Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

[Kaabi]

My personal Lolcow MC (Manchild) has been on his best behavior as of late. Recently, he told me he's no longer wanting to marry me anymore. Even though he still wants to be friends with benefits based on his mannerisms. He still acts like a social wreck around me and my friends, mostly during voice chat where you can SMELL the social awkwardness coming from him. One of my friends snapped at him due to how annoying he was during a voice chat session and my friend went as far to tell MC how annoying he is but MC doesn't think he's annoying.

One thing did happen. After a few of my friends left the voice chat, it was me and MC talking. MC then asks me if i think he's weird. I immediately tell him that he does due to the shit he says and talks about which ranges from being weird, or creepy knowing that he likes lolis and Loud House porn. He then goes "Oh, ok. Just curious because i get paranoid sometimes about these kinds of things." He seemed to take it well. Didn't complain or anything.

That is until hours later after we were done talking, i logged in to Facebook the next day and saw this as the first thing on my timeline.

*Cue tiny violin playing in the distance*

No surprise, he goes to Facebook and acts like a depressive trainwreck over a little opinion about himself that speaks the truth. Of course, MC loves to self-victimize himself in every way, shape or form without understand why things happen and you shouldn't take shit seriously. You're probably thinking did MC get any white knights kissing his ass. Well, you're absolutely right.

Every comment has a like/heart rating by MC except for the comment talking about God, even the last comment has a like by MC. I could've went in and left a comment calling him out but i didn't for one reason. MC's white knights defend him so much, they actually will try to attack or retaliate against you if you speak anything negative about MC. I had no patience to deal with his friends because most of them are either RP accounts or just idiots he friends because "he's a nice guy and friendly guy."

This has once happened last year when i doubted him that he had some disorder that he claimed to have, it was either him claiming to suffer from bipolar or something. His only proof was that his mother had it so he must have it too, but never went to a doctor to be diagnosed with it. After saying that to MC, his friends friend whom he never met before (Who we'll call Met) and MC's little brother came out of their caves and tried attacking me for being "rude" and a "bitch" to the poor manbaby. It was pretty amusing because i wasn't taking Met's insults seriously and we were going back and forth. I eventually found out Met lives somewhere in Europe, looks like a metal-head with the typical long hair and beard and has a sentence saying "I love Hentai" on his Facebook profile publicly so i already knew this was some :autism:. Eventually, MC tried to fan the flames telling his little brother and Met to stop while i was fucking around with Met in the comments until Met got bored of me. I told MC if he wanted it to stop, he can either block Met, delete the post or just delete comments if you didn't want it to get worse.

It took MC about a week and a half later to take my advice and delete the post, block Met, and then decided to put all of his Facebook posts to friends only since they used to be public. He then told me and goes "See? I did it, just like you said" as if he wanted praise from me and a doggy biscuit.

After the self-victimizing post, MC hasn't done anything exceptional.... yet

 

[MarissaXD]

I've got one who is not much of an internet presence but is a Japanese guy pretending to be Native American. Stole the name of the Saginaw Chippewa Tribe's chief, had more than two bald eagles worth of eagle feathers, and claims to be a Vietnam Veteran despite being dishonorably discharged for going AWOL. He's got a federal felony record for marijuana and illegal possession of eagle feathers. Still seen on the Pow Wow circuit claiming to be a veteran to this day.

 

[LtCucumber]

Oh man I'm so glad I found this thread. Mostly because I have a few personal lolcows that are too entertaining not to share. I'll only post about one of them at the moment as this is already a long post if you include the images.

There's one person I know of that I won't exactly go into details about his full name due to the location of this guy (sort of small town). He's also a NEET from what I've seen of him on facebook, I haven't deleted him. I get a lot of laughs when I see him pop up on my news feed

He's near 20 (i don't know how far he is away from being 20, don't know him well enough to know his birthday), into younger people (roughly still in school) around 15 or 16, sure love has no age, but usually that's when both people are grown adults. One of whom he got engaged to after a few months, both still depending on parents. He dropped out of college, hasn't gone back despite talking a big game about it. Had opportunities to get a job, like one place that's 5-10 minutes away from his parents house, that he didn't take. All the guy does now is play video games and smoke pot. Even friends of his that I'm friends with said he's literally just a stoner now.

