Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

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Well, here is the story all about my sister, her husband, and daughter. All pretty much lolcows for me and my parents

Well first my sister is twenty-two years older than me...and is a piece of work. When she graduated high-school she left home to see the fire-works in Florida and didn't come back for several years. My parents were so use to her pulling shit like that they didn't even bother reporting her as a missing person. She had a daughter with a convicted pedophile who had raped several of his older daughters, but thankfully, she had enough sense to break up with him. Her daughter, my niece, is pretty much a feral child. My sister didn't put any effort into raising her and she has pretty much raised herself. We have tried to help my niece, but it failed, and you'll see why when I get to her. I hate to say this about my sister, but she is a hambeast, I hate to say it because I am overweight, but she was at one point at least four-hundred pounds overweight. She had weight loss surgery and gained a good amount of it back. Well anyway, she has been to prison numerous times for fraud and stealing. She also lies to government agencies constantly to get money and free stuff. My sister knows how to work the system. Anyway, they moved back to Alabama from Florida a few years back because DHR was investigating her constantly leaving her child home alone.

Anyway, they lived in the most trashiest of trailer parks and ghetto neighborhoods for a few years in Alabama until Tammy lost her job at the nursing him because she stole jewelry from the old people there. This caused her husband and my niece to move back with us, however in a camper in our yard. She was in prison for about six months and she lost a lot of weight in prison, but she gained at least fifty pounds of it back.

Now her husband, he is lazy. My sister ,to her credit, works two jobs currently and takes care of the camper. He works a part time job at Target and does no other work and waits for his wife to do everything in the camper and cook. We had a deal with him, if he helped us around the property (My parents own a good amount of land and rent out to two more people) that they would be able to live there for free. However, he wouldn't get off his lazy ass and help them, so we had to charge them rent. And the DRAMA that came out of it. My sister tried to get out of having her daughter's birthday party because of it...but failed thanks to my mom. However, my niece had lost her birthday party a year before thanks to her own stupid fault, but that brings me to the point about my niece.

Oh my niece....we have tried to help her, we really have. We have tried to help this girl and set her on the right path. However, she is one of the most spoiled, entitled and selfish brats. It is not entirely here fault because her parents were so lazy in raising her (reminds me of Chris a good bit) but she is coming at the age when she needs to take responsibility. First, she comes out as a lesbian and she is so obviously not a lesbian. I won't go into detail, but my parents might be old, but they aren't homophobic, she is just claiming to be gay for attention. Then there was that year her mother was in prison where she lost her birthday party. A renter on my parent's land felt bad for her because her mother was in prison and she didn't seem to have any good clothes to wear. So this woman buys her some good and new(almost everything my niece gets from her mother is goodwill and clearance) clothing and gives it to her. How does my niece react from kindness form a near stranger? She rejects them and says they aren't her "style". her style by the way is trashy. This causes our renter to be in tears and confess this to our mother and my mother is so embarrassed at her granddaughter's actions that she cancels her birthday party.

Does my niece learn her lesson from this? Hell no, this Christmas (About two years later) when she finds out that I gave her a Target giftcard for Christmas she doesn't thank me and instead tells me that she's sick of target. Also at Christmas one of our guests overheard her saying "I hate this" while opening her presents. She later came into my room and talked about exchanging presents and she later told her parents she didn't like a single thing they got her for Christmas.

Oh, and last summer she wanted a job and went on about how much she wanted and needed one. Less than a week later, she gets fired on PURPOSE by dying her hair purple. I confront her about this and she lies and says she cried when she lost her job. Now she is back to bitching about not having money again. I love my niece, but she is a hard person to like. She is extremely negative and goes on about the worse things. I hate to say this but one time she "triggered" me so badly by her negative attitude that I started crying. Also if she doesn't have a use for you; she won't hang around you. When she had a use for me, she was with me all the time; once she didn't she left me and barely speaks to me.

She is also in constant trouble in school and has been threatened with being expelled.

Every time my brother comes (Who is nineteen years older than me) He begs my parents to kick them out.

Oh, and I forgot this info about my niece

She has been arrested for shoplifting at a dollar general and is on probation until July, I think. Her mother says she has shoplifted before and stole stuff before. Also she scammed a church(Something she learned from her mother, likely. My sister has scammed churches in the past) She told them they didn't have any groceries and she got the church ladies to give her 200 dollars and two bags full of food.
 
My personal lolcow is this one woman who used to go to the same chat site I do. I thought she was pretty cool, a nice person and whatnot. Added her to my watch list on DeviantART. Though, after a couple weeks of being her friend, I realized how unstable she was. She'd always tell me how she never has any friends, so she'd come onto the chat site in different tabs on her browser, talking and RPing with herself. She would ignore everyone else who would try to talk to her. When I called her out on it in PM, she completely flipped out and call me a traitor for some inexplicable reason.

Eventually, she left the chat site because she started drama, and she was given a 24-hour ban. Of course, she blamed everyone else for it.

