MysticMisty
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 12, 2013
I'm no doctor, but maybe it's gallstones? Gallstone symptoms happen after meals and include nausea and vomiting.
Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.
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- Joined
- Jul 5, 2019
About twelve years ago I used to post on a small extreme metal forum. The core userbase was primarily comprised of black metal gatekeepers, all of us ranging in age from mid-teens to late 20s. At the time the forum was one of the first results when you googled "metal forum" so we used to get a lot of people dropping in to either shill their projects or to talk about (what we perceived to be) "mainstream" metal that we either already heard or had no interest in, in those scenarios we took it upon ourselves to haze them relentlessly. People who could roll with the punches became integrated into the userbase, otherwise it became fodder for our own amusement.
Around 2010 we had a new guy join who admitted that he was new to metal music. He was in his late teens, and seemed thick skinned and receptive enough that we introduced him to a lot of music. Eventually he became a core part of the forum while maintaining his status as the resident lolcow and constant mockery, and revealed quite a bit of personal information and weird traits/characteristics.
-He was a self-proclaimed "occultist" who was training to be inducted into the Order of the Golden Dawn (or whatever it's called), he would regularly post his own little rituals and shit, specifically a "sun banishing ritual" that became a running gag at his expense
-He had enlisted in the air force but washed out for some unspecified reason
-He converted to numerous religions in the time I knew him, going from protestantism, to neopaganism, to wicca, to hinduism. The last time I spoke to him he was really into Orthodoxy.
-He was a self-proclaimed ephebophile
This last point was obviously a big source of contention and there were dozens of pages of arguments about it. He used to correspond with many of us regularly via MSN chat and in a private subforum for musicians (he had a musical project too but it wasn't very good. In fact I told him to record his music by strapping a microphone behind an oscillating fan next to a water heater and he actually did it). And then he suddenly dropped off the face of the earth.
As time wore on, the forum began to splinter apart but a few of us still kept in touch and the subject of this person came up. I knew his real name so I did a little digging and discovered he was busted as part of a child pornography investigation. Apparently he was involved in a pretty sizable ring in the midwest that was specifically trading/generating images of toddlers and really young kids. He got sentenced to something like fifteen years. I went back through some of his accounts and found a lot of stuff that should have made it obvious exactly what kind of person he was (for instance a photobucket account full of photos of little kids).
I check in on him from time to time, the most recent being last year when I found the federal prison he's being held in and his release date (which is still, obviously, some time away).
Oh and of note, he was also a photographer, so I stole all his photos and sometimes use them for different art projects.
Good riddance.
Around 2010 we had a new guy join who admitted that he was new to metal music. He was in his late teens, and seemed thick skinned and receptive enough that we introduced him to a lot of music. Eventually he became a core part of the forum while maintaining his status as the resident lolcow and constant mockery, and revealed quite a bit of personal information and weird traits/characteristics.
-He was a self-proclaimed "occultist" who was training to be inducted into the Order of the Golden Dawn (or whatever it's called), he would regularly post his own little rituals and shit, specifically a "sun banishing ritual" that became a running gag at his expense
-He had enlisted in the air force but washed out for some unspecified reason
-He converted to numerous religions in the time I knew him, going from protestantism, to neopaganism, to wicca, to hinduism. The last time I spoke to him he was really into Orthodoxy.
-He was a self-proclaimed ephebophile
This last point was obviously a big source of contention and there were dozens of pages of arguments about it. He used to correspond with many of us regularly via MSN chat and in a private subforum for musicians (he had a musical project too but it wasn't very good. In fact I told him to record his music by strapping a microphone behind an oscillating fan next to a water heater and he actually did it). And then he suddenly dropped off the face of the earth.
As time wore on, the forum began to splinter apart but a few of us still kept in touch and the subject of this person came up. I knew his real name so I did a little digging and discovered he was busted as part of a child pornography investigation. Apparently he was involved in a pretty sizable ring in the midwest that was specifically trading/generating images of toddlers and really young kids. He got sentenced to something like fifteen years. I went back through some of his accounts and found a lot of stuff that should have made it obvious exactly what kind of person he was (for instance a photobucket account full of photos of little kids).
