Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

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MayMay said:
So one I just discovered today, possibly rivaling "SONICS ARMS ARE NOT BLUE!" in terms of sheer pointlessness we have "gooppy" or "femalegoodra"

http://femalegoodra.tumblr.com/

Some people haven't really followed pokemon for a while so I'll just give a little reminder. Goodra is a dragon pokemon known for being slimy and their cutesy faces. Goodra has a gender ratio of 50/50. And there's the "problem"

As one may be able to guess, this user is obsessed with the idea that only female Goodra exist and that males are "a transgender piece of shit" and that anyone who dares raise a male Goodra should kill themselves or that male Sliggoo exist but don't evolve (which is demonstrably false) and seems to have nothing more in life than to sperg out about it. Constantly.
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Speaking of goodrafag, he's shitting up and sperging on my dash arguing with a friend over silly Pokemon names and mentioned the farms and Someone named 'Cosmo'. So they're aware they're being a tard.
 
Rung said:
Speaking of goodrafag, he's shitting up and sperging on my dash arguing with a friend over silly Pokemon names and mentioned the farms and Someone named 'Cosmo'. So they're aware they're being a tard.
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Oh yeah, that's another thing they seem to hate: giving goodras "human" names. Considering how many pets get human-ish names (or outright human) does that mean she only sees them as objects?

Though personally I tend to like giving outlandishly silly nicknames to pokemon. Or name em after other things.
 
I've come across someone new and I'll bring her up here. My friend tried to date this girl recently, and she broke up with him after 2 weeks, and apparently she's done that with every man she's dated. She does this because she's in love with a Dragon Ball Z OC that her sister made. I don't know if she has any online presence aside from Facebook and I haven't met her, so I don't have anything more interesting about her now. She's still cringe-worthy.
 
Bamboo Claw said:
I've come across someone new and I'll bring her up here. My friend tried to date this girl recently, and she broke up with him after 2 weeks, and apparently she's done that with every man she's dated. She does this because she's in love with a Dragon Ball Z OC that her sister made. I don't know if she has any online presence aside from Facebook and I haven't met her, so I don't have anything more interesting about her now. She's still cringe-worthy.
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Sounds like there's some potential there. ^_^
 
Recently on one of the forums I'm active arrived a lolcow in style:
-Fan tard of Street Fighter
-Types like a 3 years old in rage with a keyboard
-Owns wikis and blogs where to upload his shits
-Egocentric
-Customized his character on monster hunter 4, went to the forum and opened a thread called "<his full name> appears on MH4"
-Sexual and personal information on twitter and facebook.... public, obiously
-Autistic 99% certainly
-Bonus: He's 30+ and is ugly as hell
 
So this happened earlier today:

One of my co-workers needs some personal time off of work for health reasons and as managerk, it's my job to find a temporary replacement for her. This is all fine and good, I post a little help wanted ad in the front of the shop and wait for the applications to come trickling in. One of the applicants seems pretty persistent and so I figure, I'll call her back first, maybe she really needs the job. I was out of work this year after the bar I worked in closed, and it sucked, it was horrible.

So I set up an interview with "Martha" for today at 11 am. At 10:30 she calls and says she's running late. I'm a little annoyed but whatever, at least she called. 11:00 no Martha. 11: 15, still nothing. 11: 20 a large, older woman holding two bulging T.J Maxx bags enters the store. I assume she's a customer, and greet her warmly.

"Oh hiiiiiii, you must be [biscuits]! I'm so sorry I'm late, I made the mistake of parking near the T.J Maxx entrance and you know I just go into a trance when I'm in that store. I saw these pillows and I got them before for my husband and they were so soft so I had to keep them for myself but I saw them again so I said to myself, 'I'll just pick these up real quick' and then you know- there goes twenty minutes!"


I was so shocked by her endless rambling, that it took me a moment to realize that she had basically blown off a job interview for an impromptu shopping trip. I made a mental note not to ask this woman any open ended questions.