Even now I keep tabs on her via DeviantART to see what she's up to. She often makes journals whining about how no one watches her art livestreams, and that all of her watchers are useless because of it. Doesn't take her long to remove the journals, though. She's not some super epic lolcow, but she's pretty good entertainment nonetheless.
 
I have this friend on Facebook that I met at a writer's conference circlejerk. He's actually pretty intelligent but I used to chat him up all the time until he started using his Facebook as nothing but a soapbox for tl;dr loveshy rants, every goddamned day. When me and his friends called him out on his melodramatic bullshit he went full SJW like "NO NO DON'T JUDGE ME UNFAIRLY YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH JUST STFU ASSPATS ONLY PLZ". He took the slightest criticism (the truth that would set him free) as a personal attack. The dude's gotten modelling gigs but he's still horrendously insecure about his appearance. Once he realizes it's his fault he spends days after days apologizing in the loudest, most insincere manner possible as he baits for everyone's pity. It's like he has this massive, creepy entitlement complex around everybody, especially women. Oh, and did I mention that he's a rabid Obama supporter and full-on SJW and can't keep his goddamned politics to himself either? It's proof, I guess, that sometimes personality fucks people up far worse than their looks - and thus, their sorrows are self-inflicted in a miserable cycle of bitching. He's acting like his life is over at 19 when he's an upper-middle-class White male going to an elite university.

I'll admit the teenage years are hard for everyone but this guy made me realize how pathetic I come off sometimes.
 
My personal pet lolcow, "DMW", is mostly boring, but on occasion poops out a gem. Like this one!

DMW said:
Winnie and Dumbo's rise to fall (Jan '14)
================================

Coming from "Horrible Histories", the Aztec Priests despise and hated Winnie the Pooh and Dumbo the elephant so much, they wanted something bad to happen to the two.

One said the plant from the Gogs would eat and consume them, thus hurting them deeply, but they have to find a way to launch the duo in the plant's mouth.

Another found some bowls of chili peppers. A plan was hatched for the fall of Winnie the Pooh and Dumbo, when the two weren't looking they felt something was dumping into the undergarments of them both. Something hot.

The Priests dumped a bowl each of hot chili peppers in Winnie and Dumbo's underpants. As hot as they are, the two were launched into the sky and finally land into a mouth. Fortunately, that saved their fall. Unfortunately, that mouth belong to the Gog's plant. Nothing to do, they were consumed by the plant and they were never heard until further notice. Meanwhile, the Aztec Priests celebrated and laughed at the downfall and doom that befalled Winnie and Dumbo.

The end.
Click to expand...

He wrote that for someone who hates certain characters so much (such as Winnie and Dumbo, and no they don't wear underwear at all. And also Gog's Plant isn't a thing) he writes them in his personal death note. I wish I could see their behind the scenes exchanges (I watch DMW's comments. Mostly dull, but sometimes funny when he pounces on someone and begs for really specific fetish art and creeps them out, or roleplays).

Sometimes DMW is shy about talking about genitalia, and he seems to have a thing for cuntboys (well, at least he's referred to himself, if indeed he is male, as having a vagina) and has made multiple references to established male (little boy) characters having vaginas. Like it was the most regular thing ever.
 
My personal lolcow is this kid on Twitter. He's twenty-one years old, writes like he's in first grade, unloads boxes in the back of Wal-Mart for a living, and is absolutely, 100% convinced that he is a political blogger who the state political establishment takes seriously. He has several Twitter accounts, most of which he refers to as "political studies" or things to generate ideas, but he does nothing but retweet Tea Party stuff. In addition, when he engages with other Twitter users, he refuses to utilize facts when commenting on policy. I've attempted to gently correct him several times (on things such as, for example, how the state we live in ranks in individual tax burden). He doesn't understand how government works, yet is convinced that he is some sort of genius political analyst. His posts make virtually everyone who reads them cringe, but because he has a few state senators, etc, following him online, he somehow feels validated. In all honesty, he comes across as a political Chris (albeit one with a job).
 
caffeinated_wench said:
...I must read more of this DMW.
Click to expand...

He's somewhat like Auchimura, but only a fraction as funny. Mostly he's just dull and gross, but sometimes hits me with something that makes me laugh out sharply, or grin and shake my head. Found him through a less than funny guy a penpal/e-friend took notice of (This guy, whom I'll call PAA, is actually a pretty decent dude considering his dA "circle" (oh look a pun) - self-aware, has a sense of humor. Autism is a prereq to being in this group of tartlets, but some of them have it really, really mild)

I mostly keep my stalkees to myself so people don't come to poke them and scare them away, and they don't know I exist so they don't pounce on me and go OMG DRAW ME (cartoonpedo inflation porn). But I'll talk a bit more about DMW. Maybe I'll post some choice sniplets. They're mostly dull, but have a rough little gem. Like the characters acting really super autistic and I feel embarrassed for them.