I check in on him from time to time, the most recent being last year when I found the federal prison he's being held in and his release date (which is still, obviously, some time away).
Oh and of note, he was also a photographer, so I stole all his photos and sometimes use them for different art projects.
Good riddance.
Shitassdeaddude
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2018
Not photos from his personal stash, I take it.
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2015
regardless of what it is, good luck getting it diagnosed
your man is so obstinate when it comes to medication that it'd take a cattle prod and heavy sedatives to get him into a doctor's surgery and stay in the waiting room for more than a few minutes without charging around, alarming the other patients, or erupting into weapons-grade sperging/severe emotional incontinence when the appointments before his inevitably over-run and his appointment becomes delayed
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2020
This one's about family, that's what makes it so powerful.
Happened a long time ago, I was around six or seven. One of my aunts was a stuck-up bitch getting high on her own farts, despite being only an elementary school teacher. Had a nanny visit once every week to teach her kids "proper etiquette fit for a young lady and a young gentleman" and shit for years. Anyway, I was visiting them, playing with my cousins, and she herself had some guests over. Time came for refreshments, so she fetched a fancy box from her cocktail cabinet, and said to me something along the lines of "I have no doubt in my mind this box your father gifted to me hides a bottle of high-quality wine, after all, it is so fancy, and the script looks Italian, and they make some great wine."
Gathers some glassware, opens the box, pop goes the cork, pours some wine for all her guests, gives a toast, they all have a sip together, and in the next moment, there's a fine red mist in the air over the table.
Stuck-up dumb bitch fancied herself a master chef, so my father brought her a bottle of indeed high quality balsamic vinegar, which she obviously forgot about.
I also have some stories about a high school classmate, who was a real jackass.
Dude decided to "prank the school doc", so he walks over to the doc's office, and goes "Help me doc, I have a real bad case of the shits today, I can't stop crapping, I've been shitting up the crapper all day".
Doc sitting there, stunned, the nurse replies "Well son, I think you have some bigger problems, so you had better apologize right now or else I'll get some bleach for that potty-mouth of yours."
Jackass can't get confrontational in fear of ruining his "ebin prank", so he mutters some apology. Cue "I CAN'T HEAR YOU, SONNY", so he squeezes out a proper apology, and starts over in a generally polite manner.
Doctor gets some kind of white suspension from the cabinet and starts explaining: "Yeah, I hope this helps, but if you REALLY have that bad of a diarrhea, you should go home and visit your GP."
Needless to say, that fucknugget didn't have anything of the sort, so that drug had him constipated for a week.
Happened a long time ago, I was around six or seven. One of my aunts was a stuck-up bitch getting high on her own farts, despite being only an elementary school teacher. Had a nanny visit once every week to teach her kids "proper etiquette fit for a young lady and a young gentleman" and shit for years. Anyway, I was visiting them, playing with my cousins, and she herself had some guests over. Time came for refreshments, so she fetched a fancy box from her cocktail cabinet, and said to me something along the lines of "I have no doubt in my mind this box your father gifted to me hides a bottle of high-quality wine, after all, it is so fancy, and the script looks Italian, and they make some great wine."
Gathers some glassware, opens the box, pop goes the cork, pours some wine for all her guests, gives a toast, they all have a sip together, and in the next moment, there's a fine red mist in the air over the table.
Stuck-up dumb bitch fancied herself a master chef, so my father brought her a bottle of indeed high quality balsamic vinegar, which she obviously forgot about.
I also have some stories about a high school classmate, who was a real jackass.
Dude decided to "prank the school doc", so he walks over to the doc's office, and goes "Help me doc, I have a real bad case of the shits today, I can't stop crapping, I've been shitting up the crapper all day".
Doc sitting there, stunned, the nurse replies "Well son, I think you have some bigger problems, so you had better apologize right now or else I'll get some bleach for that potty-mouth of yours."
