Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

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Another high school story. Woooooooooooo.

So in high school, I was friends with a girl named Hannah. Hannah actually had gone to the same church as well, before I'd shed that stuff as I grew older.

When we were around 16-17 years old, we'd gotten into Starfox 64 pretty hardcore. I used to play the original on the SNES, and I loved the N64 version just as much. She was the one that introduced me to a Starfox fan site back in the day, decent community and all (though they were the ones that got targeted by this trolling group way back when that involved turning everything gray, THAT was hilarious.)

She ended up deep into it, though, having her own Mary Sue OC that was in love with Bill, and another one that was essentially a fox with wings that ended up with Fox himself. She tried to get me to make an OC, but I wasn't interested, it just struck me as weird. And ignorance was bliss, for at the time, I had no clue what a furry was.

I digress. Anyway, she had a penchant for trying to start drama within that community. It's funny, too, because I didn't spend as much time there as she did, I think she thought she could get away with bullshit like faking her own death - Yeah. She tried. There was a post on that forum stating that she'd died, and I immediately logged in and called bullshit on the whole thing. After talking with the owner of the board, I asked him to compare the two IPs. They matched (no surprise.) I think she'd gotten only a warning for it, but that didn't stop her.

Other pieces of drama included making up the character of a girl who had brain cancer (and showing people younger pictures of herself on horses as proof this girl was real) and this girl's boyfriend, who supposedly committed suicide right after the girl supposedly died; I remember her telling people on this message board she was a member of a gang and took care of their weapons cache. Now... maybe it's just me, but that's not something you'd blab about if it were real. Also keep in mind, this is a Catholic girl from a backwater redneck town whose parents didn't let her out of their sights ... most of the time.

And then she ended up with a stalker. This guy was, in fact, very real, because after she got tired of him, she decided to give him my name, address, and phone number, and told him I was gay and open to pretty much anything. :roll: I tried to be nice to him at first, explaining to him that, no, I'm not gay, no, I'm not open to things like that, please do not call here again.

While he stopped calling, he did constantly try to contact me online. It got to the point where I ended up having to change email addresses, screen names, etc. It was ridiculous.

And then Hannah started drawing furry porn and getting into THAT part of the community. Pretty disturbing stuff, too, most of it was either forced or underaged. She was drawing an entire book of it while we were in school as a supposed commission, and she'd get pissy with me if I didn't want to look at it.

Tired of her bullshit, I called her parents and told them to check her drawing book. She ended up in a shit ton of trouble, and she left me alone since then.

And nothing of value was lost. :biggrin:
 
sea panther said:
137897466270.png


SaxyEli was my personal cow before she got leaked on stamrose, and then someone alerted her to it, and she actually wised up enough to lock down everything, though she occasionally makes a moronic post on tumblr. Thread: http://www.staminarose.org/pt/?do=thread&id=4823 <--- an amusing read, has lots of deets and drama on her, and also she actually made an appearance.

She's 400lbs of social justice, ego and ignorance. (She actually bitched on twitter one time because "Khaleesi" is totes a POC, but they had a white girl played her on Game of Thrones!!!) She also freely admits to stealing from places like Sephora and is a dumb piece of shit overall.
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she looks so fucking gross oh dear god what is this. that mass what is her neck makes her look like a frog, sorry to say
 
MZD Mommy said:
she looks so fucking gross oh dear god what is this. that mass what is her neck makes her look like a frog, sorry to say
Click to expand...
Imagine the noise she must make while breathing, something like "HUEEEeeee.... HUEEEeeee... HUEEEeeee..."
 
MZD Mommy said:
i just went "ewwwwww" out loud augh thanks
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Aiko Heiwa said:
Oh God that is in my brain now.
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Eheh... sorry guys, that was pretty dick of me.

May I offer another story?

This one hits a bit close to home, as it is about my sister's ex husband. Troy had always been kind of a jerk, embraced the "redneck culture" wholeheartedly, that kind of thing. He was also a very ungrateful bastard who would often keep things that he'd borrowed from people, very abusive, and just overall, an asshole.

My sister met him when she was sixteen, and ended up pregnant with my second nephew by him, which then snowballed into an almost-shotgun wedding. Over the years he'd be just a fantastical jerk to pretty much everyone, especially my parents, and myself. According to my sister, he absolutely hated me. Which was fine, the feeling was rather mutual.