"Alright. So tell me what made you interested in [name of store]?" I asked as I escorted her into the back. I was definitely not going to hire her, but I had already told the district manager that I would be conducting an interview that day, so I figured I'd at least give her a ten minute chat and send her on her way.


"Oh I love [name of store's] products, I'm such a huge fan, but I hate the new one you have out now, it smells disgusting. I was in here the other day with my husband and I said to him, I said 'ugh this lotion smells like dirt and butts' and he liked that, that got him laughing."


"Great. Well, um, can you tell me what would make you a good fit for this store?" Dirt and butts. Let me tell you, she was not one to judge. She obviously hadn't bothered to shower, brush her hair or take off her make-up from the night before. Our store sells bath products, perfume, and cosmetics. Appearance and hygiene are important for employees. You don't have to be a natural beauty, but clean hair is a MUST.


"Oh I'm real good with people, I just see a person and I start yaking to them and I don't stop, just yak yak yak. One time I was in the grocery store and the poor little cashier was only a little mite of thing but I just about talked her ear off about...what was? Gosh I can't remember, it's going to bother me all day." Poor thing. It must have been horrible.
"Yeah no, don't worry about it. Tell me about your last job."

"Oh God, now there's a story-"
"No, no, just tell me about your responsibilities. What kind of things did you do?"

"I'm telling you, my bossy was just big old B-I-T-C-H, always making a big fuss out of every little thing, and a nag to boot! I just had to quit, I couldn't take that woman anymore. But you seem like a sweetie pie."

While she was answering me, she was rummaging around in her enormous diaper-bag-like purse, muttering to herself. She seemed lost and frustrated but finally she managed to produce a crumbly, flattened, half-eaten subway sandwich. It was essentially, a q-sand. I was having a near q-sand experience.
"You mind if I eat this [Biscuits]? Aww you're a sport, come on," she said, catching my look of disgusted fascination.

"Oh no. You eat. I think we're just about done here anyway." She looked up at me with big, sad eyes, her mouth bulging with the last of the q-sand. "If you don't here from us by the end of the week, that will mean that we've decided to move forward with other applicants." She nodded and smiled through her sandwich and gave me an enthusiastic handshake.

...she didn't get the job.
 
littlebiscuits said:
So this happened earlier today:

One of my co-workers needs some personal time off of work for health reasons and as managerk, it's my job to find a temporary replacement for her. This is all fine and good, I post a little help wanted ad in the front of the shop and wait for the applications to come trickling in. One of the applicants seems pretty persistent and so I figure, I'll call her back first, maybe she really needs the job. I was out of work this year after the bar I worked in closed, and it sucked, it was horrible.

So I set up an interview with "Martha" for today at 11 am. At 10:30 she calls and says she's running late. I'm a little annoyed but whatever, at least she called. 11:00 no Martha. 11: 15, still nothing. 11: 20 a large, older woman holding two bulging T.J Maxx bags enters the store. I assume she's a customer, and greet her warmly.

"Oh hiiiiiii, you must be [biscuits]! I'm so sorry I'm late, I made the mistake of parking near the T.J Maxx entrance and you know I just go into a trance when I'm in that store. I saw these pillows and I got them before for my husband and they were so soft so I had to keep them for myself but I saw them again so I said to myself, 'I'll just pick these up real quick' and then you know- there goes twenty minutes!"


I was so shocked by her endless rambling, that it took me a moment to realize that she had basically blown off a job interview for an impromptu shopping trip. I made a mental note not to ask this woman any open ended questions.

"Alright. So tell me what made you interested in [name of store]?" I asked as I escorted her into the back. I was definitely not going to hire her, but I had already told the district manager that I would be conducting an interview that day, so I figured I'd at least give her a ten minute chat and send her on her way.