DMW is sexually attracted to:
Toad and Toadette, from Super Mario Brothers
Baby princesses from SMB racing games (so yeah, he jerks off to Mario Kart. HE JERKS OFF TO MARIO KART)
Butterfree, from Pokemon
Ice Climbers, from...Ice Climbers
Ness, from Earthbound/Mother
some Kirby characters from an animoo or something, idk

His fetishes are primarily:
inflation (this ring is the ring of cartoonpedos with inflation fetishes)
-- clothing
-- body parts (genitalia, he's written a bit on muscle inflation)
-- stuffing
-- popping (but it doesn't hurt them because... uhh, idk)
diapers (he just requests this, usually of Toadette)
-- usually diaper inflation with MUSTARD MUSTARD MUSTARD
-- sometimes diapers full of month's worth of poop

I suspect that he might have been touched wrong as a really little kid, since a story or two involves a pedomorphic character being sexually harassed by other little kid characters (as a reward for winning a contest or something), but nothing confirmed.

My nicknames for him are "The Mustard Menace" and "Toad-Toucher"

But most of all, I wonder what event in his life involved mustard, because seriously, he has a really unhealthy obsession with mustard. You have no idea.

He has a sister and a mom ('course he has a mom), who apparently are mad at him, he's "on probation" (????), is not allowed to touch credit cards, is crazy for dA points (He neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeds them), and he jerks off to mario kart. While his mom and sister keep a close eye on him.

When I found him when checking out PAA, I just knew there was something "magical" about him.
 
hm yeah said:
caffeinated_wench said:
...I must read more of this DMW.
Click to expand...

He's somewhat like Auchimura, but only a fraction as funny. Mostly he's just dull and gross, but sometimes hits me with something that makes me laugh out sharply, or grin and shake my head. Found him through a less than funny guy a penpal/e-friend took notice of (This guy, whom I'll call PAA, is actually a pretty decent dude considering his dA "circle" (oh look a pun) - self-aware, has a sense of humor. Autism is a prereq to being in this group of tartlets, but some of them have it really, really mild)

I mostly keep my stalkees to myself so people don't come to poke them and scare them away, and they don't know I exist so they don't pounce on me and go OMG DRAW ME (cartoonpedo inflation porn). But I'll talk a bit more about DMW. Maybe I'll post some choice sniplets. They're mostly dull, but have a rough little gem. Like the characters acting really super autistic and I feel embarrassed for them.

DMW is sexually attracted to:
Toad and Toadette, from Super Mario Brothers
Baby princesses from SMB racing games (so yeah, he jerks off to Mario Kart. HE JERKS OFF TO MARIO KART)
Butterfree, from Pokemon
Ice Climbers, from...Ice Climbers
Ness, from Earthbound/Mother
some Kirby characters from an animoo or something, idk

His fetishes are primarily:
inflation (this ring is the ring of cartoonpedos with inflation fetishes)
-- clothing
-- body parts (genitalia, he's written a bit on muscle inflation)
-- stuffing
-- popping (but it doesn't hurt them because... uhh, idk)
diapers (he just requests this, usually of Toadette)
-- usually diaper inflation with MUSTARD MUSTARD MUSTARD
-- sometimes diapers full of month's worth of poop

I suspect that he might have been touched wrong as a really little kid, since a story or two involves a pedomorphic character being sexually harassed by other little kid characters (as a reward for winning a contest or something), but nothing confirmed.

My nicknames for him are "The Mustard Menace" and "Toad-Toucher"

But most of all, I wonder what event in his life involved mustard, because seriously, he has a really unhealthy obsession with mustard. You have no idea.

He has a sister and a mom ('course he has a mom), who apparently are mad at him, he's "on probation" (????), is not allowed to touch credit cards, is crazy for dA points (He neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeds them), and he jerks off to mario kart. While his mom and sister keep a close eye on him.

When I found him when checking out PAA, I just knew there was something "magical" about him.
Click to expand...
I can understand that. Same reason why I don't wanna list more than the ED-article ones/real life relatives. I think I mentioned it before, but the chick I mentioned JUST started to do a rewrite of a fic she wrote and I'd hate for my entertainment to be run off the internet or the fic deleted so early.

......That mustard thing sounds really weird. All of it does, really. Da fuq.
 
LittleBiscuits tale of "The Time I Tried To Sleep With A Wizard/Loveshy", also known as "How to Utterly Fail at Seduction."

So, as the title would suggest, this is the story of the time I unsuccessfully seduced a wizard. The only thing I will say in my defense is that, well, I was young (er)? One of my biggest faults is incredibly poor judgement and you're all about to read some evidence of that.

Let's call him...Chad? Brad? Let's go with Brad. Brad BlunderDuck. Okay so during my high school years I was good friends with Brad. We were lab partners in science class and would make jokes about our poor, clueless teacher (her bra was constantly visible. Constantly. It's the funniest shit ever when your 16.) I thought he was just the cutest thing I'd ever seen. He was overweight, had a bit of a neck-beard, long greasy hair... my type of guy (I'm being serious here. I love chubby men). And I really liked him. I though he was great. We always had fun together.