Troy's parents were also pretty batshit, I admit. His parents had split up not long after he was born, so his biological father and step mother weren't half bad, really, except his father had a lot of the same assholish traits that Troy had. His biological mother, on the other hand, when she'd have him at her place, would constantly try to dress him up like a girl (no joke, I saw the pictures. Perhaps my laughing didn't help matters any.)

Anyway, over time, I'd let my sister and my nephews borrow some games, some movies, etc. Which was stupid of me, I admit. Because when I'd ask for them back, apparently Troy "wasn't done with them yet", and if I did get them back, they were usually ruined. Case in point, I'd gotten one of my dvds back, and there were what looked like scratch marks all over it, and judging by how deep they were, it was likely Troy's pocket knife.

He never let his kids do anything. Bike riding? It's only okay if they do it in the yard. Friends over? Nope, they might break something. Go to a friends? Nope, not allowed. The two oldest weren't allowed to go anywhere until they hit 18.

I also seem to remember that he refused to get a job. He did work at a lumber yard which didn't pay for shit, but he refused to get anything else despite my sister pleading with him. He basically left it on my sister's shoulders to not only get a job, but to care for my nephews and my niece, since he just flat out refused to help with any of that. The only time he'd have anything really to do with them is if he needed money. He'd constantly ask my parents for money, and he'd threaten them with not being able to see my niece and nephews if they didn't cough up. This went on until the oldest turned 18. That's essentially when all hell broke loose.

By then, Troy was constantly accusing my sister of cheating on him. To be fair, she had done it a couple of times before, so one can't really blame him for his mistrust. But she'd do something simple such as mail out a payment for a bill or something, and he'd still accuse her of it.

I'd also had an old, but still decently working laptop that I'd given to my eldest nephew after I'd bought my new one, something that he could play some of his old RTS games on, check Facebook, stuff like that. I'd given it to him, because he was going to be moving in with some friends a couple of states away, and I figured, I'd cleaned it, I don't really have any use for it, so he could use it to keep in contact with his friends and family.

Well, his plans had fallen through, but nevertheless, he'd brought it home, and Troy immediately took it from him and used it as his personal computer in the basement, and would bitch relentlessly if anyone but himself touched it. (And a note on that, the laptop apparently died recently, I've yet to pull it apart, but he was going to junk it, and one of my nephews managed to get him to give it back. The DVD drive on it was not only disconnected and gone, but the tray itself was broken. I'd also notice cigarette ashes coming out of it when I examined it. No wonder it fucking broke.)

Right now, he has joint custody of my niece, who has grown to hate him. None of my nephews even speak to him anymore, but he claims it's my family's fault that they hate him.
 
sea panther said:
137897466270.png


SaxyEli was my personal cow before she got leaked on stamrose, and then someone alerted her to it, and she actually wised up enough to lock down everything, though she occasionally makes a moronic post on tumblr. Thread: http://www.staminarose.org/pt/?do=thread&id=4823 <--- an amusing read, has lots of deets and drama on her, and also she actually made an appearance.

She's 400lbs of social justice, ego and ignorance. (She actually bitched on twitter one time because "Khaleesi" is totes a POC, but they had a white girl played her on Game of Thrones!!!) She also freely admits to stealing from places like Sephora and is a dumb piece of shit overall.
Click to expand...

Hey look!
It's Jabba the Hutt!
 
Though these videos are irrelevant considering the user, 03bgood made an apology about these videos, they're still funny.

Enjoy. A mix of A-Logging (in terms of "At least I'm not ChrisChan!"), CWC, Molay and many moar.

1.

03bgood doing a shitty commentary on a shitty video talking about him. Loads of autism cards and A-Logging.

2.

3.
Quality commentary on mariotehplumber.

4.
STOP MAKING COMMENTARIES ON ME! I HAVE AUTISM!
 
Alright, so I have a story of sorts to share about one of the few people in my life who I could honestly classify as a lolcow, though I never really trolled her, as much as I think she deserves it...

I was living in a condo with a few friends around my early 20's, back from deployment and relatively new to living on my own and everything. We split the two bedroom apartment between me, my best friend (we'll call him Seth, to protect the innocent), and one of his buddies (who has nothing to do with this story, and will thus remain nameless).

Seth was basically everybody's friend. By looks alone, he wasn't much to write home about, but he was one of those guys with an infectious charisma about him. We had a good time together, hanging out, playing vidya and tabletop games, which he would bring friends over for, and for a long time everything was going pretty well.

But then she happened.