Little bonus round; he's also a commie with not much of an idea of how communism works. He sees it as "everyone's equal" and that's the standalone reason why he's a commie. Clearly he can't have got good grades in school or taken any sort of subject that glosses over what communism is. Hasn't seen any examples of communism in practise either (obviously).

Here's some of the gems he's posted on facebook.

Spoiler: Neet tells people to work

Yet he doesn't even try to get a job. Weird.

Spoiler: I need £500 but i won't work for it clearly?

Or you could get a job

He also has a gofundme, because he's not wanting to work to earn enough money to buy a bike... £1500...?

Spoiler: good lord

He also got a bunch of cheap ass tattoos. I know there's more than one, however there's only one that there's a picture of.

Spoiler: messy regrettable tattoo

I could point out so much wrong with this tattoo. I won't bitch about it being generic "edgy emo" crap because that's not as much of a sinnable offence. If he wants that crap then ok, his choice.

However the thing is the lines are messy and look like someone with parkinson's did it. Some lines that are connected in one place are disconnected in another making it very uneven. The bone wings on one side are longer than the other. Don't even get me started on the proportions of the star.

He told me he didn't pay much for it, and to be fair I was thinking "doesn't look like you did". I remember this conversation happened not even a year after he got it, and the ink had already started fading. Clearly a bit of a shitty tattoo but at least he didn't pay a shit ton for it?

He's also one edgy motherfucker

Spoiler: try not to cut yourself on all this edge

If the pictures are too telling of who he is I'll remove some of them. He's not exactly a well known person by any standards (he has a lot of instagram followers but that's it) but I'd rather keep his identity a secret.

 

[cow4prez2024]

Someone I'm friends with on Facebook who went to high school with me has seemed to have lolcow potential for a while. But once she started e-begging, I knew I had to make a post about her in this thread.

Meet C. She is 24, has a bachelor's degree in Urban Studies, and wants a job in the pharmaceutical industry (which she has no experience or connection to apart from taking copious amounts of medication and writing about her opinions of said medication) and wants you to find it for her so she doesn't have to do any work. She is employed part-time at the Liberal Party of [My State] and at a doggy day-care, and is also a contributing writer for The Mighty. In spite of having several sources of income, she is perpetually broke and thinks that she should be exempt from filing taxes. She also has--as far as I know/she has posted online--Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, ADHD, depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and suffers from insomnia and panic attacks and loves to talk about her prescriptions for controlled substances for all of them.

Spoiler: screenshots

 

[Adamska]

-snip-

So she's a standard New Yorker (mentioning the Liberal Party kinda gave it away man) who hasn't quite found the SJW wagon but has decided on doing all the drugs and thinks she could go into big pharma because she does all the drugs. Interesting.

 

[cow4prez2024]

So she's a standard New Yorker (mentioning the Liberal Party kinda gave it away man) who hasn't quite found the SJW wagon but has decided on doing all the drugs and thinks she could go into big pharma because she does all the drugs. Interesting.

Yep, although I definitely don't think e-begging is common practice for the standard New Yorker.

 

[Darwin Watterson]

My loveshy Facebook friend Daniel and his nutjob girlfriend are engaged after only like three months of dating. Here's a sample of the kind of shit they're constantly posting for everyone to see:

 

[LtCucumber]

My loveshy Facebook friend Daniel and his nutjob girlfriend are engaged after only like three months of dating. Here's a sample of the kind of shit they're constantly posting for everyone to see:
View attachment 381777

Oh man, that reminds me of the drama that went down when a particularly slutty (aka had a new guy every time I asked/didn't have the same guy for more than a month) friend of mine updated her relationship status. Been with the dude about a week and was going on about "I love him". Like this had been a week.... Though I get how it was a record for her. The funniest part was just watching the drama from one girl who says "you need to calm down with all these boys mate" and the back and forth, her boyfriend white knighting for her.

