- Joined
- Jun 5, 2015
How much Alex Jones does that guy listen to?
Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.
- Thread starter Judge Holden
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- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
Does he write autistic fanfics where ponies go around shooting each other with guns?
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2015
I don't have a long story about him this time, but I just kind of remembered today about how my cousin Jeffrey would behave at our Fourth of July gatherings as a kid.
He'd always want a sparkler, and if somebody didn't get him one, he'd get really pissy. Just imagine someone saying "if I don't get a sparkler, I'm gonna be MAD!" in the brattiest, most entitled-sounding voice possible. Ironically, he was terrified of them. He refused to ever hold them because he was afraid of getting burned, so he'd put them in the ground and light them that way. When we were about ten or eleven, me and a friend had them and were waving them in his direction in a wand-like fashion (Harry Potter was all the rage, after all), and he screamed at the top of his lungs and took off in a full sprint as we chased him around the yard (yeah, we were dicks, but he was a bigger dick overall, as you can gather from my previous stories about him).
Of course, we ended up getting in trouble. But we were kids, so we didn't really care. We still thought it was funny.
He'd always want a sparkler, and if somebody didn't get him one, he'd get really pissy. Just imagine someone saying "if I don't get a sparkler, I'm gonna be MAD!" in the brattiest, most entitled-sounding voice possible. Ironically, he was terrified of them. He refused to ever hold them because he was afraid of getting burned, so he'd put them in the ground and light them that way. When we were about ten or eleven, me and a friend had them and were waving them in his direction in a wand-like fashion (Harry Potter was all the rage, after all), and he screamed at the top of his lungs and took off in a full sprint as we chased him around the yard (yeah, we were dicks, but he was a bigger dick overall, as you can gather from my previous stories about him).
Of course, we ended up getting in trouble. But we were kids, so we didn't really care. We still thought it was funny.
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Korilakkuma
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2015
I know he wrote a mlp/alien crossover fan fiction
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2014
I think I suffered a fit of dain bramage from reading that. How cringy was it?
Korilakkuma
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2015
I've never read it to be honest. I only know about it because he was reading the cast of characters out loud to himself one day.
He definitely has a online presence and I'm curious but at the same time I don't want to know.
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2014
Since the guy I watch over was on a family trip for more than two weeks, I was doing laundry and didn't have any Roger stories. But now that his vacation is over and I'm back to supervisor duties, Roger hasn't changed a bit. Roger is supposed to wear glasses, but he doesn't wear them because "they hurt". Then he's miffed because he can't ride his bike and stuff. I told him that he should wear contacts instead and when he said he isn't able to get them, I suggested asking his parents. While I'm not the best at reading emotions, I have a feeling he was a bit miffed that he doesn't have any excuses to hide behind.
I have been starting to take books with me to read during my lunch hour and when Roger saw it and I explained it to him, he sulked about how his mom never lets him have any books. (Comic books don't count.) He told me how when he was little, he used to read a lot of books on magic until his mom forbid him have any more books. At least when I suggest that now that he's 21, he should be able to buy his own books, he said it was a good idea. Then he was miffed about not knowing any magic so I told him that with all his superpowers, he should be happy with what he has. He plans to find Dr. Strange to teach him magic and despite telling him that Dr. Strange isn't real, it went over his head and he decided he was going to look for him so he could learn. Then he asked me where he could find him. I mentioned how Dr. Strange live in another realm far, far away and he decided he was going to use a portal to get to him. Then I went to find another place to sit.
I have been starting to take books with me to read during my lunch hour and when Roger saw it and I explained it to him, he sulked about how his mom never lets him have any books. (Comic books don't count.) He told me how when he was little, he used to read a lot of books on magic until his mom forbid him have any more books. At least when I suggest that now that he's 21, he should be able to buy his own books, he said it was a good idea. Then he was miffed about not knowing any magic so I told him that with all his superpowers, he should be happy with what he has. He plans to find Dr. Strange to teach him magic and despite telling him that Dr. Strange isn't real, it went over his head and he decided he was going to look for him so he could learn. Then he asked me where he could find him. I mentioned how Dr. Strange live in another realm far, far away and he decided he was going to use a portal to get to him. Then I went to find another place to sit.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
Activity has kind of slowed down, but baiting these clowns has been a hobby of a lot of people for a long time.
http://www.419eater.com/ is a forum for people who do this, which has seen better days.