I never asked him on a date. It wasn't shyness. I'm probably the least shy person I've ever met. I was just that, even though I was in high school I always felt like I was too young and immature for a relationship. So I didn't date. Simple as that.

Fast forward a few years. Brad and I are both 21 and I am totally ready to hit that. AUGH YEAH I'm home from college and guess who I run into at GameStop? Why, Brad BlunderDuck of course! ( A word to the ladies: GameStop isn't a good place to pick up guys. Just trust me on this.)

So, remember when I mentioned that I have really, really poor judgement skills? Yeah. Well, the neck-beard, the fedora, and the trench coat he was wearing really should have thrown up a red flag or two, but I'm an idiot so they didn't. I go bouncing over to Brad, give him a big hug and excitedly invite him over to my place for some drinks and a movie. He didn't want to go. He said being at other people's houses made him uncomfortable. Undeterred, I suggest his place, specifically, his parent's hot tub. He was still not convinced.

"Well, I don't know. As soon as you see me in a bathing suit you'll probably leave and never want to see me again."

"Oh my God no. That would not happen. I love big dudes, remember?"

He did actually, and for that reason, he consented to allow me to access his tower of Wizardry.

Later that weekend, I show up at his place with a few beers and nice bottle of vodka. When he sees the vodka he tells me he doesn't drink.
"Oh I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you were sober."
"I mean, I'm not like, sober for a reason or anything, I've just never had a drink."
"Ever?"
"Yeah, I mean, I might not like the taste."
"You've never had a drink at all because you might not like it? That's like me saying I won't watch a new movie because I might not like it. How would I know?"
"I just don't like new things."

I drop the subject because I don't want to pressure him into drinking if he doesn't want to. It is a personal choice after all. But I tell him I'm going to have a drink or two because, at this point, I kind of need one.

We get in the hot tub, and not to brag , but as a relevant detail, I look pretty dabes in a bikini. So that wasn't the problem. We start to talk and laugh and he finally starts to thaw out a little, even has a sip of my drink and says it isn't to bad. Things are looking better. Things begin to heat up. I kiss him a little, but its kind of awkward. I try to make out with him, even kiss his neckbeard a little, but he pushes me away.

"I'm sorry. Do you not...want to?" I ask
"No, it's not that. I just....I have a lot of feelings and I'm confused. I really like you. I love you. But this isn't how I thought it would be. You're kind of wild and it's a little scary. You were so shy and sweet and scared in high school. You're too grown up now."
"Oh. So...should I leave?" (I'm not going to lie. My heart was a tad broken.)
"Yeah maybe."

I do. I get out of the hot tub and put my dress back on. I look back at Brad. He's crying.
"Are you okay?" I ask.
"I'm never going to get laid. No woman is ever going to want to have sex with me. All you women don't see my heart. You only want alpha, manly men. Woman are animals."
"Really!? Really? Why do you think I was over here tonight?"
"What?"
"I did like you, maybe I loved you, and I definitely wanted to sleep with you."
"Why didn't you say so? Do you still--"
"Yeah no. You kind of just called me an animal."

I was too tipsy to safely drive home, so his sister gave me a ride home. It was super awkward, but I don't drink and drive. It was also awkward going over to collect my car the next morning. We haven't seen each other since. :heart-empty:

EDIT: I FORGOT THE BEST PART!

so two years later, he starts emailing and texting my boyfriend things like, "when you're done with her, can I have her back?" "Are you done with her yet?" "can I have her?".

Weirdo.
 
hm yeah said:
caffeinated_wench said:
...I must read more of this DMW.
Click to expand...

He's somewhat like Auchimura, but only a fraction as funny. Mostly he's just dull and gross, but sometimes hits me with something that makes me laugh out sharply, or grin and shake my head. Found him through a less than funny guy a penpal/e-friend took notice of (This guy, whom I'll call PAA, is actually a pretty decent dude considering his dA "circle" (oh look a pun) - self-aware, has a sense of humor. Autism is a prereq to being in this group of tartlets, but some of them have it really, really mild)

I mostly keep my stalkees to myself so people don't come to poke them and scare them away, and they don't know I exist so they don't pounce on me and go OMG DRAW ME (cartoonpedo inflation porn). But I'll talk a bit more about DMW. Maybe I'll post some choice sniplets. They're mostly dull, but have a rough little gem. Like the characters acting really super autistic and I feel embarrassed for them.

DMW is sexually attracted to:
Toad and Toadette, from Super Mario Brothers
Baby princesses from SMB racing games (so yeah, he jerks off to Mario Kart. HE JERKS OFF TO MARIO KART)
Butterfree, from Pokemon
Ice Climbers, from...Ice Climbers
Ness, from Earthbound/Mother
some Kirby characters from an animoo or something, idk

His fetishes are primarily:
inflation (this ring is the ring of cartoonpedos with inflation fetishes)
-- clothing
-- body parts (genitalia, he's written a bit on muscle inflation)
-- stuffing
-- popping (but it doesn't hurt them because... uhh, idk)
diapers (he just requests this, usually of Toadette)
-- usually diaper inflation with MUSTARD MUSTARD MUSTARD
-- sometimes diapers full of month's worth of poop

I suspect that he might have been touched wrong as a really little kid, since a story or two involves a pedomorphic character being sexually harassed by other little kid characters (as a reward for winning a contest or something), but nothing confirmed.

