Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

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I checked in on my personal lolcow, and here are some of her recent posts.
I'm so fucking confused. In what universe does anyone buy a car without taking it for a test ride first? If you don't fit in the car... uh, don't buy it?
 
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@The Lawgiver homestuck troll spotted irl
This seems less troll and more akin to the weird motivational messages I'd get from random gibberish name accounts on PSN about 3 or 4 years ago with similarly weird formatting . To this day I have no clue what the fuck was happening there.

I also do not like how I can hear the accent with the ö
 
What happens when all you consume is media made for small children? How does a person act when they hit their 30s and still won't drop the media they consoomed when they were seven years old? There are a handful of lolcows being observed on this site that fit that description but here I bring you one that I have had the displeasure of knowing at one point in my life, and that is GokaiOrange.

GokaiOrange is a Quentin Reviews wannabe who posts insanely long and inane videos about shows that nobody over the age of ten cares about with any degree of sincerity. His primary sperg show being Danger Rangers, a forgotten cartoon from the 2000s that teaches kids about basic safety tips and morality. Here's the target demographic per Common Sense Media.
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For frame of reference: Gokai is about eight times that age. He has been making videos about this obscure baby show for about four years now: (this playlist doesn't have every video he's made on the subject, I'm not going out of my way to find every single one) https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLv5UdWQp6j5Tg4zelj8bAEk-ZjAdPUoor.

The videos themselves are decently made enough, at least for a very amateur documentarian, but what makes him noteworthy or interesting or even funny enough to make him stand out from every other mentally crippled retard in these circles? Well, for one, he has heavily implied that he, a man who has to constantly beg for money on bluesky

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can resolve the current status of his favorite baby show, that status being nonexistent, since it was cancelled twenty years ago since hardly anyone watched it. In a video posted about a year ago at the writing of this post, he laments the current inactivity of his favorite show made for toddlers and lectures the current rightsholders about how powerful this particular preschool program can be in modern times, serving an educational need fulfilled by virtually every baby show in existence.



When he is not producing spergumentaries for his one thousand subscribers, he is doing any manchild does, and that's getting into slapfights on discord servers with people half his age, and getting felted to boot. He also takes this opportunity to parrot the same watered down morality lessons from his favorite children's programming.

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Here's the kicker: I did not scrape this from some private discord interaction by doing any pozhole negging or snooping. This absolute mongoloid posted this to his own Xitter, thinking he was the one to take the W. He also takes the opportunity to wokescold while he has the chance.

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I could never find an excuse to repost this screenshot. This is someone else's post from a years ago and I don't know the source. The guy in the picture reminds me of Trainspotting because he's equal parts sad and funny.
 

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One video...One video was all it took for a Satanist, Gay Furfag named KottonHesk to release his vitriolic bile and hypocrisy onto my channel. Succinctly, he commented over my verbal evisceration over AMC's "The Furry Detectives" without any self-reflection, predictable.
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After researching KottonHesk I've found that he...

1) Drew Shota/Twink/young boy renditions of his Furfagsona.
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2) Follows faggot Furfag prostitutes on BlueSky
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3) Two of his furfag friends died in that last five years, one by suicide, another by drowning. Even though this was horrible for him, he never realized that the "wages of sin" lead to death. KottonHesk always portrays himself as an 2edgy4u Satanist, but in reality, he's a milquetoast snowflake that follows the establishment and a typical case of TDS.

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4) Recalibar, the suicided furfag friend of KottonHesk, was a DJ at furcons and also Satanist degenerate. Here's his comment on fleshlights with little shark toys inside. Yes, that is a real thing unfortunately...
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Finally, here are his socials:
KottonHesk/Starzkie
A.K.A: Kotton Hesk, kottonnimnim
===================
Bitter, leftist, satanist Furry Fag who couldn't take a joke
ALL PICS: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1vdaF4pULYbiP-7k73LF6L_Oa9ILEmPmG?usp=sharing
===================
Socials:
YT: https://youtube.com/@kottonhesk5246?si=8Py8K5ruv1vhoy-c
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kottonhesk?lang=en
X: https://x.com/heskkotton
BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/kottonhesk.bsky.social
Furaffinity: https://www.furaffinity.net/user/kottonnimnim/
Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/kottonhesk
FB: https://www.facebook.com/kotton.hesk
Telegram: https://t.me/Kottonhesk

