grapeshark77
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2021
This is only a small sample, but his autograph session is happening RIGHT NOW and he's spent the entire time replying on Twitter. Seems like he's not busy signing books??
Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter
- Thread starter Caverlock
- Start date
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- Joined
- Aug 3, 2023
Because like I said before, nobody is there on Sunday lol besides maybe the first hour.
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2022
Hey people, just felt like sharing some random thoughts that crossed my mind today.
DSP is the reason I found out about the farms, and he was the only lolcow whose antics I followed until I discovered Rick (my second, better cow). So today as I was getting ready for work I put an old music list music to play in random mode, and it began playing a song I had long forgotten about DSP, called "What Does the Pig say?". Suddenly, the coincidences about the two hit me.
Just from the top of my head, both are:
I don't know about you guys, but for me, alhough they seem so similar, there is a clear winner. DSP is a slimy Pig too, but he was born with 3 things that stop him from going full-retard, like Pat.
First, a slightly more develop brain giving him some sense of self-awareness. Second, a strong sense of self-preservation, which Pat completely lacks. Third, the Luck of the Irish: in the end, Phil will always get away with being a shitty person. Pat, on the other had, was born with the exact opposite quality, because whenever he's in a pinch, someway, somehow, this nigga *always* gets THE worst outcome possible.
The second and the third characteristics are what makes him a faaaar better cow than DSP... when shit's about to get real, DSP hits the brakes, and survives to worm another day. And most of the times, people wishing for some sort of karmic justice simply get blue-balled. But fortunately, whenever he's facing a situation where keeping your mouth shut would set you free from Justice, Pat just quadruples down and steps so hard on the gas that you just can't stop gawking, incredulously. He's truly one of a kind.
DSP is the reason I found out about the farms, and he was the only lolcow whose antics I followed until I discovered Rick (my second, better cow). So today as I was getting ready for work I put an old music list music to play in random mode, and it began playing a song I had long forgotten about DSP, called "What Does the Pig say?". Suddenly, the coincidences about the two hit me.
Just from the top of my head, both are:
- Pig-Man hybrids.
- Arrogant narcissists who can never admit to the smallest of errors ("I've done nothing wrong, I did everything correct/I'm never wrong, Child")
- Big talkers online in the safety of their "office"/fart couch, but incredibly meek and submissive when antagonized in real life.
- Severe alcoholics.
- Have a "wife" they brag about who clearly resents them and who most likely does not sleep with them.
- Caught lying many times, but justified it as "lied to protect their family"
- Said "family" consists of nothing but them and a "wife" plus a pet they use/used for pity points (Jasper/Toothless).
- No friends irl.
- Destroyed their lives over fake, virtual social interactions (WWE Champions/Xiiter).
- Bankrupted, and either is (Pat) or was (DSP) afraid of losing their house and/or going to jail.
- Useless, middle-aged white man who refuse to grow up.
- Refuse to get a real job.
- Even when they did have a job, it went to shit almost instantly (Helicopter company job/2 months selling cars and a single shift at Target).
- Defensiveness about their receding hairlines ("No, I'm not going bald, what are ya talking about? Idiot" (snort!)"/"It hasn't budged an inch since high school, stalker).
- Hate children ("11 year old I'd bitchslap in real life"/Photograph flipping a child and many tweets about how much children suck).
- Surround themselves with and are defended by the excrement of society (DSP: complete sexual deviants like Derich/ Pat: complete sexual deviants like... well, ALL the pedophiles: Jackson Jones, Domenic Franchetti, 'Uncle' Paul "Funny-Touch" Weimar)
I don't know about you guys, but for me, alhough they seem so similar, there is a clear winner. DSP is a slimy Pig too, but he was born with 3 things that stop him from going full-retard, like Pat.
First, a slightly more develop brain giving him some sense of self-awareness. Second, a strong sense of self-preservation, which Pat completely lacks. Third, the Luck of the Irish: in the end, Phil will always get away with being a shitty person. Pat, on the other had, was born with the exact opposite quality, because whenever he's in a pinch, someway, somehow, this nigga *always* gets THE worst outcome possible.