Her name was Sabrina, although she went by "Sabby" for short. Imagine a ball of firm belly fat perched precariously on top a pair of normal sized legs dressed in emo-ish clothes, black hair, and one of those black leather hats that you see leather daddies wear (no idea what they're called) and you might get an idea of what she looked like. This nearly 20 year old girl had the emotional maturity of a preteen, and somehow managed to find her way into a group of friends that Seth brought over to play vidya and hang out.

From the moment she met Seth, she honed in on him like a heat seeking missile. While everyone else was sitting around and socializing, she was staring at Seth like he was the only thing in the room, doing everything she can to be seated near him at all times. After a while, she began petting him on the head and the shoulder. Now, Seth is a pretty amiable guy, and while he was weirded out a little by what she was doing, he did his best to shrug it off. Eventually, though, he had to put his foot down and tell her to stop.

And stop she did... for about ten minutes. Fortunately, by that time everyone was basically going home and she couldn't find a reason to stay. To everyone's annoyance, though, she managed to get Seth's phone number before she left. She managed to single-handedly drain his monthly texting limit in just three days. At her most frequent, she sent over 200 texts in the span of 8 hours. She used any excuse she could to be wherever he was, and it was wearing on everyone, not to mention Seth himself.

Here's the thing with Seth, though, he hates disappointing people, especially his friends. One time when we were in high school, we made plans to hang out for the weekend, had everything planned and ready to go, but his mother pulled the plug on it because he hadn't finished enough of his school work. He was so upset that he disappointed me— despite trying his best— that his mother (I heard this from her a few days afterward) had to resist the urge to go back on her punishment.

So when Sabby, who had been trying to weasel her way into a relationship with him for weeks now, literally (at least, according to Seth) got on her knees and begged him to be her boyfriend, Seth couldn't say no, despite himself.

She soon became a permanent fixture in any activity we did with Seth, and she was absolutely obnoxious about it. Every little thing, whether it was picking teams in a video game or making a character in a D&D game, she always had to be on Seth's team, or she always had to have her character be Seth's girlfriend or love interest, and if this didn't happen, she would pout as if she thought she imagined she were cute (she wasn't).

One time, we were in the middle of a D&D campaign, and she took a piece of paper and wrote "SABBY ❤ SETH" on it in colored ink and held it up for him (and everyone else) to see, smiling impishly like she were still in middle school, crushing over a cute boy. This sort of thing was typical of her behavior. Her world revolved around Seth, and anything else was of little importance.

The worst part was that she was at our place constantly, staying for days on end, until all too late I realized she was now living in our apartment rent free. At the time, I was the one with the name on the lease, as well as the one ponying up the cash for the nameless roommate who decided he was going to go back to his parent's place, so needless to say I wasn't exactly happy with having her of all people squatting in our condo.

I told Seth that she either needed to start paying rent or leave. Frankly, I was sick of her, and everything about her, although I'll admit that my crush on Seth might've had a hand in how I felt about her at the time, it was clear to everyone that Seth wasn't happy being with her. Despite even that, he couldn't bring himself to kick her out.

He ended up packing and leaving without telling anyone a few weeks before the lease was up. Sabby went back to her parents', and Seth went back to couch hopping for a while. I didn't see much of her after that, and I never got to see when or how they broke up, but I hear he does talk to her from time to time, and supposedly she's not nearly as bad anymore.
 
Trickie said:
Alright, so I have a story of sorts to share about one of the few people in my life who I could honestly classify as a lolcow, though I never really trolled her, as much as I think she deserves it...

I was living in a condo with a few friends around my early 20's, back from deployment and relatively new to living on my own and everything. We split the two bedroom apartment between me, my best friend (we'll call him Seth, to protect the innocent), and one of his buddies (who has nothing to do with this story, and will thus remain nameless).

Seth was basically everybody's friend. By looks alone, he wasn't much to write home about, but he was one of those guys with an infectious charisma about him. We had a good time together, hanging out, playing vidya and tabletop games, which he would bring friends over for, and for a long time everything was going pretty well.

But then she happened.

Her name was Sabrina, although she went by "Sabby" for short. Imagine a ball of firm belly fat perched precariously on top a pair of normal sized legs dressed in emo-ish clothes, black hair, and one of those black leather hats that you see leather daddies wear (no idea what they're called) and you might get an idea of what she looked like. This nearly 20 year old girl had the emotional maturity of a preteen, and somehow managed to find her way into a group of friends that Seth brought over to play vidya and hang out.

