Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

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I have one personal lolcow who is no longer in a server i'm in who is pretty exceptional. I'll call him 2. Surprise surprise, 2 is :autism: and he's in his mid 20s. He is a strange man.

I never knew about 2 until i saw him in a Discord server bitching to everyone out of nowhere. He was complaining, typing in caps with angry emojis because the admins in the server were posting pictures outside of their designated channels. He was making a big stink about it which isn't really a big deal, but it was according to him. 2 gets kicked from the server after bitching and then people who knew 2 found out he made his own server to counter against the one he was kicked from. It was pretty obvious at the time because the server was identical to the one he got kicked from. 2 made so many channels on his server, 90% of them were barely used. Some people, including me, joined his server to fuck with him because he was the laughing stock in the server. But then he gave me admin powers in the server since he trusted me. The server made me a little uncomfortable because 2 had a 11 year old in his Discord server which made me question why was a goddamn kid in the server. The answer? He advertised his server, if i remember correctly, in either a Yokai Watch or some kid game Discord server and the kid joined in. Oh yeah, 2 also had his IRL brother as a mod in the server. 2 and his brother somewhat doxxed themselves because at one point, their avatars were pictures of themselves. I did manage to find their dox info thanks to 2's brother using his full name on another site so it wasn't hard to get their info. 2's server was then trolled by 2 guys spamming hentai before they got banned. I had to ban them since i had to listen to 2. Months go by, i leave the server and 2 asks me why. I explain to him because the server was a barren wasteland and he then closes his server for good.

Recently, 2 left a server i was in silently for no reason. But i think i know what happened and what made him leave. We'll call this person Bio. Bio's username in the server was different compared to the other servers they're in. 2 messages Bio thinking they're female trying to chat it up with them. It got worse because 2 was talking to Bio about his fetish. But i'll get to that in a bit. How did 2 come to the conclusion that Bio was female? Their username. 2 assumed Bio's gender just by their username alone. If that's not the most cringiest and stupidest thing you've ever heard of, well it's true. Bio is actually a dude and while 2 is under the assumption that Bio is female, 2 starts getting too comfortable talking about his foot fetish to Bio asking if he can "help" him out with it. What kind of help? Roleplaying. After 2 figures out that Bio is male, 2 REEEEEEEEEEEE's about it to the point he tried getting Bio kicked from a mutual Discord server they were in together. The server basically said "Oh they're a guy? Ok." and that was it. 2 then starts putting Bio under the bus and trying to get him kicked out of the server acting as if Bio was fucking with him on purpose just to toy with him, while Bio basically told him that he didn't do anything wrong and it was his own stupidity for everything. 2 gets kicked out of the server for starting drama while Bio is still in the server to this day. After this happened, he silently left the server i was in which explains why he left. Bio then tells me and a group of friends what happened while i was reacting to it in chat. It was pretty hilarious.

I dunno how i meet so many people who are so exceptional. I feel like a magnet to these guys.

BONUS

There's more to this story, sort of. We'll call this guy Sassy. Sassy was in the same server me and Bio are in together. After Sassy saw how i laughed and reacted to 2 thinking Bio was female thanks to Bio providing the story to me and others, Sassy messages me saying that they no longer want to be friends with me anymore because i was "bullying" 2 behind his back and wishes to not be friends with a bully. Now if i remember correctly, talking about a person behind their back who is no longer in a server doesn't really qualify as being a bully. But according to Sassy's flawed logic of the definition, it is. If i lose a "friend" for something that i didn't do, then oh well.
 
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My personal lolcow, a woman who thinks she's a man, has recently announced that her husband now believes he's a woman and their child (a boy) is asking for they/them pronouns. What a world.
 
Laurelle is still in River City, staying at a homeless shelter. She posted an ad on Craigslist, trying to get a free ride to Shitsville, but she comes off as so crazy and such a trainwreck in it, only the most fanatically dedicated lolcow mïlker would tolerate being stuck in a car with her for a day and a half, and then they'd come rushing to the Farms to start a thread.