The second and the third characteristics are what makes him a faaaar better cow than DSP... when shit's about to get real, DSP hits the brakes, and survives to worm another day. And most of the times, people wishing for some sort of karmic justice simply get blue-balled. But fortunately, whenever he's facing a situation where keeping your mouth shut would set you free from Justice, Pat just quadruples down and steps so hard on the gas that you just can't stop gawking, incredulously. He's truly one of a kind.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
This is why DSP-Logs are bigger cows than DSP himself. It's hilarious how much they seethe every time he gets some weird, completely unexpected hair's-breadth victory despite having done everything wrong. Meanwhile, the brothermen just can't stop winning every time, and Pat just can't stop losing.
You could give Pat an easy victory on a silver platter and he'd somehow pig it all up with a combination of morbid obesity and incomprehensible stupidity.
OtherLastTrainHome
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2023
alright patposters, let's read famous author Patrick S. Tomlinson's first real novel, The Ark.
some forewarnings: the reader that i used appears to have replaced all quotation marks with <greater-than and less-than signs>. as of writing this i haven't opened the other books to determine if this is authorial intent. just clarifying for anyone who might look at pics or wonder why text appears to be strange. i also haven't bothered to check for a back-of-the-book blurb or anything online, but those should only entice a reader, not be mandatory reading to understand what's going on in the first few pages. all i know going into this is that humanity has left Earth behind on a colony/survivor vessel, the titular Ark.
i'll group all my thoughts by chapters and summations at the end. anything that i read, i read twice: first on autopilot and second to scrutinize.i'm also going to do my best to avoid sounding like a nitpicky house rules D&D DM because i think getting huffy about every single thing within the setting of a work of fiction is a trail to madness that folks like Noah Antwiler have already blazed. i'm pretty sure i already fucking failed at that.
i also write out my thoughts in a separate document and use asterisks to highlight key phrases or words, so any random punctuations you see are my additions for ease of expression.
and lastly: i'm a very visual-oriented person as well as a stream-of-mind kind of reviewer/editor. part of one of my jobs is occasional copy editing and i don't consider myself to be more than amateur-level at best, so if my own write-up seems to get ahead of itself (or wrap around), feel free to call me a gay, disorganized autist.
anyway, let's get started.
some forewarnings: the reader that i used appears to have replaced all quotation marks with <greater-than and less-than signs>. as of writing this i haven't opened the other books to determine if this is authorial intent. just clarifying for anyone who might look at pics or wonder why text appears to be strange. i also haven't bothered to check for a back-of-the-book blurb or anything online, but those should only entice a reader, not be mandatory reading to understand what's going on in the first few pages. all i know going into this is that humanity has left Earth behind on a colony/survivor vessel, the titular Ark.
i'll group all my thoughts by chapters and summations at the end. anything that i read, i read twice: first on autopilot and second to scrutinize.
i also write out my thoughts in a separate document and use asterisks to highlight key phrases or words, so any random punctuations you see are my additions for ease of expression.
and lastly: i'm a very visual-oriented person as well as a stream-of-mind kind of reviewer/editor. part of one of my jobs is occasional copy editing and i don't consider myself to be more than amateur-level at best, so if my own write-up seems to get ahead of itself (or wrap around), feel free to call me a gay, disorganized autist.
anyway, let's get started.
"This novel is dedicated to Annabelle, in the hopes she too finds her way home."
we begin our look at The Ark with a dedication to one Annabelle. i'm not familiar with her nor can i ascertain whether or not Patrick was kind to her given his treatment of Adrienne and other women in his life.
Chapter 1:
==Characters Introduced in Order of Appearance; Character Status==
Bryan Benson, Detective, Main Character
Chao Feng, First Officer, ???? Character
Lau, Team Captain, Bit Character
Edmond Laraby, Scientist, ???? Character
da Silva, Director, ???? Character
Vasquez Sport Player, Bit Character
Lindqvist, Sport Player, Bit Character
Theresa Alexopolous, LT., Duty Officer ???? Character
Nibiru, Black Hole ??????????????
--E1: My first gripe is that a whole bunch of unexplained terms have been rammed into my brain in the first two paragraphs and I'm already confused by what I'm reading. What's a *plant conversation*? A person's *plant voice*? Ping someone's *plant*? The writing could be more engaging by introducing us to what a *plant* while our protagonist, Bryan Benson, is enjoying *Zero Finals*.
*Zero Finals* is given too much detail to ignore while at the same time remaining unnecessary and completely uninteresting in comparison to the urgent call that Benson receives. Coming up with fake sports is just as bad as trying to come up with a believable fake language so I don't fault anyone for wanting to avoid doing so, but Patrick's descriptions of the sport and its roles should have been vague, evocative imagery to allow the reader's imagination to take over - no more than one paragraph.
