Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

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Steve Mayers said:
There was a guy named Nick who I had attended a math class with during my stint at a community college who is/was a lolcow. He made this evident from the first day of class with random spergy comments throughout the teacher explaining her syllabus to the class. A classmate was nice and said hi to him on the 2nd day off class. After that Nick was convinced this guy was his friend. And would walk up and say hi to him and talk to him every change he got. One Nick walked up to him and said "Do you like my new jacket? It's goose down". Earning him the new nickname Goosedown. He would routinely sit with me, the classmate and several other friends in time in between classes. One day during class we were getting our tests back. Nick had received a D and was VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT. He started to scream "A D! A FREAKING D! I WORKED FOR 2 HOURS ONLY TO GET A D!" He goes on to say "I'll lie, I'll cheat, I'll steal, WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE!!". Our professor made him leave the class, he returned 10 minutes later still very upset and while we were going over the test. He cussed every time he got a problem wrong. Another day we were preparing packets of homework to turn in. This professor had us turn on homework every 2 weeks instead of daily. Our professor said to either staple the homework or put it in a folder. Nick comments "I can't use my folder, I use it to keep all my notes and other stuff in it." To this the professor responds "Well use a stapler then." Nick becomes enraged at this remark and screams at the top of his lungs "I DON'T HAVE A STAPLER!!" Nick only manages to calm down after another student lets him use her stapler. One day Nick had decided to sit in front of me. And I had coughed. This greatly offended him. He screams at me "Hey could you not cough on me!!!" And I respond with "My bad dude." He becomes enraged and starts scream "GREAT! JUST GREAT! NOW I HAVE TO GO HOME AND TAKE A SHOWER!".

One day Nick had decided to sit with me and some friends in between classes. He had done this several times always with laughable results. Often going on pointless rants, and random spergy fits. One day he went on a rant about how mean and horrible is dad is. And talked about all the awful stuff his dad makes him do. The "awful" things his dad made him do was to pick up after himself, and mow the lawn. He then complained about how his dad drags him to such boring events such as baseball games, and car shows. When several of us had pointed out that's normal dad stuff. He once again went into a rage over it. He also had a massive dislike of smoking, and people would offer him a smoke just to see how worked up he got over smoking. In his mind smoking was the absolute worst thing a person can do in the world. And because he had never smoked he thought of himself as being healthy and in good shape. Nevermind the fact that he had a beer gut, and twig arms. Another when we were all sitting around between classes Nick came up and sat down. We had been talking about Family Guy. Now Nick couldn't stand how Meg was mistreated on Family Guy and went into a massive tard rage over the mistreatment of Meg on Family Guy. Someone had pointed out to him it's done to be funny. He starts screaming how it isn't funny and awful. He then raises his hand up places right in the guy who pointed out making fun of Meg is supposed to be funny's face and motions as if he's gonna hit the guy. This had been the guy Nick had thought of as his friend the entire time. This guy states while Nick is motion as if he's going to hit him "Alright I've put up with you all semester, but this is enough! Go away." Nick runs away crying about how mean we all are to him. The next day in class I ask him why he almost hit another student. He starts talking normally at first stating that it was a Japanese interjection. I point out to him that we didn't know that to us it looked like he wanted to hit someone. He then gets worked up once again and screams "Maybe that's why no one here understands me! No one ever understands me!!". This was on the last day of class. The next semester comes and this student is nowhere to be found.
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I almost thought this was from high school...until I read the college part again.
 
At the womens college I graduated from, there was a program for girl geniuses to go to college early. One of them demanded that everybody call her "ICY". I'm not shittin. You may be 14 years old but you're in college, you can't have your professors call you buy your stupid nickname. She was a bitch too, one time I told her that I wasn't going to make it to dance class, and could she let our teacher know. She said, "why don't you tell her yourself". I think I just said "WOW" and kept on walking. I'm 10 years older than you, don't talk to me like that. Bah still makes me angry.

Goosedown Nick screaming over getting a D reminds me of another girl I went to college with, Brianna. She tried to copy my friend and I who were close to our African American History Professor, Dr. T. The night before our first big test in the class, she kept on texting Dr. T about how she was studying, and how she was going to do amaaazing on that test. She totally flunked it. I think she got like a 50-something. She was always trying to impress Dr. T in class--you really can't do that when you're typing up your presentation in PowerPoint while the girl who went on before you is doing her presentation.
 
I realised the other day that there's a lolcow in my life who's been a lolcow since before lolcows were even a thing. Some call him... Tim.