Jackass can't get confrontational in fear of ruining his "ebin prank", so he mutters some apology. Cue "I CAN'T HEAR YOU, SONNY", so he squeezes out a proper apology, and starts over in a generally polite manner.
Doctor gets some kind of white suspension from the cabinet and starts explaining: "Yeah, I hope this helps, but if you REALLY have that bad of a diarrhea, you should go home and visit your GP."
Needless to say, that fucknugget didn't have anything of the sort, so that drug had him constipated for a week.
- Joined
- Sep 14, 2019
The guy I posted about before is starting to become self-aware of his shit and I'm nicer than many people here in that I offer both positive and negative criticism, so. Yes, please do get help and get away from those manipulative SJW shitwads you call "friends". They are the ones ruining you, dude.
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2020
Workplace story now. This all happened in one month.
Here's the tale of Dumb Thirsty Motherfucker (DTMF).
I'm working at a university, and as such, it has an "operational archive" on top of its institutional repo. This is also a very bureaucratic organization, so, there are two head archivist positions. We, as in the uni, already had a competent person managing the operational archive, but no one for the institutional repo - enter DTMF. He had the correct qualification, was the right age, and most importantly, had a background the intellectual midgets at the top liked.
Edit: I forgot to include his age, which is around 31 this year. Not sure which month.
Here's the tale of Dumb Thirsty Motherfucker (DTMF).
I'm working at a university, and as such, it has an "operational archive" on top of its institutional repo. This is also a very bureaucratic organization, so, there are two head archivist positions. We, as in the uni, already had a competent person managing the operational archive, but no one for the institutional repo - enter DTMF. He had the correct qualification, was the right age, and most importantly, had a background the intellectual midgets at the top liked.
Over his first week, DTMF contacted pretty much every female employee on all kinds of business: state of the repo, digitalization of old paper docs, archival planning, availability and state of storage space, whatever he could find. Then, he probably looked them up on Facebook, and invited those young enough for business lunch or brunch. Thirsty motherfucker.
I say probably, since he usually didn't recognize most of them in person, not even those he went after the hardest - or at least acted like he didn't. Dumb motherfucker became a laughing stock on his first week.
And he proved to be fully incompetent too. Terminally dumb. That, however, wasn't a problem, he had a preferential background.
His downfall was a most hilarious incident that was obviously spread all over the place.
So, a new monday arrives, and DTMF is nowhere to be found. Didn't check in, didn't notify his superior of illness, didn't request leave, nothing at all.
So the head librarian, another worthless incompetent mofo pushed in via nepotism, calls him on his personal phone.
According to him (the HL), the conversation went down something like this:
"-So uh, hi, where are you right now?
-I'm home. (in a foreign country)
-Okay, how come?
-I have severe, crippling depression.
-I see, that's unfortunate, get well soon. Do you have an official diagnosis? Are you on sick leave right now?
-I'm, uh, I'm passing the phone to my mom, she'll explain."
Fucker was in his probationary period, so he was fired immediately, via phone. Some people looked him up, he's still on his quest for love. No job ever since then tho.
I say probably, since he usually didn't recognize most of them in person, not even those he went after the hardest - or at least acted like he didn't. Dumb motherfucker became a laughing stock on his first week.
And he proved to be fully incompetent too. Terminally dumb. That, however, wasn't a problem, he had a preferential background.
His downfall was a most hilarious incident that was obviously spread all over the place.
So, a new monday arrives, and DTMF is nowhere to be found. Didn't check in, didn't notify his superior of illness, didn't request leave, nothing at all.
So the head librarian, another worthless incompetent mofo pushed in via nepotism, calls him on his personal phone.
According to him (the HL), the conversation went down something like this:
"-So uh, hi, where are you right now?
-I'm home. (in a foreign country)
-Okay, how come?
-I have severe, crippling depression.
-I see, that's unfortunate, get well soon. Do you have an official diagnosis? Are you on sick leave right now?
