Physical attraction vs. viable relationship - how often are they compatible states?

[Billy Bob Dick]

I dunno who else runs into this issue, but it's worth talking about, because what the hell.

I have an inverse ratio with physical attraction to a woman correlating to how likely I am to be able to initiate and sustain a relationship with them. To wit: the hornier a woman makes me, the less likely I'm going to find them interesting as a person, or want to spend any time with them outside the sack.

I have no idea why this is the case. Thorough experimentation has bluntly taught me that the more overwhelmingly I am into a woman physically, the shorter any potential relationship is likely to last and the more disastrously and catastrophically it is likely to end with bad feelings on all sides and an absolute cessation of any future contact.

Whereas women whose company I enjoy, who I like talking to and hanging out with and who I have things in common with, I am generally not physicallly attracted to in the slightest. In fact I have had some of them try to initiate proceedings, onlly to be sharply dismayed at my lack of reciprocation. I don't try to explain myself (because I'm an asshole, but I'm not stupid), I just say that I don't have those "feelings."

Ideally I suppose, I would find a woman who is somewhere in the middle of the spectrum and away we'd happily go. Never seems to work out that way though. Either I find them physically attractive but socially repugnant, or socially attractive but physically repugnant. (I could substitute "unattractive" for "repugnant" but you get the point).

Thoughts?

 

[Shadfan666xxx000]

That seems to be Madonna-whore complex shit. I don't know you personally but from my experience, you probably don't trust attractive women so you aren't yourself around them while unattractive women are easier for you to let your guard down with.

 

[Matt Damon]

To wit: the hornier a woman makes me, the less likely I'm going to find them interesting as a person, or want to spend any time with them outside the sack.

Very attractive women never need to develop a personality or any other skills. I thought this was a well-known phenomenon.

 

[Billy Bob Dick]

Very attractive women never need to develop a personality or any other skills. I thought this was a well-known phenomenon.

I mean yeah, it's just one of those basic biological paradoxes. Doesn't make it any less perplexing though.

Why would I spend time with a woman that I want to fuck/why would I fuck a woman I want to spend time with?

 

[Lidl Drip]

Im gonna guess women who are smart, interesting and also beautiful can do better than you.

 

[Billy Bob Dick]

Im gonna guess women who are smart, interesting and also beautiful can do better than you. are calculating, gold-digging whores

FTFY

for real though, I have been in two short relationships with unbelievably hot women who also had way more money than me. They initiated (asked me out, paid for dates etc.), had me sleep over, were indescribably good in the sack and had many other redeeming qualities, but I had nothing in common with them.

 

[Lidl Drip]

FTFY

for real though, I have been in two short relationships with unbelievably hot women who also had way more money than me. They initiated (asked me out, paid for dates etc.), had me sleep over, were indescribably good in the sack and had many other redeeming qualities, but I had nothing in common with them.

What a self own, lol.

 

[Billy Bob Dick]

What a self own, lol.

my dear stupid troll, you obviously skipped over the part where they asked *me* out. I'm not delving into *why* we had nothing in common because I'm not about to give even the slightest hint of personal details, but let's just say we had different conversational skill sets

also, I think you should try out your edgy man-hating act at a few comedy clubs. have fun dodging beer bottles

 

[Lidl Drip]

my dear stupid troll, you obviously skipped over the part where they asked *me* out. I'm not delving into *why* we had nothing in common because I'm not about to give even the slightest hint of personal details, but let's just say we had different conversational skill sets

also, I think you should try out your edgy man-hating act at a few comedy clubs. have fun dodging beer bottles

I mean you said yourself you have nothing in common with someone who is attractive, good in bed, successful and wealthy.

 

[Billy Bob Dick]

I mean you said yourself you have nothing in common with someone who is attractive, good in bed, successful and wealthy.

I'm not wealthy, yes. The other three categories, well - if that's the case, they'd've never asked me out in the first place

you come across like someone who never finished high school, seriously. Jesus Christ.

 

[Lithuophile]

Is it because you find their personalities utterly uninteresting or because they set off an inferiority complex?

One is understandable. The other stems from pride, and you need to cut that out.

 

[Lidl Drip]

I'm not wealthy, yes. The other three categories, well - if that's the case, they'd've never asked me out in the first place

you come across like someone who never finished high school, seriously. Jesus Christ.

Yeah I kinda figured you were poor, uneducated and insecure about it when you randomly came to my profile accusing me of being these things out of nowhere, despite us never interacting before lol.