There was this guy I knew at primary school (I think the American equivalent is elementary school?) named Tim who was, back then, my best friend. He was kind of a dork, but then I wasn't exactly the coolest kid around either. He was quite dim, very arrogant and had a tendency to sulk whenever things didn't go his way. Whatever, when you're eight years old that's not exactly a warning sign. We left primary school, we went on to different secondary schools, but we still remained friends. The thing was, as we grew up, he didn't change. He remained not too bright, but this was fatally combined with a sense of self-importance that refused to accept that he wasn't the genius he'd convinced himself he was.

Naturally, this resulted in some insane mental gymnastics involving conspiracies against him and/or his family. If anyone pointed out where he was going wrong, they were "jealous" or they "had a grudge." His mother was kind of pushy, but rather than hide behind her skirts, he chose to blame her for everyone hating him.

He was also an incredible perv. He admitted that he often followed women just to look at their arses, and sometimes when we were walking home in the evenings he'd stop and look at upstairs windows in case he could see women changing. He had a vast collection of shoplifted porn mags - as in, half a wardrobe full (this was before widespread internet access). Once another friend and I stayed the night at his, and I was awoken in the middle of the night by a sound that would now be described as "fap-fap-fap."

Weirdly enough, though, he did have his share of success with girls. We're not exactly talking perfect 10s here, or even perfect 5s, and in most cases their personalities absolutely stank, but that didn't stop him bragging. He basically thought he was a kind of modern-day Casanova - I remember one occasion when I was dating someone and he suggested that maybe I shouldn't introduce her to him in case she abandoned me. Her actual reaction upon meeting him was to ask me if he had some sort of learning disorder. Later on, his self-proclaimed pimp daddy status backfired on him when, in his late teens, he became an actual daddy by mistake.

I mostly lost touch with him after I went to university. He'd occasionally get in touch via email or Facebook. I moved away from the area. He, meanwhile, stayed pretty much exactly as he was. He worked a variety of minimum-wage crappy jobs which he'd usually get sacked from for doing something stupid. One was where, in his words, he was sacked for "complimenting a woman on her looks." Knowing the way he spun things, most likely he'd said something inappropriate and creepy. He got sacked from another because, being pissed off with his job, he decided to write down his grievances with the job, the company and his boss. e decided to do this in his boss's office. Then he forgot the letter and left it in the office, where he shouldn't have been in the first place.

Last time I saw him in person, we met up for a quiet drink. I got a call from a friend inviting me to a party she was holding and, being too nice for her own good, said I could bring my friend along. I figured it wouldn't really be Tim's thing, the party was going to be full of arty media-type people. He, of course, didn't see it that way. He was utterly convinced that he could hold his own among these people. He proceeded to generally make a total dick of himself, holding forth on subjects about which he knew nothing and trying (and failing) to seduce every woman there. I spent a lot of the evening apologising for him. Eventually the last straw came when we were sitting on a couch and another (female) friend came in. Tim stood up and said hello, then looked at me pointedly and said, "I always think a gentleman should stand up when a lady enters the room." I just looked back and him and said in my most Oscar Wildean voice, "That may be so for a gentleman, sir, but you forget that I am a total cunt."

Last I heard, he was engaged and had another kid. Idiot.
 
I lived with a lolcow.

I met him when we were both cast in the same play in undergrad. He was immediately stand offish, but I liked him well enough and we became friends.

Andrew was definitely a pathological liar. He would say one thing was true, and five minutes later the opposite was true. Every slight against him had to be because he was gay, not because he was all about himself and openly admitted to sabotaging people in his dance troupe (until he dropped out of school).

He couldn't hold a job. He would complain that they didn't understand him and quit after two days. This was really apparent and scary when I was living in a house with him. We constantly had to cover his ass. When I said as much, he flipped out. I didn't want to help because I was homophobic (?????)

I moved out of the house and cut off ties with him. He moved back home to mooch off his grandma. The occasional tidbit of information gets sent to me, but I'm not interested.
 