If I can find the screenshots, I'll post them here.
The only reason it made me think of her is because she too is engaged after three months.... Come to think of it, a lot of the lulzy people in my life got engaged really young, after 3 months (or less) of dating.

 

[MarissaXD]

Someone I'm friends with on Facebook who went to high school with me has seemed to have lolcow potential for a while. But once she started e-begging, I knew I had to make a post about her in this thread.

Meet C. She is 24, has a bachelor's degree in Urban Studies, and wants a job in the pharmaceutical industry (which she has no experience or connection to apart from taking copious amounts of medication and writing about her opinions of said medication) and wants you to find it for her so she doesn't have to do any work. She is employed part-time at the Liberal Party of [My State] and at a doggy day-care, and is also a contributing writer for The Mighty. In spite of having several sources of income, she is perpetually broke and thinks that she should be exempt from filing taxes. She also has--as far as I know/she has posted online--Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, ADHD, depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and suffers from insomnia and panic attacks and loves to talk about her prescriptions for controlled substances for all of them.

Spoiler: screenshots

View attachment 380943
View attachment 380945
View attachment 380958
View attachment 380950
View attachment 380951
View attachment 380952
View attachment 380955
View attachment 380956
View attachment 380957

Standard Tumblr Spoonie

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

I've mentioned this trainwreck of a human being before in a few threads, but I got some new dirt on him so I think I need a masterpost of this guy. I need to stay pretty vague, he has so little web presence that any mention of his name will go straight to the farms and back to me.
Here's a summary of him I gave in another thread.

Spoiler: Now with less spelling errors!

I'm sure I've mentioned this guy in a few places here because he just provided so many weird stories. Basically I used to be friends with a guy who I met back in middle school due to us both being socially incompetent weeaboos. He was actually pretty funny back then though he could be a lot to manage at times. There was the whole thing with him claiming George W. Bush was the Antichrist. He would just scream this in the quad during lunch. In a computer apps class we had to turn in a paper about what we would do with x amount of dollars and his paper was an elaborate plan to assassinate Bush by drowning him in a kiddie pool full of fermenting pickle juice. Also there was the whole thing about him loving Dean Koontz so much he claimed he would take a bullet for him, that was a little weird. The guy really had no filter and had the tenancy to creep out everyone who didn't know him very well. And good lord did he say some stupid shit. He thought that "bartering" was when the Taliban kills people and steals their land, he once claimed that the comic Maus was racist because the Jews were mice and the Nazis were cats, he said not liking Ellen DeGeneres was an insult to lesbians, he said that my grandmother would go to hell because we cremated her and kept her ashes instead of burying her according to some Jewish tradition. Neither of us were Jewish.
In fact, early in high school he was a devoted Pastafarian. He had a FSM shirt that he wore all the time, owned the Flying Spaghettti Monster bible or something, would pass out printed flyers to people about Pastaferianism. It did cause contention with his religious family (who were apparently all either preachy born-again types or in really weird Christian cults) particularly his dad. He hated how religious his dad was and would mock him for being Christian all the time. I bring up religion since it has a big role in why we aren't friends and how he's a total nutbar.