Apparently, she's never heard the old hippie nomad vandweller saying, "Bring cash, grass, or ass--nobody rides for free." She has no money to offer to cover gas costs on this long journey, is adamantly anti-420 or any other drug, and she threatens to report creepy men who offer her a ride in exchange for sex to the police. She also refuses to do any of the driving on what is a long, mostly boring, trip straight down the interstate.

But, being a New Age magical-thinking Narcissist, she believes her delays in leaving town are due to not being fully "in alignment" with it, and not allowing the Universe to provide it. So instead of re-writing her ad to sound like a sane, pleasant person, she's spending today in a quiet corner of a public library with all the rest of the homeless folks, visualizing some kind-hearted, charitable person giving her a ride and asking absolutely nothing in return.

ETA: Oh! And she's also having psychic premonitions about the former professor she's obsessed with; she believes he's going to come find her soon and ask her to marry him. For three years now, she's believed he is fated to be her next husband--because after all, if she wants it badly enough, it must be true. She couldn't possibly be wasting her time on a delusion; she just hasn't figured out how to allow the Universe to bring him to her. Good times.
 
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When Undertale came out, there was this teen (I'd say 10th grade?) in my class who had vitiligo and did nothing, nothing but act like an ass to the teacher. He also kept humming Megalovania during class and kept being :autistic: and sperged about Undertale all the time.
There's also this girl I sometimes see who has an anime backpack and wears anime clothes everyday??? like...especially on Thursdays. She wore this dress with Yuri on Ice characters on it and kept screaming about her "yaoiz XD"
 
Blarmination said:
Do you have any information on what led to that? Or any more updates in general?
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Not really. One of BJ's little cousins was in my mom's class (adorable child, totally normal) and so she had a little contact with the family recently. It seems like BJ has had some mental issues lately, but Alec works at Kmart now.


Also apparently Kmarts still exist, so there's that.
 
This is really weird to give a catagory, since it's not a lolcow or a particularly bad community, but the entirety of NV:MP is my personal lolproject.

https://nv-mp.com/forum/index.php

A mod meant to make the game Fallout: New Vegas into a multiplayer experience, but developed by people who actually might be more incompetent than Briana Wu. Here's a short rundown of really, really, retarded choices the dev team has made.

- Can't get quests to sync between players, despite the existence of very similar mods for Skyrim being able to do so.
- All weapon skills are capped at 15, meaning most weapons are useless and most perks being unobtainable.
- Refusing to give out a way to host servers AND refusing to add DLC support so that "the playerbase does not split"
- Removing all major NPC's from the game, and replacing them with a forum-based create-a-faction system.
- Replacing quests with a boring, strange, and clunky location capturing system.
- Server cap (again, THEIR server's cap) was recently increased to 75, despite having difficulties getting 20 players on the server.
-Banning people for literally whatever reason they feel like.

Not much drama happens aside from, again, banning people for breathing funny, though the number of complaints of "dead game" are getting more frequent. Most of the milk gathered from NV:MP is just watching them fail to make any decent choices.
 
I have the distinct "privilege" of living a couple of blocks from one of my favorite personal lolcows, who I'll refer to as "Jim". Despite being well into middle age, Jim has an unabashed obsession with Superman. He has even gone so far as to crudely paint the Superman shield onto both sides of his pickup truck.

Granted that is a bit unusual, but not exactly lolcow material in and of itself. Let me tell you about his house. His front yard is filled with a perplexing combination of weird folk art and random garbage. His yard is home to several lawn chairs, each of which contain a large plush Care Bear that sits outside regardless of the weather. He also keeps a radio on his porch that plays Christian programming 24 hours a day. I shudder to think how his neighbors must feel.