From grade 2-9 I went to school with a lolcow. He went by Sam although it isn't his legal name, which he deeply hated (it's a pretty generic name though, I don't know what he hated about it). The guy was off-the-wall nuts and screamed all the time, and my mom would always be stuck with him when she volunteered for field trips because she was the only person who could really contain him. He loved to quote Family Guy and South Park to annoy people, and would even watch the latter on the school computers. He was smelly and everyone just thought he was really gross. He told everyone that when he was little he would stuff his cat in a bag and push him down the stairs to play with him.
In seventh grade or something he bought a cat trap with his mom's credit card without permission so that he could catch three stray cats that lived under his neighbor's porch, keeping a yellow one as a pet and giving the other two to a shelter. How did this work out? He ended up catching the black cat, and the other cats were smart and figured out that they should avoid the cat trap, so the trap wouldn't work again. Somehow he thought it was a good idea to put the cat he caught in his tree house while he got a snack, and he went outside just in time to see the cat jump out the tree house and go back to his neighbor's porch. Sam was so angry he destroyed the cat trap. He said that his Christmas present his mom that year was not owing her $75 for the cat trap.
One time in middle school one of our classes had a mock trial between Native Americans and the US government over land claims, and Sam beat up the guy who was acting as the US government's lawyer. He was generally violent and not above getting into fist fights. Last I heard from facebook is that he took up wrestling, so that's pretty fitting for him.
 
My ex (who was actually a cocaine-fueled lolcow himself, but that's a story for a different time) had a lot of lolcow worthy friends. I think that's the reason I hung around all those awful people in my teen years because they provided me with so much entertainment. The two I'd like to talk about is the redneck juggalo couple who were absolute train wrecks.

So the woman, Alyssa, back then and still now even in her 20s wears black lipstick, Tripp pants from Hot Topic, puts on juggalo face paint, and a multitude of just really awful trashy "goth" clothes and makeup. She wrote shitty poetry and made shitty art, was a complete drama queen. She would fake cry at things to get attention, be really loud and yell a lot, and for some reason always bragged about how she didn't watch TV or play video games (except for WoW). She would never hesitate to bring this up out of the blue to strangers, or whenever we talked about some sort of media we liked, and without fail shifted the conversation to be about her. And she relies on other people to take care of her while she plays WoW all day.

The dude's name is Ed, was like 19 or 20 when I first met him. He pretty much fried his brain with all the drugs that he could get his hands on and . He would always whine about if someone wouldn't do a favor for him, twist people's words to make him look better, and also relied on other people to wipe his ass so he could play WoW. Both him and Alyssa mooched off of Ed's parents. I think the worst part about him was that every fucking day he would play the same god damn Basshunter CD over and over again. I also convinced him that he could get high from jenkem and he admitted he tried it several times.

So before I even met Ed, Alyssa was in one of my art classes in high school. She always clung to me because nobody else put up with her shit, but thank god my other friends in that class kept me away from her or suffered with me most of the time. So eventually she informs me with excitement that she was pregnant (she was 17 about to be 18 at this time). Every day she'd talk about HOW GREAT being pregnant was because she could eat all day, esp in class, and would still eat her shitty Cheetos and other snack foods even though she got paint or whatever shit on them.

So eventually I meet Ed, and me, my ex, Alyssa, and other friends would hang out a lot. Throughout the whole pregnancy Alyssa ate garbage (I watched her down a 1lbs. bag of Sour Patch Kids in one sitting), smoked weed, drank, and "smoked". I put this in quotes because she'd throw a fit and literally cry about not having her "ciggies", but she never actually inhaled. Ever. She'd take a tiny puff and hold the small amount of smoke in her mouth, and then quickly blow it out (which was fortunate for the baby's sake, but still).

Fast forward, they had the baby and they named it after Alyssa's DnD character. They continued to get drunk and high while it was in their care, and would also smoke around her as well as taking her to bars and other places where there was a lot of people smoking. Ed frequently got in bar fights because people told him to go home and take care of his child properly. Ed's parents pretty much ended up taking care of the kid 99% of the time, but Alyssa never stopped posting on FB or bragging about her baby she never took care of. There was also an instance a mutual friend told us about when Ed hadn't fed the kid in a while and the baby was crying while he played WoW. He apparently just kept yelling "SHUT UP KID" and continued to play WoW so his parents would do his job.

They ended up getting married before the baby was a year old, and lo and behold, Alyssa was now pregnant for the second time. Fortunately, we had been able to avoid them (or at least keep them from bringing the baby over in an unsafe environment) before this when we saw how they treated that poor kid like an accessory, and ended up cutting all ties because it was just sad and not funny any more by this point. She had the second one and gave that one up for adoption (I think Ed's aunt adopted her, and moved far far away to a different state).

Nowadays, they're both the same way, but divorced. Ed continues to fuck up and be in and out of jail and do drugs, and Alyssa sits on her ass with her parents all day. I'd post the article, but know that's against the rules, but just this year Ed ended up going to prison for transporting 500 lbs of weed in a tanker truck (I think it was stolen). Just in case the cops happened to run his license plate, the genius smeared a bunch of mud on both plates, making them unreadable. He didn't know his perfect plan would be the reason for his downfall.