As it stands, I consider myself to be suffocated on the first page. In fact, the first two pages devote more mention to *Zero Finals* than whatever this story's plot is, which is actively being impeded by this damn sports game!
--E2: On page two, we finally learn what a *plant* is, and I want to emphasize this as strongly as I can for later: That got Bryan’s attention. You couldn’t just turn off your plant. It was a synthetic neural network blanketing the surface of the frontal lobe like a thin film of plastic wrap, eavesdropping on the brain’s higher functions and linking to the ship’s network. The brain’s own bioelectrical impulses powered it, including its organic wireless transceiver.
My opinion is that this should have been introduced more organically and used to help illustrate the universe we're in. Instead, my opinion again: this crucial detail of the setting wastes its potential impact. It's also wedged between multiple useless dialogue snippets.
--E3: Again, *Zero Finals* worming into everything like some kind of space tick. There's a far more pressing issue for me, however, and that is the nature of the *plant*. Several sentences seem to imply that these enable what is effectively pseudo-science telepathy, that your thoughts can speak to the minds of whoever calls you -- why would Benson have made not mentally swearing at people a learned behavior otherwise? Why is it literally described as eavesdropping on the brain's higher functions and being linked to the ship's network??
--E4: More so-far unexplained terms: *Tau Ceti*, *floater-speak*... I understand that by reading the book description, or back-of-the-cover blurb, we know that Tau Ceti is humanity's ultimate destination... but why has it taken this long to drop that very important name? While at the same time not even mentioning what it's for and what folks are doing, and not giving us some clues as to why they're doing what they're doing?
--E5: Pardon? It would have been nice to know that Det. Benson was in a stadium EARLIER! I already have no idea where we're at, and now I have even less! And what was that part about unfastening a seatbelt!?
--E6: If you are going to write a story, do not make basic words like 'Zero' into proper nouns. That's not just my opinion, but a pet peeve. I've already begun to hate having to jog my memory to remember that *Zero Finals* is the name of a sport.
--E7: I was saving this particular meandering dialogue for a special mention about passive, meandering dialogues and unclear details, but now it's an issue. We've once again experienced author-induced attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder by focusing on *Zero Finals* to getting a crumb of plot, to *Zero Finals*, to another treat. Patrick's understanding of the literary hook appears to be warped. We're supposed to be intrigued by the story to want to read more, not the author pulling the plot away from us by a string attached to a stick, over and over.
--E8: And immediately following that last diatribe, I once again have no idea where we are at in the story, what's supposed to be happening, and why I should want to follow any of the characters who have so far been named. **I have decided here and now not to care about location names going forward because it's obvious that Patrick doesn't. The world building is pure nonsense and if I focus on it, I will get MATI.**
--E9: We are FINALLY on the plot for good now, on Page 4. Det. Benson is looking for Edward Laraby, and mentally expositing that there are only a few ways to get off the grid. One is wearing a tinfoil hat to jam the signals of the *plant*, or being submerged deep enough in water. **He also shudders at the memory of a six-year old girl's corpse being pulled from a local lake.** You are missing nothing else on this page. It's like the intro FMV to Microcosm.
--E10: I think Patrick might be projecting a little here.
--E11: Now we're adding yet more power to the *plant* device and contradicting its functions. At this point, there's no sense in constructively criticizing the work because there are too many jarring errors leading up to this. Bear in mind that I also have absolutely no clue where I'm at on the titular Ark at this very second, and we've been exchanging poorly-aimed high-fives and floating in a weightless environment surrounded by a car. What's a car in that context? I dunno. What's a Zero Final?
--E12: Edward Laraby's file is detailed to us. No longer a mere beaker-lifting, flask-pouring, nondescript geneticist, but a bio-forming geneticist working on crop alterations and terraforming models for the future colony. Glad to hear it, but I have a question: **what colony?** WHY hasn't this been introduced? And what does it mean to *Flip the ship*?
--E13: And... that's it. The chapter ends. What the fuck? The page count is dynamic based on what resolution I stretch the reader to, and here is how it ends moving on from my previous entry.
Ok. Time for a summary.
we begin our look at The Ark with a dedication to one Annabelle. i'm not familiar with her nor can i ascertain whether or not Patrick was kind to her given his treatment of Adrienne and other women in his life.
