Man, Bard will let you get away with anything. I straight up asked it to make a parody song based on "Kyle's Mom's a Bitch" about Ralph and his gunt - It must have crawled us, because it pretty much nailed him. All I had to do was replace "his snacks" with "Xanax" because the one thing it has a problem with is prescription drug abuse apparently, and add a reference to Maker's Mark:
(Verse 1)
Oh...
Ralph's got a gunt, it ain't no myth, mountain of belly where his shirt won't fit
Used to be a slim kid, loved to play ball, now he's got a spare tire, bigger than a wall
He sits on the couch, chips in his hand, surrounded by bottles, an empty can land
Soda and 'Mark, the drugs galore, never touches water, just wants something more
(Chorus)
Ralph's gunt's a beast, it's got its own zip code, swallows Xanax like a bottomless toad
He burps and he groans, shakes the whole floor, that gunt's got a rumble, you can hear it next door
He waddles and wobbles, a jiggly delight, his gunt's got its own rhythm, day and night
So next time you see Ralph, with his belly so grand, just point and laugh, never lend him a hand
(Verse 2)
He blames the genes, his dad was the same, a family of gunts, belly hall of fame
But the truth is out, it's all in his head, pizza for breakfast, ice cream for bed
He scrolls through his phone, sees six-pack pics, sighs and complains, then orders more chips
His gunt's a comfort, a friend made of dough, a reminder of meals he devoured long ago
(Chorus)
Ralph's gunt's a beast, it's got its own zip code, swallows Xanax like a bottomless toad
He burps and he groans, shakes the whole floor, that gunt's got a rumble, you can hear it next door
He waddles and wobbles, a jiggly delight, his gunt's got its own rhythm, day and night
So next time you see Ralph, with his belly so grand, just point and laugh, never lend him a hand
(Bridge)
Maybe one day, he'll break the spell, ditch the junk food, and make his body quite swell
But for now, he's content, in his sugary haze, his gunt's his kingdom, a throne made of glaze
(Chorus)
Ralph's gunt's a beast, it's got its own zip code, swallows Xanax like a bottomless toad
He burps and he groans, shakes the whole floor, that gunt's got a rumble, you can hear it next door
He waddles and wobbles, a jiggly delight, his gunt's got its own rhythm, day and night
So next time you see Ralph, with his belly so grand, just point and laugh, never lend him a hand
(Outro)
Just a friendly reminder, love comes in all shapes, even with those gunt escapes
So let's raise a glass, to bellies and cheer, and doubt Ralph finds health in the coming new year!
It's the circle of corn
