Polyamory General - Polyamory drama from Facebook, Reddit, and more

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Today on Time Travel Polyamory I take a look at a fresh "update" post and tie it together with the historical post they are referencing. Let's see if we could have predicted this wild turn of events.

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/88vjt6/sometimes_i_dont_want_to_do_this_anymore_but_i/ (Archive)
One Year Ago
I(f) just sometimes just want to stop because I'm fed up with sharing partner A (m, 4 years relationship) with partner B(m) - even though partner B isn't demanding or anything at all. Nobody's acting in an unreasonable or unfair way. We have a strong relationship between each of us and all of us. They're my very best friends. There's never any drama, we don't argue, we're all travelling in the same directions ish in life.
We did come to this through cheating though. A had a pre-existing FWB thing with B but it was complicated by A not coming to terms with his sexuality. When A started dating me they broke it off, but after about a year and a half B moved away. A went to visit family in that city, saw B and cheated on me. They continued to chat in an inappropriate way and A visited him a second time. I found out after then because B pressured him to tell me. I decided to stick it out with A because otherwise the relationship was perfect and I didn't feel it was something we couldn't get past. B moved back. Same social group so we were often at gatherings together. I saw how much A missed B, and said if they wanted to be FWB I didn't mind as long as I knew what was going on in a vague sense. B didn't want to be FWB. A month or two passed. I learned about polyamory and said I would be okay with that if that's what they wanted (I could see how badly they missed each other, and they'd said as much).
I ended up falling into a relationship with B. So now we're a triad with no hierarchy (the A and B bit is actually their initials lol) and we've lived together for about a year and a half. Sometimes I wonder if my relationship with B started out of survival. But I care for him so much.
A and I are buying a house together (B isn't in that position financially and won't be for some time). And sometimes I just wish it was the two of us like I imagined at the start of our relationship. I miss being his 100% focus, but I guess I never really was because B was always there in some way.
I've told them how I feel, and they get it. But i don't know how to move forward.
I guess I'm looking for some advice? Or reassurance that feeling this way doesn't make me a bad person.

OP and her boyfriend (A) in a 4 year relationship. "There's never any drama"
Unless you count him cheating on her with another dude (B)
The cheating didn't ruin the relationship though, because A stuck with it (the cheating, he kept doing it)
OP decided that she may as well just open the relationship because A would not stop with B.
Why not go whole hog and start dating B herself? (Despite the fact he slept with her boyfriend).
They all move in together, there's no hierarchy and everyone is happy!
They even got a mortgage together, despite the fact that she isn't super happy but isn't sure why*

(* = she likely isn't happy because she's bottom tier garbage in her own relationship and everyone in it (A and B) have betrayed her trust multiple times but she doesn't have a spine).

That was a year ago, how did it turn out?

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/b9jf0d/its_over_triad_25_years/ (Archive)
Three Days Ago
Hey,
My triad of 2.5 years ended last week. Not with any great drama, but with the recognition that we wanted different things... Or rather they wanted different things. They're monogamously together now. I'm "seeing" someone, we've been on 4 dates over the last month. I still live with them and will continue to do so because I'm on the mortgage. It's a bit awkward and I feel a bit sad but I'm trying to push on. I don't think I'd do polyamory again, I like the potential of it but idk if it's necessarily for me at this point.

The longer version:
I was with A for just over 5 years when we broke up. He cheated on me early on, I forgave, he cheated on me again twice and about 2.5 years in I said "Just keep seeing the person, we'll make it work because I only care that you're lying to me". I think I was trying to be accommodating so A could explore his bisexuality but idk how okay I really was with it when I look back?? B came into the picture and I ended up having a relationship with him too. It was good, but part of me feels like it was a bit of a survival strategy for me. I love/loved him a lot, but maybe not in a pure or neat way. It was always all complicated by the fact I didn't really trust them and still held some resentment for their cheating.
I just started my PhD and realised that I want to travel and my career is going to require a fair bit of moving around when I finish. They don't want that. They want to settle down in the state we live in and they both have careers that mean they can stay with a company for a long time. One of them has very country-specific knowledge so moving overseas would be an issue for them and their job.
So it was break up now or break up when I want to move in three or four years. It feels like it was inevitable. But I'm resentful that they're staying together and that I basically facilitated their relationship. I helped them work through their communication issues and build something strong. And now I'm single and trying to learn how to date.

