Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

[AndSothisIsChristmas]

I am the only male employee of a local library, and a decent chunk of the others are genderspecial weirdos. One of my superiors is a woman in her 30s who dresses in absurd childish clothing on a daily basis (bizarre puffy dresses in garish colors, maid-style headbands, and the like,) has a car entirely plastered with enormous anime stickers, has perhaps the squeakiest voice I’ve ever heard, has “they/them” in her email signature, and as far as I can tell does no work besides sitting at the front desk inanely babbling at the top of her lungs and occasionally playing games on the front desk computer or her Nintendo Switch. Naturally I think this is an absurdly poor reflection on our library’s quality.

 

[LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV]]

reddit user u/YoriAkito

He is a venezuelan man well into his 30s who lives with his parents and spends all his money on chinese anime figurines, gachaslop and videogame merch. He goes regularly to the venezuelan sub to post his funkos and brag about junk food and plastic aliexpress crap he buys literally dozens of times to the point even the cringy faggots that post there asked him to stop (he never stops).

He supposedly works from home but when asked about it once he said he only makes like 300 bucks a month, to support himself and two elderly people. So this guy is literally not buying food for his family so he can buy Mario Bros socks to post on reddit to people who don't even like him.






Here he is singing anime openings to a crowd of 12 years olds on a Convention in Caracas last month

 

[The greater a'tuin]

He is a venezuelan man well into his 30s who lives with his parents and spends all his money on chinese anime figurines, gachaslop and videogame merch. He goes regularly to the venezuelan sub to post his funkos and brag about junk food and plastic aliexpress crap he buys literally dozens of times to the point even the cringy faggots that post there asked him to stop (he never stops).

He supposedly works from home but when asked about it once he said he only makes like 300 bucks a month, to support himself and two elderly people. So this guy is literally not buying food for his family so he can buy Mario Bros socks to post on reddit to people who don't even like him.

Someone can afford all this in Venezuela?

 

[Sigismund Steinhäuser]

Chocomilkling isn’t just a username—it’s a cry for help disguised as a brand. Self-described as “weird transgender,” which is less a descriptor and more of a warning label. Think “expired dairy mascot reanimated by spite and untreated mental illness.”
Everything about Chocomilkling reads like a failed OC that gained sentience and started oversharing. The art? A disjointed mix of gooey body horror, infantilized anthros, and fanart of obscure characters nobody asked for. Consistency? Nonexistent. Anatomy? Unstable. Color palette? Like someone dumped every pastel marker into a bowl and prayed for coherence.
The persona is a car crash of performative queerness and curated trauma. Bios are padded with an exhaustive list of diagnoses like it's Pokémon stats. Every caption tries to be cryptic and deep but lands somewhere between “middle school diary” and “vague threat.”


Lore-wise, Chocomilkling allegedly spawned from a spilled glass of chocolate milk and “dysphoria”—which somehow feels both too literal and too forced. It’s not symbolism. It’s branding. And not even good branding—just a Tumblr-core mess desperately trying to seem profound.


But don’t worry, they’re “open to critique”—as long as it’s praise. Push too hard and you’ll get a meltdown wrapped in a tone-policing monologue about identity, neurodivergence, and how you’re not allowed to be mean to dairy-fluid beings born of trauma.


TL;DR:
Chocomilkling is what happens when someone tries to turn a breakdown into a brand and ends up curdling in public. Not edgy. Not revolutionary. Just another terminally online OC with a persecution complex and a milk fixation.

 

[Zoosadist sadist]

It's worrying how many people I know can quolify for this thread, although that says more about me than any of them to be fair. Having said that, let me introduce you all to Guru.

I met this guy ages ago on some skype group, I can hardly remember anything happening from those days except it was like a bestiary of lolcows, an atheist vegan antivaxxer who I need to write about sometime, porn addict and the lame kind of troll from Iran, libtarded Canadian who doesn't like the antivaxxer but is completely fine with the troll from Iran probably because the Iranian doesn't have
standards, and guru who seems actually normal when you put him next to those kinds of people. He's an Indian who studies programming and computers, nothing special about him. We used to play this MMO rpg of sorts where he told me to attack some friendly npcs which got me in game prison, which pissed me off but we got over it pretty quick.

