- Joined
- Jul 5, 2014
whatThat guy talked about how he wanted to eat a living mouse.
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whatThat guy talked about how he wanted to eat a living mouse.
I wish I was lying....Butwhat
Not a current lolcow of mine but reading Jodee Kalra's latest update (her fake sneaker collection) reminded me of a former cow in my life - another pathological liar I once knew and hadn't thought about in ages (spoilered for length and a bit for dramatic effect, I have to admit).
It was a woman who used to pretend to be involved with a certain musician. Now, this musician's work is in a niche subgenre, but he's somewhat famous worldwide - as in, no matter which country you live, if you used to listen to less traditional metal subgenres 10 or 15 years ago, chances are you listened to a couple of his songs, and if you are a fan of the specific subgenre his band belongs to, you almost certainly know who he is. He's quite approachable through his official SM page, where he invites his fans to debate him and among themselves about various topics.
So not only it was easy to befriend other fans there (good times when you could debate nearly any subject without people hating each other) but you'd also see him interacting with her often. The fandom used to be rather tight-knit back then, so if you followed his official page, it was likely you chatted with her a handful of times, found her to be a quite friendly and pleasant person and eventually befriended her.
Depending on how gullible she perceived you to be, she'd spin a yarn so ridiculous you'd either feel sorry for her or pretended to believe it just to see how far she would go, if not both. So here's the gist of her story:
They met in a concert after party right when he was in the process of divorcing his wife. He fell in love so hard with her (despite him being quite attractive and she looking like a POC version of Granny Goffbags) they not only made love and conceived theirconvenientlysadly miscarried baby but he even got married to her in a very discrete ceremony. Unfortunately they had to break up since eventually he and his wife reconciled without finishing their divorce, and he'd be arrested for bigamy if the authorities knew. He still loved her, you see, but he had to stay with his harpy of a wife for his kids' sake.
It's bad enough she made up such a fucked-up story, but it gets worse:
That's not to mention what else she could've told other people, since her story changed depending on the interlocutor. She'd triangulate certain friends against each other so they couldn't compare notes. The fact he's very discrete about his personal life (you don't even know how his wife or children look like) coincidentally helped her keep up the ruse. One of them, a fellow fan who merely took a photo with him looking a bit tired after a concert (as anyone else would look like) was labelled as "the harpy wife of a clearly broken man" to the rest of us; the poor woman had no idea about it, she was just a fan taking a nice pic with her idol just to have a bunch of his fans starting to avoid her for seemingly no reason.
- She would download wedding and divorce paper samples and put their names on them.
- She'd fake whole chats between them both - sometimes with him being abusive to her.
- She had a male friend with the same build and style to pose for pictures at her place, then she'd post the photos with his face cropped out.
- She made a profile impersonating him - sort of a "finsta" account, with only a few friends and not providing enough information to have it reported as a fake account, imitating his distinctive writing quirks and interacting with her own profile.
- She even photoshopped (BW of course) pictures of their wedding ceremony, with ridiculously mismatched head sizes and lighting.
I don't know if he ever got wind of that, since she knocked it off once some people actually close to him eventually learned about her tall tales.
The irony?
They never met each other in person. She never went to a single concert of his band. They're not in the same fucking country.
Okay, I've been following this guy for a while. I found him because of some bizarre comments he made on an astronomy Facebook group.
View attachment 2081661
TL;DR: Peruvian boomer thinks all of modern physics is wrong and has devised his own theoretical framework which he calls "Scientific Dialectic Materialism". He writes wall of text after wall of text of barely understandable interpretations of physical phenomena, personal definitions of fundamental concepts such as force, mass, energy, etc. Most amusing of all, he constantly challenges people to debates and writes lengthy responses to both trolling and genuine rebuttals/questions using creative insults and calling everyone dumb and/or lazy.
He's the La Filosofía del Conocimiento Científico guy. I took some liberties with the translations to make the messages closer to the writers original styles.
View attachment 2081706View attachment 2081744
He then proceeds to say that a ton of feathers > a ton of lead and gives no further explanation.
He has an ongoing imaginary feud with Miguel Alcubierre, a Mexican theoretical physicist whom he hates and constantly shit talks about. To my knowledge, Alcubierre has never even acknowledged his existence.
Other people he hates:
Despite being seemingly mentally unstable, he teaches at a Peruvian university and appears to be functional. He has a bit of the 'old person who doesn't understand the internet' syndrome and has made a horrifying amount of personal information public. There's so much more about this guy that I didn't include, I'd say he's almost thread worthy but idk if there's enough interest on the Internationale Clique section.
- Einstein
- Stephen Hawking
- Michio Kaku
- Basically anyone who criticises him.
