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Her face goes numb from the beetus
panic attack - 8/1/2018
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They both cause weight loss and weight gain as known side effects. It depends on the patient. The effect is not usually very severe either way. Some psych meds really cause significant weight gain, a lot of older meds especially. No one would prescribe them to Becky or AL for obvious reasons.
No, it and Lexapro can cause weight loss
Both Becky and amberlynn have meaningless, shiftless lives and no pill will fix that. They want to be happy while living depressing lives.
Xetzyr
kiwifarms.net
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- Apr 10, 2018
Yup, exactly this. Again, not to power level too much, but I've experienced depression a few times and it was completely devoid of emotion. I basically just sat in front of my computer for like 12 hours doing nothing but trying to think of something to do that would make me feel good. It's like everything you normally enjoy... no longer gives you any sensation of pleasure, relaxation or stress relief. You become numb and desensitized to everything around you.
If anyone is suffering from depression it's likely her gender-fluid bitch blimp, I mean you can just see the completely detached look on its face as she's screeching on about tube turkey. It probably uses food/eating as a way to deal with her crazy stupid shit, which is why it's getting just as bloated as she is.
They're in the worst kind of relationship imaginable, it's like on Tumblr with all the crazies enabling and encouraging one another to the point of actively exercising and promoting invisible dignity like it's some kind of "lifestyle choice".
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2016
I like how all Becky does is give unqualified medical advice and doesn't try to comfort her ostensible girlfriend. Cows don't give miIk when they're anxious, Farmer Thumbhead - you better sweeten her up if you want that Naruto shirt in a men's 4XL you've been eyeing!
E
ET 599
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kiwifarms.net
Let me attempt to illustrate to you guys what it's like to live unmedicated. Through that, I hope you'll understand why Amber's desire to live that way is not only laughable and bizarre, it's outright dangerous.
Imagine a pressure cooker. Not one of the smaller, home use ones. I want you to imagine one of those big, industrial motherfuckers, the ones Chic Fil A can bang out thousands of sandwiches at a time with. The type where the lid screws down and secures with a resounding THUNK and a SHLORK as the lid seals shut.
I want you to imagine that this behemoth of a machine, is you. Every day, you feel the walls suck in a little more, you feel the lid come closer and closer to caving your skull in, what little, microscopic spec of light you could see, make it's way through the impossibility of the lid, vanishes. Every day, this repeats, and things get tighter, tighter, and tighter. There's no escape, no regulation of the pressure, it's all beyond your control.
Normal people, regular people, however you want to phrase, I'd argue, are very good at regulating their pressure. They understand what they're feeling, they understand that X will cause Y, they understand how to regulate their emotions and ensure that they can exist in whatever environment or emotional state they might find themselves in.
Now take that away. No ability to regulate. No ability to understand what causes this crushing pressure, this tightness, this impending sense of doom. You have to sit there and take it, grapple with it, and try, somehow, to make sense of it and build your life in spite of it. Sure, maybe there's a couple methods you've piece mealed together that give you some sense of relief, maybe take the pressure away just a touch or keep it a constant percentage. But it's not guaranteed. One day, your favorite piece of music doesn't stop the pain anymore. Some day, going to the gym doesn't give you any reprieve. Some days, any kind of positivity or effort just sinks you deeper and deeper and deeper. All the while, the clock is ticking. Your skull feels like it might pop out the front of your face, your joints are contorted, your ribs are about to splinter outside of your chest. And still, you exist. In spite of everything, in spite of praying for anything other than the constant desolation, isolation, and PRESSURE, in spite of praying for death, every single day, you exist.
You say, fuck this, I can't possibly live like this any longer. I can't possibly continue to exist like this. I am going to die, I am going to die, I am going to die. So you see someone and you start to unravel years of bad behaviors and learned patterns. You start to break down and analyze traumas, pick apart painful memories and attempt to make sense of yourself analytically, logically. Slowly, you can regulate yourself. You learn how you can look at yourself objectively, evaluate what you're doing and correct it before it kills you. Slowly, ever so slowly, the pressure lessens. You can breathe again and life seems to open up, little by little. Seeing someone weekly is hard, but it's worth it. Holding yourself to a higher standard of existence is hard, but it's worth it. Constantly introspecting and re evaluating and re re valuating is almost back breaking..but it's worth it.