Some years pass, I left the community we were in and came back, and we start talking again. I don't remember if that's when it started or if it was a thing from before, but since his name sounded like guru and he was an Indian I liked to call him guru, people give each other silly nicknames all the time in that community and I didn't even mean to be malicious. But he gets mad every time I call him guru it was like clockwork you would call him guru he would insist that he isn't in fact guru. The reason why he hates being called guru is because he isn't one of those filthy believers, he's a thinker™ who thinks for himself, and unlike those stupid hindus he doesn't eat cows because they're a sacred animal but because he's an enlightened vegan who empathizes with all animals. As if to drive the point home whenever the discussion turns philosophical he'd always have the most uninteresting reddit takes on it.

Anyway, one evening we have an argument where I make jokes about him working for a bank, which he somehow sees as a point of pride and starts going "Well what have you done?" to which I tell him I'm not getting into dick-measuring contests on the internet and I enjoy doing little things for myself and don't hold my job or education or anything else over anonymous strangers' heads. This seems to be a foreign concept to him and the conversation only goes more retarded from there. All the while I keep calling him guru and he at some point started calling me guru back. That argument must have broken him because now any time we meet online he calls me guru completely unprompted. I don't know if he thinks calling me guru makes me as mad as it makes him but it's funny how predictable he is.

he's also one of those people who is ashamed of his country and can talk how bad India is but would then get into arguments with muslims about Pakistan and how India is better. He always toughguys when it comes to Indian geopolitics and stuff which is funny when you remember this guy gets mad over being called names.

 

[SlorbNorb]

Hey everybody, time for an Aaron Dictor Update!
This is the beginning of Aaron's career as a Fugitive from Justice!


"How dare you speak publicly about actions I have taken, and words I have said." -RevengeQuest64

Oh fuck, what now?
Aaron realized the truth behind his criminal court hearing Monday (June 16th) morning, decided NOT to be present in court, and is fighting against landing an arrest warrant! (Despite the threats from the police, one is not yet public at the time of this writing!)

Huh, why would he do that?
He knew that there existed a corrupt element within the police department pursuing his illegitimate incarceration, so he researched his arraignment to discover that it was bogus!
So instead, in a cozy hotel, he had himself a nice shower, cleaned himself up, and got a good night's rest while preparing for his next big move.

So what's his plan?
He plotted his Oregon Trail route back to Florida so he can appear before a secret judge, at a secret time, in a secret place!
And he's back on the road now, headed to his final destination.
When he gets to his hearing, Aaron is going to get high on his soapbox, and tell his side of the story to a judge, so that he can finally clear his name, and smite the evildoers who assail him!
His testimony will be the fell swoop that decapitates the schemes of Mob Daddy Stephen, exposes the trickery from Gabbie, Jeremy and Ethan, and disproves all those who called him a delusional pedophile!
The Plan After- 4:04, Implausible Deniability

Yeah but aren't they just going to arrest him?
Sure, they're probably going to try to put the cuffs on as they get their hands on him, but he will expose all with his evidence, powerful enough to dispel even the strongest of false allegations.
But remember that he is the victim of a harassment campaign organized by the Lake Mary Police Dept's Investigation Division, they've been trying to cheat and lie to him from day 1 about the truth of this matter.
Worse still, they've been hacking his phone potentially with the help of one of his old hacker friends, rendering it nearly impossible for him to use Siri or GPS.
Ultimatum: cut the shit or else, You May Commence The Pants Shitting
From the very beginning Detective Taylor was feeding him bad intel, spreading lies like "Gabbie is afraid of you, and doesn't want to speak to you".
Taylor "aint all that" Swift: "Special Engineer"- 32:19, Catchin Taylor by the Kiwis
They're afraid of him, they want to lock him up to silence him from speaking about the truth of what's really been going on here.
And they better be careful, because he is still debating on whistleblowing all of this to the news.
I Get By With A Little Help From My Feds (THE END?)
Okay lets watch this hero redeem himself:
Great news, he already put out a statement about his plan ABQ Crew: Last Call- 2:47, aside from threatening the Albuquerque conspirators with justice if they don't reveal the truth about their relationship with the mob boss who put a hit out on him, he's in communication with federal law enforcement (but probably not the FBI because they are in bed with the mafia How Deep The Rabbit Hole Goes- 10:3, and they're going to grant him special protection and a lawyer.
He's going to be escorted safely into protective custody, where no one will be able to further impede his righteous cause.