Chapter 1:
==Characters Introduced in Order of Appearance; Character Status==
Bryan Benson, Detective, Main Character
Chao Feng, First Officer, ???? Character
Lau, Team Captain, Bit Character
Edmond Laraby, Scientist, ???? Character
da Silva, Director, ???? Character
Vasquez Sport Player, Bit Character
Lindqvist, Sport Player, Bit Character
Theresa Alexopolous, LT., Duty Officer ???? Character
Nibiru, Black Hole ??????????????
--E1: My first gripe is that a whole bunch of unexplained terms have been rammed into my brain in the first two paragraphs and I'm already confused by what I'm reading. What's a *plant conversation*? A person's *plant voice*? Ping someone's *plant*? The writing could be more engaging by introducing us to what a *plant* while our protagonist, Bryan Benson, is enjoying *Zero Finals*.
*Zero Finals* is given too much detail to ignore while at the same time remaining unnecessary and completely uninteresting in comparison to the urgent call that Benson receives. Coming up with fake sports is just as bad as trying to come up with a believable fake language so I don't fault anyone for wanting to avoid doing so, but Patrick's descriptions of the sport and its roles should have been vague, evocative imagery to allow the reader's imagination to take over - no more than one paragraph.
As it stands, I consider myself to be suffocated on the first page. In fact, the first two pages devote more mention to *Zero Finals* than whatever this story's plot is, which is actively being impeded by this damn sports game!
--E2: On page two, we finally learn what a *plant* is, and I want to emphasize this as strongly as I can for later: That got Bryan’s attention. You couldn’t just turn off your plant. It was a synthetic neural network blanketing the surface of the frontal lobe like a thin film of plastic wrap, eavesdropping on the brain’s higher functions and linking to the ship’s network. The brain’s own bioelectrical impulses powered it, including its organic wireless transceiver.
My opinion is that this should have been introduced more organically and used to help illustrate the universe we're in. Instead, my opinion again: this crucial detail of the setting wastes its potential impact. It's also wedged between multiple useless dialogue snippets.
--E3: Again, *Zero Finals* worming into everything like some kind of space tick. There's a far more pressing issue for me, however, and that is the nature of the *plant*. Several sentences seem to imply that these enable what is effectively pseudo-science telepathy, that your thoughts can speak to the minds of whoever calls you -- why would Benson have made not mentally swearing at people a learned behavior otherwise? Why is it literally described as eavesdropping on the brain's higher functions and being linked to the ship's network??
--E4: More so-far unexplained terms: *Tau Ceti*, *floater-speak*... I understand that by reading the book description, or back-of-the-cover blurb, we know that Tau Ceti is humanity's ultimate destination... but why has it taken this long to drop that very important name? While at the same time not even mentioning what it's for and what folks are doing, and not giving us some clues as to why they're doing what they're doing?
--E5: Pardon? It would have been nice to know that Det. Benson was in a stadium EARLIER! I already have no idea where we're at, and now I have even less! And what was that part about unfastening a seatbelt!?
--E6: If you are going to write a story, do not make basic words like 'Zero' into proper nouns. That's not just my opinion, but a pet peeve. I've already begun to hate having to jog my memory to remember that *Zero Finals* is the name of a sport.
--E7: I was saving this particular meandering dialogue for a special mention about passive, meandering dialogues and unclear details, but now it's an issue. We've once again experienced author-induced attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder by focusing on *Zero Finals* to getting a crumb of plot, to *Zero Finals*, to another treat. Patrick's understanding of the literary hook appears to be warped. We're supposed to be intrigued by the story to want to read more, not the author pulling the plot away from us by a string attached to a stick, over and over.
--E8: And immediately following that last diatribe, I once again have no idea where we are at in the story, what's supposed to be happening, and why I should want to follow any of the characters who have so far been named. **I have decided here and now not to care about location names going forward because it's obvious that Patrick doesn't. The world building is pure nonsense and if I focus on it, I will get MATI.**
--E9: We are FINALLY on the plot for good now, on Page 4. Det. Benson is looking for Edward Laraby, and mentally expositing that there are only a few ways to get off the grid. One is wearing a tinfoil hat to jam the signals of the *plant*, or being submerged deep enough in water. **He also shudders at the memory of a six-year old girl's corpse being pulled from a local lake.** You are missing nothing else on this page. It's like the intro FMV to Microcosm.
--E10: I think Patrick might be projecting a little here.