"Oh I love [name of store's] products, I'm such a huge fan, but I hate the new one you have out now, it smells disgusting. I was in here the other day with my husband and I said to him, I said 'ugh this lotion smells like dirt and butts' and he liked that, that got him laughing."


"Great. Well, um, can you tell me what would make you a good fit for this store?" Dirt and butts. Let me tell you, she was not one to judge. She obviously hadn't bothered to shower, brush her hair or take off her make-up from the night before. Our store sells bath products, perfume, and cosmetics. Appearance and hygiene are important for employees. You don't have to be a natural beauty, but clean hair is a MUST.


"Oh I'm real good with people, I just see a person and I start yaking to them and I don't stop, just yak yak yak. One time I was in the grocery store and the poor little cashier was only a little mite of thing but I just about talked her ear off about...what was? Gosh I can't remember, it's going to bother me all day." Poor thing. It must have been horrible.
"Yeah no, don't worry about it. Tell me about your last job."

"Oh God, now there's a story-"
"No, no, just tell me about your responsibilities. What kind of things did you do?"

"I'm telling you, my bossy was just big old B-I-T-C-H, always making a big fuss out of every little thing, and a nag to boot! I just had to quit, I couldn't take that woman anymore. But you seem like a sweetie pie."

While she was answering me, she was rummaging around in her enormous diaper-bag-like purse, muttering to herself. She seemed lost and frustrated but finally she managed to produce a crumbly, flattened, half-eaten subway sandwich. It was essentially, a q-sand. I was having a near q-sand experience.
"You mind if I eat this [Biscuits]? Aww you're a sport, come on," she said, catching my look of disgusted fascination.

"Oh no. You eat. I think we're just about done here anyway." She looked up at me with big, sad eyes, her mouth bulging with the last of the q-sand. "If you don't here from us by the end of the week, that will mean that we've decided to move forward with other applicants." She nodded and smiled through her sandwich and gave me an enthusiastic handshake.

...she didn't get the job.
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The lolcow queen has returned!

Thanks for making my entire spring semester!
 
littlebiscuits said:
So this happened earlier today:

One of my co-workers needs some personal time off of work for health reasons and as managerk, it's my job to find a temporary replacement for her. This is all fine and good, I post a little help wanted ad in the front of the shop and wait for the applications to come trickling in. One of the applicants seems pretty persistent and so I figure, I'll call her back first, maybe she really needs the job. I was out of work this year after the bar I worked in closed, and it sucked, it was horrible.

So I set up an interview with "Martha" for today at 11 am. At 10:30 she calls and says she's running late. I'm a little annoyed but whatever, at least she called. 11:00 no Martha. 11: 15, still nothing. 11: 20 a large, older woman holding two bulging T.J Maxx bags enters the store. I assume she's a customer, and greet her warmly.

"Oh hiiiiiii, you must be [biscuits]! I'm so sorry I'm late, I made the mistake of parking near the T.J Maxx entrance and you know I just go into a trance when I'm in that store. I saw these pillows and I got them before for my husband and they were so soft so I had to keep them for myself but I saw them again so I said to myself, 'I'll just pick these up real quick' and then you know- there goes twenty minutes!"


I was so shocked by her endless rambling, that it took me a moment to realize that she had basically blown off a job interview for an impromptu shopping trip. I made a mental note not to ask this woman any open ended questions.

"Alright. So tell me what made you interested in [name of store]?" I asked as I escorted her into the back. I was definitely not going to hire her, but I had already told the district manager that I would be conducting an interview that day, so I figured I'd at least give her a ten minute chat and send her on her way.


"Oh I love [name of store's] products, I'm such a huge fan, but I hate the new one you have out now, it smells disgusting. I was in here the other day with my husband and I said to him, I said 'ugh this lotion smells like dirt and butts' and he liked that, that got him laughing."


"Great. Well, um, can you tell me what would make you a good fit for this store?" Dirt and butts. Let me tell you, she was not one to judge. She obviously hadn't bothered to shower, brush her hair or take off her make-up from the night before. Our store sells bath products, perfume, and cosmetics. Appearance and hygiene are important for employees. You don't have to be a natural beauty, but clean hair is a MUST.


