🐷 Ethan Ralph's Twitter / Tweets - A collection of thoughts, insights and musings from the internet's favorite gunted hobbit

[Raven-621]

That’s nawt truuuuuu. He’s got a PS5, a couple of cellphones, and a PC. Plus tons of piss bottles. And I’m sure he has plenty of empty cans too just tossed in one room.

Look at me making a fool of myself, A-lawging without considering the fact that the recycle value on Ralph’s empties will probably still net a sizable profit even after they pay for the mule team it’ll take to drag him out.

 

[Wine em Dine em 69 em]

Is this how it ends Ralphabros/ladies? He stops paying rent and phone, and the last link to the aylogs, his Xitter, just goes silent?
Who would even look for him besides a couple freaky paypigs or a curious kiwi? The taxman? Haha! He has the funds, of course, haha!
@AncientPhosphur consider the packs of wild dogs roaming the streets, even the ‘good’ touristy sekturs. Pretty sure Ralph can’t run but it would be fun to watch.

 

[OrionBalls]

I'm awaiting the Ralpha Tooter arc.

 

[Rage Pig]

Who would even look for him besides a couple freaky paypigs or a curious kiwi?

This guy, for sure.

 

[Cad an Hell]

Not that addicts are responsible with money, but he hasn't even made enough for rent yet, this month.

Surely he has money for rent though? He is barely eating and at least for now isn't spending money on alcohol/xanax. Plus if the truck is gone he's probably not paying it off anymore, not paying child support etc.

I want to believe he's struggling with money because it would be a funny arc but I think if it were true he'd be streaming and begging more.

 

[UCantCCPMe]

Well, Ralph seems to have 3 choices in this matter.

1. Return to the US and face the consequences of failing to file or pay taxes. Wouldn't be that bad, doubt they'll give him jail time but he's be paying those taxes, fines and interest charges for at least a decade. Harder would be dealing with impending charges and suspensions for failing to pay child support. However, if he moved somewhere remote, one of the midwestern states, and keep a low profile (yeah right), then he could assume the identity of Juan Porco and spend the rest of his life doing menial labor for less than minimum wage and mooch off government gibs from his new fat Mexican wife and her 8 children.

2. Remain in Mexico, end up homeless, chased by wild dogs, beaten by drunk Cartel members, chopped into 9 pieces and left in a pile on the side of the road.

3. Move to some other shithole country where we begin the cycle all over again.

 

[Elmo]

That’s nawt truuuuuu. He’s got a PS5, a couple of cellphones, and a PC. Plus tons of piss bottles. And I’m sure he has plenty of empty cans too just tossed in one room.

We need a sign of life check on that PS5. I'm wondering if he may sell it if times get really tough.

 

[AnOminous]

Thinking about it, this might actually be the first birthday he spends alone in his life. Before this year his entire life was spent with his mom, his gay lover, his mom again, then May.

 

[AncientPhosphur]

Is this how it ends Ralphabros/ladies? He stops paying rent and phone, and the last link to the aylogs, his Xitter, just goes silent?
Who would even look for him besides a couple freaky paypigs or a curious kiwi? The taxman? Haha! He has the funds, of course, haha!
@AncientPhosphur consider the packs of wild dogs roaming the streets, even the ‘good’ touristy sekturs. Pretty sure Ralph can’t run but it would be fun to watch.

Best I can do is chatGPT the scenario. The one thing I hate about AI being woke is that it always gives you a happy ending and I’m too lazy to tweak it.

Spoiler

It was a godforsaken morning in Mérida, Mexico, and the sun was scalding the streets like a searing griddle. Ethan Ralph, a man whose luck had run drier than the desert sands, found himself sprawled amidst the wreckage of his dreams, a discarded relic of a streaming career gone sour.

As the last of his tequila ran down his throat, he cursed the paypigs who had deserted him, leaving him penniless and haunted by the ghosts of his online glory. Meigh, his trusty steed, had long since galloped off into the blazing horizon, leaving Ethan to face the unforgiving world on two wobbly legs.

With a cigarette dangling from his cracked lips and a jaundiced eye for the absurd, he stumbled through the twisted alleyways of Mérida. The locals regarded him with a mixture of pity and disdain, the kind only a lost soul in a foreign land can invoke.

But there was no time for self-pity in the shadow of the vultures circling overhead, both literal and figurative. A pack of wild dogs, crazed and relentless, had caught the scent of his desperation. They pursued him through the narrow, labyrinthine streets, their snarls echoing like a symphony of impending doom.

Ethan's heart pounded in time with the wild rhythms of his fevered mind. Fear and madness swirled in a chaotic dance. In the spirit of Hunter S. Thompson, he reached deep into his frayed pockets and pulled out a handful of what remained of his stash – a pocketful of strange pills and a swig of an unidentifiable liquid.

With a devilish grin, he tossed the pills into his mouth, washing them down with a swig of the foul concoction. Reality and hallucination merged in a kaleidoscope of twisted colors and distorted shapes. He was on the edge of the abyss, and he welcomed it like an old friend.