His bizarre behavior is what really propels him into lolcow territory. Several years ago, Jim, who cuts grass for a living and has no law enforcement experience, got the bright idea to run for sheriff of our county. A local TV station invited all of the local contenders to appear at a televised forum in which each candidate would be allowed to introduce themselves and answer questions related to their campaign. Most of the guests wore nice semi-formal attire for their TV debut, but not our boy Jim. He decided to wear a custom-printed t-shirt with a large picture of his pet beagle covering the front. This is the same beagle that Jim dressed in a Superman costume and paraded around the neighborhood while loudly exclaiming, "Oh doggy, I'll love you till the end of time!" Suffice it to say the voters went in a different direction with their pick for sheriff.

Jim also has a sister who moved into town recently after being released from prison. She styles herself as a "preacher" and "evangelist" and can be frequently found yelling bible quotes and religious mantras at anyone who crosses her path. One of her distinctive trademarks is her bedazzled and airbrushed jacket that contains more religious dogma. She clearly shares the same artistic talent as her brother. She's a cow in her own right, but I haven't met her enough to get the full story yet.

And there you have it, my friends. Jim may not be the most prolific or outrageous lolcow, there's just something about him that fills me with a mixture of bafflement and reluctant affection.
 
Oh boy here we go.

Over the course of three years Ive known about 200 schizocows who were in psychosis. Ill post the funny stuff.

One thought he had to fertilize all of europe with his semon because a snoop dog clip showed him that the US made all of Europe infertile. One women sometimes started shaking weirdly causing her to she scream out loud: “Im being hacked! “ One women thought she was hitler and God and that I was vincent van gogh. A women thought her left foot was adolf hitler. One black women thought she was my mother. There was a dude who believed in a conspiracy about me and warned other patients that I was secretely injecting them with AIDS in the night. One man believes all the people from Suriname tried to kill him and he screamed at the nurses that the queen saw him right now and told her she would take revenge. One girl thought there were bombs in the wall and if she said the wrong things they would explode. One women thought she was CIA and FBI on a secret mission and I one time walked by her and she was angry at me because I ‘stole the clarity of her handwriting’. One women crowned me president of Argentina. One thought I was God, one thought i was a prophet. One guy saw people transforming into demons and then attacked them. One thought people were certain relatives of her and attacked them. One thought all the garbage men were drug barons and because she knew this they try to kill her.


Theres so much more and these people are crazier than just one weird belief. It took over their entire being where conversations were very hard to follow, very disorganized and disoriented and just completely out of this world.


There is another individual that I should mention because he was the only one who was in a mental hospital (for more than 20 years) because of his autism. Now Im not talking subtle autistic behavior. You would be very aware of his ‘tism the moment you saw him. This man had one interest and that, ladies and gentlemen, was table tennis. At every opportunity possible, as soon as he would see anyone, no matter if he knew them, he would approach that person and talk about table tennis. He would talk about how much he prefered wooden tables over stone tables, his matches of which he knew exactly at which moment he or the other party made a point, whether you could smash etcetera. It didnt matter whether the person he talked to was very obviously disinterested, even if they walked away he would follow them to to continue his raving about table tennis. He talked about this literally all the time from morning till night. Even in schedueled group talks he would interupt and burst out at random to say something about table tennis. After he was “hushed” several times he would start mumbling to himself about table tennis.

This stuff is all out of the top of my head but knowing these people has been quite a colourful and entertaining experience.
 
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I'm sure I've spoken about this quality personal lolcow but I can't remember, my memory is like a fucking sieve.

Someone I know with a kid went through a break-up a few years back. His missus went full exceptional, phoned the police over false allegations etc.

Anyway turns out she was shagging a family friend, and quickly this guy moved in with her. Buddy I know attempted to sort out contact of the child, but his ex was having none of it.

He went through the courts and suddenly shit about her started to come out.

Firstly she admitted she was a (now) single parent who is an alcoholic and couldn't control the kid. Apparently her kid (between 1 and 2) found a giant ass vibrator and ran around the house with it.