--E11: Now we're adding yet more power to the *plant* device and contradicting its functions. At this point, there's no sense in constructively criticizing the work because there are too many jarring errors leading up to this. Bear in mind that I also have absolutely no clue where I'm at on the titular Ark at this very second, and we've been exchanging poorly-aimed high-fives and floating in a weightless environment surrounded by a car. What's a car in that context? I dunno. What's a Zero Final?
--E12: Edward Laraby's file is detailed to us. No longer a mere beaker-lifting, flask-pouring, nondescript geneticist, but a bio-forming geneticist working on crop alterations and terraforming models for the future colony. Glad to hear it, but I have a question: **what colony?** WHY hasn't this been introduced? And what does it mean to *Flip the ship*?
--E13: And... that's it. The chapter ends. What the fuck? The page count is dynamic based on what resolution I stretch the reader to, and here is how it ends moving on from my previous entry.
Ok. Time for a summary.
It would be easy to just say "no fucking idea", but let's look at what we've got. We're introduced to Detective Bryan Benson, who appears to be watching (or attending!?) a game of *Zero Finals*. During his R&R, a character named Chao Feng, the First Officer of the Arkverse, interrupts Benson's R&R to tell him about a man named Edward Laraby who has gone missing and that he needs to be found ASAP. This missing persons case is unusual because of (presumably) every current living human being equipped with a brain augmentation called *Plant*, which is some kind of narratively-fluctuant mumbojumbo that connects the human neural network to the shipboard systems, and also enables CODEC calls via brainwaves.
After a mutual, mental ball-busting, Benson hangs up on Chao and gets to work, leaving his... home module Avalon? Or the stadium? No clue. Anyway, he calls up Teresa Alexopolous and tells her to get to work putting out an APB and procuring a personnel file. Then one whole page worth of text is devoted to incomprehensible nonsense before we finally start talking about the plot again.
And then the chapter ends with, presumably, Benson's sports team losing ground to the opposing team. Did you get all that? I sure didn't. I really hope that I got a bugged, glitched-out fucking copy of this book or that I was unknowingly spiked with a hallucinogen because a couple of these errors make it an automatic 1-star rating.
After a mutual, mental ball-busting, Benson hangs up on Chao and gets to work, leaving his... home module Avalon? Or the stadium? No clue. Anyway, he calls up Teresa Alexopolous and tells her to get to work putting out an APB and procuring a personnel file. Then one whole page worth of text is devoted to incomprehensible nonsense before we finally start talking about the plot again.
And then the chapter ends with, presumably, Benson's sports team losing ground to the opposing team. Did you get all that? I sure didn't. I really hope that I got a bugged, glitched-out fucking copy of this book or that I was unknowingly spiked with a hallucinogen because a couple of these errors make it an automatic 1-star rating.
1) A Chinese team in the *Zero Finals* sport is called the *Yaoguais*, captained by a man named Lau. Aside from Yaoguai being a bog standard reference to demons in Chinese mythology, it's likely a reference to a particular mutant enemy in the Fallout series called Yao Guai. Thus, to me, it's a lausy play on nostalgia for nerd credit. Also, they utilize a formation called the "Great Wall", because it wasn't obvious enough that they were Chinese.
2) Going by the names of the other team mentioned in *Zero Finals*, they're a Mexican group. Unfortunately, unlike the CosomoChina Sports Team Association, they couldn't afford as much aggrandizing as their competitors in the book of Patrick S. Tomlinson.
Why is this distinction important? Who cares if they are a chief or a captain? And why is it HERE?
Awkward grammar; culminating in 'all cheering and poorly-aimed high-fives'.
Awkward grammar; and why "Mad Hatters?" There's no attempt to be sci-fi here.
2) Going by the names of the other team mentioned in *Zero Finals*, they're a Mexican group. Unfortunately, unlike the CosomoChina Sports Team Association, they couldn't afford as much aggrandizing as their competitors in the book of Patrick S. Tomlinson.
Why is this distinction important? Who cares if they are a chief or a captain? And why is it HERE?
Awkward grammar; culminating in 'all cheering and poorly-aimed high-fives'.
Awkward grammar; and why "Mad Hatters?" There's no attempt to be sci-fi here.
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- Joined
- Mar 23, 2022
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2023
Backwards baseball cap lolcows: Who wore it better? 
Could they have been separated at birth…?
Could they have been separated at birth…?
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2023
It seems to have slipped this thread's notice that OnA user Dennis Denuto has created a wiki about our shared lolpig:
It was created and advertised on the OnA forums about 3 weeks ago. But after an initial flurry of activity, it has mostly died down. OnA rascals showing their short attention spans...