His YouTube Channel
God speed, Aaron.

 

[Adamska]

You know, usually it's the furry section that does the PA spamming and self-immolations, but it's nice to see it happen here too.

 

[Your Imaginary Frenemy]

@SlorbNorb aka Ethan Closuit

It’s been 48 hours since Aaron Dictor (yours truly) allegedly missed this hearing. By now your promised bench warrant should be available if he is lying. You’ve ridiculed his narrative and spun a bunch of bullshit out of butthurt, came here to start a raid, failed, astroturfed one anyway, and made a follow up post where the only memorable quote you could muster was an example he gave of how narcissists think taken out of context.

You came to Kiwi Farms promising a lolcow, but the kiwis are left wanting. All they got was a shitty NYPA violation. The trolls must be fed.

What say you slorbnorb aka Ethan Closuit? Will you offer up your dox to pay pertinence to the gods of chaos?

TL;DR you’re a huge faggot. Also cocks.

Tell your mom I’d love to schedule an annual event celebrating your life on the anniversary of your e-suicide.

Plot Twist

Both these accounts are Aaron.

In an attempt to stir up more drama and attention he created a new account to post about himself hoping to gain a bigger following.

As if the constant harassment of 12+ individual people isn’t enough drama.

Aaron is a psycho and he is bored. No one will talk to him. He has burned every bridge he ever had because some pretty girl ghosted him *whaaahh*

Instead of growing a pair and moving on with his life he decided to baby reindeer her creating outlandish stories as if this shit was a movie and not real life.

Unfortunately for him, his family and friends all across the globe started communicating, realized they all had the exact same experience with his parasitic psycho ass and decided to work together to put his ass behind bars - where men who deliberately violate the boundaries of women belong.

Now poor Aaron wants some attention, negative or positive will do as long as this lonely boy gets someone, anyone to actually talk to him.

No one has tried to kill him(as surprising as that is). No one is harassing him. No one is stalking him. Every single person has blocked his (12) numbers (5) email addresses and all his social media platforms and moved the fuck on with their lives. Every single person is happy and thriving without him. The authorities will handle it. And in the meantime he’s talking to the moon.

 

[WelperHelper99]

@Your Imaginary Frenemy

I’ll grab the popcorn. This is gonna be goooood.

You are mega gay. The blackest retarded gorilla nigger I've seen in a long time.

 

[convulsion swell]

Boring faggot slapfight. Where is the funny?

 

[convulsion swell]

There is none. This was a personal army attempt and it failed miserably. Sage goes in all fields. Anyway I’m on a road trip and am burning daylight.

What is wrong with your face?

 

[Your Imaginary Frenemy]

Another hint: you seemed super concerned with your phone number being available on my channel in an audio recording. Posting here isn’t going to help.

You’re an idiot.

Am I Jeremy? Gabby? Stephen? Ethan? Detective Taylor? Agent Shane? Your sister? Your mother? Your father? Melissa? Jesse? Doesn’t really matter, you’ll pick one and run with it claiming you have proof you don’t have.

Every single person has legal protections against you for your constant harassment. You’re alone. I won’t continue to give you the attention you seek but I thought these guys should know you are trying to deceive them.

This is what Aaron does. He makes multiple accounts that he uses to stalk and harass his victims and to have fake conversations with himself that he can use as “evidence”. It’s pathetic really. I’d feel bad for him if he wasn’t actually abusing real life people.

He wants internet fame. Don’t give it to him. His music is trash and so is he.

 

[SlorbNorb]

"Hey (Aaron), I'm real sorry, but we don't get to delete evidence, just because it's inconvenient." - We Do Not Forget

 

[Chicken Neck Nelly]

This is not necessarily real life because I don't know these people, but they are from a region near where I grew up and many people in Western Newfoundland have been talking about this lunatic for the last few weeks.