But some days, all the hard work you've seem to have done, and everything you've accomplished so far, doesn't seem to matter. The fact that you're still existing is a monumental achievement. You count the time since you started this arduous work. 6 months, a year, 2 years, 5, 10. But some days, and let's be honest, most days, it doesn't seem to matter. The walls close in faster than ever, your brain wants out, your brain wants everything to end. But you get up, go to work, go to the gym and you try. And you look in the mirror and you say to yourself, I only have to make it one week at a time. Because for an hour every week, you are saved.
Anti depressants or any kind of depression medication (I'd argue short of things like anti psychotics that stop auditory and visual hallucinations) are not cure alls. They are simply enablers. They enable you to exist in a much clearer space, to start working on yourself with a clear mind and to start working towards the person that you want to be, the person that you see inside of yourself. You can't take Lexapro twice a day and act like 1) your problems don't exist anymore or 2) to devow the work they are doing for you. To say, oh these make me feel numb and dull is so fucking stupid. You are experiencing life through a lens you've never used before, so yeah, it's gonna feel a bit off. Brain zaps, brain dumps, and numbness are all common symptoms with anti depressants, but it's important to remember that they are not a primary solution. They are meant to foster an environment within yourself that allows to live your fucking life and better deal with other kinds of treatment. I'd probably feel numb too if the fog of my mental illness was lifted and then I looked around and all I saw was tubes of ground turkey and notebooks full of empty promises.
Amber cannot live without an anti depressant because she does not have the drive to want to get better without them. It is an all consuming battle that requires all of your attention, day in and day out. You are constantly suppressing and redirecting this fire inside of you that threatens to burn you from the inside out. You're constantly evaluating your own behavior and asking yourself the hard questions. The really hard questions. Have I hurt people? Do I want to continue to hurt them? Do I want live more than I want death? The list goes on.
Amberlynn has never longed for anything more than what she has. She talks about these dreams of Los Angeles, authorship, and 200 pounds, but lacks any kind of introspection, drive, discipline, etc to make it happen. Her life is so built around instant gratification, that she can't put in, say, a year of work of writing for an hour every day, attending workshops, taking online classes, submitting to agencies, etc. She can't do that. She is incapable of it.
So why is it dangerous for AL to be off her lexapro? Why is it dangerous for someone that cries over tubed turkey (and obviously, the turkey represents control, so when control is wrestled away from Amberlynn through her own forgetfulness, she obviously has a mental breakdown) to not be on an antidepressant? Because her illness and addiction is so all consuming and over powering, that I think she can absolutely cause damage to herself (apart from the 540 pounds) and to the people around her. (more damage than she has already caused) Chuck in that you have a house, populated with two other people that are equally as despondent in the face of their illnesses, it's a recipe for disaster. We've all seen those times when people's pressure cookers explode, so to speak. It sucks, it's not pretty, not for anyone. Not for the person who basically snaps, it's shameful. Not for the people around them that are going what in the fuck just happened? But I think it's probably worst on the people who love them, who now will worry twice as much, and even that worry isn't enough to drag them out of their self indulgence long enough to say, man, I need consistent, professional help.
I've said this before on here and I'll say it again. I don't doubt that AL has experienced some kind of trauma in her life. You don't end up in her posistion if you haven't. We can speculate all day about what exactly it is and we'll probably never really know for sure because Amber is one of the biggest (lol) liars around due to her crippling insecurity and self esteem issues. But I think people that really wants what she claims to want, to live life unmedicated, and do it on her own, those people work tirelessly, day in and day out, to get there. And Amber won't. She never will.
Edit : Something I forgot. There's a struggle involved with getting yourself together that's different for everyone and it can take a really long time. I think the most insulting thing about Amber is she has so many means that aren't available to other people and yet she still does fuck all to better herself. She could afford to do twice weekly therapy or attend some kind of inpatient center, I'm sure, but she just wraps herself in this misery and this self serving attitude that's just so, SO hard to overlook and not get A loggy about.
