Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

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https://kiwifarms.net/threads/lauren-harries-james-harries.27717/

I used to be on the same forum with someone who was vaguely like her. Like Lauren Harries, she was also trans and crap at spelling, and loved to kiss her posts like all basic bitches from the UK seem to. But the difference was her inability to admit to being trans despite literally admitting to it in the '00s. Also, she was way more psycho. She did things like wish for another stroke to happen to somebody who really did have a stroke before. And call everyone else a poofter despite being in a predominantly gay forum and having been technically one in the past. As for her appearance, she was actually quite passable, but she always wore shades anyway, so maybe she would look more manly without them, I dunno. BTW, despite all this, the sole mod of that forum couldn't bring to kick her out because he thought she was funny. :story:
 
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There's this dude who's become something of a legend at the high school I attend. He's this 20 year old metalhead self described "theistic satanist" who's also a Nazi and autistic. His parents are Catholic, but they're also kinda gimped because this dude is their only child.
This dude used to shout "HAIL SATAN" whenever he'd sneeze. One time, a friend of mine got put in detention for dress code or something, and had to sit in a small classroom with our resident Satanic Nazi. They're doing some kind of busy work or something, when suddenly he sneezes, shouts "FUCK, HAIL SATAN" so loud it reverberates down the halls, and continues working like nothing happened.
He also has a pretty prolific online presence, where he regularly posts "slam death metal memes" on his Instagram and goes on long tirades about the metal community, "metal thots" and posers as he deems fit.
He has this cadence different than most spergs. Most spergs have that warbly tenor, but this guy sounds like he's being choked on a 24/7 basis. Might be a consequence of all the weed he smokes on a daily basis.
He's also obsessed with hammers, and posted a video of himself smashing a fidget spinner while shouting expletives.
Like I said before, the dude's a Nazi. He's mostly into the 90s black metal Nazi shit, y'know, the "flies in a bottle" type sound. Ironic, considering he's half Brazilian. Dude got into some argument on Instagram with some guy who called him beaner, and he responded with something to the tune of, "dude, racism's not metal bro."
Also he got catfished for a year straight.
Pretty nuts. However, he doesn't get a lot of shit thrown his way since he's on private most of the time.

Side note, I'm surprised that more lolcows don't get pulled out of the metal community. Drachenlord's really the only one I can think of off the top of my head.
 
Amy and Samy, two deluded owners of Amy's Baking Company who first became known on Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares.

But their ensuing online reactions on their FB pages is what truly makes them lolcows
 
There's this kiddo that i follow on timbTuand i stg their life Is a trainwreck. They're probably up there's with Chris of you know what i mean
 
CabbageMan said:
Personal lolcow in my life who tried to rape a girl (sadly she didn't press charges) is now dating a girl 12 years his junior (37 years old, his girlfriend is 25).

Can't wait to see this blow up spectacularly.
Click to expand...
we need a "yikes" rating.
 
Had a classmate named Aaron who was obsessed with WW2 history. Dude was a massive sperg and nonstop just talked about the world war 2 despite only being 13.

This little nigga was insane and was a complete dickhead to his family all the time. His mom would come to the school now and then and be the sweetest person ever but he would scream and throw tantrums nonstop claiming she was embarrassing him. Like, one time his mom brought brownies for the class and he kept beating his head against the wall while screaming she was embarrassing him.

Also, he ate his snot all the time. Dude would just go nuts on his nose, even while people were talking to him.

One day we had a Art class and were making secret Santa gifts. Aaron was paired with the Jewish kid named Ashner and what did Aaron make in art class? A huge clay swastika. So gift unwrapping rolls along and the Jewish kid gets the big swastika. Aaron is like "I made that! It's to remind you of your heritage!"

Long story short the jew kid kicked the shit out of him. Aaron cried after his ass beating while yelling at his mom in the principal office and stayed home for a week.

I heard today he got busted for meth and some pedo shit, but I cant find any news records.
 
The antivax girl in my degree program.