Instead of her saying "leave it alone" in front of her mates who were visiting, she found it funny and let the kid play with it.

After multiple visits and court dates, legal custody of the child went to the dad's parents. Turns out her new boyfriend has done prison time for being a paedo, and the kid can't be trusted round her or him.

After this, she tried to garner sympathy from her friends. After the outrage, she got regular supervised contact.

But again, the boyfriend got a court date and landed in prison AGAIN. I can't remember exact charges, but it involved producing pornography of minors.

While the guy was in prison, baby's mommy proposed to him and he accepted (like a Romeo and Juliet love story). He finally got out of prison and both of them were living happily, until recently.

The couple had planned out the wedding and it was supposed to be this month (january). But shortly before Christmas, the guy had said "due to unfortunate circumstances the wedding will not be on in january".

From what I've heard, the guy has gone back to prison again. Apparently cell bars make it a bit difficult to attend your wedding.
 
Okay so there's this guy on Gaia who is hilarious but doesn't make enough content to warrant a thread.


He goes by DEANRULEZ123 and for at least 3 years, his only use of Gaia is to join the game servers and... well...
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I have said yes once, just to see his response, which was him sending the same message over and over to hypnotize me before starting sexual RP, but I got as far as him telling to to describe how my tits feel before bailing from the cringe.

But that doesn't stop him from asking me on at least a weekly basis. I assume by accident, because the alternative is that he stalks me. I'm not the only user he's done this to, either. The only reason he hasn't been reported is because he's sort of a meme. And while I'd love to make my break out lolcow thread on this weirdo, this is all he does. He doesn't respond to any non-hypnosis related questions. But he doesn't seem to be a bot either, based on my experience during the "trance." He's just an obsessive weirdo.

So there's my personal lolcow.

Edit: so he just left a server I was in, then some other played joined, then he rejoined and asked if he could put us both in a trance. She responded with "yes," he said "add me," and they both left. So I guess his strategy does work?
 
captn_kettle said:
I'm sure I've spoken about this quality personal lolcow but I can't remember, my memory is like a fucking sieve.

Someone I know with a kid went through a break-up a few years back. His missus went full exceptional, phoned the police over false allegations etc.

Anyway turns out she was shagging a family friend, and quickly this guy moved in with her. Buddy I know attempted to sort out contact of the child, but his ex was having none of it.

He went through the courts and suddenly shit about her started to come out.

Firstly she admitted she was a (now) single parent who is an alcoholic and couldn't control the kid. Apparently her kid (between 1 and 2) found a giant ass vibrator and ran around the house with it.

Instead of her saying "leave it alone" in front of her mates who were visiting, she found it funny and let the kid play with it.

After multiple visits and court dates, legal custody of the child went to the dad's parents. Turns out her new boyfriend has done prison time for being a paedo, and the kid can't be trusted round her or him.

After this, she tried to garner sympathy from her friends. After the outrage, she got regular supervised contact.

But again, the boyfriend got a court date and landed in prison AGAIN. I can't remember exact charges, but it involved producing pornography of minors.

While the guy was in prison, baby's mommy proposed to him and he accepted (like a Romeo and Juliet love story). He finally got out of prison and both of them were living happily, until recently.

The couple had planned out the wedding and it was supposed to be this month (january). But shortly before Christmas, the guy had said "due to unfortunate circumstances the wedding will not be on in january".

From what I've heard, the guy has gone back to prison again. Apparently cell bars make it a bit difficult to attend your wedding.
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What’s the minimum sentence for that kind of stuff over by where you live? This seems like its all happening in a short amount of time.
 
Gingervitis said:
What’s the minimum sentence for that kind of stuff over by where you live? This seems like its all happening in a short amount of time.
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This was over the span of a couple years.

And I agree it seems to be a short conviction. We were hoping he would be inside for a couple years at least, and he keeps getting off with short visits to jail.
 
