistence farming. Over time Sparta which was always a de facto Gynecocracy, as women owned most of the property and held important administrative positions would transform into bizarre Gynecocratic slave state, where most men stopped being citizens of Sparta and were indentured servants or in some cases outright slaves to their wives, sisters and mothers (The family units would become more coherent, but in a bizarre way as Sparta was nearing it's demise).
Sparta would then have multiple breaks with tradition, soft revolutions and would become a sort of mercenary state that was subsidized by Egypt and chimped out against the Achaean league which formed a sort of trad wrangling confederation to keep the schitzos in their containment zone. The last king of Sparta was described as little more than a bandit chieftain who ruled Sparta through mercenary forces and was notoriously cruel. Then the Romans walked in and a couple centuries later the Germans under Alaric burned it to the ground, and thus ended the bizarre story of the most gay and retarded society ever recorded in Europe.
(Most of what I wrote here might just be Athenian + Roman propaganda, but I believe it cause it's really funny if it's true)
" and never tell them "LOL THIS WOULDN'T HAPPEN IF YOU WERE NORMAL" but then do fake crusader anti-pedo larp once that goid and his husband get arrested for producing CSAM with those children.