Antivaxxers are always rather lol to me but this one was special because it's a healthcare degree where vaccines play a crucial part in...everything. From the things we are doing to patients, to personal protection, vaccines are absolutely integral to my specific field. In hindsight, given that she was a 35+ year old pasty white girl with dreads, I feel like I should have expected this, but naive little me just thought she was eccentric (until I learned more about her).

In said field, there is one specific disease you will be exposed to at some point, and said disease has a 100% fatality rate. The area in my country is also notorious for having a high density of cases. Naturally, my school requires everyone to get vaccinated as the last thing they want is a fucking lawsuit. The odds of us catching it while in the program are very slim, but, honestly, if you're going to work in this profession you should fucking get it, even if you're not studying under a school that really wants to protect their own asses. While the program head was discussing this with everyone during our first semester, antivax girl's hand shoots up so she can loudly and proudly exclaim, "I'm religiously exempt from all vaccines!" Given that this is a vaccine for a disease that is as dangerous as it is ubiquitous, program head just laughs at her and says,"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

Facebook would later recommend her as a friend, and I would find a nest of "don't vaccinate your cats, don't vaccinate your dogs, don't vaccinate your kids IT WILL KILL THEM" propaganda littering her wall, along with a whole slue of other "western medicine is evil" horseshit. I discovered that her antivax ideas came as a part of her becoming a "shaman" after leaving the military, and if one goes through her photos from oldest to newest, one can see her slow descent into woo insanity. It makes me kind of feel bad for her, because she truly did seem like a nice person. Just really dumb/mislead.

As far as her time in my school went, she failed basic anatomy in the first semester. She also tried again and failed basic biochem. Apparently she's still trying and this scares the daylights out of me, because I can totally see her being the person who gives a patient a nice intravenous bolus of pure air. If she fails one more time she will be permanently expelled, and a part of me almost feels like that would be for the better, as the medical field clearly doesn't suit her, for she seemed completely unable to separate patient/personal safety from her woo insanity. I also kind of have to wonder if they allowed her to be exempt, or if they forced her to get it for her own safety.
 
A community I'm on had a grown man (at 29, almost 30) as one of their members until they recently kicked him off due to him having a massive entitlement problem, but more so due to allegations he tried to groom one of the members. He also has a history of lying about other people, including about an ex-girlfriend of his.

The reason I find he stands out as a lolcow is because whenever he doesn't get his way he whines in Facebook statuses about how he's depressed or whatever and how without the community he doesn't have friends... except he has a fuckton of Facebook friends he could be hanging out with outside the community but NO THE COMMUNITY IS MORE IMPORTANT TO HIM THAN HIS OTHER FRIENDS FOR WHATEVER FUCKING REASON!

This whole thing pretty much started after the member (the same one he's accused of trying to groom) met somebody else on the community first before him, and he got upset and started attention seeking to the point where they had to ban him for a day. It was when they started figuring out he was possibly grooming the member that they had to ban him permanently.

Unsurprisingly, due to his entitlement problem, he decided it would be a good idea to try to depression-worm his way back into the community, and it almost worked in that he was given a mini version of the community, except he was given several chances to make amends yet all he did was keep breaching agreements. Eventually everyone had enough and told him to fuck off, blocking him in the process.

As for the part about him lying, the lie he told about his ex-girlfriend was that she cheated on him and that's why they broke up. It wasn't until several years later that she herself spilled the news that really it was because she was uncomfortable around him, and judging by what he did to get banned from the community, it's easy to see why.

There was also another lie he told about the same member I've been talking about, which was that he one time on a Hangouts call showed himself urinating in a toilet. Needless to say after I told the member about it a few years later he went berserk.

I'm sure he's still whining about the community kicking him off on his Facebook.
 
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The John Apt thread made me think about this local busker that was somewhat notorious in my old home town.

Well way back in the day, there was this guy who for a brief period played rhythm guitar in a band together with some of my friends. They nicknamed him "Johnny Fartfart" or something like that, because he did not refrain from letting the noxious gasses flow during rehearsals. They remember him as a moderately competent musician and a rather timid person. For some reason, he quit the band very abruptly, leaving for an extended stay in Ireland where (we assume) he did a shitload of acid and came back as a changed man.