-I'm, uh, I'm passing the phone to my mom, she'll explain."
Fucker was in his probationary period, so he was fired immediately, via phone. Some people looked him up, he's still on his quest for love. No job ever since then tho.
Edit: I forgot to include his age, which is around 31 this year. Not sure which month.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2019
We had a math teacher in high school who was a Lolcow. She had three degrees in accounting and one in education. She couldn't teach math worth a damn, and got really angry when people couldn't understand her autistic approach to problem solving. Like, yelling at the class about it, because she thought we were screwing with her. She was also one of 'those' parents. The kind who thought traditional parenting was bad, and would love to interrupt the lesson to tell us how much better her methods were.
I remember one time she came in looking more haggard than usual, and someone asked what was wrong. Turns out that her daughter had kept her up until 4 AM practicing the flute. When we asked why her kid was up at the time, she explained that the kid was allowed to be up whenever she wanted, so long as she got eight hours sleep. Keep in mind that the girl was in six or seventh grade.
Everyone hated her, but especially the class next door. It was a social studies class and the teacher was a coach. Whenever he left the classroom, the kids would talk among themselves. I couldn't hear them, but she must have, because she would run over and yell at them to be quiet. One day the teacher had an emergency or something and was gone for about half of the period. She kept running over there and someone in the class must have been tired of her shit because light tapping started coming from over there. She would go over, and in an increasingly loud voice, demand to know who was doing it, but no one said a word. Finally, she went over and screamed that if she heard one more thing, she was going to have the whole class suspended. She came back to our class, and just as she started her lesson for the eighth time, a text book or something like that hit the wall. She fled the room, bawling her eyes out, and didn't come back for the rest of class.
I remember one time she came in looking more haggard than usual, and someone asked what was wrong. Turns out that her daughter had kept her up until 4 AM practicing the flute. When we asked why her kid was up at the time, she explained that the kid was allowed to be up whenever she wanted, so long as she got eight hours sleep. Keep in mind that the girl was in six or seventh grade.
Everyone hated her, but especially the class next door. It was a social studies class and the teacher was a coach. Whenever he left the classroom, the kids would talk among themselves. I couldn't hear them, but she must have, because she would run over and yell at them to be quiet. One day the teacher had an emergency or something and was gone for about half of the period. She kept running over there and someone in the class must have been tired of her shit because light tapping started coming from over there. She would go over, and in an increasingly loud voice, demand to know who was doing it, but no one said a word. Finally, she went over and screamed that if she heard one more thing, she was going to have the whole class suspended. She came back to our class, and just as she started her lesson for the eighth time, a text book or something like that hit the wall. She fled the room, bawling her eyes out, and didn't come back for the rest of class.
Hongourable Madisha
You see, some of us don't know English properly.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2019
The lad who played Simon in Contradiction lives near me. Online he's mostly known for that if he's known at all, but round here he's best known for trooning out, getting banned from a roller derby group for defending "non contact MAPs" (ie paedophiles), showing people his nude photos that he took in a public hotel corridor at some point, telling anyone who'll listen that he and his girlfriend are "super gay", wearing supermarket own brand children's clothes and sending the supermarket photos of him wearing them, and complaining to any business that won't let him use the women's toilets. He got the toilets in a local rock club all made unisex after one complaint, I used to like that place, they had a weekly shitty B-movie showing that was always a laugh. 
From what I hear he's singlehandedly peak transed just about everyone he comes into contact with, so there is that.
From what I hear he's singlehandedly peak transed just about everyone he comes into contact with, so there is that.
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2015
The lad who played Simon in Contradiction lives near me. Online he's mostly known for that if he's known at all, but round here he's best known for trooning out, getting banned from a roller derby group for defending "non contact MAPs" (ie paedophiles), showing people his nude photos that he took in a public hotel corridor at some point, telling anyone who'll listen that he and his girlfriend are "super gay", wearing supermarket own brand children's clothes and sending the supermarket photos of him wearing them, and complaining to any business that won't let him use the women's toilets. He got the toilets in a local rock club all made unisex after one complaint, I used to like that place, they had a weekly shitty B-movie showing that was always a laugh.