I needed this read. Thank you so much for sharing.This is going to be a bit powerlevely and I apologize in advance but it's necessary for the full milky context. Also not gonna use real names cause while this guy was pretty cringey I have no ill will towards him ultimately. Some of it is gonna read like a "shit that never happened"/"and then everyone clapped" post but I swear on pain of trooning out, I'll only tell it as it happened.
Had a few over the years but there was one in secondary/high school who we'll call "Jim". Jim was an exceptional individual of the fedora'd "I don't have swag I have class" variety. As in he would actually wear a fedora to school every day.
Our school had a uniform but for the final two years before graduation boys could choose to either continue wearing the uniform or wear their own suits instead, which most guys did. Most guys would pick and wear suits that would be fairly typical of someone working an office job, professional, but not too stuffy or out there. Jim would wear corderoy trousers with suspenders and a tweed jacket with leather elbow patches that he would wear draped across his shoulders like a cape, instead of just wearing it like a normal fucking jacket. And of course, the fedora was an ever present part of the ensemble.
Jim's self image (delusion) was that of a kind of 19th century literary figure, if they had weebs in the 19th century. He tried to come across as refined and worldly despite being a reclusive teenager with little life experience. Imagine someone who's trying to be Oscar Wilde but not a faggot. To complete his "eccentric creative genius aesthetic" Jim had a small bongo drum that he would carry around with him frequently. I still have no clue what he was really going for with that one. Best guess is because our year had a lot of musicians in it and was considered probably the most musically gifted year in our school Jim thought carrying an instrument would somehow lend him some social credibility, even though he wasn't really a musician at all, didn't even take music as a subject, he just carried this bongo around.
Jim was a resentful little sperg. There wasn't a strict social hierarchy based on popularity in our school but from what hints of it there was, Jim was at the bottom. Jim had a pronounced dislike of guys in our year who he perceived to be more popular than him, even when they were relatively nice to him. But there was one person in particular Jim hated above all others, a guy we'll call Luke. Luke was a bit of a dick, I'd even been mildly bullied by him in our earlier years, but he was charismatic, talented, relatively smart if a bit full of himself and got on well with women, much to the envy of the loveshy Jim. One year we were putting on a play, I won't say which one, but it was a Shakespeare play. Jim desperately wanted the role of one character who was a king/powerful figure type, seemingly because it would help feed his refined gentleman power fantasy. Luke got the role instead. Incensed by this, Jim went on a tismy as fuck rant on his deviantart about how Luke was an uncouth, arrogant, chauvinist moron and how HE deserved the roll in the school play instead. Not long after, word reached Luke who then publicly called him out in front of everyone. This led to some minor drama where the school got involved and got Jim to delete the post as well as get their respective parents involved, even though Luke wasn't really all that bothered, just a sperg talking shit online. During these confrontations Jim visibly seethed with rage, and while raising his voice and dramatically pointing at Luke a la Phoenix Wright OBJECTION! to tell him what an ass he was, Jim was ultimately still an awkward coward, who wouldn't even raise his head and look Luke in the eye as he said these things.
Finally we get to the LoveQuestBattle saga, where I come in. In our class there was a girl we'll call Amy. Our boy Jim, being an awkward, loveshy teen with zero romantic experience, had a massive crush on Amy, and everyone knew it. He crushed on her to a harmless but still borderline creepy/obsessive degree where he just wouldn't take the hint she wasn't interested. Amy and I were very good friends, we hung out almost exclusively with each other over our other classmates and this got to the point where rumors had begun to spread that she and I were dating. Even the teachers had begun to speculate this. We never were, we were just friends, in fact she felt she was probably a lesbian, but just didn't come out cause she was still figuring out her sexuality. The problem with these rumors going unconfirmed or undebunked for so long however, was that in Jim's weird little head, he had made me into his de facto romantic rival.
And when I say rival I mean melodramatic, tismy as fuck, anime rival. To Jim, I was the Vegeta to his Goku, the L to his Light, the Sasuke to his Naruto. The Liquid Chris-chan to his Solid Chris-chan. And like all anime rivalry's there must be an epic clash. I'm not proud of it, but being a bit of a fucking tismy spergy weeb myself as a teenager, I have to admit I did lean into it a little bit if only for the dramatic fun of it.