"Oh I'm real good with people, I just see a person and I start yaking to them and I don't stop, just yak yak yak. One time I was in the grocery store and the poor little cashier was only a little mite of thing but I just about talked her ear off about...what was? Gosh I can't remember, it's going to bother me all day." Poor thing. It must have been horrible.
"Yeah no, don't worry about it. Tell me about your last job."

"Oh God, now there's a story-"
"No, no, just tell me about your responsibilities. What kind of things did you do?"

"I'm telling you, my bossy was just big old B-I-T-C-H, always making a big fuss out of every little thing, and a nag to boot! I just had to quit, I couldn't take that woman anymore. But you seem like a sweetie pie."

While she was answering me, she was rummaging around in her enormous diaper-bag-like purse, muttering to herself. She seemed lost and frustrated but finally she managed to produce a crumbly, flattened, half-eaten subway sandwich. It was essentially, a q-sand. I was having a near q-sand experience.
"You mind if I eat this [Biscuits]? Aww you're a sport, come on," she said, catching my look of disgusted fascination.

"Oh no. You eat. I think we're just about done here anyway." She looked up at me with big, sad eyes, her mouth bulging with the last of the q-sand. "If you don't here from us by the end of the week, that will mean that we've decided to move forward with other applicants." She nodded and smiled through her sandwich and gave me an enthusiastic handshake.

...she didn't get the job.
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Shitcrackers. What wretched hive did she crawl from? O_o
 
So after years of only being exposed to Dragon Ball Z through DBZ Abridged I decided to watch the actual show. I wound up on dragon ball club, since it was top of the google results and I'm too lazy to re-download vuze and torrent. I noticed there's a live chat box next to the videos, began idly browsing it.

Holy fucking autism, batman.

At first it was just spergy DBZ stuff, nothing really lulzy since it's a DBZ fan site and of course they're going to sperg about DBZ. Fair enough. But then I noticed repeated that a couple of the members were having possibly the most autistic mating dance I've ever seen online. They were (very awkwardly) flirting (the phrase 'you're way hotter than chi chi *rawr* -insert kawaii cat face emoji I can't make-' was actually used). They got a few mod warnings and they toned it down and I lost interest.

I went back there today, curious as to whether I'd just happened to witness a random act of autism, or whether the place was the den of atismu I suspected it might be.

Within 1 minute of starting to watch chat, this appeared:
(name redacted so random sperg doesn't google self and wind up here)

what would of happend if goku's plain had worked and he fussed with gohan with the ear rings and stayed fussed would chi chi be his wife or his mother

followed shortly by:

so if he slept with her he would be sleeping with his mom?

So, I'm guessing den of autism. That site has become my new personal lolcow. I took screencaps, but I can't get images to load when I insert them so I'm not going to try, even if it is just my browser being fucked up.

UPDATE:

So I decided to google the user who posted the above quotes. They have a pretty generic animu username so I googled it with and without the term 'dbz' at the end. Without brought up a lot of shit, but the first result I got when googling 'genericanimufreak'sname dbz' was a DA picture titled 'jacking off' with a description mentioning guru and a FF.net story, and I'm 99% it's the same person.
 
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littlebiscuits said:
(amazing story)
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Yay! Another biscuits story! Wow, everything about that just astounds me. I can't even believe that someone would go on a shopping trip during their job interview. And @littlebiscuits, you were smart enough to decide not to hire her the moment you found out why she was late. If she had been hired, she probably would have never arrived for her shift on time.

Anyway, I really hope you can tell us another story soon! :D
 
littlebiscuits said:
So this happened earlier today:

One of my co-workers needs some personal time off of work for health reasons and as managerk, it's my job to find a temporary replacement for her. This is all fine and good, I post a little help wanted ad in the front of the shop and wait for the applications to come trickling in. One of the applicants seems pretty persistent and so I figure, I'll call her back first, maybe she really needs the job. I was out of work this year after the bar I worked in closed, and it sucked, it was horrible.