Now later in high school, this guy started to have some issues with emotional stability. He got really angry at the slightest provocation, way more angry than a rational person should get. It wasn't directed towards us, but towards people he arbitrarily decided were bullies. Basically anyone who ever told him to calm down, no matter now nicely, would be labeled a bully. If we tried to tell him to calm down, it was like talking to a brick wall. Like I said above you could tell him something a million times and he just wouldn't get it.
It got to the point that he was screaming incoherent nonsense at people in the middle of P.E for asking him to pass a ball. It sounds like it would be funny, but Jesus it was scary at the time. Not because he was screaming at the biggest, scariest, Mexican kid in the class and was in danger of needing to be peeled off the pavement, but because I thought he was gonna start directing his rage at me.
About this time, he had a complete 180 on his religious views. He was now a devout Christian because when he started to hear evil voices in his house one night, he prayed and they went away! This was kind of a problem because I was getting into being an occultist edgelord. Where before he mocked his dad for being Christian, he demanded I turn to Jesus. This is the point where I decided this guy was too much damn work and I didn't need to be friends with the guy. Well motherfucker went full-on beucoup dinky-dau at this point. He decided to go through a full year of my social media posts to find this time I advertised a club fundraiser going on at a pizza place. I don't speak schizophrenia but apparently "hey eat shitty pizza here" translates to "please kill my friend in his sleep also Satan is my infernal lord".
Next day at lunch he angrily confronted me as to the fact that I posted his home address online (it was the pizza place address) and that he would be calling the police on me because I was threatening to kill him. There were allegations of witchcraft in there somewhere. Fuck, he just looked insane the whole time he was yelling. I eventually tried to get a counselor involved cause I thought the dude was gonna kill me, unfortunately my counselor was exceptional so decided that as long as crazy guy said "no hard feelings, it was fine."
Rest of the year was awkward, He never caused screaming mayhem in college as far as I know but he always looked one bad day away from Elliot Rodger-ing the place. Last I heard he was institutionalized for some period of time.

So in conclusion crazy people are hard to tutor in math.

That was a follow up to this post in the same thread about his complete incompetency at basic scheduling tasks.

Spoiler: general stupidity

The way one-on-one weekly tutoring appointments work is that the student sends and email to us to request one, we send them back an email with a tutor to meet with, a day, and a time. If they confirm that works, then they are expected to show up weekly at that time and day with that tutor. This guy sent an email requesting one-one-one sessions, my friend planned to have him with a certain tutor yadda yadda- He didn't send a confirmation back, but instead showed up at a random time on a random day and met with a random tutor his mom suggested him to meet. This tutor was doing drop-in only and wasn't available for appointments but agreed to help him for just that day.
My friend tried to send another email getting this guy to confirm but he never did, he just met with a random tutor again. He did this three times in a row and never got an actual one-on-one set up because he didn't understand the concept of confirming or even reading an email. Every tutor that had to work with him said he was nearly impossible to teach and it was like he wasn't even listening to what they were saying. There were also people who refused to tutor him for being creepy and looking like a serial killer..

Here's some shit that I didn't mention in those posts that happened afterwards.

Spoiler: creepy

I had some brief incidents where he tried to email me creepy apologies where he basically admitted he has no idea why we aren't friends anymore or why I'm mad at him and managed to spell my name so wrong that it wasn't even my name. And then he tried to get me fired from my job after I had a panic attack from seeing him at work- he claimed I was "bullying" him by letting my friends know he was an unhinged nutbar. I didn't get into major trouble, but I was also unable to convince my higher-ups that this guy was probably a threat to the school. I got talked down to and told that he was probably autistic (which is true, this was confirmed by a friend of mine) and somehow that makes everything ok. Fucker proceeded to show up in weirdly convenient places to run into me for the rest of the year- sitting in my line of sight outside the window when I was in meetings, circling the building, etc. all while looking like a school shooter. Somehow that wasn't considered to be a threat and I was told I was overreacting, and someone even suggested we have a mediation meeting so we could "be friends again". I spent several years wondering if I was overreacting and if I was the big meenie bobeenie he was making me out to be, so for a long time I never spoke up again about him. (Except to y'all kiwis )

So that last incident was five years ago. I didn't see him for several years after that, though I'd occasionally run into him at school and try to gtfo as fast as possible. If we accidentally make eye contact he gets this look like he desperately wants to say or do something, like he's restraining violence. Finally, this semester I had enough of this shit and spoke up to some high school friends about what I was going through. Turns out that was a very good idea, since it opened up a can of worms that I was previously unaware of.