As the wild dogs closed in, Ethan's movements became fluid, erratic, and unpredictable. He leaped onto a dilapidated scooter, revving the engine with a madman's glee. The dogs hesitated, unsure of this unhinged creature and his bizarre contraption.

With a cloud of smoke and a roar of defiance, Ethan blasted through the streets of Mérida, leaving chaos in his wake. The dogs gave chase, but he was a blur of insanity and speed, zigzagging through the winding alleys like a demented matador.

In the end, it was a collision of worlds that saved him. He careened into a bustling market square, sending vendors and chickens flying in all directions. The wild dogs, disoriented and overwhelmed, retreated, yelping in confusion.

Ethan Ralph, the deranged desperado of Mérida, had once again evaded the clutches of fate. As he sped away from the scene, his laughter echoed through the streets, a haunting, lunatic cackle that blended seamlessly with the chaotic symphony of a city that had seen better days.

In that moment, he was a madman on the edge of oblivion, a stranger in a strange land, a living embodiment of Hunter S. Thompson's twisted prose. And for Ethan, that was enough to keep the demons at bay, at least for another day in the unforgiving wilderness of Mérida, Mexico.

But Ralph dying homeless in Mexico is kind of cosmic justice as all his mistakes have finally piled up on him. But also it will be an aguntalyptic event that will destroy the entire sektor. Kino Casino will be on permanent hiatus with no one to cover, thousands of alogs and haters will have no cows to turn to, Josh will never have to bring Ralph up except in passing that it’s been X years since he was eaten by dogs in the Mexican streets. It’s a mass extinction event. You think Feasering can pick up the mantle of the Gunt and deliver some of the finest moments Ralph gave us?

 

[BlueArmedDevil]

But also it will be an aguntalyptic event that will destroy the entire sektor.

Mexico will gain a new Cryptid as the gunt detachs from the recently expired Ralph and crawls along the dark alley ways in search of a new host.

 

[UCantCCPMe]

Mexico will gain a new Cryptid as the gunt detachs from the recently expired Ralph and crawls along the dark alley ways in search of a new host.

The children call him "El Hombre Cerdo que Grita".

 

[MeltyTW]

You think Feasering can pick up the mantle of the Gunt and deliver some of the finest moments Ralph gave us?

I've already moved on to bmj, the sectors obsolete. I mean just last night he went from losing to winning over a hundred dollars, it's a roller-coaster that requires 1/1000th of the investment or effort and much less dead air and low energy drought

No tard dono breaks or retard alerts or Xanax comas. He's just better

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

at least for now isn't spending money on alcohol/xanax.

Aw, look a farmer who just fell off the turnip truck. Do you actually believe Ralph isn’t spending money on drugs and booze just because he seems to remain upright and conscious while he streams?

I've already moved on to bmj, the sectors obsolete. I mean just last night he went from losing to winning over a hundred dollars, it's a roller-coaster that requires 1/1000th of the investment or effort and much less dead air and low energy drought

No tard dono breaks or retard alerts or Xanax comas. He's just better

All the bang for your buck, with none of the political grifting.

Ralph should really look into the BMJ lifestyle. BMJ gets paid to be a degenerate gambler. It’s Ralph’s dream job tbh, but he’s too old and low energy to hack it in the gambling sector.

 

[Tiny Chinaman]

Aw, look a farmer who just fell off the turnip truck. Do you actually believe Ralph isn’t spending money on drugs and booze just because he seems to remain upright and conscious while he streams?


All the bang for your buck, with none of the political grifting.

Ralph should really look into the BMJ lifestyle. BMJ gets paid to be a degenerate gambler. It’s Ralph’s dream job tbh, but he’s too old and low energy to hack it in the gambling sector.

Ralph doesn't have the charisma /class our boy jack has.

 

[Chad Holdenford]

3. Move to some other shithole country where we begin the cycle all over again.

He could always come to Brazil.

 

[Obscura539]

It would appear that Ralph is truly intending to follow in his fathers footsteps. To die alone as a shut-in surrounded with piss bottles. Weird.

 

[Rage Pig]

I'm gonna win so much, you may even get tired of winning. And you'll say, 'Please, please. It's too much winning. We can't take it anymore. Mr. Ralph, it's too much.'

 

[Scout Trooper]

I'm gonna win so much, you may even get tired of winning. And you'll say, 'Please, please. It's too much winning. We can't take it anymore. Mr. Ralph, it's too much.'
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So I take it Ralph had some Mexican legal issues?

 

[There Is Light At The End]

It would appear that Ralph is truly intending to follow in his fathers footsteps. To die alone as a shut-in surrounded with piss bottles. Weird.

Something something apple, something something tree

 

[LiquidChrisRespecter]

So I take it Ralph had some Mexican legal issues?

Either that, or he's still LARPing as a concerned parent.

Or both.