One of my favorite scambaits: Anus Laptops. They even got this Nigerian idiot to make a commercial for them.
One line from it: "We want you to put your business in our Anus."
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2014
I love 419 eater, my first introduction to them was The Tail of the Painted brest, every time I read that I'm in stitches.
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2015
God, the 419 counterscams of yesteryear were some marvelous work. None can equal the legend of P-P-P-Powerbook!
My personal favorite was the one where the counterscammer took on the persona of an H. P. Lovecraft character, and made his Nigerian penpal deathly afraid of a nonexistent Cthulhu cult.
IA DAGON IA HYDRA PLEASE SEND $30,000 ESCROW TO LAGOS NIGERIA
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2014
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2015
I remember a few years ago reading these, where the scam baiter pretended to be from an organization called the "Church of Fish and Bread," and he'd make them take pictures of themselves with fish on their heads. The best part was that he used aliases like "Reverend Justin Timberlake" or "Pastor Barney Rubble," and the scammers were none the wiser.
I actually have a few good scambaiting stories of my own. Like this one time, I got a Skype contact request from an obviously fake profile that was supposed to be a woman interested in dating me. She started asking me a bunch of questions about myself, and I responded in character as Spongebob Squarepants. She was totally clueless.
I actually have a few good scambaiting stories of my own. Like this one time, I got a Skype contact request from an obviously fake profile that was supposed to be a woman interested in dating me. She started asking me a bunch of questions about myself, and I responded in character as Spongebob Squarepants. She was totally clueless.
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2016
I know a lolcow in real life. Well, now that I think about it, she's more like a horrowcow, but I digress. Anyways, I met her a long while ago. She was obese, and a horrible person in general. She would bully me constantly, to the point that the counselor would have long chats about what she was doing to me with my teacher. At the time, she was obsessed with random access humor shit like Invader Zim and waffles. As time progressed, she became emo, and was obsessed with Blood on the Dancefloor and similar bands. She would often cut herself for attention, and believed that she was incredibly attractive. The bullying continued, and one day I said "Fuck it" and stopped talking to her for a while. The last time I talked to her, she had turned into the typical tumblr user who was obsessed with Homestuck and being a tranny. She would literally hit people when they accidentally called her a "she". The worst thing she ever did, if I recall, was call a little 7 year old girl a bitch, and then gave her a black eye. The mom and the horrowcow got into a big argument, and thanks to her we had the god damn police called on us.
- Joined
- Sep 10, 2013
I wanna hear more, she sounds like a scary one!
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2016
There's not much more to talk about, mostly because I don't want to remember.
Old Blighty
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 21, 2015
My personal lolcow is my husband's best friend. Let's call him Norman
-He's a drug addict. And hardly functional. He's been addicted to opiates in the past but hasn't had any since December. This is a big deal to him. He mentions it every time someone scolds him. This past holiday season he had a cough medicine chugging phase and started doing ketamine. He needs some kind of drug to get out of bed. And he gets stoned daily, but that no longer works. He was also addicted to script meds but that is a time gone by. He also begs my husband for Adderall weekly. He smokes and always does it in our car or apartment despite me telling him that cigarette smoke makes me nauseous and fucks with my asthma.
-He can't get a date. His first time was with a hooker in Amsterdam that his step-dad brought for him. The only serious girl he had was his other best friend's ex and she would bang anyone. He wants to find love so bad but he's just a mess of a person. Two weeks ago, he came over and spent five hours talking about Tinder and working on his Tinder profile with my husband's help and talking about women, Tinder and his loneliness. This has happened before, but with OKCupid. He's never gotten a second IRL date.
-He's freaking huge. A greasy looking fatass ginger. He refuses to try and lose weight. He just looks like a neckbeard.
-He's got all the credits for an associate's degree from our local community college. But he never filled out the paperwork to actually get it. When asked about it, he whines. He flunked out of a state school within a semester. Hasn't tried again in nearly two years.
-Has never had a real job in his life. He worked at a Walgreens for one day as a cashier but quit before it was too hard. He was 20 at the time. He considers himself too good for retail or food service but has no skills for anything higher. And he won't apply. The only interview he's gone on in five years was one his daddy found for him.
