Polyamory General - Polyamory drama from Facebook, Reddit, and more

[Fapcop]

That's just like those blacks who have to make a point to let you know "they take care of they kids." as if it's some amazing accomplishment rather than what you're supposed to do.

That... Stereotype isn’t entirely wrong. Friend of mine lived in a black neighborhood for a while when his kids were small.

Every fucking time he went out with one of them to play or for a walk or whatever, he got comments about “how good it is to see a dad taking care of their kid” or something along those lines.

He even got phone numbers a few times, lol

Weird.

Jesus Fucking Christ this poly shit is ruining so many highschool sweetheart relationships.

"She said I was too sad [after cheating behind his back] so she suggested a break, she did it again because my sex drive was too low"

In a saner age, they might have done what out grandparents did. Gotten married, had kids and stayed together for 60 years.

 

[RadicalCentrist]

Yeah, the bf might sound like a whiny shit, but goddamn!

I am 99% sure that the bf is depressed because he's too beta to leave an emotional black hole of cock.

If things are at a point where her friends are openly floating dick her way, she's been fucking around for years.

 

[Fapcop]

I am 99% sure that the bf is depressed because he's too beta to leave an emotional black hole of cock.

If things are at a point where her friends are openly floating dick her way, she's been fucking around for years.

Yup. The question is though: Would she have cheated on him if she had never heard of polyamory?

Don’t get me wrong, whores are gonna whore and infidelity is as old as marriage.

But... I kinda wonder if the societal pressure in the old days... Say 20 years ago, (and today among anyone who isn’t a fucking degenerate) would have been enough for her to say: “Nah, I’m not going to fuck around. I’d like some dick, but I don’t want everyone to call me easy and other girls to call me a whore behind my back!”

Polyamory seems like a permission slip in some people’s minds to follow their own lowest instincts and just do whatever. “I can’t help it! I’m poly! Giggle!”

 

[Amber the Hedgehog]

Yup. The question is though: Would she have cheated on him if she had never heard of polyamory?

Don’t get me wrong, whores are gonna whore and infidelity is as old as marriage.

But... I kinda wonder if the societal pressure in the old days... Say 20 years ago, (and today among anyone who isn’t a fucking degenerate) would have been enough for her to say: “Nah, I’m not going to fuck around. I’d like some dick, but I don’t want everyone to call me easy and other girls to call me a whore behind my back!”

Polyamory seems like a permission slip in some people’s minds to follow their own lowest instincts and just do whatever. “I can’t help it! I’m poly! Giggle!”

Hard to say because... well gays. There is more than enough evidence that gays didn't stop fucking despite far reaching condemnation and potentially deadly consequences, but they sertainly kept it more secret. I'm sure some more risk averse men didn't have any relations but many didn't care beyond not getting caught.

So likely without poly she wouldn't do it very openly, but whatever she wouldn't do it all isn't clear. Social presure affects our behavior absolutely but isn't full story. People are great making excuses for their own behavior or find braking social rules deliciously rebelious. If you have reasonable deniability or are able to pull of an open secret, outside of acceptable circumstances sex happens even openly. Kinda like Nancy and John Redcorn in King of the Hill, an affair that pretty much everyone knows about but is left alone not cause drama.

 

[Coccxys]

This has been a quiet thread for a bit, time for some new content.

Today, it's a look at risk, entitlement, freedom, and safety.

Let's start at the start, some background on our featured poster (u/testingherwaters).

https://www.reddit.com/r/confession...e_leaving_my_ex_i_have_been_taking_risks_and/ (Archive)
7 Months Ago


Our heroine (24F) recently got out of a long term relationship of 5 years and has decided to jump right off of the deep end and is now taking risks for the sake of tasking risks.
No safety belt when driving with her legs, cutting herself, tats, piercings, taking drugs (Ketamine, Acid, Mushrooms, etc) from strangers and a whole lot of fucking.

But also she meets a guy during all of this and even though they just started dating she claims that they are soulmates and that she can convert him to poly one day.

(Side Note - it isn't included in this post but she is also allegedly a mother during this time, to a daughter)

So our heroine (funny, I know, because of the hard drugs) is practices polyamory to some degree and will try and get her boyfriend to do so later, but what kind of polyamory does she practice?

https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularo...nk_we_should_allow_our_partners_to_cheat_and/ (Archive)
20 Days Ago


I left the title in that one because it's really the main selling point, but as a Polyamory scholar (thanks, this thread) I would say this is pretty extreme even by polyamory standards. Additionally, it's important to note as of 20 days ago her relationship still doesn't appear to be polyamorous, because she's referring to things she would do, not things she does.

