- Joined
- Feb 15, 2019
I noticed this post (link | archive) on /r/polyamory and wondered what the hell was really going on with this situation.
The full post is extremely long. l'll post the full text under the spoiler below but here's the tl;dr:
Let's investigate!
Please note that almost all of the following screenshots are OP commenting on other people's posts. So OP did not write the post titles.
It's probably obvious, but OP is a woman. She's a mother to a young boy, posts a lot in /r/toddlers, /r/parenting, /r/Mommit. She's interested in child nutrition and the Montessori method.
OP and her wife are lucky to live near both sets of grandparents, who are highly involved in the child's life. OP says elsewhere that the grandparents provide free childcare while OP works.
OP's wife is not so involved. When the baby was born, OP's wife did not want to be disturbed by night feedings and a fussy baby, so chose to fuck off permanently to a different wing of the house. OP handled it all.
It seems that OP handles everything else too. OP is a nurse and is the main breadwinner. The wife has crippling ADHD (lol) and is therefore conveniently unable to help around the house. To get her wife to do anything at all, OP has to micromanage every step of the way. This naturally upsets OP, but OP feels that her only recourse is to accept her wife's shortcomings.
OP and the baby have to live in the upper floor of the house because all the rest is completely taken over by the wife's filthy hoarder-level clutter. Darn that ADHD!
OP literally has to physically bathe her wife.
OP is totally fried and has no time for herself.
OP has never had another sexual partner other than her wife.
For OP, having sex with her wife is "unpleasant."
Anyway, the wife. The wife kinda sounds like....a weeaboo?
SURPRISE!!!!! The "wife" is a troon.
Before he trooned, this asshole became obsessed with the idiotic edgelord idea of uprooting his wife and child away from their support system (both sets of grandparents) and moving to New Zealand, because fuck Amerikkka.
And after the troon-out? He's now claiming they have to move to New Zealand because he is "afraid for his life" as a troon in Amerikkka.
( link | archive)
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo, back to the original post in /r/polyamory, where OP is surprised and confused when she finds herself getting horny for her wife's boyfriend. How very strange! Surely she must be demisexual because she doesn't enjoy sex with the only person she has ever had sex with, a slovenly troon who doesn't lift a finger around the house and leaves her to do 100% of the cleaning and childcare, earn 90% of the money, and waste what's left of her energy fighting off his retarded idea to uproot the family to New Zealand. How is it possible that she wants to fuck a different dude, a guy who is capable of bathing himself, pays attention to her, and gives her physical affection? What a confusing conundrum! Help, poly fam!!!!!
The full post is extremely long. l'll post the full text under the spoiler below but here's the tl;dr:
- OP identifies as "demisexual." OP has a low libido, has almost never felt sexual attraction to anyone. OP's wife is high libido.
- OP and the wife are polyamorous, but OP is not dating anyone else. OP's wife has a boyfriend.
- The wife's boyfriend has moved in with them.
- Two weeks in, OP and the boyfriend are staying up talking and cuddling for hours while the wife is not around. OP is out of her mind horny for the boyfriend. Wat do?
My Meta has come to live with my Wife and me very recently. Long story short (seriously, when first writing this out it was a novel), Meta and I are Demi and Wife is our only partner. We are new to poly. Wife is polysaturated at two. Meta and I have low libidos and are not interested in other partners but know having other partners is an available option. Wife has told us both it would be adorable if Meta and I fall in love too. I brushed it off as being ridiculous because I have only had any sort of attraction to 4 other human being on earth, one of whom I married. The other 3 I never dated, just were friends. It's been only two weeks living together and I feel myself falling for Meta.Facepalm. Meta has only had one person he has even been attracted to and that is Wife, so he may be even "more Demi" than me, lol.
This would absolutely not be an issue, but as Demisexuality goes, you can't exactly flip the switch on/off for attraction. Meta and I have become best friends in only a couple weeks of moving in, talking for 3 hours almost every night on the couch when Wife goes to work. Meta says in 3 years he thinks he'll be interested in a relationship with me. Again, as a Demi, I find that attraction isn't really my choice and assume he is in the same boat. Although it may happen, it also may not happen. Either should be fine but I really don't want to be in puppy-love for that long. I work in a detailed oriented job and was losing focus yesterday thinking about our evening chats and looking forward to hearing his voice and such. Puppy-love is a good description of what I am feeling.
When we are together, Meta flirts with me and I flirt back. I do that with some guy friends, so I don't read anything into it, it's just fun. Meta is also super cuddly and huggy. Although I would LOVE to do that with him all the time, my brain puts cuddling into the relationship category for some reason, so I try to only do hugs/cuddles with Wife in the middle. She absolutely adores being sandwiched, so it is fun for everyone.
We will eventually be seeing a couples/poly therapist but it is taking a while to figure out the insurance. We planned on seeing one from the start but Meta was forced to move sooner than any of us were expecting. So far we have only read books and listened to poly podcasts and such.
Question/TLDR: Anyone have any ideas on how to stop crushing but continue to be BFFs with my Meta whom lives with my Wife and I?
Update:
No flirting from me any more.
I'm nice but am finding polite ways to get out of group hugs and such.
When Meta calls me cute or compliments me, I say thank you but then get back to the task at hand. We are currently working on his resume, so that he can get a job.