From the moment she met Seth, she honed in on him like a heat seeking missile. While everyone else was sitting around and socializing, she was staring at Seth like he was the only thing in the room, doing everything she can to be seated near him at all times. After a while, she began petting him on the head and the shoulder. Now, Seth is a pretty amiable guy, and while he was weirded out a little by what she was doing, he did his best to shrug it off. Eventually, though, he had to put his foot down and tell her to stop.

And stop she did... for about ten minutes. Fortunately, by that time everyone was basically going home and she couldn't find a reason to stay. To everyone's annoyance, though, she managed to get Seth's phone number before she left. She managed to single-handedly drain his monthly texting limit in just three days. At her most frequent, she sent over 200 texts in the span of 8 hours. She used any excuse she could to be wherever he was, and it was wearing on everyone, not to mention Seth himself.

Here's the thing with Seth, though, he hates disappointing people, especially his friends. One time when we were in high school, we made plans to hang out for the weekend, had everything planned and ready to go, but his mother pulled the plug on it because he hadn't finished enough of his school work. He was so upset that he disappointed me— despite trying his best— that his mother (I heard this from her a few days afterward) had to resist the urge to go back on her punishment.

So when Sabby, who had been trying to weasel her way into a relationship with him for weeks now, literally (at least, according to Seth) got on her knees and begged him to be her boyfriend, Seth couldn't say no, despite himself.

She soon became a permanent fixture in any activity we did with Seth, and she was absolutely obnoxious about it. Every little thing, whether it was picking teams in a video game or making a character in a D&D game, she always had to be on Seth's team, or she always had to have her character be Seth's girlfriend or love interest, and if this didn't happen, she would pout as if she thought she imagined she were cute (she wasn't).

One time, we were in the middle of a D&D campaign, and she took a piece of paper and wrote "SABBY ❤ SETH" on it in colored ink and held it up for him (and everyone else) to see, smiling impishly like she were still in middle school, crushing over a cute boy. This sort of thing was typical of her behavior. Her world revolved around Seth, and anything else was of little importance.

The worst part was that she was at our place constantly, staying for days on end, until all too late I realized she was now living in our apartment rent free. At the time, I was the one with the name on the lease, as well as the one ponying up the cash for the nameless roommate who decided he was going to go back to his parent's place, so needless to say I wasn't exactly happy with having her of all people squatting in our condo.

I told Seth that she either needed to start paying rent or leave. Frankly, I was sick of her, and everything about her, although I'll admit that my crush on Seth might've had a hand in how I felt about her at the time, it was clear to everyone that Seth wasn't happy being with her. Despite even that, he couldn't bring himself to kick her out.

He ended up packing and leaving without telling anyone a few weeks before the lease was up. Sabby went back to her parents', and Seth went back to couch hopping for a while. I didn't see much of her after that, and I never got to see when or how they broke up, but I hear he does talk to her from time to time, and supposedly she's not nearly as bad anymore.
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I guess it's an improvement if she's not nearly that bad anymore, but damn... How did you put up with that? Props to you for not tearing into her.
 
Ze Red Medic said:
I guess it's an improvement if she's not nearly that bad anymore, but damn... How did you put up with that? Props to you for not tearing into her.
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Well, I don't know if props are exactly in order. I don't like to rock the boat in general, but most of the reason I didn't just lay into her is that I would've upset "Seth" in the process, and Godbear knows I'd do just about anything for that loveable sap.
 
There's a bit of drama going on right now with "Damien" , the Man-Baby. A few months ago he began a "friendship" with a cute, young waitress from Hooter's. We'll call her "Edie." At first we thought he was paying her to hang out with him, but she actually feels bad for him and this whole thing is a pityship. Edie has given him rides home, and even bought him a gym membership, which will no doubt go unused. Edie recently go engaged to her cute soldier boyfriend. Damien acts like he's happy for her, but he's got plans to seduce her once her boyfriend is deployed. Apparently Damien is living in a fantasy world, one where pretty women cheat on their hot boyfriends with 500 pound unemployed Autistic men who smell like piss.

I'm actually a little worried about her. Damien has a scary history with women. He told my cousin she was a whore for wearing shorts and that she probably has AIDS, he's also sexually harassed a couple of her Facebook friends. He was banned from Hooter's for grabbing one of the waitresses, and also from Foot Locker for stalking one of their employees. He actually used to go on lovequests to the mall and harass really young girls.

Sad thing is, he's not even the creepiest guy I've ever met.
 
Oh dear.