He had become some sort of medieval reenactor/neo-pagan/D&D bard and started busking in various town squares where he, with long unkempt hair and beard and dressed in homemade "medieval" garb, grinded out atonal, monotonous "medieval" tunes on a homemade "medieval" fiddle. He had also started to affect some kind of theatrical Conan the Barbarian-type manner of speech, where the simple act of ordering an ale at a pub became a ceremonial undettaking complete with sworn oaths to pagan gods.

Basically, he had turned his entire life into an extended LARP session.

He also used to leave cryptic flyers and pamphlets all around town, including an announcement that his homemade fiddle had been stolen and he was seeking its whereabouts. The last thing I've heard from him was an advertisement for some kind of gathering where people were supposed to celebrate the Winter Solstice by taking bong hits in a barn or cellar vault or something like that.
 
I have a former friend who went all Luna Slater in the past couple years.

I met her while both of us were in a weird place in our lives, she was kinda distancing herself from her parents religion and i was just kinda getting my shit together. After a while it comes out that her family are definitely in some kind of cult (a small backyard one but still a cult). She went to Europe for a while and we didn't talk for a bit. She came back, asked to stay at mine for a while and ended up being waaaay different to the person that I had known before. She was doing risky stuff, hooking up with randoms without protection, vanishing for days at a time ect...

During this time she started seeing a "Wellness Coach" who kinda seemed a bit cult leader-y himself. In the first week that she knew him she vanished without a trace for 48 hrs (with one of my house keys obvi) then came home weirdly excited and informed me that she was engaged and was possibly having this randos baby. Things only got worse from there including the phrase "I mean Ive only gotten Clamidia once and I really deserved it!" and doing nude yoga all around my house. Eventually I kicked her out and she left the country- fucked a bunch of asian trannies with her wellness coach "husband" once again: no protection and doing a BUNCH of drugs.

At one point she was overstaying in the states, now she and wellness coach are married and it turns out that he sells drugs for a living. She has now OD'd but refused to say on what (we are all assuming opioids) but admits to doing meth and "only occasionally injecting some stuff". She also said she was taking Prep because she didn't want to get HIV from all the random dudes she is having sex with (condoms are for dummies am i rite?!) at the behest of her drug dealing husband who, I assume, is acting as her pimp.

four years from "I'm trying to understand who I am while working a normal 9-5" to "My husband helps me OD while pimping me out for rent!".
 
I think Jeff Hoogland in the MtG community may just about qualify as a lolcow. He has a wonderful capacity for spergery - whether it be ranting at Twitch because a stremer who gets more views than him isn't a particularly nice guy (and, therefore, should be below him in the rankings), or saying 'fuck wizards of the coast' again and again and then blowing up on Twitter when they choose to not invite him to their promotional events.
 
I had Kimbo. Good god, Kimmy got kicked from more hosts than Null. I remember failtrolling AnonTalk a decade ago, but me and my friends still managed to make Kimmo rage like I haven't seen in years. Granted, he's more of a defunct cow than a personal one, but boy I loved watching it burn.

It's been years since I've seriously thought about AnT, and I'm having a hard time remembering particular stories, so I'll give ED a read to get the noggin joggin'.

Josh looks like the result of a fusion dance between Kimbo and Zaiger
Kimmoavt3cj3.jpg + Zaigerface.png = Hairy_hobbit.jpg
Behavior wise, though, Kimbo is like if Josh was an actual pedo and was a complete bitch

For reference, Moot banned lolicon and raids from 4chan for a time back in 2006. Most went to 7chan, but after Kimbo got banned in 2007 for posting loli, he emailed Moot.

Kimmo said:
Why bully loli? Why do you bully loli?
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Moot never answered.

For whatever reason, Kimbo decided to create a shitty bulletin board for pedophiles to talk anonymously and spread CP, under the banner of "free speech." Problem is, he was a powerhungry loser and berated his own users for being low effort posters, constantly complained why no one donated to keep the site up, abused his moderators, and ranted and raved about how little traffic AnonTalk got, which wasn't surprising because he locked down the board more often than a cow sets their twitter to private.

