OPTAVIA UNBOXING!!! 2/3/19

[JambledUpWords]

Mundane content:

• Al opens the box
• Al gets a bunch of various shakes in flavors like chocolate and strawberry
• She gets a cereal she can eat with the almond milk she got
• She gets a myriad of bars in flavors like chocolate mint, oat and raisin, and chocolate peanut butter
• Gets some brownie mix
• Gets some pasta
• Gets some mashed potatoes
• Gets some pancake mix
• Gets some biscuits mix
• Gets some savory sticks (probably wheat based)
• Gets a bunch of books
• Gets a workbook and mentions she’s going to be writing in it a lot
• Gets a meal guide for going to restaurants because sometimes a gorl has to eat out
• Tells everyone she’s done soooo much research and reassures everyone that this plan will work
• Says that this is cheaper than grocery shopping and it’s all planned out (Al estimates spending $1,000 per month on food)

There, I saved everyone nine inescrusiatingly boring minutes

 

[Quarter Ton Hon]

It's opTAVia not optivia amber, its not that hard
edit: notice how she sounds so excited about those gross ass flavors because theyre sweet and sound like candy

 

[sis no]

"I do have a sweet tooth but I also have a savory one" so quirky!! She has both tastes!!! So proud of her!!

 

[Polystyrene Glioblastoma]

Of course the first thing Amber would talk about would be "if" she has to eat out.

 

[Mr Foster]

I bet she counts filming a unboxing video as a workout.

 

[Xenomorph]

'It's a big-un'

Already pulling out some book shit so she can "eat out" at restaurants

BAM your shake is maed boo boo

All pre-packed shit all designed to get at that sweet tooth ugh.

Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate.

PEN-NAY


All these shit bars will be in the trash.

Her 'boo boo' shit is in overdrive today

 

[PorkchopSandwiches]

"I do have a sweet tooth but I also have a savory one" so quirky!! She has both tastes!!! So proud of her!!

When she told us that she had both a sweet and savory tooth i thought to myself - no shit because you weigh 600 pounds.

 

[kill me now]

ANECDOTES AREN’T RESEARCH

It took out the clapping hand emoji so it just looks like I’m mad on the internet

 

[pecansandies]

lmao the FIRST thing she pulls out and talks about is eating out, if she "honestly and truly HAS to" eat out

I believe the correct term for that is FORESHADOWING

oooooo I can't wait for an indignant fast food moookbahng talking about how she is allowed to eat 3000 calories in one sitting on this program because the book kinda-sorta maybe alluded to it!

It took out the clapping hand emoji so it just looks like I’m mad on the internet

just use periods, sis. The original clapping hand emoji.

 

[log_breath]

She should be doing research on some shampoo cause it looks like she poured baby oil on her head.

 

[Owlflaps]

Looking forward to another diet being memory-holed by our gorl!

 

[PorkchopSandwiches]

My predictions:

3 days - before she realizes the food is awful and she is constantly hungry and starts to quit
6 days - she is fully done with the program and goes to get her orange chicken fix
27 days - ya gorl boo boo blocks her "health coach"

2 years - how long these boxes just keep coming before she finally cancels. Those bark boxes need company

Never - read any of the books that was included in her first package

 

[Xenomorph]

her fucking dandruff can act as a seasoning with how much is sitting on her head.

 

[e-gf]

Spoiler: Contents of AL's Box

-Dining Out Guide ("If I honestly HAVE TO eat out")
-Shake cup
-Cranberry Honeynut Granola Bar
-Golden Chocolate Chip Pancakes
-Creamy Chocolate Shake
-Roasted Garlic Creamy Smashed Potatoes
-Chocolate Mint Cookie Crisp Bar
-Dark Chocolate Covered Cherry Shake
-Rustic Tomato Herb Penne
-Creamy Double Peanut Butter Crisp Bar (x2)
-Raisin Oat Cinnamon Crisp Bar
-Drizzled Chocolate Fudge Crisp Bar
-Buttermilk Cheddar Herb Biscuit w/ Mediterranean Rosemary
-Homestyle Chicken Flavored and Vegetable Noodle Soup
-Optavia Guide
-Honey Mustard And Onion Sticks
-Red Berry Crunchy Oat Cereal
-Caramel Delight Crisp Bar
-Decadent Double Chocolate Brownie
-Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookie
-Silky Peanut Butter and Chocolate Chip Bar
-Zesty Cheddar and Italian Herb Crunchers
-Wild Strawberry Shake
-Chia Bliss Smoothie with Coconut Sugar From The Philippines Kiwi Pineapple Blueberry and Apple
-"Living a Longer Healthier Life" workbook
-"Dr. A's Habits of Health" book

In layman's terms:
-a shit ton of candy/granola bars
-shakes
-biscuits
-cheetos
-pretzel sticks
-pancakes
-brownies and cookies
-fruit loops
-soup
-pasta
-potatoes

 

[Lesbian Sleepover]

LOL who is she trying to convince here ?!?!
The cuts because she cannot breathe .Sad .

 

[Polystyrene Glioblastoma]

Amber got really giddy when seeing those journals and pamphlets, too. Time to add to the unused horde!

 

[2000]

At 2:06, you can hear her chair suffering.

 

[Rotogravure]

 

[PorkchopSandwiches]

10:14 - she adds a shot of her drinking water from a Starbucks cup

Look ya gorl is healthy she is drinking water

 

[Salade Nicoise]

This is the best timeline. This dumb bitch.