Edit: upon further review, way too in my feelings about this bitch lmao
Imagine a pressure cooker. Not one of the smaller, home use ones. I want you to imagine one of those big, industrial motherfuckers, the ones Chic Fil A can bang out thousands of sandwiches at a time with. The type where the lid screws down and secures with a resounding THUNK and a SHLORK as the lid seals shut.
I want you to imagine that this behemoth of a machine, is you. Every day, you feel the walls suck in a little more, you feel the lid come closer and closer to caving your skull in, what little, microscopic spec of light you could see, make it's way through the impossibility of the lid, vanishes. Every day, this repeats, and things get tighter, tighter, and tighter. There's no escape, no regulation of the pressure, it's all beyond your control.
Normal people, regular people, however you want to phrase, I'd argue, are very good at regulating their pressure. They understand what they're feeling, they understand that X will cause Y, they understand how to regulate their emotions and ensure that they can exist in whatever environment or emotional state they might find themselves in.
Now take that away. No ability to regulate. No ability to understand what causes this crushing pressure, this tightness, this impending sense of doom. You have to sit there and take it, grapple with it, and try, somehow, to make sense of it and build your life in spite of it. Sure, maybe there's a couple methods you've piece mealed together that give you some sense of relief, maybe take the pressure away just a touch or keep it a constant percentage. But it's not guaranteed. One day, your favorite piece of music doesn't stop the pain anymore. Some day, going to the gym doesn't give you any reprieve. Some days, any kind of positivity or effort just sinks you deeper and deeper and deeper. All the while, the clock is ticking. Your skull feels like it might pop out the front of your face, your joints are contorted, your ribs are about to splinter outside of your chest. And still, you exist. In spite of everything, in spite of praying for anything other than the constant desolation, isolation, and PRESSURE, in spite of praying for death, every single day, you exist.
You say, fuck this, I can't possibly live like this any longer. I can't possibly continue to exist like this. I am going to die, I am going to die, I am going to die. So you see someone and you start to unravel years of bad behaviors and learned patterns. You start to break down and analyze traumas, pick apart painful memories and attempt to make sense of yourself analytically, logically. Slowly, you can regulate yourself. You learn how you can look at yourself objectively, evaluate what you're doing and correct it before it kills you. Slowly, ever so slowly, the pressure lessens. You can breathe again and life seems to open up, little by little. Seeing someone weekly is hard, but it's worth it. Holding yourself to a higher standard of existence is hard, but it's worth it. Constantly introspecting and re evaluating and re re valuating is almost back breaking..but it's worth it.
But some days, all the hard work you've seem to have done, and everything you've accomplished so far, doesn't seem to matter. The fact that you're still existing is a monumental achievement. You count the time since you started this arduous work. 6 months, a year, 2 years, 5, 10. But some days, and let's be honest, most days, it doesn't seem to matter. The walls close in faster than ever, your brain wants out, your brain wants everything to end. But you get up, go to work, go to the gym and you try. And you look in the mirror and you say to yourself, I only have to make it one week at a time. Because for an hour every week, you are saved.
Anti depressants or any kind of depression medication (I'd argue short of things like anti psychotics that stop auditory and visual hallucinations) are not cure alls. They are simply enablers. They enable you to exist in a much clearer space, to start working on yourself with a clear mind and to start working towards the person that you want to be, the person that you see inside of yourself. You can't take Lexapro twice a day and act like 1) your problems don't exist anymore or 2) to devow the work they are doing for you. To say, oh these make me feel numb and dull is so fucking stupid. You are experiencing life through a lens you've never used before, so yeah, it's gonna feel a bit off. Brain zaps, brain dumps, and numbness are all common symptoms with anti depressants, but it's important to remember that they are not a primary solution. They are meant to foster an environment within yourself that allows to live your fucking life and better deal with other kinds of treatment. I'd probably feel numb too if the fog of my mental illness was lifted and then I looked around and all I saw was tubes of ground turkey and notebooks full of empty promises.
Amber cannot live without an anti depressant because she does not have the drive to want to get better without them. It is an all consuming battle that requires all of your attention, day in and day out. You are constantly suppressing and redirecting this fire inside of you that threatens to burn you from the inside out. You're constantly evaluating your own behavior and asking yourself the hard questions. The really hard questions. Have I hurt people? Do I want to continue to hurt them? Do I want live more than I want death? The list goes on.