How about some Kiwis pick up the slack and show them pests what lolcow-documenting autism really looks like?
Two things to keep in mind:
1) Wikis love to record IP addresses, and who knows what Dennis would do with them, so it's probably best to use a VPN when editing.
2) Do respect the instruction left by Dennis, and don't vandalize it or treat it as an Encyclopædia Dramatica style shitposting site:
"The wiki format is loosely based on the CWCki (Chris Chan Wiki) and is being written in a well-sourced, neutral, non-sarcastic format."
It was created and advertised on the OnA forums about 3 weeks ago. But after an initial flurry of activity, it has mostly died down. OnA rascals showing their short attention spans...
How about some Kiwis pick up the slack and show them pests what lolcow-documenting autism really looks like?
Two things to keep in mind:
1) Wikis love to record IP addresses, and who knows what Dennis would do with them, so it's probably best to use a VPN when editing.
2) Do respect the instruction left by Dennis, and don't vandalize it or treat it as an Encyclopædia Dramatica style shitposting site:
"The wiki format is loosely based on the CWCki (Chris Chan Wiki) and is being written in a well-sourced, neutral, non-sarcastic format."
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2020
It came up back then. Still think it should have been called NikiLeaks.
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2022
This is likely due to cis (straight?) white male privilege the pooners are trying to attain.
Aint gonna work girly, no matter how much T you pump into your frail body you will never be able to fight off an average cop, and you will never be a man. Cope and Sneed.
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2022
Is this where the pepperoni recipe came from?
DSP's Tax Lawyer
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2021
Why would anyone want Fatrick to sign something? His signature brings the value of whatever object it is down in price.
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2023
Okay which one of you guys is Patrick Piggly Wiggly, and where do I make the check out to
- Joined
- May 31, 2021
It would be funny to trick him into signing a notarized legal document saying he is a fat pig and promises to pay quasi in full the next morning.
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2021
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2022
Since he thinks he's going to stalker child prison, what are the odds he'll try to take out the biggest guy on the yard to assert his dominance?
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2020
If anyone who has any authority is reading this, please don't send Fatrick to jail.
1) Sending mentally ill/retarded people doesn't help them.
2) We are being unjustly denied lulz if you take him away.
1) Sending mentally ill/retarded people doesn't help them.
2) We are being unjustly denied lulz if you take him away.
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2021
Since I'm bored, let me add my knowledge of sci-fi tropes refined by reading almost every sci-fi novel and story published before the year 2000 to your fine endeavour. Note: I have not read your notes and thoughts yet, just the synopsis. going to riff of the points you're making, but I do want to say up front that this is first draft level stuff. You stick in a trope as a shortcut while you're composing, then go back and alter/expand on the second pass.
Zero Finals: Zero gravity sports are a trope - there's been zero G football, flying, dance, sex as sport, all done often enough for it to be understood. Since Fatrick is a many man who mans hard, I'm going to assume it's some variant of rugby with padding and otherwise ignore it.
Plant: So far the capabilities of these implants seem like a direct rip-off from Niven's "Oath of Fealty" though he's far from the only one who's played with the concept. They're not as advanced as Weber's implants in the Honorverse (which can literally take over their owner if they're hacked) but they're a bit more than the basic bitch "built in telephone" that was standard up to the mid 80's.
The world: I can tell right now from the words Ark, "other module," "Full weight," "never tasted cheese" that this is taking place on a generational none bussard type (it's a sort of interstellar ramjet - intake scoops at the front, usually some magical forcefield type thing, and engines at the other end) starship consisting of a zero gravity core with engines, cargo, and ancillary services and at least two rotating rings to provide simulated gravity on it's way from Earth to Tau Ceti, and most of the way through it's journey, since they're talking about flipping the ship to start decelerating with respect to the Tau Ceti system.
In summary: It's lazy and extremely derivative.
Edit: I'm leaving in the typo. Fatrick is indeed a many man - many calories.
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2017
1) Who says we want to help Fatrick?
2) Fat going to (enjoy) prison would be the funniest fucking thing that has ever happened.
It's not like he'd be put away for long. Just enough for thousands of people to ask him if he enjoyed it, forever. If nothing else I'd be fascinated to discover what would happen nexxxt.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
More like suck off the biggest guy on the yard to assert his passive homosexuality.