Huld 💙💖🤍💖💙 (@Magnulus) | Twitter
The latest Tweets from Huld 💙💖🤍💖💙 (@Magnulus). Non-monogamous, floppy-haired genderqueerdo & fat positive PT. Image descriptions. #DogBalrog . them/ they or Ve/ ver. Edinburgh, UK
twitter.com
You weren't fucking kidding. "Ve/ver"
.The sad story is he seemed to be a perfectly normal person a few years ago. Troonery, not even once.
Hongourable Madisha
You see, some of us don't know English properly.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2019
My favourite part is that Simon is a literal cuck who joined a mental cult that has a history of abusing its members but he either doesn't know or doesn't care about any of it. Life imitating art...
I just remembered this UK sped a couple years younger than me, who joined a Skype group I was co-admin in when I was 15. He was some Christfag (think ChristianU2ber or whatever, not modern /pol/ deus vult) who unironically referred to black people as "monkeys" and got dunked on constantly. In 2016 he started using /pol/ to become cool like the rest of us and managed to get indoctrinated by the HRC shills.
I had a pic of him with an "I need feminism" sign but didn't see it in my images folder, so I think I'd have to dig up a hard drive backup to get it. I remember him looking really autistic, though.
I had a pic of him with an "I need feminism" sign but didn't see it in my images folder, so I think I'd have to dig up a hard drive backup to get it. I remember him looking really autistic, though.
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2020
I worked a shitty job ages back, and had this manager called Dave. Dave would always try to chat up the female coworkers, often telling them how he couldn't get a girlfriend and would be alone forever. This probably wasn't inaccurate considering he had a snaggletooth, acne and greasy-ass hair. One of the girls felt sorry for him and agreed to go on a date, only to cancel an hour before after the reality of what her evening was going to be set in. Prior to this, he was bragging about getting a date, so when we all asked how it went and he murmured a weak "I don't want to talk about it." I naturally started paying even closer attention to Dave.
Dave once said "Working at Starbucks would be a great way to find out a girls name," when I said "or you can just ask, man" he replied with: "yeah, if you've got the confidence for it, but I've got shit confidence." So naturally we all started joking by saying stuff like "Working for Uber would be a great way to find out where a girl lives", "working in a shoe store would be a great way to sniff womens feet", "working as a midwife would be a great way to touch some pussy", etc. (I actually knew I guy who unironically said the last one)
He couldn't hack the manager stuff after a while, mostly because people would yell if he fucked things up, which he often did. He's still living with his mother, I think. Which was another thing he tried bragging about on the grounds of it being a good financial decision. Maybe it wasn't a bad financial decision if he was saving up for a deposit or something, but I don't think he had any such plans.
Dave once said "Working at Starbucks would be a great way to find out a girls name," when I said "or you can just ask, man" he replied with: "yeah, if you've got the confidence for it, but I've got shit confidence." So naturally we all started joking by saying stuff like "Working for Uber would be a great way to find out where a girl lives", "working in a shoe store would be a great way to sniff womens feet", "working as a midwife would be a great way to touch some pussy", etc. (I actually knew I guy who unironically said the last one)
He couldn't hack the manager stuff after a while, mostly because people would yell if he fucked things up, which he often did. He's still living with his mother, I think. Which was another thing he tried bragging about on the grounds of it being a good financial decision. Maybe it wasn't a bad financial decision if he was saving up for a deposit or something, but I don't think he had any such plans.
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2015
TBF, isn't everyone on GameFAQs severely autistic?
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2015
Yup.