Spoiler: yet another worm can

This comes from my friend A, who I have known since literally my first day of Kindergarten so I trust her totally. She knows very well how unhinged creepy guy is, and it turns out he's even worse that I realized. Towards the end of high school when he got really hard to be around, my friend J was the only person he would talk to. It turns out, he was MAD obsessed with her. What J saw as babysitting he saw as a genuine chance at a relationship. He even wrote a murder mystery/ love story about her in which he kills her. He was so obsessed that he later moved 100 miles away to the city she currently lives to try and be with her again. This lines up with me not seeing him for a few years. He's been creepy with other women as well, and she vaguely remembered that he had an incident with the cops but she doesn't remember the details.
He's also gained a reputation for hiring hookers off of Craigslist, which totally surprised me. (He also had an AIDS scare, but unfortunately he is ok.) Story goes that he had gone to Vegas with my friend K, and he spent so much money on prostitutes they didn't have the money to get back home. She had to pawn her laptop to get back. This happened the exact year he tried to get me fired, so conspiracy-me thinks that he was either lashing out at a convenient target, or assumed that I was the reason no one wanted to be friends with him any more. The guy is a fragile narcissist who thinks he can do no wrong, and I feel like since I was the first one to call him out on his bullshit I'm his "big, bad, wolf" so to speak. Everyone in my circle knows he's nuts and has tried to cut him out of their life.
I pointed him out to a college friend (and fellow Kiwi!) a few days later. Lo and behold, he's met the guy and got a distinct vibe of something being very wrong. Creepy Guy just talked about being interested in all this SJW stuff from fighting institutionalized racism to women's rights () and his interest in converting to Judaism while Kiwi Friend just stood there and nodded feeling uncomfortable. When I told him my past history he pretty much agreed that Creepy Guy sounds schizophrenic.
Last interesting bit of info- Creepy Guy now has almost zero web presence. His Facebook account is gone, his DeviantArt has been gone for years, he doesn't seem to have a Twitter, there's basically nothing. Even the ResearchGate account he was posting his shitty school papers doing Biblical analyses of Star Wars is gone, which he was using as recently as last month. He's got a distinctive name but unless he's going by japgirllovr69 he's got no presence online at all.

Sorry for the massive textwall, I've known this guy for 14 years now so it's hard to convey the magnitude of his creepiness without a novel about his past history.

 

[Molo]

My loveshy Facebook friend Daniel and his nutjob girlfriend are engaged after only like three months of dating. Here's a sample of the kind of shit they're constantly posting for everyone to see:
View attachment 381777

Oh god a friend of mine got into a relationship with this girl who I used to know a few years back but she ditched me anyway it's like he's a different person and they just do stuff like this all the time it kills me

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

My loveshy Facebook friend Daniel and his nutjob girlfriend are engaged after only like three months of dating. Here's a sample of the kind of shit they're constantly posting for everyone to see:
View attachment 381777

Are they really young? This reads like they're in their late teens or early 20's.

 

[Darwin Watterson]

Are they really young? This reads like they're in their late teens or early 20's.

He’s 26, gonna turn 27 in May. She’s 21.

 

[Dank and Edgy Autist]

So I have this friend in high school, he's obsessed with his Nintendo Switch and he brings it there every day. He plays Poken Tournement during class and he dropped out of German because my teacher yalled at him for playing his switch at class. So lately he went to the hospital because he kept on texting to his group that he was going to kill himself (for attention) and my other friend filed a police report on him, he recorded a video of himself filming his tag and he kept on complaining about the blood draw. He spoiled the breath of the wild dlc to my friend, even though he asked not to. He constantly texts me about "Logan Paul comming back", and he also texted "I can ride you girl with no handlebars" to a group chat with my other friend's mom. I could dump the group chat if you guys are interested

 

[jeffy's hot peepee]

DISCLAIMER: I used to be part of the GoAnimate community, but I rarely even use it nowadays and I'm no longer going to use it.