 

[Billy Bob Dick]

Yeah I kinda figured you were poor, uneducated and insecure about it when you randomly came to my profile accusing me of being these things out of nowhere, despite us never interacting before lol.

I'm not going into the specifics of my education here on KF but I know which one of us has multiple degrees in their chosen profession, and it's not you

Is it because you find their personalities utterly uninteresting or because they set off an inferiority complex?

One is understandable. The other stems from pride, and you need to cut that out.

it's more of an inability to connect on anything of mutual interest. I don't care about things like sportsball or whatever the fuck it is normies talk about. I'm really involved in my work

 

[LateNightMuffin]

I'm not wealthy, yes. The other three categories, well - if that's the case, they'd've never asked me out in the first place

Pity? Lost a bet? Revenge on a cheating boyfriend and they knew there's no way _you_ of all people would say no. And slumming it is also a way to get back at her regular boyfriend: "Him? Him? How could you?" Any port in a storm. A self-hating woman who again and again picks men who don't want them (you said so yourself you didn't want them) as a form of self-harm based on her prior abuse issues: "God, how much can I debase myself? I know, him!!"

For real, though, it sounds like it has nothing to do with the women, and everything to do with you having some intimacy issues, where if anyone wants you then you don't want her, and once you work through them you'll be able to date women you're attracted to.

 

[Confetti Meringue]

You do sound incredibly defensive in these replies. I understand you don't find many women socially interesting, but perhaps some of these attractive women just don't find someone like you to be a good conversationalist due to this insecurity. Someone who can let insulting words slide off or make a joke of it are much more engaging than someone who matches those insults and gets dragged into the dirt.

 

[Billy Bob Dick]

Pity? Lost a bet? Revenge on a cheating boyfriend and they knew there's no way _you_ of all people would say no. And slumming it is also a way to get back at her regular boyfriend: "Him? Him? How could you?" Any port in a storm. A self-hating woman who again and again picks men who don't want them (you said so yourself you didn't want them) as a form of self-harm based on her prior abuse issues: "God, how much can I debase myself? I know, him!!"

For real, though, it sounds like it has nothing to do with the women, and everything to do with you having some intimacy issues, where if anyone wants you then you don't want her, and once you work through them you'll be able to date women you're attracted to.

this is a good response. food for thought

You do sound incredibly defensive in these replies. I understand you don't find many women socially interesting, but perhaps some of these attractive women just don't find someone like you to be a good conversationalist due to this insecurity. Someone who can let insulting words slide off or make a joke of it are much more engaging than someone who matches those insults and gets dragged into the dirt.

insults on a message board?? say it ain't so!

dude, I'm just here jerking off like everyone else. if I slapfight with someone it's for purely recreational purposes, otherwise I'd just ignore them. Sometimes it's funny to me to trade insults with people who respond.

 

[Confetti Meringue]

insults on a message board?? say it ain't so!

dude, I'm just here jerking off like everyone else. if I slapfight with someone it's for purely recreational purposes, otherwise I'd just ignore them. Sometimes it's funny to me to trade insults with people who respond.

It is still worth considering that women who don't like a man's sense of humor, personality, etc, are harder to conversationally engage with. They will have sex because they feel like it, but don't want you to get to know them because that's all you are. A good lay.

Conversely, consider if you have attachment issues. Some people only like those who are cold to them, and are turned off by closeness.

 

[Shadfan666xxx000]

I'm not going into the specifics of my education here on KF but I know which one of us has multiple degrees in their chosen profession, and it's not you

it's more of an inability to connect on anything of mutual interest. I don't care about things like sportsball or whatever the fuck it is normies talk about. I'm really involved in my work

You're stuck in your head and need to get out of it. Sharing hobbies and careers is good for a connection but you're making it too much of a prerequisite (which is a common problem). You need to be able to enjoy a moment for what it is when you're dealing with a woman.

 

[Billy Bob Dick]

It is still worth considering that women who don't like a man's sense of humor, personality, etc, are harder to conversationally engage with. They will have sex because they feel like it, but don't want you to get to know them because that's all you are. A good lay.

Conversely, consider if you have attachment issues. Some people only like those who are cold to them, and are turned off by closeness.

oh, I'm certain I have attachment issues. good points though, thanks

You're stuck in your head and need to get out of it. Sharing hobbies and careers is good for a connection but you're making it too much of a prerequisite (which is a common problem). You need to be able to enjoy a moment for what it is when you're dealing with a woman.

also good points

 

[libRT]

Physical attraction has never been evolutionarily tied to interest/emotional compatibility. For the majority of history it was whether you could beat up the guy she was with.