My nicknames for him are "The Mustard Menace" and "Toad-Toucher"

But most of all, I wonder what event in his life involved mustard, because seriously, he has a really unhealthy obsession with mustard. You have no idea.

He has a sister and a mom ('course he has a mom), who apparently are mad at him, he's "on probation" (????), is not allowed to touch credit cards, is crazy for dA points (He neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeds them), and he jerks off to mario kart. While his mom and sister keep a close eye on him.

When I found him when checking out PAA, I just knew there was something "magical" about him.
Click to expand...
Somebody a while back mentioned some crazy person who liked writing stories featuring underwear filling up with mustard (as well as a aversion of mentioning genitalia up until recently). Same guy?
 
littlebiscuits said:
so two years later, he starts emailing and texting my boyfriend things like, "when you're done with her, can I have her back?" "Are you done with her yet?" "can I have her?".
Click to expand...
ಠ_ಠ

(Buddy, you had your chance.)
 
Littlebiscuits: Lolcow Magnet.
 
Beth Story Part 3: When Lolcows Attack.

At long last, the conclusion to the Beth Saga. For those who are just joining us for storytime, or need a refresher, this is the page with part 1 and 2.

viewtopic.php?f=21&t=532&start=495

(as always, its under spoiler)

Every year, my schools gaming club would organize a trip down to NYComicCon. The year I lived with Beth was also the year I was president of the club, so it was my responiblity plan the trip. I’d attended this con in the past, and I knew from experience that you needed to buy your tickets months in advance. So, as soon as possible into the year, I made tons of announcements, set up intrest meetings, sent out flyers and emails, organized a fundraiser and made sure everyone who wanted to go to NYComicCon got to. My housemate Beth repeatedly rebuffed my attempts to invite her. So when she approached me about tickets a week before the con, I was a little miffed.

“Well I mean- there aren’t any group passes available anymore, but you could try looking on the website I guess.” I explained.
“What do you mean there aren’t any group passes left? I want one of those.”
“But I gave them away already. Everyone paid.”
“Well that isn’t fair!”
“But I asked you if you wanted one weeks ago!”
“Well, I didn’t have any money then!”
Lana cut in, “Beth you order from Dominos practically every single night. The tickets were ten dollars.”
I could see that Beth was about to cry. “Okay Beth. I’ll give you a ride down to NYC this weekend but you have to order the tickets tonight. Like, right this second. Go on the computer tonight before midnight, because tonight is the actual last night that tickets can be sold.”
“Really? But where can I stay? The hotel rooms are all taken up!”
“You can crash at my place, but I’ll warn you. My family is a little, you know, boisterous.” That was an understatement. My family is cacophonous, just absolutely deafening. We communicate to each other in earsplitting roars. We aren’t angry or rude; it’s just our way. One of my earliest memories is of my Dad bellowing across the house, screaming, “TURN THAT TV LOWER. THE BABY IS TRYING TO SLEEP.” Beth hates loud people. I knew it was going to be a disaster. (As a complete side note, my family lives in NYC. We have a family home in the Bronx and my Dad has a small apartment in Manhattan that he stays in when he works. I attended College in a neighboring state. Just to clarify for the sake of the story.)
“That’s okay. I don’t care.”
“Fine, but Beth, you have to buy your ticket right now. Like, go upstairs and do it right now.”
“Okay, my gosh, don’t worry. I’ll get it, I’ll get it.” She skipped merrily up the stairs, “Oh I’ll have to get working on my cosplay right away! I hope I have enough time to paint the sword-“
“OR BUY YOUR TICKET!” Lana yelled after her, but she was joking.
I laughed too, “Watch she doesn’t buy it!”
Lana chuckled darkly, “I wouldn’t joke about that.”


Beth spent the next few days perfecting her cosplay and very little else. Her cosplay was…almost indescribable. It wasn’t just that she didn’t know how to sew. It wasn’t just that she was wearing clothing that was about four sizes too small for her. It wasn’t just that her top consisted of a bright blue bra and little else. No, what really bugged me about her cosplay was the fact that she was cosplaying her OC….and was expecting to be recognized for it.

The morning we were leaving for the con, I rounded up the little crew I was transporting and took them to a cafe so that we could properly caffeinate for the trip ahead. While we were there, I did a quick inventory of everyone’s tickets and hotel bookings.
“Beth you got your ticket right?” I asked.
“Nope,” she replied calmly, munching a gigantic cinnamon bun.
“What do you mean, ‘Nope’? Like ‘Nope you forgot to print it’, or ‘Nope it’s in the car?’”
“Oh I forgot to buy it.”
“No you didn’t.”
“I did!” she laughed, “Don’t worry! We’ll just buy one at the con. It’s no big deal.”