So I set up an interview with "Martha" for today at 11 am. At 10:30 she calls and says she's running late. I'm a little annoyed but whatever, at least she called. 11:00 no Martha. 11: 15, still nothing. 11: 20 a large, older woman holding two bulging T.J Maxx bags enters the store. I assume she's a customer, and greet her warmly.

"Oh hiiiiiii, you must be [biscuits]! I'm so sorry I'm late, I made the mistake of parking near the T.J Maxx entrance and you know I just go into a trance when I'm in that store. I saw these pillows and I got them before for my husband and they were so soft so I had to keep them for myself but I saw them again so I said to myself, 'I'll just pick these up real quick' and then you know- there goes twenty minutes!"


I was so shocked by her endless rambling, that it took me a moment to realize that she had basically blown off a job interview for an impromptu shopping trip. I made a mental note not to ask this woman any open ended questions.

"Alright. So tell me what made you interested in [name of store]?" I asked as I escorted her into the back. I was definitely not going to hire her, but I had already told the district manager that I would be conducting an interview that day, so I figured I'd at least give her a ten minute chat and send her on her way.


"Oh I love [name of store's] products, I'm such a huge fan, but I hate the new one you have out now, it smells disgusting. I was in here the other day with my husband and I said to him, I said 'ugh this lotion smells like dirt and butts' and he liked that, that got him laughing."


"Great. Well, um, can you tell me what would make you a good fit for this store?" Dirt and butts. Let me tell you, she was not one to judge. She obviously hadn't bothered to shower, brush her hair or take off her make-up from the night before. Our store sells bath products, perfume, and cosmetics. Appearance and hygiene are important for employees. You don't have to be a natural beauty, but clean hair is a MUST.


"Oh I'm real good with people, I just see a person and I start yaking to them and I don't stop, just yak yak yak. One time I was in the grocery store and the poor little cashier was only a little mite of thing but I just about talked her ear off about...what was? Gosh I can't remember, it's going to bother me all day." Poor thing. It must have been horrible.
"Yeah no, don't worry about it. Tell me about your last job."

"Oh God, now there's a story-"
"No, no, just tell me about your responsibilities. What kind of things did you do?"

"I'm telling you, my bossy was just big old B-I-T-C-H, always making a big fuss out of every little thing, and a nag to boot! I just had to quit, I couldn't take that woman anymore. But you seem like a sweetie pie."

While she was answering me, she was rummaging around in her enormous diaper-bag-like purse, muttering to herself. She seemed lost and frustrated but finally she managed to produce a crumbly, flattened, half-eaten subway sandwich. It was essentially, a q-sand. I was having a near q-sand experience.
"You mind if I eat this [Biscuits]? Aww you're a sport, come on," she said, catching my look of disgusted fascination.

"Oh no. You eat. I think we're just about done here anyway." She looked up at me with big, sad eyes, her mouth bulging with the last of the q-sand. "If you don't here from us by the end of the week, that will mean that we've decided to move forward with other applicants." She nodded and smiled through her sandwich and gave me an enthusiastic handshake.

...she didn't get the job.
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Thanks, I've had a crummy day and you've amused me greatly. However, what's a q-sand?
 
djdrew said:
Thanks, I've had a crummy day and you've amused me greatly. However, what's a q-sand?
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It's a CWCism. Chris was telling a story that involved Barb bringing in a quarter of a McDonald's sandwich into another restaurant. For no reason whatsoever, he abbreviated "quarter sandwich" into "q-sand."
 
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I've had a personal lolcow recently return to my radar, there's a local radio DJ who for years has been the source of entertainment with his open forum show. Think of a watered down British equivalent to the True Capitalist Radio.