Amberlynn has never longed for anything more than what she has. She talks about these dreams of Los Angeles, authorship, and 200 pounds, but lacks any kind of introspection, drive, discipline, etc to make it happen. Her life is so built around instant gratification, that she can't put in, say, a year of work of writing for an hour every day, attending workshops, taking online classes, submitting to agencies, etc. She can't do that. She is incapable of it.
So why is it dangerous for AL to be off her lexapro? Why is it dangerous for someone that cries over tubed turkey (and obviously, the turkey represents control, so when control is wrestled away from Amberlynn through her own forgetfulness, she obviously has a mental breakdown) to not be on an antidepressant? Because her illness and addiction is so all consuming and over powering, that I think she can absolutely cause damage to herself (apart from the 540 pounds) and to the people around her. (more damage than she has already caused) Chuck in that you have a house, populated with two other people that are equally as despondent in the face of their illnesses, it's a recipe for disaster. We've all seen those times when people's pressure cookers explode, so to speak. It sucks, it's not pretty, not for anyone. Not for the person who basically snaps, it's shameful. Not for the people around them that are going what in the fuck just happened? But I think it's probably worst on the people who love them, who now will worry twice as much, and even that worry isn't enough to drag them out of their self indulgence long enough to say, man, I need consistent, professional help.
I've said this before on here and I'll say it again. I don't doubt that AL has experienced some kind of trauma in her life. You don't end up in her posistion if you haven't. We can speculate all day about what exactly it is and we'll probably never really know for sure because Amber is one of the biggest (lol) liars around due to her crippling insecurity and self esteem issues. But I think people that really wants what she claims to want, to live life unmedicated, and do it on her own, those people work tirelessly, day in and day out, to get there. And Amber won't. She never will.
Edit : Something I forgot. There's a struggle involved with getting yourself together that's different for everyone and it can take a really long time. I think the most insulting thing about Amber is she has so many means that aren't available to other people and yet she still does fuck all to better herself. She could afford to do twice weekly therapy or attend some kind of inpatient center, I'm sure, but she just wraps herself in this misery and this self serving attitude that's just so, SO hard to overlook and not get A loggy about.
Edit: upon further review, way too in my feelings about this bitch lmao
Last edited by a moderator:
Whatthefuck
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2017
She probably isn't trying to comfort her because Necks knows good and goddamned well that Hambert didn't have a panic attack, she just threw a tantrum. Beckster probably just got screeched and reeeeeeed at for making them forget the tube turkey. Because, of course, nothing is Hambert's fault. Ever.
hank hill
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 30, 2016
This video makes me genuinely think she has depression. It seems like the pills were working and she didn't like that she couldn't use her depression as an excuse for things anymore so she took herself off of them. I doubt highly any of her symptoms are manic as the ssris would have aggravated that whilst she was taking them rather when she took herself off of them.
:powerlevel: My psychiatrist has emphasized how dangerous it is to take yourself off of your medication. :powerlevel: I know she doesn't care about her health, clearly, but she truly needs to see a psychiatric doctor as is said here frequently.
:powerlevel: My psychiatrist has emphasized how dangerous it is to take yourself off of your medication. :powerlevel: I know she doesn't care about her health, clearly, but she truly needs to see a psychiatric doctor as is said here frequently.
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2016
Those graphic tees come at a high price sometimes
Whatthefuck
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2017
The "numbness" is really just an aid to assist in going through therapy and making behavioral changes. AD's are not intended to be a cure-all. It sounds as though you've done it correctly. It's extremely hard work and sometimes the only way to be able to look at yourself without blinders is to take AD's and lessen the impact which will give you a chance to sort through the real issues. However, Hambert is incapable of real work, certainly any work that includes putting herself under a microscope of introspection. You're right, her shifting the blame to mental illness when she has the means and plenty of time to address it is insulting whether or not you live with mental illness. She wonders why she gets hate...
melissarendato
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2018
fake
- Joined
- Jul 22, 2018
I don't know what this is, but it's not a panic attack. I have experienced a panic attack once in the past and I was scared shitless that I was going to die, it was terrifying, all I wanted was for it to stop. I thought I was dying of a heart attack. I was able to stop it only with Alprazolam, it wouldn't go away just by itself.