My wife and I were just cursed by our local crazy for not lending her money. Where as I am to have angels and archangels and the company of Heaven haranging me for my failure to give a mentally ill woman free money, my poor wife has it worse. She apparently will develop a sickness of the mouth for telling this woman to get the hell off our property.

Look upon me, ye mighty trolls, and be wary. For I have been Curse-ye-ha-me-ha'd.
 
Da Pickle Monsta said:
Oh dear.

My wife and I were just cursed by our local crazy for not lending her money. Where as I am to have angels and archangels and the company of Heaven haranging me for my failure to give a mentally ill woman free money, my poor wife has it worse. She apparently will develop a sickness of the mouth for telling this woman to get the hell off our property.

Look upon me, ye mighty trolls, and be wary. For I have been Curse-ye-ha-me-ha'd.
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So did this local crazy do the required stance? If not, then her Curse-ye-ha-me-ha will not work.
 
telegramsamo said:
There's a bit of drama going on right now with "Damien" , the Man-Baby. A few months ago he began a "friendship" with a cute, young waitress from Hooter's. We'll call her "Edie." At first we thought he was paying her to hang out with him, but she actually feels bad for him and this whole thing is a pityship. Edie has given him rides home, and even bought him a gym membership, which will no doubt go unused. Edie recently go engaged to her cute soldier boyfriend. Damien acts like he's happy for her, but he's got plans to seduce her once her boyfriend is deployed. Apparently Damien is living in a fantasy world, one where pretty women cheat on their hot boyfriends with 500 pound unemployed Autistic men who smell like piss.

I'm actually a little worried about her. Damien has a scary history with women. He told my cousin she was a whore for wearing shorts and that she probably has AIDS, he's also sexually harassed a couple of her Facebook friends. He was banned from Hooter's for grabbing one of the waitresses, and also from Foot Locker for stalking one of their employees. He actually used to go on lovequests to the mall and harass really young girls.

Sad thing is, he's not even the creepiest guy I've ever met.
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...Then who is?
 
I remember bringing you a basic history of my drunk whore housemate 'Batty' earlier in the thread, (http://www.cwckiforums.com/threads/personal-lolcows-what-are-yours.463/page-23#post-37133), and I think it's time to post some more. As I type this, I can hear her in the bath now, tub squealing under her pasty bitch arse, singing the same line to the same song over and over because she thinks she's going to be on the fucking X Factor or something, I dunno.

Make it stop.

I warn you, this is a long story.

Batty has decided, after being ridden more times than the worn out Noddy car outside Tesco, to go steady and get herself a boyfriend. Oh wait, did I say boyfriend? I meant 'BOIFREN', which is the word she spits proudly at you whenever she talks at you. To be honest, we got pretty excited by this, as it meant firstly - no more swinging dicks; secondly - we got to place bets on who out of the current swinging dicks is the lucky sausage, which fed our amateur gambling addictions; and thirdly - we had the guessing game of how long it would take until she went back to her crazy flap-flaunting ways to look forward to.

Guessing was actually quite difficult. The suspects were narrowed down between 'Big Bald Guy', the name of whom is self-explanatory, 'Chav Weasel Guy', who was this disgusting sleazy skinhead pisstain of a man, 'Bicycle', so called because he rode a motorbike, 'Marvin', real name hidden, who was actually Batty's best friend, fuckbuddy and cousin. Yes, COUSIN. Also there was 'Grunty Man', 'Bruiser' and 'The Maintenance Man'. Bicycle was our favourite as he was actually a really nice, vaguely attractive guy who seemed to want to try and help Batty improve herself and not be such a pathetic excuse of life. We'd like it to be him.

Then Bicycle, in a revolutionary move, took himself out of the running.

One night we were woken by a huge screamy ruckus, drifting up the stairs to our room with undertones of stale johnny-stank and JD. Bleary eyed and grumpy as fuck, we just buried our heads even deeper into the pillow, thinking she was just having her vacuous salmon canyon abseiled by the brave purple python again. Then I felt them mister stir again and get out of bed, lolloping over to the door with the grace of a narcoleptic ballet dancer, and poise against it, listening. I started asking him "What?", but an urgent sweep of his hand told me to shut the hell up. Batty and Bicycle weren't bumping uglies, they were fighting.