Now the host is capable of performing decent interviews (You don't win radio broadcasting awards for nothing mind.) His big problem starts once a caller gets on the air and irritates him by persistently wishing to discuss a topic he disagrees with. Oh yeah, his anger isn't just limited to prank calls of which Youtube has plenty of. Tonight's example featured the host having a raging argument with a self-proclaimed communist, and that was just the first caller of the night.

Given this host is in his late 60s, I don't know how he's still hanging around, especially as local Twitter users loathe the guy.
 
Defective Toaster said:
Now the host is capable of performing decent interviews (You don't win radio broadcasting awards for nothing mind.) His big problem starts once a caller gets on the air and irritates him by persistently wishing to discuss a topic he disagrees with. Oh yeah, his anger isn't just limited to prank calls of which Youtube has plenty of. Tonight's example featured the host having a raging argument with a self-proclaimed communist, and that was just the first caller of the night.
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Speaking of those damn dirty Commies, I had an encounter with some of them in college. My school would commonly have leaflets lying around left by "The Revolutionary Communist Party of the United States," an outfit led by one Bob Avakian. Bob is a really old guy who claims to be one of the last "revolutionary Communitsts" in the US - i.e., advocating a violent overthrow of the government, Russia-style. He's also known for being one of those elderly people who desperately wants the youth to think he's cool and in the process reveals how phenomenally UNcool he is, doing things like incorporating rap into his campaigns.

I actually did see members of the group once, outside the school. The delegation consisted entirely of an old lady handing out leaflets and a traumatized-looking teenage boy holding a picket sign, who I'd imagine was her grandson or other relative of some description. I felt really bad for him.
 
Defective Toaster said:
Given this host is in his late 60s, I don't know how he's still hanging around, especially as local Twitter users loathe the guy.
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Reminds me of an audience survey of listeners of Howard Stern's show back years ago, which found that people who said they liked Stern listened X number of hours a week, and people who said they hated Stern listened twice as much.
 
I have some more information on that girl who's in love with a Dragon Ball Z OC. I found out from her Facebook that she's anti-vax (particularly Gardasil) and is really skeptical of psychological medication and supports raw milk. She has a Deviantart account but doesn't have much juicy stuff aside from pictures of creepy dolls and generically bad art.
 
I say it a lot but for the two basement dwellers who don't know, I have a severely autistic younger brother.

I trolled him horribly one Easter six years ago. Totally worth it. I filled all the normal plastic eggs with a single M&M and cut out a trollface for the last glittery egg. He found them and got excited at the candy he kept finding. He was flapping his hands and making his happy squeaking noises. Then he opened the last one and instantly threw himself on the couch screaming. I gave him the real bag of M&M's and watched him roll around on the ground holding the bag and shrieking until he realized what he had in his hands. HE WAS SO MAD AT ME THAT TIME. He got over it ten minutes later.

I mess with my bro cuz I love him. I'll fuck up anybody else that tries to mess with him.

P.S. I don't do anything that's abusive or cruel. I know how to push his buttons and he pushes mine right back. None of the shit I pull damages his belongings.

P.P.S. Easiest way to troll him? I tell him I ate his food. He loses his shit and checks, then loses his shit again. LOL
 
Ooh, I got one!

So in university I ran with a pretty geeky crowd. Like, vampire LARP, semi-pro Magic cards, putting on the local anime con, that was us. Fucking GEEKY. Back then, we had a hanger-on to our crew whom I'll refer to as "Buddy". Nobody much liked Buddy, in fact, more than one of our friends compared our relationship as a group with him to this Dane Cook bit. Still, we let him keep hanging around with us. Sure, he smelled bad. Sure, he was obnoxious, and he'd get handsy with the ladies, and he'd talk a lot about his creepy relationship with his mother. So what? We were all living away from home for the first time, and the prevailing attitude among us back then was that we all needed as many friends as we could get.