Jeffrey's been pretty quiet since the court drama shit started. I'm pretty sure that's more because the lawyer told him to, rather than him actually having learned a lesson.

However, Oprah possibly running for president has kicked his autism into overdrive, and he's been pretty much taking the Samuel Collingwood Smith approach of "I'd not advocate doing anything illegal, but it'd sure be a shame if something bad were to happen to her."
 
It's been a full month since my last update on Laurelle, during which she was quiet for a while. But now she's back, and the m.ilk is flowing once more. Not in the quantity I'd like it to, and due to her limited internet access that's not likely to change, but I'll take what I can get.

So in the last episode, she had stormed out of her older sister and BIL's house, swearing she would never return, because they invited her bipolar, recovering addict, convicted felon older brother to stay for Christmas. This brother, Wayne, apparently posed such a serious threat to Laurelle's safety that she was determined to permanently cut contact with her sister, move far away, and change her name in order to protect herself. It made no sense then, it makes no sense now, but that's Laurelle for ya--everything is a massive fucking drama, in which she is the star victim.

One interesting claim she's made about Wayne is that he has always hated her, and has been telling lies about her to their entire family since she was 16 years old (she has, alas, not specified the exact nature of the "lies"). Somehow, their entire family chooses to believe Wayne, despite his being bipolar, a drug addict, and a convicted felon, so poor law-abiding, straight-edge, innocent goody-two-shoes Laurelle has spent almost 30 years as the recipient of terrible insults and injustices because her family believe the worst about her.

Never mind that her family has had ample opportunity to see her in a different light--she's spent at least one month out of each of the last eight years living with her sister Linda and BIL Dave, whenever she was down and out and needed a place to crash. Surely, if she was so unfairly maligned, she would have proven Wayne wrong by now? Surely, Wayne would have proven himself an unreliable judge of her, given his mental illness, addiction, and criminal activity? No? Funny, that.

So while Wayne was at their sister's, she managed to talk a few acquaintances from the New Thought church she's been attending into letting her sleep on their couches, and she may have spent a night or two in a homeless shelter. She spent her days hanging out with the rest of the homeless at the public library. During that time, she posted desperate messages to the rideshare section of Craigslist, trying to get a free ride all the way to Shitsville, the city she wants to move to. It's a long trip, she had no money to offer for gas, she refused to offer sex in exchange, or do any driving, and her ads made it clear that she's crazy, and not somebody you want to be stuck in a car with for a day and a half. Of course, she had no luck.

So as soon as Wayne was headed home on January 2nd, Laurelle returned to Linda and Dave's, and there she remained until yesterday. I haven't heard a peep out of her about changing her name since. But while there, she made a series of posts to various online forums about how she's come to the conclusion that her entire family is a bunch of full-blown Narcissists, and that some (including Dave) also have strong sociopathic tendencies, and get off on hurting her.

I'm pretty sure that Dave, in marrying Linda, didn't sign up to be the regular caretaker and provider for her persistent fuckup of a kid sister. I'm sure he is probably sick to fucking death of having whiny, malingering, hypersensitive, never-satisfied Laurelle repeatedly boomeranging back into his home, leeching off resources and contributing absolutely nothing. He probably loves Linda a lot, to keep putting up with this shit. But that Dave has legit reasons to hold Laurelle in contempt and not want to make her frequent and extended stays as happy and comfortable as possible is an idea that Laurelle cannot even begin to entertain. If you even suggest it, she goes into a rage. And this is part of her ongoing pattern, and one of the traits that pegs her as a Narcissist: if she experiences conflicts with others, they are the ones at fault, never her. If they don't want her around, it's not because she's a parasite; it's because they're terrible, abusive people who have personality disorders, or who are codependents who enable the ones who do.