This shitfest of a video looks like a tantrum with some fake sobbing.
This shitfest of a video looks like a tantrum with some fake sobbing.
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497
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 3, 2018
Didn't Kasey say he'd have panic attacks like that after AL would hit and throw shit at him and his mom?
lurkingcow
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 8, 2018
it looks like her skin is dying
ointment
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 7, 2018
i dont usually lurk much on the Amber threads
but lemme just say,
I find it very hard to trust a person who uses the term "panic attack" in a serious fashion.
For fucks sakes, it's called a mental breakdown.
You lost control of your emotions. That's your own fault, you silly bitch.
Especially considering she lost control over fucking turkey.
but lemme just say,
I find it very hard to trust a person who uses the term "panic attack" in a serious fashion.
For fucks sakes, it's called a mental breakdown.
You lost control of your emotions. That's your own fault, you silly bitch.
Especially considering she lost control over fucking turkey.
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2018
I think this was a good writing about someone with a mental disorder and about medication. Some people feel the pressure, burst at some point and let it all out and then build themselves up and continue with life. Though it might seem the person is in somewhat control of the situation, the mental break down hurts and it needs to happen. If it only hurts the person him/herself and not others, there is a possibility to live without medication.
Some mental disorders are unfortunately misunderstoodly viewed since they base on the aspect of it causing ”behaviour harmful to the person and/or others”. It takes some strenght, time and forgiveness towards yourself but it is possible to learn to know yourself, your mental cycle and moods and learn to recognize the things that trigger, for example, break downs. It doesn’t mean that they won’t happen, they absolutely will, but they are easier to plow through when you know you are not going to die from it and it is a part of your personality.
Some people need the medication, some people only need the therapy/psychotherapy and some need it combined.
I can’t deny Amber’s mental disorders but I also can’t believe someone having a genuine panick attack would want or would be able to film theirselves during it. I sure as hell wouldn’t want anyone to see me with tomato eyes, puffy face and sounding like a llama trying to gasp air.
Long time lurker
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2017
Bingo! We have at least two winners.
Amber said, not that long ago, that going to Walmart and out to eat are the only things she can still do for entertainment. It wouldn't surprise me that once Becky drove her to Walmart, she was unable to lift herself from the car, and Becky was unable to help her. That was when the screaming and berating began.
Becky went it and made the fatal mistake of forgetting the meat (or maybe she thought they had meat at the house, but oh boy...that was a mistake too. Because when Amber gets hungry she wants food right NOW! and thawing meat would take too long).
So, we have Amber pouting and fuming in the car. Becky comes back and Amber checks the bags (of course she does. Amber trusts no one. Probably checked the change too) and the meat isn't there. Now it escalated to screaming and yelling, with maybe a few punches here and there. At some point Amber began to sob, and that's when Becky gives up and goes back in.
Amber immediately pulls the camera out and begins to film because this time she has real tears and does look like she cried (so the haydurz can't pick on that). The emotions are still raw, so she can - for a good part of the video - recall the tears if necessary.
To Amber this was a win-win: she gets to humiliate Becky on YT (and refresh Becky's training on submission) while getting all the ass pats she (thinks she) deserves.
When people don't buy into it we get the following:
Let me go find my tiny violin...Y'all a bunch of hAyDuRs.
I was being ironic.
- Joined
- Aug 10, 2017
Amber was also probably quite pissy after having to behave while staying over with Becky's family (assuming that is even true).
She admits to snapping at Becky all day so I assume the reality is more like she was screaming at her all day.
She admits to snapping at Becky all day so I assume the reality is more like she was screaming at her all day.
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2018
Very possible, especially considering the whole household is supposed to have started a “healthy eating journey” together, and promised to hold one another accountable. I imagine the binge monster wouldn’t tolerate that and Amber would need a way out of the deal- Amber is always a Special Case, she needs to eat junk food because she has “an eating disorder!!”