Besides, being friends with Buddy had a few perks. Buddy had a killer bachelor pad on campus, a proper 1 bedroom, not a shitty dorm room, that he'd host his ragers in. You could show up at Buddy's, get hammered on a Tuesday night, and wake up Wednesday morning with class still in stumbling distance for your still-drunk, 19 year old nerd ass. It was perfect! Putting up with Buddy's behaviour just felt like paying dues for access to this place.

See, Buddy had a few disabilities. Just for a start, he was blind as a bat. I swear to god, I heard him use his blindness to make the same lame joke about why he should be allowed to grope women's tits 100,000 times. It was practically a reflex for him. Second, he had this super rare blood disease that meant that he had to have a monthly phlebotomy to drain off the toxins in his system. These monthly drainings would leave him anemic, weak, and loopier than Lucille Ball on quaaludes. I still remember coming from the on-campus gym and finding him wandering around in the middle of the road, completely lost. "Where's campus?" he asked me.

Now, for the first couple years of university, my friends and I did absolutely everything together, and Buddy would often invite himself along. I can't say I was a massive fan of the smell, or the needy 3AM phone calls and texts imploring me to come over and 'hang out', sitting on his couch doing nothing for hours unless I wanted to waste gas taking him on endless cruises to nowhere. One time, Buddy found a girl in our group to obsess over. He followed her around like a lost dog at a Halloween party, and when she told him to cool it, he sat silently and pouted for hours. I said I was leaving and offered him a ride home to the party, which he accepted. Once we were rid of him, I came right back. Still, what are you gonna do? Fuckin' Buddy. Who wants to have the talk with him? No one had the cojones for that, and by that point, our crew couldn't actually function without a resident whipping boy.

So one night we were all hanging out on campus on a weekend. We'd taken over one of the vacant classrooms, and were doing character creation for some LARP. I got bored quick but didn't want to bail, so a few of us ended up back at Buddy's. Buddy got this phone call from his mother, so he took off to talk privately with her, and a half hour later I'd gotten bored. I hopped on his computer to check my email and did not have to work hard to find gigs and gigs of child porn.

Now, here's where I want to say that we cut ourselves off from Buddy. Of course, we didn't. I told everyone who would listen about the CP, and we decided by consensus that the best course of action would be to gossip, laugh about him behind his back, and give him derisive nicknames. We kept him around for another year! Finally, our Buddy habit was broken when it came out that he had failed out of university two semesters ago and was squatting on campus in his 1 bedroom because the school's administration hadn't noticed him. We all had another damn good laugh at his expense and he got packed back to his hick town with his tail between his legs to live with his mother and exist as one imagines Norman Bates did in early adulthood.

I saw Buddy twice after he moved back home - this was about eight years ago. He never completed his degree, never got a job or anything. Did I mention that this guy was the recipient of a prestigious, Wayne Gretzky-backed scholarship from the Canadian National Institute for the Blind? Guess not. The first time, I hung out with him briefly when he was in town to visit other friends and, miraculously, his girlfriend. The second time I was feeling like a glutton for punishment so I put him up on my couch. He got blackout drunk on a beer and a half and crashed through a table, but was somehow sober enough that night to greet me the next morning with vile innuendos about the sex I'd been having with my girlfriend. I think that was 5 years ago.

I never saw Buddy again after that, but I do keep up with him on social media. His Facebook page is as bland as anybody else's, but on Fetlife, that's where the money is. Hey, how come we don't talk much about Fetlife on the lolcow forum? That site is a fucking feedlot that makes #Gamergate look like a game of Capture the Flag at church camp. Anyway, his Fetlife page is a see-to-believe chamber of horrors featuring hundreds of pictures of him in a gimp suit, him getting his enormous man boobs flogged red and bloody, him sperging for hours about how sexy he finds the human cow fetish and how he just wants to be strapped into a milking machine and drained like the nasty, slutty cow he really is. If you lot have the stones his name on there is blindmage. Enjoy!
 
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