Kotton mourning Trevor Amos Carter:

Kotton mourning his friend Benji:

Kotton mourning his friend Recalibar:

KottonHesk Screenshots
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REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Cub/Shota art

KottonHesk's Friends & Follows
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Recalibar: A Satanist Furry DJ who offed himself in 2021.
His X banner, a furry BDSM orgy:
Face & Fat Body:

Recalibar commenting on "Shark fleshlights"

BlueSky Furfags Kotton Follows:

Pup Tunder- Gay Furry Pornographer

DuskDalmatian- Retro Vidya collector
Telegram: @DuskDalmatian
 
Storytime. Sadly I'm going to have to change names and details to avoid powerlevelling, but this is still my personal lolcow.

This woman, let's call her Denise, is my wife's former college room-mate. When I met her (about 2017) she was probably well over 400lbs, I think she's even fatter now. The kind of fat where you get fucked-up fingers because of the fat pads, accentuated by long, acrylic nails making her hands look like the Wicked Witch of the West drawn by someone with an inflation fetish.

Denise was what the lingo of the time would call a tumblrina SJW, and of course she was obsessed with "fatphobia". She said she was that overweight because of "genetics" (that she hadn't even had tested at that point, it was my wife who actually organised some genetic testing for her - she never told us the results, which speaks for itself), and that doctors weren't sufficiently "educated" about "fat acceptance" and kept cruelly and ignorantly suggesting that her health problems (joint pain, fatigue, back pain and breathing problems) were because of her weight. Stupid doctors, with their medical degrees and years of experience, how many Tumblr blogs have THEY read, huh??

Her boyfriend, we'll call him Pete, was a quiet autist who himself was well over 300lbs. I don't think they had sex for political reasons, though unless he was hung like Ron Jeremy I'm not sure it was mechanically possible because of gunt-fupa interface issues. He seemed terrified of everyone and everything and absolutely miserable. She ordered him around like her personal servant. I wanted him to blink three times if he was under duress. He clearly had no self-esteem and she had bullied him into believing that she was the best he could do.

One year (I think it was 2018 ) we invited them over for Christmas. We lived in quite a big house at the time, and we had a spare room with an en-suite, as well as camp beds we could stick in other rooms and a couple of sofas. I think there were 8 people total in the house that year. We spent over £250 on food to last the 4 days everyone was here. We gave Denise and Pete the spare room with the ensuite bathroom because Denise said her back was too bad to sleep on anything less than a double bed.

Denise and Pete arrived with two suitcases. One was full of clothes, medications, general supplies you would need staying over somewhere. And, oddly, an air mattress. The other, I am not exaggerating, was filled with snacks, mostly chocolate bars and Haribo. An entire fucking suitcase of sugar and chocolate, for 4 days when we would be cooking for them. They consumed ALL of it by the end of the trip.

After the first day, all the food we bought was gone. They ate it ALL. So we needed to do an emergency shop on Christmas Eve (even finding places that were open was a real challenge and they weren't cheap places), spending at least another £300. Clearly, a genetic problem. Water weight. Not two entire roast turkeys and a suitcase full of Mars bars in under 96 hours. That was all gone by the end of Christmas day and we had to spend another £150 on Boxing Day. So that's £800 ($1100) of food, consumed by 8 people. Well, not consumed by 8 people. Everyone else ranged from very skinny to normal. I would say Pete and Denise ate at least half of the food we bought, and bear in mind the £250-worth we got at the beginning was easily enough to feed 8 people for 4 days, because I used it to made bulk bolognaise, chicken curry and chilli in our huge copper cooking pot, all of which vanished down Denise's insatiable (but genetic you guys) gullet.