Only people with high post counts could post, and if you wanted to reply to a thread, you'd need to have even more posts. And you'd have to deal with a captcha to post, and getting past that, you had to tiptoe around a fuckton of wordfilters that if you triggered would IP ban you. You literally couldn't even post the site's URL without getting banned.

And even then, your posts wouldn't go through in lockdown. Kimbo reviewed every post when the site was locked, and if he determined your post was too "low effort", he'd manually IP ban you.

Also, for a site that was supposed to be anon, he enabled a feature which was essentially sitewide forced tripcode, as your IP was linked to a static ID. Meaning, if a government agency ever took the server, they'd have your address. Logs were deleted improperly, and even if you white listed your IP from being kept, Kimbo was so much of an ass he kept it anyway in case you "abused" the protection.

He samefagged constantly to give the guise that AnonTalk had activity and he was great, and was too stupid to change his grammical habits for each account. If you pointed out his bullshit on this or anything else, you'd be banned immediately. You held a different opinion and posted about it? Banned. Create a topic that's not about fucking children? Banned. Post in all caps? Banned, even though Kimbo regularly posted in all caps, HETEROSEXUAL PORN GOD DONNY LONG STYLE. Mention his name? Banned.

The loser even threatened people with being reported to their service provider if they evaded their bans, like they don't already know you've fucking posted about taking a kid to the woods.


AnonTalk barely got any traffic, mostly due to the fact Kimbo pulled a Jim Watson and blocked site crawlers from indexing the place, so he spammed the various chans and Wikipedia with w w w . a n o n t a l k . c o m, and any site that told him to fuck off was added to the wordfilter, so if you said you came from a site he advertised on, you'd be banned. :story: He also didn't run ads, as nearly every advertising business banned Kimbo and AnonTalk from being affiliated. He whined like a Jehovah's witness when he said he was the only one "spreading the word."

The spam was so horrid Moot finally posted this in frustration
MootVsAnontalk.gif

...which went as well as expected. /b/ did gay raids that went nowhere, but IIRC the second one tore AnonTalk enough of an asshole that Kimmo realized it wasn't worth it and stopped spamming 4chan. After the first raid, though, he used spoofed IPs, DDOS, and false reports in an attempt to get ISPs to ban 4chan.

A bunch of dumb shit happened later, I only really got into fucking with AnonTalk in 2010 and didn't really try anything else after getting banned twice. I managed to call Kimbo a meatball once.

Oh, yeah, TinyChan was founded by one of Kimbo's former mods who was just as much of a pedo. It went through the same kind of shit 8chan and Gab did, where they advertised to people banned from other sites (mostly AnonTalk and the chans), and as a consequence, were mostly all the same type of people. I think Null once called it the "8chan problem" but I always called it "TinyChan syndrome." Most of the users before 4chan hosted TinyChan were pedos putting up a chan persona so they wouldn't get told to gtfo by normal people. The founder had similar issues of being a loser, and did some of the same shit to cover up the fact a lot of it's old guard were child molesters.

Can't remember why AnonTalk died, but it's dead and Kimmo's too broke to bring it back a fifth or sixth time. I think the URL links to a blank page with only the words "There is no hope left for humanity" on it.

A running joke between me and my friends were his mannerisms. A great many "fucking idiots" and "un-fucking-believable" were uttered, and I remember getting sent to detention once for laughing at a teacher when she quoted someone who said "you sir, are an idiot."

Ah, good times.
 
So there’s this woman on twitter who followed me for some reason and I never really paid much attention to what she’s tweeting until now. Basically, once every month, she’ll post one of those relatable period memes or something along those lines, and what follows is usually a bunch of ultra feminist shit where she goes completely off rails trying to see the patriarchy in the most arbitrary shit (people shouldn’t get fined for calling a male police officer “girl”, that’s internalized sexism!). Her pinned tweet says “I have no empathy for fetuses”. This week she allegedly got punched in the face by a guy for no reason at all. She got completely furious when people started questioning details of her story. Fucking femoids amirite.
 
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