Hope whoever reads this found this entertaining (for the most part).
 
Why do they remind me of kailyn and her husband and the way they ignore their baby?

Does eds parents still have the first baby?
 
meatslab said:
No, I checked Alyssa's FB recently (sometimes both of them have serious drama going on there and keep their profiles public) and she has the first child in her custody. :(
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Christ, I seriously hate people like that. I am a dad myself and holy shit.
 
This might not come under Personal Lolcows in the correct sense, but in terms of things that always make me chuckle:

The TGWTG people. I've dealt with them quite a few times, from being a co-host on podcasts where they were interviewed, and all of them, from Doug to Linkara, to Brad Jones......are just horribly two-faced.

Like, I'm talking they'll compliment and joke with a person one minute, the next minute, in private, they rip on that person and call him a loser. It's just....it's like these guys never left High School.
 
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both me and my mom would prefer if they stopped comin here period.
 
I've seen this one lady on dA who was really adamant about copyright.

Apparently, she had some original characters. Unauthorized merchandise featuring her characters was sold on some website. She was really, really hurt by that and took them to court, winning 2 cases. Apparently, she got paid damages for emotional trauma or something.

She then joined dA as a crusader for copyright. She uploaded "educational images," seemingly implying that the slightest relatively seemingly harmless act of copying was a horrible crime. For example, if you remove the watermark from an image, and repost it, while still giving credit, it's still plagiarism to her and "CRIMINAL COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT." Altering someone else's image (at least when reposting)? You're "modifying their copyright" somehow, which is also "criminal copyright infringement." As you can probably already tell, she had a very extremist view of copyright that of course didn't stand up to reality, but she insisted her interpretations were correct. For example, she was called out on her misinterpretation of the DMCA that claimed what criminal offenses were, but she still insisted her odd reading of it was correct. Her artist comments on pics she uploaded were often peppered with RAGE and CAPS. She even wrote a short story about herself going around "slapping theives" for "stealing" art. She implied that despite any good intentions you may have in sharing art, you're always a THIEF if you violate copyright. Of course, she was firmly in the "copying is theft" camp. She also started her own website that was a gathering place for people to act as unofficial enforcers of copyright. Complete with very strict terms of service.

However, after apparently getting into too many arguments and making a lot of enemies (she would be kind of an informal enforcer of copyright on dA), she said she was done with all that drama, and she went back to being a regular artist. Eventually, she left dA, and really hasn't been stirring anything up since, last time I checked. I don't know if she'd really qualify as a "lolcow" though. I'm also not saying who she was. She has a friend on the site who almost has as strict views of copyright as she does. I haven't checked if this friend is still on the site though.

All this drama was over a couple of years or more ago and it's long dead.
 
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I think I know who you are talking about as I used to be in the "art snark" scene many years ago and used to see a lady of that description almost everywhere.
 
So I used to frequent all the major Pokemon message boards when I was younger and, of course, they all had their share of lolcows. One always stood out to me in particular; she was really obsessed with the gym leaders and shipping them and whatnot - and when I say 'obsessed', I mean she was one of those who was obsessively in love with the characters rather than just a fangirl, and she was a frequent poster in that notorious thread on Serebii about being in love with fictional characters. She would frequently get really TMI and disgusting in her discussions of shipping and Pokemon character sex. The kicker was that she claimed to have cut and scarred her favorite gym leader's name into her leg as a testament to how much she loved him (or something).

So I forgot about this girl for years, until a few months ago when I happened to find her again on tumblr. It had been years and years and she would have to be well into her twenties now, so I decided to check it out and see if she ever grew out of it.

Nope. Now she's apparently into Dangan Ronpa and Dramatical Murder and begs (guilt trips) her friends into buying her merchandise of her favorite characters to be her 'comfort items' so she doesn't commit suicide.

The green is the name of the character she's obsessed with, I just want to keep her anonymous. Prior to this she was whining a lot about not being able to afford merchandise of this character.

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A girl I went to high school with was one of those "soul bonders." Basically believed that anime and video game characters were real and could talk to her because she was "bonded" with them. I wish I had stories, but I never really talked to her all that much.
 
Heretics on Holiday said:
A girl I went to high school with was one of those "soul bonders." Basically believed that anime and video game characters were real and could talk to her because she was "bonded" with them. I wish I had stories, but I never really talked to her all that much.
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You went to school with Link's Queen?
 
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