Let's fast forward to today, and see things are going. (Spoiler : It hasn't turned into a nightmare, yet).

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/bea6uw/is_it_passive_aggressive_for_him_to_say_he_might/ (Archive)



So, she finally talked her "soulmate" into poly by threatening to end the relationship (always a great start, btw). She, presumably, starts slutting around and her "soulmate" starts getting rashes on his genitals and skin and is going to start using condoms with her - at his doctor's suggestion.

(Side note to any kiwis - if you're going to bang a poly, tatted up, acid triping, fire dancer from burning man - WRAP THAT SHIT UP)

He gave her everything she wanted and she has the nerve to be offended that he asks for a single thing, a thing that could wind up saving his life. The only shocking thing isn't her entitlement, the shock comes from her thinking she's a big risk taker when her "soulmate" must be a daredevil-level risk taker to put it in her raw at any point.

And we have an update from our, train wreck even before the poly, OP

Link (Archive)

Spoiler: Why am I having heart palpaltations? Should I end this or continue..

Why am I having heart palpaltations? Should I end this or continue..

Honestly debated writing this for weeks.. I low key think something is truly wrong with me but the world hasn't caught up with me like that..

Think charming girl, easy to get what I want and yea I try to be humble but it's hard when men make it so easy.

I committed once. Once. I loved him, dearly.. But he was not good for me and he berated me for my spiritual beliefs. In the end after 5 years I broke free.. I don't know if it was the relationship or what but I went full polyamorous mode.
Now idk if this was a tactic to avoid commitment, be with multiple people as I like attention and I like to share to some degree.

I went through all flavors of that lifestyle and then some.. It's such a thing to be sought after, so desired.. And to see otherwise straight edge men bend their morals out of inability to lose me so that I could exercise this wild part of myself. It was liberating and therefore karma came for me big time.

Fast forwards to wanting my ex back.. Even though I left him? What is wrong with me that that was the highest love I could imagine? Toxic bs. But it changed my heart I no longer claim myself full as poly.. Even though I can't seem to break those tendancies.

It never feels wrong until someone is hurt. It never seems bad. I just don't understand myself. One day I love a girl and the next I want a man. Then I want a couple. It's just so exhausting..

So I met someone and it's giving me a lot of anxiety. Normally I could care less.. I tell the guy after a while (once it stop being fun) either they become one of many or they get gone.. And they usually stick around until I fade them out.

I'm tired of this. I'm tired of feeling so sweet and innocent in someone's eyes and then feeling like an asshole when I fuck it up.

This person that I met well I respect him. I haven't told him much about my past. Why do I feel this intense anxiety in my heart? Is it even about him? It was light, fun, filled with fantasies and excitement. Truly a high I haven't felt in what seems like forever. All these guys around are always just so uneventful.. This guy blows my mind.

But when he asked me my idea of a relationship I had a two day panic attack and was very confused.. For the passed 2 1/2 years I have never felt anything like this. Usually I don't feel much of anything.. There can be deep emotion but I can switch it off usually..

Not saying I can't switch this off but the anxiety is getting to me and it seems like there's nothing even happening to cause it and I'm really confused

Is it best I cut this off and save this guy from having to endure me? Should I tell him my past and let him choose if he wants to stick around after he knows what he's signing up for? Considering I can't make any promises. I just can't, and I don't know why.

Is it obligated I tell him my past when this is me moving forward? Sometime I don't trust myself. I don't know what I want. But I don't want to lose him either..

Looks like our risk taking for the sake of it, speeding, cutting, druggy free spirit who thrust poly on an unsuspecting boyfriend finally realised just how damaged she is.

Well the relationship she was in for the last posts doesn't even get a mention (go figure) but it sounds like she's screwed up relationship after relationship, dragging the unsuspecting victim with her, with her damaged as fuck brain.

At least she's realised she is utterly toxic. She's finally recognises the reason all her relationships go to shit is her. She admits to basically being a psychopath with her ability to "just turn off" her emotions to live with her trail of victims. Now let's hope her next move is intensive therapy and a chemically induced zombie state for the good of her and everyone within her cluster B fallout zone.

 

[Fapcop]

And we have an update from our, train wreck even before the poly, OP

Link (Archive)

Spoiler: Why am I having heart palpaltations? Should I end this or continue..

Why am I having heart palpaltations? Should I end this or continue..

Honestly debated writing this for weeks.. I low key think something is truly wrong with me but the world hasn't caught up with me like that..

Think charming girl, easy to get what I want and yea I try to be humble but it's hard when men make it so easy.