We were on a school charity trip out of the country, I won't say where, but it was a very hot, dry climate and the area we were staying in was a poor (were talking third world poor) arid area miles from the nearest city, that for all intents and purposes was a wasteland, some sparse trees here and there and failed attempts at farmland. There had been a build up in creepy behavior from Jim towards Amy for a while, to the point she was actively avoiding him, not going anywhere without me, ect. This culminated in him giving her a ring as a gift and her asking me to speak to him to get him to back off. I told him I wanted to talk and we went for a stroll through the "fields" (barren, dry, cracked plots of land) nearby. I told Jim what was going on with Amy had gone on long enough, that she had told me to put an end to it, and he needed to get a grip. Jim, visibly annoyed, started going on a dramatic "Oh it's easy for YOU to say. You're lucky enough to spend all your time with her!" type rant, wildly gesticulating with his arms the whole time. (Pretty sure he was also carrying the bongo as we walked, yes he brought it with him on our trip to this fucking third world country) We argued back and forth for a little bit before I finally went "What's it gonna take to get you to get it through your head and back off?" This, was the dramatic cue Jim was waiting for. It was then that he laid down his trusty bongo, turned to face me, and picked up a wooden pole that looked like it had once been part of a makeshift fence for the field we were standing in, wielding it like a staff. I don't remember his exact words when doing this, given it was about 10 years ago now but I'm sure it was along the lines of "Let's find out." Cue the Three Days Grace.mp3 cringe fight music.
Now, as I have said, I was a bit of an autistic weeb myself, and as much as I wanted this whole thing to be behind us and for him to stop being so fucking weird and creeping on my friend, my fucking retarded ass loved the melodrama too much and gave in. He was basically inviting me to beat the shit out of him with a stick, and being a dumb, insecure teen wanting my own sort of "badass moment" I picked up a shorter pole for myself, and raised it ready to fight Jim for m'ladys honor. To this day I still thank any gods who will listen that none of our classmates were there to watch this awkward spectacle.
To be brief, it was a shit show. Jim maybe scraped me a few times here and there but he was awkwardly wielding this big long pole against someone with a shorter, easier to manage pole, who also did fencing (Olympic sword fighting) and was relatively good at it for my age. I'm sure in Jim's mind however, this was the final climactic battle he'd always dreamed of ending the arc on, even if it was completly one sided against him. I'm sure he had this overly romantic image of two noble warriors clashing in this desert like landscape, kicking up dust and clashing as we were always meant to, when it reality, it was one sperg beating up an even bigger sperg with a stick. I hit/stabbed Jim a couple times, never going FULL FORCE, but enough for him to at least feel it and push him back till he awkwardly tripped over his own feet and fell to the ground, at which point, possibly out of humility, possibly out of realizing just how embarassing the whole situation was, Jim conceded defeat, and that was about it. He got up, we shook hands, he was still a little awkward and creepy around Amy after that but I think the fact she asked one of her guy friends to get him to leave her alone that ended in a physical (albeit extremely lame) fight kinda made him finally get the message and leave her alone. Word had reached our classmates that the fight had taken place, but again, thank fuck nobody saw it. And so the anime concluded.
If any of my classmates ever see this post, I don't expect my identity, or anyone elses in the story for that matter to remain hidden for long, given the really specific details, but I mean hey, if you can't own up to being a sperg, you don't really have much right to make fun of them. So I guess the real question is, was Jim my personal lolcow? Or was I the lolcow all along?
I'm glad my embarassing formative years could provide some entertainmentI needed this read. Thank you so much for sharing.
1. I need stories.Scary Sherryshes basically a crazy homeless lady who thinks she's a cop and tries to chase people out of public spaces. also she talks to birds
yes allentown pa lmao1. I need stories.
2. Allentown, PA? Because of course it's PA.
It can happen, but this is at the very bottom of the barrel when it comes to being targeted for raped. Plus, she doesn't sounds like the type who can make a lot of enemies.There was a rumor that she was raped at a homeless camp and that 'drove her crazy' but i dont think thats true. nobody really knows her backstory, at least that i could find out.
yea i know it is possible and probable that she was raped because of how homeless women can be treated generally i just meant i dont think that was the cause of her 'craziness'It can happen, but this is at the very bottom of the barrel when it comes to being targeted for raped. Plus, she doesn't sounds like the type who can make a lot of enemies.
Canada is kind of infamous for refusing entry to anyone convicted of DUIs.I go home to sleep and the next thing I hear is that he can no longer enter Canada
Oh god it's a dumber story than that.Canada is kind of infamous for refusing entry to anyone convicted of DUIs.
I have no regretsI have another personal lolcow from school
When I was in year 7 me and my other friend would hang with this severely autistic kid who was in year 9. He would spend all fucking lunch time smashing the green button that opened the sliding glass door.
"SpergAnon," I said "what if I told you that each time you pressed that 100 black people died?"
stops
looks at ground
looks at me
starts smashing the button even faster & harder, this time counting as he does it
go onOh god it's a dumber story than that.