So both Dave and Linda were clearly fed up after the whole Christmas debacle, and spent the last month making it clear that Laurelle needed to find another host to attach herself to. Laurelle thus spent the last month pathologizing their desire to have their home to themselves again, while posting ads to Craigslist in search of free housing, or a free ride all the way to Shitsville.

Oh, and she's also been making a lot of pronouncements based upon her alleged psychic abilities, as well as her contact with higher spiritual entities. According to Laurelle, the ex-professor she's been obsessed with for over three years now will contact her soon, and they will be married by the end of the year. She still doesn't know that he doesn't live in the city she thinks he lives in, and that moving to Shitsville will not bring her geographically closer to him (it will actually take her further away). In the meantime, she wears a pawn shop wedding band to keep unwanted men at bay, and has decided that if she starts telling strangers and new acquaintances she is married to her ex-professor, it will magically make everything align so the marriage will actually happen.

All I can say is that by "saving" herself for her ex-professor, and keeping herself out of the dating pool, she's doing those men who might fall for her innocent victim act a big favor. Seriously, nobody needs her craziness in their lives, and she's too picky and entitled to accept the kinds of sad-sacks, loveshys, and losers who would put up with her shit.

So: where is Laurelle now?

Yesterday, she got on a Greyhound bus (I'm still unclear on who bought her ticket, but it wasn't Laurelle), and went several hours away from River City, to another part of the same state, to a small city I'll call Dullsville (because it is). It's a wide spot on an interstate highway, about 20 miles from an picturesque and culturally vibrant small town that gets a lot of tourists, and it's pretty much all big-box stores, strip malls, fast food, and motels, plus various agricultural suppliers and auto and farm equipment dealers. It's the sort of place where you can buy your dreamiest gingerbread-fantasy Victorian house for dirt cheap because nobody wants to fucking live there.

Dullsville also has a terrible meth and heroin problem, which Laurelle is sure to experience firsthand, given that she will be living in a homeless shelter and passing through the roughest part of town on a daily basis. When Laurelle was still at Flagship State University, she complained incessantly that the college town she lived in was plagued by drug addicts and criminals. Well, she ain't seen nothing yet. Crime stats are easy enough to google, and Dullsville's got Collegetown beat by a wide margin. In fact, it has the highest property and violent crime rates in the state, and it's all due to the shitty local economy and the drug epidemic. Laurelle, apparently, cannot google, but that's okay; her encounters with the reality of Dullsville, and the drama that ensues, guarantee that really tasty m.ilk is gonna flow.

Laurelle, by the way, has never been to Dullsville before. Why did she choose it? Because it's a few hundred miles closer to the state Shitsville is in, where she believes her True Love resides, and somehow this greater degree of geographic proximity means...something. Or at least it does according to Laurelle's insane logic.

What it really means is that she'll have a harder time surviving there because there are far fewer public resources (and far less public sympathy) for poor and homeless people, and finding someone to give her a free ride out of there is going to be harder because it's a smaller town with a less affluent, less mobile population than River City has. She should have stayed in River City, where there are a lot more handouts available and a lot more things to do when you're unemployed and need to kill a lot of hours before the shelter lets you back in for the night, but this is Laurelle, and "I dun wanna! Can't make me!" is, in her mind, a good enough reason.

I wish she had made it all the way to Shitsville, as she wanted, because the drama would have been truly spectacular. I'm still waiting for her to finally discover that her ex-professor doesn't live in the same state after all, and the meltdown that will occur over that, and it will be even better if she makes it to Shitsville first. But wherever Laurelle goes, there she is, and there will always be drama--that much is guaranteed. So I'm just going to kick back and watch the Dullsville chapter unfold.

I'm predicting that at the end of it, she'll be back in River City, sponging off Linda and Dave again, because those two never seem to learn and keep taking her back in defiance of all common sense. I keep waiting for them to finally say no, and they never fucking do. And Laurelle will always hook herself to whatever tugboat will grudgingly drag her along, even as she bitches incessantly about not liking the ride.
 
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