I committed once. Once. I loved him, dearly.. But he was not good for me and he berated me for my spiritual beliefs. In the end after 5 years I broke free.. I don't know if it was the relationship or what but I went full polyamorous mode.
Now idk if this was a tactic to avoid commitment, be with multiple people as I like attention and I like to share to some degree.

I went through all flavors of that lifestyle and then some.. It's such a thing to be sought after, so desired.. And to see otherwise straight edge men bend their morals out of inability to lose me so that I could exercise this wild part of myself. It was liberating and therefore karma came for me big time.

Fast forwards to wanting my ex back.. Even though I left him? What is wrong with me that that was the highest love I could imagine? Toxic bs. But it changed my heart I no longer claim myself full as poly.. Even though I can't seem to break those tendancies.

It never feels wrong until someone is hurt. It never seems bad. I just don't understand myself. One day I love a girl and the next I want a man. Then I want a couple. It's just so exhausting..

So I met someone and it's giving me a lot of anxiety. Normally I could care less.. I tell the guy after a while (once it stop being fun) either they become one of many or they get gone.. And they usually stick around until I fade them out.

I'm tired of this. I'm tired of feeling so sweet and innocent in someone's eyes and then feeling like an asshole when I fuck it up.

This person that I met well I respect him. I haven't told him much about my past. Why do I feel this intense anxiety in my heart? Is it even about him? It was light, fun, filled with fantasies and excitement. Truly a high I haven't felt in what seems like forever. All these guys around are always just so uneventful.. This guy blows my mind.

But when he asked me my idea of a relationship I had a two day panic attack and was very confused.. For the passed 2 1/2 years I have never felt anything like this. Usually I don't feel much of anything.. There can be deep emotion but I can switch it off usually..

Not saying I can't switch this off but the anxiety is getting to me and it seems like there's nothing even happening to cause it and I'm really confused

Is it best I cut this off and save this guy from having to endure me? Should I tell him my past and let him choose if he wants to stick around after he knows what he's signing up for? Considering I can't make any promises. I just can't, and I don't know why.

Is it obligated I tell him my past when this is me moving forward? Sometime I don't trust myself. I don't know what I want. But I don't want to lose him either..

Looks like our risk taking for the sake of it, speeding, cutting, druggy free spirit who thrust poly on an unsuspecting boyfriend finally realised just how damaged she is.

Well the relationship she was in for the last posts doesn't even get a mention (go figure) but it sounds like she's screwed up relationship after relationship, dragging the unsuspecting victim with her, with her damaged as fuck brain.

At least she's realised she is utterly toxic. She's finally recognises the reason all her relationships go to shit is her. She admits to basically being a psychopath with her ability to "just turn off" her emotions to live with her trail of victims. Now let's hope her next move is intensive therapy and a chemically induced zombie state for the good of her and everyone within her cluster B fallout zone.

Spend too long on the cock-roulette, and getting off isn’t as easy as getting on.

 

[haterosexual]

Hard to say because... well gays. There is more than enough evidence that gays didn't stop fucking despite far reaching condemnation and potentially deadly consequences, but they sertainly kept it more secret. I'm sure some more risk averse men didn't have any relations but many didn't care beyond not getting caught.

HIV incidence is a good proxy for gay male fucking rates, and the evidence shows a steady decline since the epidemic began in the early 80s, albeit more dramatically among some gay subpopulations (whites) and in some regions (California) than others (blacks, the South). This suggests that gay male fucking rates have declined, or that gay men are fucking more responsibly. (Both explanations qualify as a positive response to “societal pressure.”) So, no, there is not “more than enough evidence” to show that gay men “didn’t stop fucking” despite “potentially deadly consequences.” (Obviously, I’m talking about the U.S. Trends likely differ between developed countries, illustrating why it’s scientifically inaccurate and also retarded to generalize about a transnational population with one trait in common.)

 

[Amber the Hedgehog]

HIV incidence is a good proxy for gay male fucking rates, and the evidence shows a steady decline since the epidemic began in the early 80s, albeit more dramatically among some gay subpopulations (whites) and in some regions (California) than others (blacks, the South). This suggests that gay male fucking rates have declined, or that gay men are fucking more responsibly. (Both explanations qualify as a positive response to “societal pressure.”) So, no, there is not “more than enough evidence” to show that gay men “didn’t stop fucking” despite “potentially deadly consequences.” (Obviously, I’m talking about the U.S. Trends likely differ between developed countries, illustrating why it’s scientifically inaccurate and also retarded to generalize about a transnational population with one trait in common.)