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2020
I would say I'm my own favorite personal Lolcow and I luckily grew out of it. I had a cringe filled DA account, I wore a dog collar and have my boyfriend in highschool walk me around on a leash, heck I wore a real fox tail. As in the fox tail was on a live fox and then I wore it. Even though I am still a furry now, I was a more cringy furry too, all my fursonas were Eevees and would take characters from diffrent shows and turn them into furries. I would roleplay PUBLICLY with my friends about topics middleschool/ highschool kids should not be roleplaying about in public, and oh boy I go back to my page and laugh at it so often. Sadly one of my favorite cringy friends in my past has passed away, but the joy I have going back and reading about our furry and human characters sleeping together because they had a virus that made them horny and had like 40 kids, still brings a smile to my face. I would share the link here to it but my old account is linked to my new one, I might share if I get enough people asking for it.
- Joined
- Sep 14, 2019
To be fully honest...my biggest Lolcow is my past self. Getting your shit together is fucking awesome!
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2019
So back in Highschool we had juniors in our computer lab class. We all had to make websites for our class and while unfortunately they're long gone one autistic junior made a webpage for his call of duty clan called Ghostclan so for shits and giggles we made a ghostbusterclan website with our teacher's permission and he took it personally and made a fucking video response.
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2015
more of Rocket Man, this time featuring the most violent tantrum I've ever seen him have (apart from the thunderstorm freakout)
previous instalments:
an introduction to Rocket Man
Rocket Man races me to work
Rocket Man bawls over a broken umbrella
Rocket Man eats and drinks
a couple of days ago I was in the wash-out area on the shop floor when Rocket Man came flying out of the office and into the break room, shouting, wailing and snapping his fingers; I could see through the window that he was sat on the sofa red-faced, red-eyed and in the grip of a tantrum
when I went into the office a few minutes later he was lying on his back, on the floor, being instructed by my colleague F (his tard wrangler by default) to take deep breaths and calm down; he eventually did so, and went back to his previous task, helping F with customer returns, but while he was doing that he was loudly ranting (he has trouble with volume control) about how he has the worst luck in the world, he never gets what he wants, he's a walking disaster, he'll probably lose this job, he'll have to spend thousands of pounds on therapy (there are NHS-backed organisations that can provide this service for free), and generally reciting a whole litany of misery
after he'd gone for his dinner, I found out the root cause of his tantrum, and to be quite honest I was gobsmacked
like many (man)children, Rocket Man has a Nintendo Switch at home, and has recently got into a game for the Switch which has collectible cards, some of which are rarer than others; in the last week or two he has also discovered ebay, and bought a whole load of packs of these cards
the reason for his tantrum? the packs he bought didn't have any rare cards in them
if this is how he reacts to card games, god only knows how he'll (not) handle something serious like a bereavement
previous instalments:
an introduction to Rocket Man
Rocket Man races me to work
Rocket Man bawls over a broken umbrella
Rocket Man eats and drinks
a couple of days ago I was in the wash-out area on the shop floor when Rocket Man came flying out of the office and into the break room, shouting, wailing and snapping his fingers; I could see through the window that he was sat on the sofa red-faced, red-eyed and in the grip of a tantrum
when I went into the office a few minutes later he was lying on his back, on the floor, being instructed by my colleague F (his tard wrangler by default) to take deep breaths and calm down; he eventually did so, and went back to his previous task, helping F with customer returns, but while he was doing that he was loudly ranting (he has trouble with volume control) about how he has the worst luck in the world, he never gets what he wants, he's a walking disaster, he'll probably lose this job, he'll have to spend thousands of pounds on therapy (there are NHS-backed organisations that can provide this service for free), and generally reciting a whole litany of misery
after he'd gone for his dinner, I found out the root cause of his tantrum, and to be quite honest I was gobsmacked
like many (man)children, Rocket Man has a Nintendo Switch at home, and has recently got into a game for the Switch which has collectible cards, some of which are rarer than others; in the last week or two he has also discovered ebay, and bought a whole load of packs of these cards
the reason for his tantrum? the packs he bought didn't have any rare cards in them
if this is how he reacts to card games, god only knows how he'll (not) handle something serious like a bereavement
Shitassdeaddude
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2018
Was that just the big loud REEEE or are there other deets about this one you can fill us in on?