I talked with Spouse tonight about the useful Reddit suggestions. However, we are going to wait until Meta has a job before having a big conversation about the option of going back to the original plan. He's already has been through way too much and feels a great deal of self-imposed pressure to get a job and be more self-sufficient. We are not going to add to his stress right now.
He has all along been planning on getting an individual therapist once he has insurance, because trauma sucks. Still trying to figure out our insurance for the poly therapy thing.
I am trying to throw him into a "brother" category in my mind and it has actually been working so far. I have a brother and also a college buddy I consider a brother too, so the brother category is pretty familiar to me.
I think a lot of the issue was that I was just blindsided by actually feeling attraction to a fifth person in this world. But of course I don't have to do anything with that information. I have no interest in a triad currently because we are newbs and I don't want to do anything that would jeopardize Wife and Meta's relationship/happiness.
This would absolutely not be an issue, but as Demisexuality goes, you can't exactly flip the switch on/off for attraction. Meta and I have become best friends in only a couple weeks of moving in, talking for 3 hours almost every night on the couch when Wife goes to work. Meta says in 3 years he thinks he'll be interested in a relationship with me. Again, as a Demi, I find that attraction isn't really my choice and assume he is in the same boat. Although it may happen, it also may not happen. Either should be fine but I really don't want to be in puppy-love for that long. I work in a detailed oriented job and was losing focus yesterday thinking about our evening chats and looking forward to hearing his voice and such. Puppy-love is a good description of what I am feeling.
When we are together, Meta flirts with me and I flirt back. I do that with some guy friends, so I don't read anything into it, it's just fun. Meta is also super cuddly and huggy. Although I would LOVE to do that with him all the time, my brain puts cuddling into the relationship category for some reason, so I try to only do hugs/cuddles with Wife in the middle. She absolutely adores being sandwiched, so it is fun for everyone.
We will eventually be seeing a couples/poly therapist but it is taking a while to figure out the insurance. We planned on seeing one from the start but Meta was forced to move sooner than any of us were expecting. So far we have only read books and listened to poly podcasts and such.
Question/TLDR: Anyone have any ideas on how to stop crushing but continue to be BFFs with my Meta whom lives with my Wife and I?
Update:
No flirting from me any more.
I'm nice but am finding polite ways to get out of group hugs and such.
When Meta calls me cute or compliments me, I say thank you but then get back to the task at hand. We are currently working on his resume, so that he can get a job.
I talked with Spouse tonight about the useful Reddit suggestions. However, we are going to wait until Meta has a job before having a big conversation about the option of going back to the original plan. He's already has been through way too much and feels a great deal of self-imposed pressure to get a job and be more self-sufficient. We are not going to add to his stress right now.
He has all along been planning on getting an individual therapist once he has insurance, because trauma sucks. Still trying to figure out our insurance for the poly therapy thing.
I am trying to throw him into a "brother" category in my mind and it has actually been working so far. I have a brother and also a college buddy I consider a brother too, so the brother category is pretty familiar to me.
I think a lot of the issue was that I was just blindsided by actually feeling attraction to a fifth person in this world. But of course I don't have to do anything with that information. I have no interest in a triad currently because we are newbs and I don't want to do anything that would jeopardize Wife and Meta's relationship/happiness.
Let's investigate!
Please note that almost all of the following screenshots are OP commenting on other people's posts. So OP did not write the post titles.
It's probably obvious, but OP is a woman. She's a mother to a young boy, posts a lot in /r/toddlers, /r/parenting, /r/Mommit. She's interested in child nutrition and the Montessori method.
OP and her wife are lucky to live near both sets of grandparents, who are highly involved in the child's life. OP says elsewhere that the grandparents provide free childcare while OP works.
OP's wife is not so involved. When the baby was born, OP's wife did not want to be disturbed by night feedings and a fussy baby, so chose to fuck off permanently to a different wing of the house. OP handled it all.
It seems that OP handles everything else too. OP is a nurse and is the main breadwinner. The wife has crippling ADHD (lol) and is therefore conveniently unable to help around the house. To get her wife to do anything at all, OP has to micromanage every step of the way. This naturally upsets OP, but OP feels that her only recourse is to accept her wife's shortcomings.
OP and the baby have to live in the upper floor of the house because all the rest is completely taken over by the wife's filthy hoarder-level clutter. Darn that ADHD!
OP literally has to physically bathe her wife.
OP is totally fried and has no time for herself.
OP has never had another sexual partner other than her wife.
For OP, having sex with her wife is "unpleasant."
Anyway, the wife. The wife kinda sounds like....a weeaboo?
SURPRISE!!!!! The "wife" is a troon.
Before he trooned, this asshole became obsessed with the idiotic edgelord idea of uprooting his wife and child away from their support system (both sets of grandparents) and moving to New Zealand, because fuck Amerikkka.
And after the troon-out? He's now claiming they have to move to New Zealand because he is "afraid for his life" as a troon in Amerikkka.
( link | archive)
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo, back to the original post in /r/polyamory, where OP is surprised and confused when she finds herself getting horny for her wife's boyfriend. How very strange! Surely she must be demisexual because she doesn't enjoy sex with the only person she has ever had sex with, a slovenly troon who doesn't lift a finger around the house and leaves her to do 100% of the cleaning and childcare, earn 90% of the money, and waste what's left of her energy fighting off his retarded idea to uproot the family to New Zealand. How is it possible that she wants to fuck a different dude, a guy who is capable of bathing himself, pays attention to her, and gives her physical affection? What a confusing conundrum! Help, poly fam!!!!!
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