I wasn't talking about HIV but lynching and other violence that people did and in some parts of the world still do to gays. My point wasn't that gays are horrible people who shouldn't be sticking their dick in guy butts but that negative social presure isn't that reliable to stop sex. I was simply comparing two different sexual behaviors and how social acceptability affected to one of them becouse the previous poster wondered if hearing about poly and it's social acceptability affected sexual behavior in significant manner.

 

[Fapcop]

I wasn't talking about HIV but lynching and other violence that people did and in some parts of the world still do to gays.

That’s frankly just homo propaganda. (“We MUST be out and proud! The alternative to gay pride parades isn’t gay people quietly and discretely being gay but LYNCHINGS!”)

Sure, gay people can get killed, primarily in the Caribbean and places in Africa today.

But as for the Western world, it has been pretty safe for homos for well... Centuries.

Even in the late 19th century, nobody risked their life being gay. (At most just an asskicking, if you were too eager to proselytize faggoty with the neighborhoods kids.)

As long as you kept it discrete and on the down-low, few people were even prosecuted under the buggery laws that were in effect then.

 

[DumbDude42]

If she needs to get off sexually, that's not necessarily something to be ashamed of. It's just being human. But you know, maybe get some counseling with your husband to get professional help and/or learn how to "take care" of yourself solo. If you know what I mean.

if she needs to get off sexually she's supposed to do it with her fucking husband lol
if vanilla doesn't do it for her anymore, talk him into doing whatever kink she's into. if he can't keep it up make him take viagra or send him to a doctor to put him on TRT, whatever. make him lose weight and start strength training, that helps too.

but in my opinion the step from "my sexual needs aren't being met..." to "...so i'm gonna fuck random strangers" simply isn't acceptable

 

[unclogged]

I once knew a person that was poly and they had an honest to god flowchart showing how their relationship with all of their partners were and I can't help but think that all of these people into it have one sitting somewhere

 

[Fapcop]

Poly guy meets non-poly woman. They get monogamously married. 20 years later the wife wants to try polyamory, they find a third wheel-sorry-woman, and all is well for six months.

Then the wife changes her mind and wants to go back to a monogamous marriage.

Husband consults r/polyamory... Who mainly seem to want to bitch about how it’s always the third woman who gets dumped instead of the wife.

One polyamorists even suggests that he dumps his wife of 20 years, and continues with the poly chick.

Christ, these people!

 

[Bad Take Crucifier]

So their propaganda is "poly isn't a threat to marriage" but as soon as someone wants to stop being poly, they suggest ruining a marriage. Wife was there first, but how unfair it is to the girlfriend! "Just leave your wife bro"! Because clearly someone loving you is a good reason for divorce.

Can't believe the naivety of that "don't make the mistake of dating monogamous people in the future" as well. I'm assuming they must be at least in their forties, so good luck with not just dying alone.

He also fully admits his wife felt guilted into poly, and that he feels like he's hurting her by doing something he only wants to do. r/poly bitches about the wife, you'd think they would at least offer advice to make it more fun for her. You'd think the logically consistent thing would be "the wife just needs to get a boyfriend" or something.

 

[PrincessHomura]

Honestly, the most chilling part to me was how he just dropped the fact that their kids are dead like a brief footnote... I mean, at that point, why even mention it at all?

 

[Enoby Way]

I just find it so odd that he is asking for advice on whether or not to continue polyamory in this subreddit. The answer will always be in favour of polyamory.

Also, an update on my friend in the stable poly relationship. She told me the entire polyamory sub absolutely horrifies her and she worries that polyamory has become a trend, especially among, and I quote her here, "the kind of people who shouldn't be trying polyamory".

I wonder if she is a kiwi...

 

[BubbleButt]

Polyamory has absolutely become a trend.

 

[Vampirella]

Polyamory has absolutely become a trend.

It's just the Free Love movement with a new coat of paint and a lot more rules.

 

[Fapcop]

So their propaganda is "poly isn't a threat to marriage" but as soon as someone wants to stop being poly, they suggest ruining a marriage. Wife was there first, but how unfair it is to the girlfriend! "Just leave your wife bro"! Because clearly someone loving you is a good reason for divorce.

Can't believe the naivety of that "don't make the mistake of dating monogamous people in the future" as well. I'm assuming they must be at least in their forties, so good luck with not just dying alone.

He also fully admits his wife felt guilted into poly, and that he feels like he's hurting her by doing something he only wants to do. r/poly bitches about the wife, you'd think they would at least offer advice to make it more fun for her. You'd think the logically consistent thing would be "the wife just needs to get a boyfriend" or something.