-His dad had a stroke and is partially disabled so he needs rides places and other assistance. He can still wipe and clean himself. So it's like watching a school aged child who wants rides places. Norman won't do it most days so my husband makes cash on the side by taking care of the old man. Norman usually says he's too sad or tired to do anything.
-Twice in the past two weeks, my husband has found him sleeping on the toilet.
-We crashed at his place (still lives with his parents at nearly 30) during the big snow storm and he just lay in bed screaming and laughing for an hour for no reason. He also threw a tantrum after fighting with his mommy.
-He got into two accidents in ten days this month. His mom spent a couple grand in bribes to keep people from going to their insurance. He was at fault both times.
-And then there was this incident, which sparked the post. So we went over to his house because we were in the area and my husband wanted to say hi to the family and their dogs (who are the parents of one of ours). They need groceries and so do we so all three of us go. Norman is supposed to do his family's shopping. He has a list and more than enough cash. He freaks and says it is too much pressure for him before we get inside and makes my husband do it. He of course, came back to throw in some junk food and had spent the trip texting and smoking. Apparently someone else does the big shopping most of the time. He's almost 30, mind you.
-If anyone tries to talk to him, he whines and stomps his feet. He claims depression when someone tries to tell him but it's the kind of depression that comes up when he doesn't want to do something.
-He's a drug addict. And hardly functional. He's been addicted to opiates in the past but hasn't had any since December. This is a big deal to him. He mentions it every time someone scolds him. This past holiday season he had a cough medicine chugging phase and started doing ketamine. He needs some kind of drug to get out of bed. And he gets stoned daily, but that no longer works. He was also addicted to script meds but that is a time gone by. He also begs my husband for Adderall weekly. He smokes and always does it in our car or apartment despite me telling him that cigarette smoke makes me nauseous and fucks with my asthma.
-He can't get a date. His first time was with a hooker in Amsterdam that his step-dad brought for him. The only serious girl he had was his other best friend's ex and she would bang anyone. He wants to find love so bad but he's just a mess of a person. Two weeks ago, he came over and spent five hours talking about Tinder and working on his Tinder profile with my husband's help and talking about women, Tinder and his loneliness. This has happened before, but with OKCupid. He's never gotten a second IRL date.
-He's freaking huge. A greasy looking fatass ginger. He refuses to try and lose weight. He just looks like a neckbeard.
-He's got all the credits for an associate's degree from our local community college. But he never filled out the paperwork to actually get it. When asked about it, he whines. He flunked out of a state school within a semester. Hasn't tried again in nearly two years.
-Has never had a real job in his life. He worked at a Walgreens for one day as a cashier but quit before it was too hard. He was 20 at the time. He considers himself too good for retail or food service but has no skills for anything higher. And he won't apply. The only interview he's gone on in five years was one his daddy found for him.
-His dad had a stroke and is partially disabled so he needs rides places and other assistance. He can still wipe and clean himself. So it's like watching a school aged child who wants rides places. Norman won't do it most days so my husband makes cash on the side by taking care of the old man. Norman usually says he's too sad or tired to do anything.
-Twice in the past two weeks, my husband has found him sleeping on the toilet.
-We crashed at his place (still lives with his parents at nearly 30) during the big snow storm and he just lay in bed screaming and laughing for an hour for no reason. He also threw a tantrum after fighting with his mommy.
-He got into two accidents in ten days this month. His mom spent a couple grand in bribes to keep people from going to their insurance. He was at fault both times.
-And then there was this incident, which sparked the post. So we went over to his house because we were in the area and my husband wanted to say hi to the family and their dogs (who are the parents of one of ours). They need groceries and so do we so all three of us go. Norman is supposed to do his family's shopping. He has a list and more than enough cash. He freaks and says it is too much pressure for him before we get inside and makes my husband do it. He of course, came back to throw in some junk food and had spent the trip texting and smoking. Apparently someone else does the big shopping most of the time. He's almost 30, mind you.
-If anyone tries to talk to him, he whines and stomps his feet. He claims depression when someone tries to tell him but it's the kind of depression that comes up when he doesn't want to do something.
MysticMisty
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 12, 2013
It's only Monday, but this will probably be the funniest thing I'll read all week.