So here we have this absolute gem of a man, Leon Francis, who is wanted by the police for a variety of crimes that will be outlined below.

https://vocm.com/2025/06/18/rcmp-searching-for-wanted-44-year-old/

For context, in Newfoundland we have what we call "skeets," which are just low-class greasy scumbags who commit crimes. It's similar to chavs in the UK or white trash in the US. They used to be more wiggery back in the 2000s but seemed to have shed a good deal of that aesthetic in modern times, though they are probably even worse behaviour-wise due to fentanyl and meth coming to Newfoundland in the last few years. There is a Facebook group called Newfoundland Skeets in Da Streets where people post screenshots, photos or videos of skeety behaviour transpiring in real time. So all of the screenshots I will post below are coming from this group.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/skeetzindastreetz/

This is the beginning of the saga a few weeks ago:






These screenshots have been circulating the last few days, but possibly were actually taken a few weeks ago as well.




So to summarize, this guy is related to this gross prostitute named Starr Francis (who, word on the street is, lives in a tent in the woods), and he caught herpes and Hep C from her, which he has very publicly announced on a group with 52k members in a province of around 500k total population. He has threatened to "cut out" her pussy and "put a broom handke up inside u tear u all apart." He has threatened to poison another woman's dog. He has a warrant for his arrest and is being pursued by the federal police. Despite all this though, he still has time to try to get laid. In the midst of all this, he is still on Facebook Dating attempting to communicate with women who aren't even matching with him, as evidenced by a screenshot below that a girl I know sent me. This is a man who has his priorities in order.

 

[Local Fed]

Thanks for adding this, @Chicken Neck Nelly. Absolute kino. It always brings such a smile to my face when white trash gets so trashy that they start writing like angry pajeets.

 

[Chicken Neck Nelly]

Thanks for adding this, @Chicken Neck Nelly. Absolute kino. It always brings such a smile to my face when white trash gets so trashy that they start writing like angry pajeets.

Lmao, to be fair, judging by the look of him, he is at least quarter Micmac. The average Newf is so retarded, I would say over 50% of us are semi-literate and this is just the normal level of written and typed communication.

 

[SouthernBitchBob]

Girl I went to school with. Not a lolcow since she doesn't do the chronically online oversharing that makes a great cow thread, but the occasional grapevine updates I get about her peg her as a classic Beauty Parlor contestant. Obese, unemployed for over a decade, "can't work", welfare hog. "Carer for disabled family" (with a growing Steam library). "Veteran" husband (discharged from basic training, landed funny on his leg one time and is now so horribly disabled he needs to sit around and play video games all day). Kids, one trooned, one "nonbinary", all with vague classic munchie syndromes explainable with "my kid is a brat" from the list like POTS, fibromyalgia, Ehlers Danlos, Sensory Processing Disorder. Has molded her personality into Libshit Karen Mom, "Gender affirming Healthcare for kids NOW", Queers for Palestine flags, raising her kids around druggy troons. She's a piece of work.

 

[Some Random Soul]

A community I'm on had a grown man (at 29, almost 30) as one of their members until they recently kicked him off due to him having a massive entitlement problem, but more so due to allegations he tried to groom one of the members. He also has a history of lying about other people, including about an ex-girlfriend of his.

The reason I find he stands out as a lolcow is because whenever he doesn't get his way he whines in Facebook statuses about how he's depressed or whatever and how without the community he doesn't have friends... except he has a fuckton of Facebook friends he could be hanging out with outside the community but NO THE COMMUNITY IS MORE IMPORTANT TO HIM THAN HIS OTHER FRIENDS FOR WHATEVER FUCKING REASON!

This whole thing pretty much started after the member (the same one he's accused of trying to groom) met somebody else on the community first before him, and he got upset and started attention seeking to the point where they had to ban him for a day. It was when they started figuring out he was possibly grooming the member that they had to ban him permanently.

Unsurprisingly, due to his entitlement problem, he decided it would be a good idea to try to depression-worm his way back into the community, and it almost worked in that he was given a mini version of the community, except he was given several chances to make amends yet all he did was keep breaching agreements. Eventually everyone had enough and told him to fuck off, blocking him in the process.