When we arrived in the city, we made a quick detour to my family home to deposit our baggage. Beth was inexplicably furious about this, which confused me because we still had two hours before the con even opened and the alternative was to carry our heavy luggage around the con.
Just like I predicted, Beth did not respond well to my family. She completely ignored my Mother’s greetings, just stared passed her and pretended she couldn’t hear a word she was saying. Of course, this signaled to my family, “She must be hard of hearing. Let’s be even louder than usual!”
My insisted we all have a glass of orange juice before heading to the con, (“There will be so many people, so many germs!”) so while we waited for our juice, Beth decided to kick off her stupid looking hooker boots. The second they hit the floor, my dog bounded over and stuck his face in one of the boots. He began to inhale deeply, making a creepy grunting noise. “HE DOES THAT SOMETIMES,” my Dad explained deafeningly, “BUZZ! GET AWAY FROM THERE, YOU LIL’SHIT.”
Needless to say, it was a bad first impression on both ends.


When we arrived at the con, naturally it was already sold out. Beth was livid.
“You promised you would get tickets for everyone!” She screeched.
“Beth, that’s not what happened. You said you would have your own ticket.”
“No! What am I supposed to do now?”
“Well, we could try to buy tickets off someone, you know..”
“No! I’m not doing that!”
“Then I don’t know how to help you.”
“Fix it!”
“I can’t. It’s really crowed right now, maybe you could just walk in. No one will really notice. There are like a million people here right now.”
And oddly, that plan worked. She just waltzed in without a badge. Maybe people were too busy staring at her completely visible bra and panties? I thought all was well. I went to a few panels, saw some epic cosplayers, and bought a T-shit. It was fun. Until I got a call from Beth around 11 p.m. She wanted to go into the Hentai dubbing panel, but they wouldn’t let her in because she didn’t have a badge and had kicked her out of the con.
I met her outside of the Javis Center. She was beyond furious. She ran up to me shouting, “This sucks! I got kicked out, I’m tired, I’m hungry and my feet hurt!”
“Well, we’ll try to get a ticket tomorrow. Let’s just go home for now.”
“No! I’m not walking anymore. My feet hurt!”
“I—what? You have to walk. You can’t just not walk.” She glared at me and defiantly plopped down on the pavement. “Ew that pavement is really dirty and you’re wearing a short skirt. Please stand up.”
“No.”
“Okay. Beth. Stand up. I will trade shoes with you, you can wear my sneakers home.”
“But these boots belonged to my mother and they’re a little big on me…and your feet are so small.”
Suddenly the image of Beth’s obese mom in hooker boots and nothing else popped into my mind.
“Ahh, oh God. Okay. Well, you’ll have to; I’m not letting you sit there all night.”
“Fine.” We switched shoes. The boots were enormous on me, but New York girls can survive any and all footwear, no matter how torturous.
“Alright, We’ll walk up 9th and get the subway near Penn station.”
“No.”
“No? Why ‘No’”
“Well I don’t like Subways. We’ll take a cab.”
“We can’t. Cab’s don’t change boroughs.”
“Well, that’s too bad. Cause I’m not taking the subway. And I’m definitely not paying for either.”

I lost it. I completely snapped. I slapped Beth across the face so hard that the sound silenced the entire street of con goers. We were both silent for a moment, then Beth started to cry.
I immediately tried to apologize, “Oh Beth, I’m sorry. That was really mean of me-“
“You’re a such a bitch!” She bawled, “I hate you. You think you’re so cool but you’re just a fucking prep.”
She called me a prep. My Immortal style. Then she bolted. Took off right down the nearest dark, creepy ally. I screamed after her and chased her, but since we had switched shoes, I was now trying to run in heels that were 3 sizes too big.


It was horrible, like something out of a nightmare. Beth had taken off into a shady neighborhood notorious for gun violence. All our other friends had already departed for the night so I didn’t even have anyone else to help me look for her. I was crying at this point because I couldn’t see her, and I was totally lost in one of the scariest parts of the city. Eventually I stumbled down a deserted ally when I heard her crying.
“Beth? Beth, I get that you’re mad at me, but you need to come with me, okay?”
“Fuck you! Don’t come near me.” She blubbered.
It was then that I realized I had been followed. There was a group of about 6-10 men gathering at the end of the ally, laughing and making catcalls at us.
“Beth I am SERIOUSLY NOT FUCKING AROUND! GET YOU ASS OVER HERE.” I screamed. She ran towards me and I grabbed her arm. She tried to claw off my fingers but I refused to lose her again. I dragged her out of the ally and magically found my way back to the subway.
The subway station was empty, save for a snoring homeless man, but I still wasn’t letting go of Beth. She kept trying to jerk away and make another run for it, but my grip was iron. I was not going to have her throw herself in front of a train or something just to get away from me.
As soon as we got on the train, I felt a soft bop on the back of my head. I turned around only to be fully clocked in the face by her blue cardboard sword.
“Accident,” she sneered.
 