I loved the hostility that some of them showed towards the fact that he was “thinking mono” or whatever. Like: “How dare you prioritize your partner of 20 years over some floozy you met a few months ago?! WTF?!”

I just find it so odd that he is asking for advice on whether or not to continue polyamory in this subreddit. The answer will always be in favour of polyamory.

Also, an update on my friend in the stable poly relationship. She told me the entire polyamory sub absolutely horrifies her and she worries that polyamory has become a trend, especially among, and I quote her here, "the kind of people who shouldn't be trying polyamory".

I wonder if she is a kiwi...

Good for her/him.

There are probably a few people for whom polyamory can work. (And Ill bet you that in most cases they sorta stumbled into it.)

But for the most part (and especially when it comes to the r/polyamory folks!) it’s just cake-eaters, emotionally immature/damaged people and people with various personality disorders.

The last couple of days over there, I keep seeing posts about “the poly flag”. Because OF FUCKING COURSE poly
isn’t as much fun if it’s just another way to organize your sexual relationships.

Oh no... Gotta have to go all in on the attention-whoring, become part of the LGTBQ and have their own little flag they can wave at Pride parade.

(Then again, Pride is basically just a parade of obnoxious attention whores these days, ever since “asexuals”, troons and polys have joined.)


Aaaanyways. Saw a funny post there that isn’t strictly Poly related. File this one under: “Stuff you can make your girlfriend believe, if she’s naive enough.”




“Sorry babe, we gotta do it raw! I wish I could wear a condom but I’m totally allergic to them! I instantly lose my erection when wearing one, you see!”

 

[Fliddaroonie]

>"Computer guy"
>Romance "not a priority"
>"Being romantic? In order to make my wife actually horny? Seems weird, why can't I just HAVE SEX."
> I should not have to be a sexy man.
>"oh shit why is my wife putting in romance effort for other men? She never wore lingerie for me after my 8 years of not taking her to dinner?!"
>"please, help"

lol this guy is a fucking autistic nerd, learn to just go down on your wife or some shit, you fucking nerd. Other women will not want you, fix your marriage before it's too late neeeeerrrrrrd

Shoulder and foot rubs. Seriously. That's the goddamn ticket. She'll be begging to suck his cock after a good session with some baby oil and her tense shoulders.

 

[Enoby Way]

I loved the hostility that some of them showed towards the fact that he was “thinking mono” or whatever. Like: “How dare you prioritize your partner of 20 years over some floozy you met a few months ago?! WTF?!”



Good for her/him.

There are probably a few people for whom polyamory can work. (And Ill bet you that in most cases they sorta stumbled into it.)

But for the most part (and especially when it comes to the r/polyamory folks!) it’s just cake-eaters, emotionally immature/damaged people and people with various personality disorders.

The last couple of days over there, I keep seeing posts about “the poly flag”. Because OF FUCKING COURSE poly
isn’t as much fun if it’s just another way to organize your sexual relationships.

Oh no... Gotta have to go all in on the attention-whoring, become part of the LGTBQ and have their own little flag they can wave at Pride parade.

(Then again, Pride is basically just a parade of obnoxious attention whores these days, ever since “asexuals”, troons and polys have joined.)


Aaaanyways. Saw a funny post there that isn’t strictly Poly related. File this one under: “Stuff you can make your girlfriend believe, if she’s naive enough.”


View attachment 1640926

“Sorry babe, we gotta do it raw! I wish I could wear a condom but I’m totally allergic to them! I instantly lose my erection when wearing one, you see!”

Spoiler: relevant Islamic content but also tmi

i actually dated a guy who could get it up just fine but once the condom went on 9/10 times he lost his erection within minutes. He just didn't have enough nerve sensitivity when the condom went on (and no he wasn't circumcised). Super genuine guy, too, and I've never met any other guy with his attitude towards sex: he enjoyed sex if it was happening, was definitely able to get it up-- but he didn't really seem to care if he wasn't having sex very often, or if he didn't finish. His dick just was not a motivating factor in his life. Very weird for me because it was just the opposite of everything you are conditioned to believe about men. He told me once if I *had* to put a label on it he would be asexual.

So I do believe that there are genuinely people out there for whom condoms can cause ED. However this guy was incredibly communicative about it and treated it with distance like a medical issue he had that was disclosure beforehand, and he was still willing to try and wear condoms to make me comfortable, he just warned me it was probably not gonna work. He did not approach this with the desperation of someone who just wants to rawdog it, nor by trying to use it as an excuse.