As for the part about him lying, the lie he told about his ex-girlfriend was that she cheated on him and that's why they broke up. It wasn't until several years later that she herself spilled the news that really it was because she was uncomfortable around him, and judging by what he did to get banned from the community, it's easy to see why.

There was also another lie he told about the same member I've been talking about, which was that he one time on a Hangouts call showed himself urinating in a toilet. Needless to say after I told the member about it a few years later he went berserk.

I'm sure he's still whining about the community kicking him off on his Facebook.

Update:

Still banned from the British community groups and not allowed back on them. Ever. For obvious reasons ofc.

However, over here I did sorta give him another chance provided he would behave himself. But of course, he did not and pissed off one too many people over in our American community groups too.

I finally have enough and throw him off our groups and leave any that are his. Which resulted in some fiery DM exchanges, including one where he essentially admitted he likes kids in THAT way (aka, he's a pedo).

That outright confirmed anything we had suspected earlier about how he had tried to groom 1-2 people on the British community when they were minors.

Since then, the pedo fat fuck has more than once attempted to stir up drama on his community tab, (yes, the one on YT), only he's now made himself so irrelevant that all we do is just laugh. Including him having to delete posts because he name-dropped people, used his mother who wasn't feeling well for clout, and also trying to deny admitting being a pedo; that being, he's been trying to spin it as "I was forced into admitting it!!". Which is not at all how that works. He admitted it at all.

All those posts later, and his care home got called, which led into his local police department being called. He's now being evicted and having to find another place to live, because his care home doesn't want to deal with his bullshit with the police and whatnot.

 

[DarkSonicPhil]

I'd probably say I'm at 4 out of 10 with asking women I knew from high school or college to be my sugar baby/online whore. Seriously, if that's your thing; try it sometime. Really, just find their phone number or reach out to them directly and honestly about it. You'd be shocked how desperate most women are for money. (Interpret this as you will).

 

[femboy fart huffer]

Man I just randomly remembered a guy from facebook from years ago now. Guy's name 'sir' shahid khan, took a while to find him again because I thought his name was sadiq which obviously just brought up the london mayor. fb link. Apparently no one at all has mentioned this guy on the farms ever, apparently I'm the first from what I can tell. I can only describe him as an arabic james cage white. The guy's stop posting now, but he used to post fucking giant photodumps. You know how professional photographers or whores take thousands of photos and just sort through the best ones to post, this guy does the same but just posts everything instead. Routinely used to post 100+ photo photo albums of almost the exact same image that are never quite centered correctly.

He just has this incredibly distinctive face, I don't quite know why I can remember it so well other than him posting it so much.

The guy got decently 'popular' around 2019 or so. He spent a stupid amount of money to boost his posts considering this page is just photos of him with no product or way to regain the money spent. He would repeatedly do this for a load of his selfie posts. I don't really know how much he spent on each post but it was probably about 50ish usd per post, several times. Here's a few of the things he decided to pay to boost. This guy has less than 1k followers and his normal posts got about 10-50 likes so anything above that is obviously boosted.

Also from here on in there will be a lot of shirtless men maybe a bit of nipple.

Spoiler

I had to remove the little like thing for privacy reasons but most of these posts did not get more likes than comments.





One of the most iconic things about him is this smile. He just has a very memorable smile and posts photos like this so fucking often.


This one was just a livestream of him laying in bed and talking

Along with more selfie dumps than the average teenager at the time he also posts an even more retardedly high amount of what I can only describe as 'moodboards'. I can't really describe the theme other than saying pinterest front page. It's either some place of beauty or a cool photoshop. My mum recently started using ai to make images of things she thinks is cool, that's the type of thing he would post aside from it's all just downloaded and reposted. For every post with a photo of himself there are probably 5 of just random cool things he saw online. They almost unanimously get 0 engagement. He has however boosted these posts too. These get even more engagement because they are actually somewhat interesting and not just a photo of a man. He seems to have left the ad options completely blank, so everyone from the most retarded of boomer to someone like me got the exact same ads. Also a lot of these posts include random women. I won't say it's noncy, I'll just say he's probably twice as old as some of these women and I don't think they would really want their photos alongside this guy's. Though he posts about eid mudbrak or whatever so I think he's a muslim so don't write the nonce part off entirely.