When she wasn't consuming £100 of bulk-bought food per day (which she did not offer to contribute to) and a suitcase full of Haribo, she was being a pain in the ass. She did nothing but complain for all four days, mostly about her health problems (she made Pete massage her disgusting mis-shapen talons and horrible feet, in front of everyone), those know-nothing doctors who thought weighing as much as a motorbike at 5'3 was bad for you, and "fatphobia". And of course Donald Fucking Trump, a really relevant topic of conversation in the UK when the rest of us were trying to play Jackbox and Cards Against Humanity.

When she left my wife and I breathed a sigh of relief, but that was only brief, because then we entered their room - and it looked like a bomb had hit it. There were chocolate bar and candy wrappers everywhere, no attempt to bag them up, throw them out, or anything. They just left the air mattress behind - and it seemed that Pete had been forced to sleep on the floor, with Denise taking up an entire Queen-sized bed on her own. Then the toilet ... oh God the toilet. Do you know what a diet of Haribo and Snickers bars does to a motherfucker? Well clearly there had been multiple daily anal exorcisms, because there was shit in places shit should not be. No attempt to wipe anything down or clean. And she had broken the toilet seat. This house had stupid imported Italian toilets that needed their own special toilet seats that cost (I shit you not) £60 each ($85). She hadn't even bothered to tell us she'd done it, just left us with the bill, the cleanup, and a story to post on Kiwi Farms I suppose.

The last straw was when we read her Tumblr blog. She clearly didn't know that we knew about it (she had two, one for her shitty art and this one for complaining about people), and she used it to lay into us. She accused us of "fatphobia", unnamed "microaggressions" and being "shitty hosts who tried to force her to lose weight by not feeding her". I nearly had a rage aneurism. That was the last time either of us ever spoke to her, but I've kept up with her. She is now of course a "non-binary lesbian", because that became the cool thing to be about 2020, and poor Pete was forced to become "non-binary" too despite clearly being a perfectly normal guy. She'll probably feed/work him to death now, then complain that he was "fatphobic" for DARING to die before bringing her snacks.
 
Daniel Green aka Alkatib Shaytan aka Mattias Barnesenoble aka ReignOfTheBaited

he's a "musician and promoter" from my local music scene. I came in contact with him after both of our bands played a show together. His band was looking for a bass player, I was planning on leaving my band so I joined his. Dan is a man in his mid to late 30's with three kids and runs troll pages to shit on other bands in the scene anonymously. I ended up leaving his band when his trolling got so out of hand it started bleeding into my career and affecting it.

Dan is also heavily obsessed with his black identity even though he's mixed. He will call anyone a racist or a colonizer who disagrees with him or calls him out on his shitty behavior. He also refuses to work a day job because he "doesn't want to be a wage slave to the white man"

Dan has caused so many problems for himself in the local music scene, he's allegedly been jumped by local mosh crews twice, and been banned from several musician groups online from causing too much discourse and infighting.

He's also cheated on the mother of his children and apparently did prison time for robbing a pizza delivery man.

He hates cancel culture but will troll people and try to cancel people on a constant basis, even over shit that never happened. For example, he attended a show i played at with his mistress and complained to the promoters that his woman was being sexually harassed or assaulted by someone he didn't like. When the promoters checked the venue cameras and tried to verify the claims (didn't find anything substantial) Dan went on a two year crusade now trying to cancel the promoters and claiming he's doing it out of "necessity to make the scene a safe space for women." he ended up cheating on his mistress and has been living out of his car making acoustic diss tracks on everyone in the scene who's told him he's wrong.
 
IntrusiveThot, an admin of the Discord server Cranberristan is running a weed cult that's recruiting around Discord with one confirmed underage member. She also claims to be friends with someone investing money with Null (lol). She's a legit schizo so I doubt it. I'm not looking to make a thread or to have people fuck with her, I just want to get more info on her. Here's her censored North Dakota license and a picture of her diagnosis of schizophrenia from a North Dakota hospital.
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She posted both unprompted in a server.
 
IntrusiveThot, an admin of the Discord server Cranberristan is running a weed cult that's recruiting around Discord with one confirmed underage member. She also claims to be friends with someone investing money with Null (lol). She's a legit schizo so I doubt it. I'm not looking to make a thread or to have people fuck with her, I just want to get more info on her. Here's her censored North Dakota license and a picture of her diagnosis of schizophrenia from a North Dakota hospital.
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She posted both unprompted in a server.
Grey eyes?
 
