Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

[Zeorus]

Speaking of those damn dirty Commies, I had an encounter with some of them in college. My school would commonly have leaflets lying around left by "The Revolutionary Communist Party of the United States," an outfit led by one Bob Avakian. Bob is a really old guy who claims to be one of the last "revolutionary Communitsts" in the US - i.e., advocating a violent overthrow of the government, Russia-style. He's also known for being one of those elderly people who desperately wants the youth to think he's cool and in the process reveals how phenomenally UNcool he is, doing things like incorporating rap into his campaigns.

I actually did see members of the group once, outside the school. The delegation consisted entirely of an old lady handing out leaflets and a traumatized-looking teenage boy holding a picket sign, who I'd imagine was her grandson or other relative of some description. I felt really bad for him.

Avakian and his followers are lolcows supreme among left-wingers (second only to Spartacists). ^_^

 

[Pinball Lizard]

Avakian and his followers are lolcows supreme among left-wingers (second only to Spartacists). ^_^

I've never heard of the Spartacists! What's their deal?

I'm a left-winger myself, but for some reason I find more to lol at in the extreme left than the extreme right. Possibly because the extreme right just makes me sad.

 

[AnOminous]

Avakian and his followers are lolcows supreme among left-wingers (second only to Spartacists). ^_^

Tell me about these asshats. If you're at all familiar with or participated in any anti-Iraq War activities, it was impossible to avoid World Can't Wait activists, who weren't quite RCP but had many people who were members of both organizations. They were tolerated as organizers for these largely because their members were very energetic and into getting things done.

However, they'd also hijack almost any protest with bullshit about Palestinians, with some of the most vocal hijackers being outright anti-Semitic and banging on about the same "Jews did 9/11" conspiracy theories you hear from /pol/ types.

So you'd have the organizers of events like this industriously getting together large groups to protest some common cause, like Iraq, and then have idiots go and offend most of the people there with bullshit.

 

[Flowers For Sonichu]

PORN DAD UPDATE: Porn Dad's favorite store (the same one where he bought porn the day his son was born nearly 30 years ago) was burned down by his arch nemesis, an exceptional individual who desires to "eradicate porn"

http://www.mlive.com/news/kalamazoo...suspected_of_burning_down.html#incart_m-rpt-2

 

[Pinball Lizard]

However, they'd also hijack almost any protest with bullshit about Palestinians, with some of the most vocal hijackers being outright anti-Semitic and banging on about the same "Jews did 9/11" conspiracy theories you hear from /pol/ types.

Speaking of the whole ISRAEL/PALESTINE CONFLICT IS RELEVANT TO EVERYTHING!!!!!11111!!!!!1 mentality, I've been considering making a thread for Carlos Latuff, who is one of the main promoters of that line of thought and who is DEFINITELY prolific enough for his own. My only concern is that since at least some of his views are possible for rational people to agree with, such a thread might devolve into a MY POLITICS LET ME SHOW YOU THEM spergfest.

 

[DavidFerrie]

Avakian and his followers are lolcows supreme among left-wingers (second only to Spartacists). ^_^

Yup. I know Marxists and hard-Leftists who consider the RCP a secular/personality cult, and a huge embarrassment. Apparently Chairman Bob has been living "in exile" in Paris for nearly forty years, using their dues and donations to eat at *Cordon Bleu* restaurants, with naught but the occasional promise that The Revolution Is Coming Next Tuesday After Lunch to sate his minions.

I suppose the Righty equivalent would be the LaRouchites who, although considered massive lolcows among both conservatives and liberals, are far more sophisticated than the RCP in setting up front groups, infiltrating legitimate causes, and scamming money out of their followers. They're sort of the Scientology of political radicals, albeit with a scary rather than buffoonish public image.

 

[Defective Toaster]

Reminds me of an audience survey of listeners of Howard Stern's show back years ago, which found that people who said they liked Stern listened X number of hours a week, and people who said they hated Stern listened twice as much.

Funny you should bring Howard up. Ever since Artie left I've been following the show less and less, apart from Hanzi freaking out whenever he gets on the air there isn't much going for the show these days.

 

[Pinball Lizard]

Anyone remember Mickey "Supershadow" Suttle? He was the Star Wars fandom's biggest lolcow for a long time. He was a scam artist who ran a website where he claimed he was a close personal friend of George Lucas, who gave him plot details for Episodes VII, VIII, and IX, a detailed history of the 'verse, and more. He quite handily swept Wookieepedia's "Lamest Thing Ever" contest, getting almost triple the votes of the second-place winner, the Yuuzhan Vong.