So, there is some YouTube channel, in which I used to be friends with for over a year, who is trying so hard to be funny. His name is Pepsiaddicttt, more commonly known as sdsoccer24 or sd for short. The people that hate him call him stdsoccerballs69 or stds.
He is most famous for creating these grounded videos out of Caillou on GoAnimate. Nowadays he is basically ridiculing people claiming as unfunny when he constantly says the n word on a daily basis, and makes fun of the niggos, trying to be edgy and funny.
He does have a fuck ton of alt accounts when he gets removed from a Google Hangouts livestream (including, Jeffy UTTP, MaingoutFTWUnderpootisFTL, and so much more). He also likes to raid people's streams because he does not like the streamer or he must be some complete asshole
Sdsoccer begs everybody to join his roblox games and calls me a terrorist because I am Assyrian as he misheard me as Syrian. He even wants to show his unfunny videos and brag about his new iShit, his emulators, his Nintendo Switch gameplays with his Elgato Capture Card that barely gets any views.
He does blast unfunny memes and porn and racist songs thinking that he is funny and to ridicule people. Someone who hated sd did leak his IP address, but he probably used a VPN. His face was also leaked too, as he got so pissed he called everyone gay.

If you want to check out his channel, here it is: https://www.youtube.com/user/sdsoccer24

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

This one's got a cow element but also some pathos.

I went to elementary and middle school in a poor white trash town full of trailer parks and chewing tobaccky.

My 5th grade best friend, who we'll call Heather, was the equivalent of landed gentry in that milieu: her daddy was the manager of the trailer park. That meant Heather and her family got to live rent-free in a somewhat-dilapidated two-story house on a hill overlooking the trailers, which was my town's equivalent of a Park Avenue penthouse with a dedicated butler.

A couple of years after Heather and I made friends, my family made it out of that shitty town and into a slightly less shitty one, so we lost touch. Ages later, curious to see where she'd ended up, I cast a wide Google net for Heather and found out that she'd been very busy. She'd done the smart thing to do if you wanted to get out of a town like that and had a lot more work ethic than money: she enlisted in the Army. She'd ended up working at several of America's most controversial military installations, probably the most famous of which was Guantanamo.

When we spoke, she talked about how she and her husband had served in the military together and then they'd both "retired" at age 30 with their kids (including hers from a previous marriage when she was really young). She seemed really psyched about it and told me they had built a house in some bumfuck town in a gloomy underpopulated state and they were homeschooling. Sounded moderately insane, but whatever, I was glad she was happy.

Well, turns out the "house" they'd built was some kind of trailer plus random bits of plywood, and as of January, the whole house burned to a crisp and burned every possession they had. The kids and parents all escaped, but with literally the clothes on their back.

Now they're ebegging to get enough money to "rebuild" their fire hazard and try again, this time hopefully without putting all their children at risk of burning to death in their closet-sized plywood lean-tos attached to the trailer.

Neither of them is interested in putting the kids in school and figuring out a job, even though they both have military and civilian policing experience, because they are so committed to this idea that they're retired and done with working. I really hope my next update about this couple doesn't involve five or more dead kids.

 

[Lucas Silva #4903141]

I started going to anime events in my country recently. Had fun, but I'm disappointed to find out that there aren't many lolcows to find. I guess the lolcow-tier weeaboos wouldn't go outside of their homes to begin with. The only thing close to a lolcow I noticed in one of those was this fat bearded guy who walks around with a bright cyan wig on, looking sad. I don't get what he's trying to do, maybe it's some kind of cosplay no one gets. Anyways, some teenager was cold blooded enough to take a pic of him while he was eating alone at a table, and posted this on an events' facebook discussion page.

In the US, however, I did know a group of guys in middle school who were troublemakers. They got into fights a couple of times, and at one point, re-enacted a few Jackass stunts. Namely the one with the shopping cart, among a few others. They were dumb, but I knew them from way back when I barely spoke English in elementary school, so I couldn't really bring myself to hate them, they helped me adapt a little when I had just moved to the US. One of them sadly became a drugged up mess for a while, but seems to be picking himself up slowly but surely. He was a lolcow at one point for being the only one in the group to get grades bad enough to repeat the 6th grade.