Yay! Another tale from littlebiscuits!

What really scares me is that she didn't know how much danger she was in. And how ungrateful she was that you saved her.

This needs to go on one of those con horror story tumblrs or blogs or whatever.

I sense this isn't done yet, though (hopefully).
 
darkhorse816 said:
Yay! Another tale from littlebiscuits!

What really scares me is that she didn't know how much danger she was in. And how ungrateful she was that you saved her.

This needs to go on one of those con horror story tumblrs or blogs or whatever.

I sense this isn't done yet, though (hopefully).
Click to expand...

oh it's not done. I just got a little tired. (:_( But I will finish it up.
 
littlebiscuits said:
Beth Story Part 3: When Lolcows Attack.

At long last, the conclusion to the Beth Saga. For those who are just joining us for storytime, or need a refresher, this is the page with part 1 and 2.

viewtopic.php?f=21&t=532&start=495

(as always, its under spoiler)

Every year, my schools gaming club would organize a trip down to NYComicCon. The year I lived with Beth was also the year I was president of the club, so it was my responiblity plan the trip. I’d attended this con in the past, and I knew from experience that you needed to buy your tickets months in advance. So, as soon as possible into the year, I made tons of announcements, set up intrest meetings, sent out flyers and emails, organized a fundraiser and made sure everyone who wanted to go to NYComicCon got to. My housemate Beth repeatedly rebuffed my attempts to invite her. So when she approached me about tickets a week before the con, I was a little miffed.

“Well I mean- there aren’t any group passes available anymore, but you could try looking on the website I guess.” I explained.
“What do you mean there aren’t any group passes left? I want one of those.”
“But I gave them away already. Everyone paid.”
“Well that isn’t fair!”
“But I asked you if you wanted one weeks ago!”
“Well, I didn’t have any money then!”
Lana cut in, “Beth you order from Dominos practically every single night. The tickets were ten dollars.”
I could see that Beth was about to cry. “Okay Beth. I’ll give you a ride down to NYC this weekend but you have to order the tickets tonight. Like, right this second. Go on the computer tonight before midnight, because tonight is the actual last night that tickets can be sold.”
“Really? But where can I stay? The hotel rooms are all taken up!”
“You can crash at my place, but I’ll warn you. My family is a little, you know, boisterous.” That was an understatement. My family is cacophonous, just absolutely deafening. We communicate to each other in earsplitting roars. We aren’t angry or rude; it’s just our way. One of my earliest memories is of my Dad bellowing across the house, screaming, “TURN THAT TV LOWER. THE BABY IS TRYING TO SLEEP.” Beth hates loud people. I knew it was going to be a disaster. (As a complete side note, my family lives in NYC. We have a family home in the Bronx and my Dad has a small apartment in Manhattan that he stays in when he works. I attended College in a neighboring state. Just to clarify for the sake of the story.)
“That’s okay. I don’t care.”
“Fine, but Beth, you have to buy your ticket right now. Like, go upstairs and do it right now.”
“Okay, my gosh, don’t worry. I’ll get it, I’ll get it.” She skipped merrily up the stairs, “Oh I’ll have to get working on my cosplay right away! I hope I have enough time to paint the sword-“
“OR BUY YOUR TICKET!” Lana yelled after her, but she was joking.
I laughed too, “Watch she doesn’t buy it!”
Lana chuckled darkly, “I wouldn’t joke about that.”


Beth spent the next few days perfecting her cosplay and very little else. Her cosplay was…almost indescribable. It wasn’t just that she didn’t know how to sew. It wasn’t just that she was wearing clothing that was about four sizes too small for her. It wasn’t just that her top consisted of a bright blue bra and little else. No, what really bugged me about her cosplay was the fact that she was cosplaying her OC….and was expecting to be recognized for it.

The morning we were leaving for the con, I rounded up the little crew I was transporting and took them to a cafe so that we could properly caffeinate for the trip ahead. While we were there, I did a quick inventory of everyone’s tickets and hotel bookings.
“Beth you got your ticket right?” I asked.
“Nope,” she replied calmly, munching a gigantic cinnamon bun.
“What do you mean, ‘Nope’? Like ‘Nope you forgot to print it’, or ‘Nope it’s in the car?’”
“Oh I forgot to buy it.”
“No you didn’t.”
“I did!” she laughed, “Don’t worry! We’ll just buy one at the con. It’s no big deal.”