 

[DykesDykesChina]

It looks like a gay German is idolizing Elliot Rodger.

Can't decide whether he's insane or a troll, though.

If you read all my comments until now, you can see i´m also social awkwarded and have no friends or girlfriend. If i would have the question to choose ONE and only ONE friend in the whole world, I would choose Elliot because he travelled all over the world he has so much to talk about.
And he liked computergames so much like i do...I wish to like to hear him speaking about his visions of this world......
I would like to cruise with him in his cool BMW through Hollywood Hills and enjoy a nice vanilla latte together on a nice sunset spot and hearing the nice music of the 80´s together...........what a nice new vision..........especially without killing strange people....
I wish that Elliot could be the "sweetheart of a boy" like he was as a child...........
I would like to give him so much positive energy, and i would like that he would feel worthy to have a girlfriend without that hate that grows inside of him....
wow what a nice dream ..............good night Elliot................

 

[Hummingbird]

I just found American politics' newest lolcow in Senator Tillis who believes that eateries should not require employees to wash their hands (all they need to do is add a sign). Even if he was using this a metaphor for government over regulation of the market, he wrecks it by replacing one regulation with another.

 

[Big Nasty]

In my hometown, we have a guy, let's call him "Bob Whitebeard", who is basically an aged right-wing hippie jesus freak. He's a big old guy with long white hair and a long beard and a permanent scowl on his face, clad in tattered jeans and other dirty clothes that are several sizes too large for him. He wears a HUGE wooden crucifix around his neck and often carries a bag on stick, like an early 20th century hobo. Apparently, he used to be employed as a professional Santa Claus in malls and such, and often refers to himself in third person as "Santa". It's been alledged that he's a pedophile and that he's banned from several shopping malls. Has been involved in church stuff to point of obsession, mostly by soliciting donations for charities. Advocates "A strong union between church and state and a strong protestant state church." Hostile towards jews and catholics, but admires muslims, shamanism and "tribal" peoples. Also has an obsession with vikings, and once said that he wanted Saddam Hussein reinstated as "King of Iraq". Seems to have MRA leanings, because he often speaks of "The plight of the male in the present time". Runs for office under various bogus party labels, such as the "Viking Party", "Santa Party", "Dog Party", "Native Peoples' Party" and "Animal Protection Party". He rarely gets any votes.

 

[John Titor]

That was Patrica Ja Lee, Turbo Pink.

It's not so much pride, just how annoying he is about it while Saban promotes him as the face of Power Rangers. He acts like a teenager showing off to his buddies, constantly sticking his foot in his mouth. When the upcoming movie was announced, he posted someone at Lionsgate's contact informtion and told his followers to tell her they wanted JDF. He's coming off as the has-been stuck going on about his glory days.

My childhood, ruined.

(Though I always insisted the Green Ranger is a douche)

 

[ToroidalBoat]

who desires to "eradicate porn"

That reminds me of a certain someone's "protest" against a certain "blue-armed bandit".

Seriously though, thank goodness no one was seriously hurt in the fire (according to the article).

 

[caffeinated_wench]

One of my personal lolcows, a 29-year-old womanchild, is currently terrified that some teenage girl in a fandom she's a part of and who she's never interacted with before will get her banned. Either she's genuinely terrified or she's fishing for sympathy again, but it could be both. Either way, it's ridiculous.

 

[CatParty]

this retard

 

[Picklechu]

I suppose the Righty equivalent would be the LaRouchites who, although considered massive lolcows among both conservatives and liberals, are far more sophisticated than the RCP in setting up front groups, infiltrating legitimate causes, and scamming money out of their followers. They're sort of the Scientology of political radicals, albeit with a scary rather than buffoonish public image.

Eh, you can't really classify the LaRouchebags as left or right wing in their modern incarnation, although they were decidedly Marxist until the 1980s. (Googling "horseshoe theory" is a pretty good explanation for this if you're interested.) Their economics are decidedly leftist/populist, and their big thing right now is re-instituting Glass-Steagall. Many of their members, and debatedly the LaRouche organization as a whole, are most definitely lolcows, though. I might make a thread on one that comes to mind, now that I think of it.

