I'v (21M) been with my girlfriend (23) for 2 years now, been living together for a year and a half. We've always had an open relationship, because she gets board easily and I figured that I don't care what or who she does as long as she keeps coming home. I'v never taken advantage of that privilege, although she had been making good use of it for the last couple of years. I am a monogamous person inside. Three months ago, she asked me about her wanting another regular partner. I figured my logic would work the same, my stipulation was that I wanted to meet any other partner she got, and at the very least be able to be pleasant with each other. I didn't need veto power, I didn't need to be best friends with them, I didn't want a unicorn, I just wanted to make sure there wouldn't be any drama or unpleasantness if we happened to cross paths. Not a week later she goes on a trip out to the coast to visit an old friend. Then when I pick her up from the airport when she gets back, she's brought him (25) with her. And not just him for a visit here, he brought all his stuff. He moved into my house about 70 days ago. I mean, he's a super nice guy and we're decent friends now, but he moved cross country, straight into my bedroom. We all three share a bed, not because I want to but because she won't make him sleep on the sofa. Hopefully he finds work soon, because he said he'd pay a third of my morgage, which will hopefully make me feel better about him. Honestly, right now, despite how kind he is and how well we get along, he just kinda feels like a bum sleeping in my bed, stealing my covers, eating my food, ans screwing my girlfriend whenever they think I'm asleep. I don't want to complain too much, I love my girlfriend dearly and I haven't seen any loss in affection, and he's pretty cool, it's just the logistics of the bloody thing are driving me up a wall. I'v gone to sleep on the sofa myself before because I'm tired of pretending to be asleep and having to listen to them. It's not what I thought polyamorory was going to be like. I could probably do okay if he had his own place, or even if I sold my house and bought a two bedroom, then maybe. But the way they are, if I did get a two bedroom then she'd just always sleep in his room, and if he got his own place entirely then I know she'd only come home to feed her lizard. Also, she hasn't been going to bars anymore, so I feel kinda weird that she insisted on being open with me, but now she is wholely committed to only us. I guess maybe two is enough for her, and maybe they're just having a honeymoon phase and they'll calm down, but as it stand, I'm running out of hard objects to beat my head against. I also don't like that she really wants us to have "one relationship with three people", I don't want that, I want one relationship with me and you can have a separate one with him, preferably not in my house, and he and I can have another totally separate friendly type relationship. That's what I want, but she's always insisting on having three way sex, which neither he nor I enjoy, and she'll insist on all of us doing date night together. And if I say no to participating, they just do it the two of them. I'v suggested that one night can be his date night and another one be mine but she just always responds "but then it's not one big relationship". It's not (yet) hurting me emotionally, but it is super frustrating. Honestly, he's frustrated too, and really tries to make it easy on me, he totally took over the house work for me, but I'v been honest with him that I still kinda feel like he just the homeless person in my bed, and he's agreed with me that he feels like that himself. I just don't know what to do. Sorry for the rant
This woman has ruined her relationships with her family over a twice-per-month fuck. If you're over 40 and still have a mom, why would you do that? The other woman could meet a better dick tomorrow, OP has lost what should have been one of the happiest Christmases with her family, and there's no guarantee she'll get another with her mom.