Spoiler

There's also this one which is just fucking strange. I have not censored anything in this image at all.

How the fuck did this happen? Genuinely. He managed to boost a post and not a single person liked the post? How the fuck? I genuinely don't know. The comments have a load of likes and boomers going yea very nice. I also can't press the share button when I open the post to look at the comments? I think he might have disabled some setting for this post or maybe some sort of legal demand from the woman in this photo. There is the typical Indian faggot in the comment that downloaded the photo and then posted it in this comments section for some fucking reason, that comment has 2 likes which is somehow 2 more than this post? fuck knows.

Ok after looking at those screenshots I take back what I said earlier. Getting a post to 10k and 5.6k likes from an ad is probably talking at least several hundred usd. He also posted a new year's image in july.

Also he posted this.

I don't know if he's a brony, I don't think he is, I think he just thought this image was visually pleasing.

I called him the arabic james cage white for a reason, not only does he spam selfies but he also

i want white woman it is my allah will to date white woman.

Here's a few of my personal favourite photos he's posted.

Spoiler

This one is just beautiful. Look at that tongue. Mmmmm nice yellowing. Isn't this so sexy, don't you want to date him after seeing this? Imagine the yeast infections he could give you


Sometimes I wonder if he's trying to become some deathgrips album cover.


Pov the kidnapper opened the boot to check on how moist your fanny is


He brands himself as some rich guy. Constantly posting images of 'his' car that he got from google images. He's posted about his money a couple times, the second image in this post is literally saying he is 'to rich'. As well I'm sure his bio used to talk about how rich he was or some shit. Alongside him branding himself as 'sir' which he obviously is not knighted. Anyway here's our billionaire on a dirty carpet with his laundry.

It's just his smile. He reminds me of someone but I can't quite nail it and it kinda annoys me.

My favourite part about this guy was. Ok. Maybe I won't say what I was about to, let me rephrase that. The saga of his hair has been interesting.

Spoiler

There's this post which is just beautiful. Why you would post this I have no idea, especially as this is apparently a 'business' page for a 'loan service'. I mean probably autism let's be honest, something like that.


Anyway. He has had several different beards over the years. Actually, that's somewhat interesting. His first post has his iconic aussie hitler, the next post less than a day later has the full dad beard.
Anyway this is how he started, kinda hard to tell but he also has just like normal hair in this but is almost completely bald.


He's then shave everything off. Instead of keeping it shaved or keeping the dad beard he would decide to go on to develop what I will politely describe as iconic and unique facial hair styles. Starting with the bushy chinstrap or the balding mc ride.

Fairly normal. Not something I would ever do personally, but nothing atrocious. Maybe he just doesn't like getting his mustache getting full of shit when trying to eat spagbol or something like that?

This would soon grow out and, well, we got this absolute fucking beauty.

Genuinely one of the best photos he has ever posted.

He then shaves everything back off. It feels a lot like he has a shaver but either doesn't have or know how to use the length guides. It's either all or nothing. He also decided to fully embrace the slaphead life and get rid of what left of his normal hair at this time too. He lets it grow back in and then shaves again, giving us the first of his aussie hitlers.

It is however quickly retired and we get another beautiful smiling photo.

Hotdog lips any essex lass would be proud of.

This cycle he properly commits to the aussie hitler.

The best part about this one is that every single post with this style the top goes from the middle of his lip and then goes down at an angle. Every time it is not straight.

He then shaves the mustache off and the bottom bit grows in more.

It lasts for a month before a new cycle begins. Mustache. New cycle. Another of this beautiful style. This time the strip gets wider.


Then a new cycle. This time back to the balding mc ride.


It continues to get longer and longer until it looks like this and he shaves it off.


After shaving that last beard off he'd keep it clean shaven until abandoning the page. His choice of incredibly long beard but shaven cheeks and upper lip as well as the just random line of hair on the chin have been simply iconic, absolute one of a kind beauty.

There's just something about him, maybe the lack of eyebrows. Maybe it's the strange bulging and shape of his head. Maybe it's his smile. There's just something special. If he didn't quit he would almost certainly be proper thread worthy.