I got a fun one, it's long winded, but dear god was this saga amazing. My subject is one PrfctCellRulz. A 38 year old Transformers fan who lives with his mom and posts like Frank the Tank mixed with Chris-Chan.

Now for the time I've known him, Mr. PrfctCellRulz had a figure he wanted most of all, his "Grail". That being the 2016 Titans Return Fortress Maximus. Personally it's not really that great, but to him this was everything. He himself says he had PTSD because he missed out on the initial release. Many people on TFW2005, Twitter and Discord gave him leads, but he never took them up.

This was because Mr. PrfctCellRulz has a spending problem, one where he'd reportedly spent a few grand on Royal Match, a Candy Crush clone. I shit you not. So his mother has control of his spending, which means he either has to beg for figures at Walmart, or wait until the holidays. Luckily for him, his wish for his grail would be granted. Winter 2023, the figure went up for preorder, and would be shipping that coming March. That Christmas, Mr. PrfctCellRulz got his wish, his mom pre-ordered it as a Christmas gift.

Unfortunately fate would have other means, and the figure, slated for a March release, got pushed back to August due to supply chain issues, standard stuff. This however, was unacceptable. If he couldn't have it in March, then he couldn't have it at all. He threw a tantrum through multiple discords, forums and social media sites. But instead of keeping it and merely waiting, he (I shit you not) made his mother cancel the preorder. The preorder that was his Christmas gift. From his mother.

That presented an even bigger problem, how the fuck would he get this figure? He searched Mercari and eBay, and would groan, "The grinch stole Christmas and is making me spend even more on a Fort Max". He couldn't just beg his mother for $350, especially considering the shit he pulled. He would continue to complain, bitch and moan until finally, Christmas 2024, he got his Fort Max. He could have gotten it earlier, if only he learned to be patient. Unfortunately he still hasn't learned, and it's cost him not only his relationship with his mother, but his figure collection as well, as last I heard, she took part of it so he'd get a job. Fort Max included.

Anyway moral of the story, Be Patient. Don't throw away what others give to you, because it'll be twice as hard to get it back.
 

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Okay, so: There's this guy I bumped into on Discord, called Zero Striker, who's in a few gaming servers, and I shared one with him before I bailed for reasons you'll see shortly, even though it was easy to rustle his jimmies for my own amusement. In the few days I shared the server with him, he was one of the most insufferable people I had the displeasure to meet. Dude wouldn't shut the fuck up about how fans from X or Y were pedos, such as My Hero Academia's fanbase, which raised a few red flags because I often see people whining about pedos being outed as pedos themselves. This is because he is a keyboard warrior, and he sometimes calls himself "Too Woke (tm)" as a passive-aggressive joke, since that's how these retards behave.

On top of that, he's a hypocrite, because he'll claim to be pro-women or whatever, then trashtalk any woman he hates in a very, well, sexist way. I have a friend who also ran into him, and she told me he occasionally trashtalks creators like Vivziepop and Mori Calliope which, say what you will about them and their work, dude is a massive hypocrite if he claims to be a "feminist" but spazzes the fuck out whenever "Female I Don't Like" appears.

But you know what's the funniest thing about him? He gets TRIGGERED by Marvel Rivals, because, as a friend found out, he's a huge simp for Overwatch. You know, the game made by the same company that had the famous Cosby Suite. And boy oh boy does he get seething mad at Marvel Rivals. Bringing up my friend again, Mr. Zero Striker has said a lot of bullshit about the developers of the game themselves, like how they "see women as objects" or some shit like that, and a lot more rancid nonsense. He'll also go into an autistic tantrum if you even peep about The Coffin of Andy and Leyley, which seems to be a common pattern with him and other fringe retards online.

All this... because Marvel Rivals is threatening Overwatch's popularity. My friend also told me he's a degenerate who's into niche fetish stuff, but I haven't dug any deeper into that, and that he's also a Warframe junkie who won't shut up about it.

I found his Twitter and it's as I expected, with pronouns and everything.
 
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