When we arrived in the city, we made a quick detour to my family home to deposit our baggage. Beth was inexplicably furious about this, which confused me because we still had two hours before the con even opened and the alternative was to carry our heavy luggage around the con.
Just like I predicted, Beth did not respond well to my family. She completely ignored my Mother’s greetings, just stared passed her and pretended she couldn’t hear a word she was saying. Of course, this signaled to my family, “She must be hard of hearing. Let’s be even louder than usual!”
My insisted we all have a glass of orange juice before heading to the con, (“There will be so many people, so many germs!”) so while we waited for our juice, Beth decided to kick off her stupid looking hooker boots. The second they hit the floor, my dog bounded over and stuck his face in one of the boots. He began to inhale deeply, making a creepy grunting noise. “HE DOES THAT SOMETIMES,” my Dad explained deafeningly, “BUZZ! GET AWAY FROM THERE, YOU LIL’SHIT.”
Needless to say, it was a bad first impression on both ends.


When we arrived at the con, naturally it was already sold out. Beth was livid.
“You promised you would get tickets for everyone!” She screeched.
“Beth, that’s not what happened. You said you would have your own ticket.”
“No! What am I supposed to do now?”
“Well, we could try to buy tickets off someone, you know..”
“No! I’m not doing that!”
“Then I don’t know how to help you.”
“Fix it!”
“I can’t. It’s really crowed right now, maybe you could just walk in. No one will really notice. There are like a million people here right now.”
And oddly, that plan worked. She just waltzed in without a badge. Maybe people were too busy staring at her completely visible bra and panties? I thought all was well. I went to a few panels, saw some epic cosplayers, and bought a T-shit. It was fun. Until I got a call from Beth around 11 p.m. She wanted to go into the Hentai dubbing panel, but they wouldn’t let her in because she didn’t have a badge and had kicked her out of the con.
I met her outside of the Javis Center. She was beyond furious. She ran up to me shouting, “This sucks! I got kicked out, I’m tired, I’m hungry and my feet hurt!”
“Well, we’ll try to get a ticket tomorrow. Let’s just go home for now.”
“No! I’m not walking anymore. My feet hurt!”
“I—what? You have to walk. You can’t just not walk.” She glared at me and defiantly plopped down on the pavement. “Ew that pavement is really dirty and you’re wearing a short skirt. Please stand up.”
“No.”
“Okay. Beth. Stand up. I will trade shoes with you, you can wear my sneakers home.”
“But these boots belonged to my mother and they’re a little big on me…and your feet are so small.”
Suddenly the image of Beth’s obese mom in hooker boots and nothing else popped into my mind.
“Ahh, oh God. Okay. Well, you’ll have to; I’m not letting you sit there all night.”
“Fine.” We switched shoes. The boots were enormous on me, but New York girls can survive any and all footwear, no matter how torturous.
“Alright, We’ll walk up 9th and get the subway near Penn station.”
“No.”
“No? Why ‘No’”
“Well I don’t like Subways. We’ll take a cab.”
“We can’t. Cab’s don’t change boroughs.”
“Well, that’s too bad. Cause I’m not taking the subway. And I’m definitely not paying for either.”

I lost it. I completely snapped. I slapped Beth across the face so hard that the sound silenced the entire street of con goers. We were both silent for a moment, then Beth started to cry.
I immediately tried to apologize, “Oh Beth, I’m sorry. That was really mean of me-“
“You’re a such a bitch!” She bawled, “I hate you. You think you’re so cool but you’re just a fucking prep.”
She called me a prep. My Immortal style. Then she bolted. Took off right down the nearest dark, creepy ally. I screamed after her and chased her, but since we had switched shoes, I was now trying to run in heels that were 3 sizes too big.


It was horrible, like something out of a nightmare. Beth had taken off into a shady neighborhood notorious for gun violence. All our other friends had already departed for the night so I didn’t even have anyone else to help me look for her. I was crying at this point because I couldn’t see her, and I was totally lost in one of the scariest parts of the city. Eventually I stumbled down a deserted ally when I heard her crying.
“Beth? Beth, I get that you’re mad at me, but you need to come with me, okay?”
“Fuck you! Don’t come near me.” She blubbered.
It was then that I realized I had been followed. There was a group of about 6-10 men gathering at the end of the ally, laughing and making catcalls at us.
“Beth I am SERIOUSLY NOT FUCKING AROUND! GET YOU ASS OVER HERE.” I screamed. She ran towards me and I grabbed her arm. She tried to claw off my fingers but I refused to lose her again. I dragged her out of the ally and magically found my way back to the subway.
The subway station was empty, save for a snoring homeless man, but I still wasn’t letting go of Beth. She kept trying to jerk away and make another run for it, but my grip was iron. I was not going to have her throw herself in front of a train or something just to get away from me.
As soon as we got on the train, I felt a soft bop on the back of my head. I turned around only to be fully clocked in the face by her blue cardboard sword.
“Accident,” she sneered.
Click to expand...

wow, what a fucking bitch.
 
What a horrible horrible person. You should have left her for the niggos, srsly.
 
Beth sounds like she, not even joking around, has some kind of mental disability, to be that unaware of situations, and other peoples feelings, she sounds like she has some kind of Autism. Her parents are gonna have to make sure men don't like, trick her into sex or anything. She sounds like the type that would be an easy target for predators, and scam artists.
 
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