I shared the story of Gilbert, Class hero for staring down the evil teacher and chugging an entire bottle of shampoo. I suppose I could tell some tales of just how awful this teacher was.
Our school had this thing called "team teaching" where there were two teachers for each subject, the student body was split in half. One half being taught by one "Team" of teachers, the other half by the other. You probably don't need to be told that while it was supposedly a random split, one "Teaching Team" was composed mainly of shit-tier teachers, and the other one of more fun, hands-on, creative types. Same with students. Poorer kids and ones whose parents didn't care got the shit teachers, and rich preppy types got the fun ones, usually because their parents would call in and bitch if their kid was lumped in on the wrong team.
I was poor, not terribly popular, and my parents didn't care at all. I got the shitty teachers. All but like 2 of my friends did also so I wasn't alone at least, and gym classes, recess and lunch all students were together for.
This particular teacher was the science teacher. She didn't know or care much about science though. Quite obviously a rather butchy lesbian, and definitely a man-hater. Bore an extremely uncanny resemblance to Rosie O'Donnell. This was when the Rosie O'Donnell Show was at peak popularity, and Rosie never had a bigger fan than this woman. She looked like Rosie, talked like her, copied her mannerisms, and sometimes dressed like her. She had Rosie dolls all over her desk, a plushy talking one, and the barbie type one. Just absolutely obnoxious. The worst was that she had those koosh balls everywhere, but also the koosh shooter slingshot like Rosie would shoot into the audience. If we had questions, we had to raise our hands and she'd call on us by shooting us with those koosh things. That and she'd constantly call us "cutie-falooties", kinda like how Rosie called people "cutie-patooties". Blech.
She also liked to redecorate the room on Fridays. Why Fridays? Those were football game days when all the cheerleaders came to school in their cheerleading outfits. She'd have them climb up the ladders to hang things (because they were so small and light you see) and she'd hold the ladder, because she was a rather sturdy woman. Not because she could look up skimpy cheerleader skirts, oh no.
She was also a gym teacher, but her lessons were basically just making us all jog the whole time around and around the gym while she cranked the dance techno mix of "What's up" by 4 Non-blondes on repeat.
The other science teacher was insanely cool and fun like Bill Nye or Beakman, and there was a folding wall between the science rooms and we'd be doing paperwork and hear all the explosions and stuff going on in his class. One time they folded open the wall and he came in dressed as Einstein and gave a pretty cool lecture in character and everything. Cue our teacher popping in, in full Rosie attire (red pantsuit, hairdo, and kooshballs aplenty) and interviewed him. As Rosie. Was bizarre.
The weirdest thing was the TazMaster incident. One day, my friends and I walked in the school and were greeted by the Beastie Boys blasting from the science room. Somebody had "Fight for your right" on repeat at max volume. It was the Tazmaster. Our normally Rosie-esque teacher was dressed in black leather, spikes, ripped denim and a bandanna. Sporting one fingerless glove with a picture of Taz on it and dancing wildly in the hall outside the room. We all went in the room and sat down as she danced her way in. Not once during all this did she turn the music off or down, or change the song. It was 45 minutes of that one song. The goal was apparently to teach us about atoms. She began:
"Yo yo yo, as the teacha, ya might think I'm a taskmaster, but lemme tell ya I'm the TAZmaster! So just the other day me an my crew went to see that movie TRON! We loved it so much we named our crew the PRO-TRONS, and then, my homies all seen it too and they all love that new TRON movie so they call themselves the NEW-TRONS and now we all hang out tight together! But Ohh, Man,now these guys that also love TRON want to join the crew, but they just keep circling round outside callin' themselves the ELECT-TRONS!..."
I can't even remember where she ended up going with that story, but the TazMaster persona made a few more appearances. Also, this was around 1999 and we were 8th graders. None of us knew what TRON was. And those who paid attention actually failed the test because of the job she did explaining atoms.
If I can figure out how to post pictures, I actually have some pretty great stuff on my very own personal LolCow I'd love to share.