Then there's M. Oh, boy. He dun goofed. And, oh, wow, I googled his name just now to find the news article about him - he got arrested TWICE in 2017. Both times, there's an article for it with his face and his name on them. Good lord. I missed the first time, he threw wine bottles from an upper floor of a Whole Foods store while drunk. The second time, not only did I find out quickly after it happened, I later saw a thread on 4chan with his damn mugshot as the OP (I don't even want to know who made that thread, to be honest, I'm fine with never finding out). That time, I found out through a friend who posted the news article about it on facebook, which was very awkward, to say the least. Only one other guy commented, asking who that was in the mugshot. M assaulted and exposed himself to two women that time. I removed him from facebook shortly after this, but I just checked his page now.

M hasn't posted anything since August 22, 2017, two days before being arrested. His statuses are still public. He was active that month, until that day. Some quotes from M on August:

• this s better than CRack CAINE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! & CRYSTAL METH
• grand larceny is dumb
• i don't even smoke

He was posting a lot of really inane shit that year. Doesn't even mention the first arrest on his timeline. It's not even funny shit, either, but in hindsight, I should have known he was going off the rails. Other notable statuses:

• Sometimes I wanna smoke sometimes I wanna sniff
  
• Status : we are so WAVY boys
• im put my tongue in her butt
• Everyoneee in Washington smoked crAck I just know IT
• smoking 2 pcks/ a day

The last one got a response from what looks like a relative. An all cap comment lecturing him in spanish, which translates to "CONGRATULATIONS FOR THE GOOD TRADE YOU LEARNED DOESN'T IT GIVE YOU EMBARRASSMENT BOY" - and yes, this person wrote without any periods, commas, question marks, etc. on her comment. So, yeah, he fucked his shit up, and given the apathy I noticed when I asked a few friends about this, it's safe to say all his close friends gave up on him.

 

[Dank and Edgy Autist]

Personal Cow Update:
So we found out that he texted about his "suicide" because he's "so depressed without my girlfriend". I've console modded his ds and I told him to not tell anyone, and of fucking corse, he tells his friend that "ohhh Dank and Edgy Autist is a hacker!!!!!!oneoneone". I was also in group consoling with him and I was talking about a problem I had with my parents, he told me "your parents need a reality check". I've also asked him to add me too a group chat and his friends kept on spamming fnaf emojis while I was taking a test. If anyone is still interested, I could dump the texts.

 

[2 litre soda]

I've got a lolcow who doesn't realize she a lolcow, which is pretty typical. I've known her for decades, and she's provided no end of drama and enjoyment.

We met via role playing games, at a local game shop. She was big into White Wolf, which I'm sure many of you will see as a huge red flag, but generally was a decent enough person at the beginning. She was about 20 years older than me and my high school friends, but we weren't too bothered by that. A goth woman who wasn't overweight was giving us attention.

She proceeded to sleep with my best friend, who was 15 at the time. This didn't seem like as big of a deal as it probably should have. In retrospect, it's quite fucked up. They stayed together, and she even waited for a couple years for his parents to calm down about the entire thing. They got married, had a kid, that whole deal.

He went nowhere with his life, because she had a trust fund and disability checks for a nebulous back injury that never seemed to impair her enough to stop LARPing, and despite being relatively smart, he didn't bother finishing college, and why bother when you can just live off your wife's money? He got a job as a mall cop, which is about as glamorous as one can imagine, and spending a lot of time on BDSM.

One of the funnest things when it comes to drama watching is when two overly progressive people keep trying to one up each other when it comes to tolerance, and then have to deal with the consequences of hating what their partner is into. He's into S&M, so she deals with getting tied up and beaten and tries to learn how to enjoy it (she never does). She's into having food sex, so he has to deal with fucking in a bathtub filled with spaghetti. He's into threesomes, so she has to deal with being tied to another girl while being whipped. She's into vampires, so he has to deal with being bit hard enough to draw blood.

This goes on for, like, a decade.

And they have a kid.

The kid is alright, weirdly. They are pretty good about keeping their weird sex stuff away from her, though the kid has to deal with strange bruises and sometimes yelling coming from her parent's room. Otherwise, they make sure she's always fed, take time to help her with schoolwork, that sort of thing. Normally, you'd expect them to fuck up parenting, but somehow, for most of this, they don't.