"You take me for granted...why can't you stick to ONE MAN?!"
Shuffle, shuffle, slam.
"You don't understaaaaaand! I...I...you don't..."
CRASH.
"What the fuck are you doing? Nooooo...staaaay!"
Muffled noises, CRASH.
"Can you really stay with one man? Can that man be me?"
"Well...I do have a lot of boy friends, but like it's alright because they're friends."
"Right."
SLAM. Muffle, muffle.
"What are you doooooing? Nooooo..."
"I'm getting dressed and I'm going HOME. Away from YOU."
"But noooooo...I liiiike yoooou..."
"And I like NOT BEING TAKEN FOR AN IDIOT. I can't change you. You're always going to be a whore and I was stupid to think I could help you. Fuck you, I'm gone."
"Uuuuuuuhhhhhh..."
Sobs.
"You can't keep your pants on, not my fault. I'm GONE."
Stomp, stomp, stomp, SLAM. Vroom vroom screeeeeeeee.

And there he went. Brave man he was. I genuinely hope he's done better for himself.

That left the rest. We thought that Marvin was front runner now as he was her favourite, over almost every other night. That all changed in the space of a week. She chose the worst possible option out of all the swinging dicks before her cock-hungry eyes.

She chose fucking Chav fucking Weasel Guy.

He's actually horrible. Greasy, sleazy and pretty obviously only in it for the humping. His name apparently is Jim. We know this not because we've been formerly introduced, but because -

"Jim? Jim! JIIIIIIIEEEEEIIIIIM!"

It gets pretty hilarious when her cooking is involved. She's really rather proud of her cooking, and rightly so. She should hold great pride in the fact that she has the amazing ability to burn fucking everything, mostly due to her leaving stuff in the oven and forgetting about it due to being drunk. He knows that her food is terrible, and rarely eats when he's over. Once or twice he's accidentally let slip that he's hungry.

"JEIIIM? Why didn't you teeeell me? I know! I'll COOK something!"
"No, no, it's fine babe. I'm alright."
"NUUUU lemme COOK something!"
"No, babe..."

The most recent time this happened she decided to do some spaghetti and pancetta. How hard can that be, right? Me and the mister were in the kitchen cooking away, and she barges in as she always does and makes a big show of getting the ingredients together to use. She looks at the packet of spaghetti in her hand, and then at the recipe. 500g pack, she needs 150g for the food. Right, any normal person would weigh it out and get on with it...not Batty-Bang-Bang. She gets out the scales and weighs a single strand of spaghetti, observing the number closely through a drunken haze. Then she goes back to the pack and starts counting out the strands to make up 150g. I shit you not. She stood there counting fucking spaghetti strands. Next the pancetta, diced, and into the pan with some oil. So far so good. She stands there and complains about how pancetta it fattening for some reason, while reaching into the fridge for a block of butter. It was a new block. She strips the foil off, the cogs working in her head to estimate how much she'd need...and then halves the block, dropping the entire half into the pan with the ham. Fattening? Nah. We left her then, having done our food, Jim groaning in the room next door.

I popped back down for some water, only to see her spag and ham, swimming in brown butter on the hob, hardening at the edges. Further down there's Batty, BARE ARM UP TO HER SHOULDER IN THE OVEN, reaching bravely for some very burnt ciabatta. Ciabatty. An oven glove lay forgotten on the hob door, flopping on the floor like a limp dick. I said nothing at all, got my water and left, trying my utmost not to unleash a bray of laughter at the sounds that followed me out the door.

" Ow. OW. OWWWW. Ow. OW. Ow, that's REAAAALLY hot! Ow. OWWW. JIIIIEEEEM, the oven's HOT!"

As much as I hate Weaselly Jimmy, you have got to admire the lengths he goes to for cheap fanny.

What a hero.
 
Surtur said:
...Then who is?
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Well, it'd be hard to pick just one...
When I was about nine or ten there was this guy at the video store who absolutely would not leave me alone. He kept trying to get me to tell him which school I went to. He said his niece was in the sixth grade at *my school.* The school I went to only went up to the fifth grade. He was a really creepy looking guy too. He was really thin and filthy looking, with long greasy hair, and an oversized mechanics jumpsuit he always wore. I say always wore because my mom and I would frequently spot him around town. Sometimes he would be pushing a baby carriage filled with all his junk.

Then there's this really weird guy in my family. They used to have to keep him away from all the young girls, he'd always want to be around us. When I was 13 and my cousin 15, he posted some weird stuff on our Facebook pages. It was only mildly sexual, but it still creeped me out. He has a habit of saying inappropriate things. He got fired from his job because he told one of his coworkers that her perfume "made her smell like a French whore." He was over once for Thanksgiving, and he started talking about sex scenes from different television shows. He's in his fifties, but there's rumors that he's still a virgin.
 
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