 

[DavidFerrie]

Eh, you can't really classify the LaRouchebags as left or right wing in their modern incarnation, although they were decidedly Marxist until the 1980s. (Googling "horseshoe theory" is a pretty good explanation for this if you're interested.) Their economics are decidedly leftist/populist, and their big thing right now is re-instituting Glass-Steagall. Many of their members, and debatedly the LaRouche organization as a whole, are most definitely lolcows, though. I might make a thread on one that comes to mind, now that I think of it.

Point taken. The LaRouchoids do seem to transcend the left/right dichotomy, which I admit is a gross oversimplification of how political ideologies play out in the real world.
And if you've got any good lolcow stories about them, feel free to start a new thread.

 

[DavidFerrie]

In my hometown, we have a guy, let's call him "Bob Whitebeard", who is basically an aged right-wing hippie jesus freak. He's a big old guy with long white hair and a long beard and a permanent scowl on his face, clad in tattered jeans and other dirty clothes that are several sizes too large for him. He wears a HUGE wooden crucifix around his neck and often carries a bag on stick, like an early 20th century hobo. Apparently, he used to be employed as a professional Santa Claus in malls and such, and often refers to himself in third person as "Santa". It's been alledged that he's a pedophile and that he's banned from several shopping malls. Has been involved in church stuff to point of obsession, mostly by soliciting donations for charities. Advocates "A strong union between church and state and a strong protestant state church." Hostile towards jews and catholics, but admires muslims, shamanism and "tribal" peoples. Also has an obsession with vikings, and once said that he wanted Saddam Hussein reinstated as "King of Iraq". Seems to have MRA leanings, because he often speaks of "The plight of the male in the present time". Runs for office under various bogus party labels, such as the "Viking Party", "Santa Party", "Dog Party", "Native Peoples' Party" and "Animal Protection Party". He rarely gets any votes.

Sounds like a classic American type: The Small-Town Crank. Nelson Algren's classic novel of the Depression, WALK ON THE WILD SIDE , features a character very much like that, right down to the ultra-Protestantism and woman-baiting.

 

[Jewelsmakerguy]

Have I ever told you guys about how I dislike my dA followers? Well I have one who feels the need to use his journal to bitch and moan about how things don't go his own way or how people don't give him what he wants right away. See the problem here, is that he and I share a few of the same followers (including each other), and he knows quite a few of them well (again, like each other). To further exasperate these issues, he keeps on deactivating his account,which he just did yet again, meaning that I can't show some examples. Last thing he called me was a dick all because I told him to wait if he wanted to get his art.

Did I mention that he's only five-six years older than I am? And (as far as I know) isn't autistic? He also reminds me of BBC, only more dickish and lacking a pair.

 

[Tookie]

I knew a guy who was convinced he was a MMA fighter, semi-pro skateboarder, and 1337 computer hack0r. In reality, he was a fat slob with some kind of mental disorder. He would also skip showering for weeks at a time so "the ladies could smell his pheromones." He would spend the vast majority of his time watching porn, reading online conspiracy theories (of which he believed every single one), crying, and playing vidya.

He's basically a Deagle Nation member come to life. Sadly, he does not have much of an online footprint and never will. He's bound for prison after a botched stabbing at a popular fast food restaurant.

Here's his "untitlted kung fu screenplay" which was on his work computer along with the rest of his bullshit I ended up with:

A young man whose rebellious streak causes him to join a clan
which later kills his family. The young man takes a secret vow
to avenge his family's death and to do that he must master the
clan's secret kung fu to find its weakness. The journey to
mastery of the clan's style of kung fu takes many years and
by the time he finally uncovers the secret weakness that would
aid him to once and for all destroy the clan and all its members,
he is to old to accomplish his goal. By chance he meets a young
man who wishes to destroy the clan as well, he secretly takes on
the young pupil and teaches him the secret style he has spent his
life perfecting all the while not divulging that he is now the
leader of the clan. In the end the young pupil destroys the clan
and must then battle his teacher to the death in order to destroy
any remnant of the clan for good.

note: through the years the now clan leader/young man #1 becomes
warped and corrupted to a point from being a part of the
clan.

note: this line must be in the movie:
"I don't want your life... just, your death!"

FIND A TITLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

possible title: Secrets of the ? Clan.

Super-cool business concepts he came up with:

the silent blender
stankfish.com
toilet bong
self heating roads
strip club with sincrinous multi girl, multi stage performance

I was furious he got himself arrested. I was in the process of goading him into starting a Tumblr or YouTube channel. He had the potential to be subforum-worthy.