But then they decide to open up the relationship, her money dries up, and she becomes a sovereign citizen. I wish I was joking.

(more to come)

 

[2 litre soda]

When I left off, he's working part time as a mall cop, and she's at home on disability.

They've bought a house together, and decided to open up their marriage. This is an oddly mutual decision, because they both have people that they want to fuck on the side, and don't seem to realize that this is what the other person wants as well.

But, buying the house has spent the last of her trust fund money. She's broke. And this starts causing problems. Suddenly, there's no money for stupid vampire shit. There's no money for dumb exotic knives shaped like witch vaginas to hang on the walls. There's no money for anal hooks. There's no money to get the car repaired when it breaks. Because disability pays like shit, and being a part time security guard at a mall that's going out of business and looking for excuses to let people go pays about as much as you would expect.

There's a certain lifestyle they are both used to, and they no longer have the money to live it.

The fights begin.

Gamergate provides an excuse for her to start getting self-righteous about being a woman. It would start with something reasonable ("Sometime D&D fatbeards are gross and disgusting towards women") and then go weird places ("So we should ban men from role playing"). She started getting up in arms about the exploitation of young women by society, and how you can't find clothes that aren't revealing, and the usual lines of complaint that new converts start mouthing when they join the flock. Only she's a pedophile, so they come off as hilarious.

Also she's in her late 50s by this point.

He, on the other hand, just becomes a selfish prick. There's no other way to call what he does. He gives up on everybody, and just does what the fuck he wants. He becomes a brony, he starts doing kinky shit 3-4 times a week, rather than 1, his wife is excluded from this because "kink isn't about having sex" (it's totally about having sex), and he doesn't have any time for her shit.

She starts hanging around with a weird guy younger than her husband, and who is quieter than a church mouse, and quite wealthy. They go to Mexico and the Caribbean regularly for vacation, he buys her a new car, pays to have the room they rent repaired with their friend completely destroyed it (a story in itself, but one I don't have all the details of), and basically does a great cuckolding him in the husband department, and being the young father she never had.

He, on the other hand, gets himself a slave girl.

This should be a win-win for them, because they finally both have what they're looking for in a partner, she a rich dad, him a bangmaid, but she's unhappy because he's not only getting it from someone younger and moderately less crazy than her, he has the audacity to tell his slavegirl that his wife is nuts and explain all the weird shit she does. She proceeds to recind her permission for him to see her, because of those weird open relationship rules, and he just sees his girlfriend behind his wife's back. No mention is ever made of her not seeing her new daddy figure.

So he initiates divorce proceedings. What does he care anymore?

She has a complete meltdown, refuse to sign anything, refuses to acknowledge that its even happening, and loudly proclaims what a bastard he is to anyone who will listen. Because if you stick your fingers in your ears and yell, no one can divorce you.

He sends the cops over to serve the papers after a few months of separation go by, and he and his slavegirl want to get married. She has a complete REEEEEEEEE shitfit, and is So Triggered. How dare he use the legal system to do what it does? She doesn't recognize the authority of the State? That's harassment! That's abuse! That's... something! But she's not subject to the unjust laws of the government because they're sexist and misogynist and she's on her property which they cannot come onto with out her permission!

This, of course, is nonsense. The cops have guns and do whatever the fuck they want, legal or not. Crying and swearing at them just makes them more likely beat the shit out of you, and then laugh about it on the way back home.

And that's where we are right now, waiting for the divorce to settle. Neither can afford a lawyer, and they're both lazy, so it's difficult to get anything happening in terms of settling property division. It's been a fucked up ride so far, and I'm getting daily updates about legal theory and bearth certificates from her. I can only imagine what she'll be like in front of a judge, especially if this shit starts coming out from both sides. I've seen his slavegirl in more bizarre positions than I want to. The girl seems happy, though, so at least one person is enjoying this.

I need new and better friends.