They dumped her because she was going to have to travel for her job once she graduated in 4 years. This is despite the fact she's apparently in a PhD program and would have been working towards this job nearly the entire time they all knew each other.
(Side Note - why buy a fucking house if you're going to move, lmao - they probably talked her into it)
She still lives in the house with them because she's on the mortgage (lmao)
They aren't polyamorous, they're in love with each other now. Not her. They have the relationship she wanted (and got cheated on a bunch for)
She's now resentful that she made the relationship and they're getting the happy ending.

Another success story.
 
Today on Time Travel Polyamory I take a look at a fresh "update" post and tie it together with the historical post they are referencing. Let's see if we could have predicted this wild turn of events.

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/88vjt6/sometimes_i_dont_want_to_do_this_anymore_but_i/ (Archive)
One Year Ago


OP and her boyfriend (A) in a 4 year relationship. "There's never any drama"
Unless you count him cheating on her with another dude (B)
The cheating didn't ruin the relationship though, because A stuck with it (the cheating, he kept doing it)
OP decided that she may as well just open the relationship because A would not stop with B.
Why not go whole hog and start dating B herself? (Despite the fact he slept with her boyfriend).
They all move in together, there's no hierarchy and everyone is happy!
They even got a mortgage together, despite the fact that she isn't super happy but isn't sure why*

(* = she likely isn't happy because she's bottom tier garbage in her own relationship and everyone in it (A and B) have betrayed her trust multiple times but she doesn't have a spine).

That was a year ago, how did it turn out?

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/b9jf0d/its_over_triad_25_years/ (Archive)
Three Days Ago


They dumped her because she was going to have to travel for her job once she graduated in 4 years. This is despite the fact she's apparently in a PhD program and would have been working towards this job nearly the entire time they all knew each other.
(Side Note - why buy a fucking house if you're going to move, lmao - they probably talked her into it)
She still lives in the house with them because she's on the mortgage (lmao)
They aren't polyamorous, they're in love with each other now. Not her. They have the relationship she wanted (and got cheated on a bunch for)
She's now resentful that she made the relationship and they're getting the happy ending.

Another success story.
Thank you for your service in putting this together. :semperfidelis: Allow me to add this little tidbit:
719395

She's been living in a dumpster fire with two dudes who have never wanted her around.

And this comment she got on her post about breaking up:
719406

Time requirement? Nope. He just doesn't want her around.
 
One more for the road.

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/b92p1h/my_husband_has_become_a_completely_different/ (Archive)

Hi guys, I am in need of advice and different perspectives.
My husband and I (36 and 35 respectively) have been poly a few years. I had a relationship that lasted a year, about five years ago, and my husband also had an outside relationship for a few months at the same time.
My health took a nosedive and social activities kinda ceased. I've recently got back to full time work and things were looking up. In November, my husband met a girl on FetLife and said he wanted to start dating her. I told him I was happy he'd found someone and was supportive, but I'd need lots of reassurance as my confidence wasn't great due to the health issues. Our relationship had been not as physical as it once was, but he was supportive and said numerous times we had all the time in the world to get back to where we were. He was patient and understanding.
The new girlfriend is very young. She's just turned 21 in January. Their relationship got very intense very quickly, they were seeing each other most days, including her being in our home a lot. She lives in a hostel and he can't be there too much. She has sent him numerous very intensive texts, along the lines of her heart is ripped out every time she sees us together and she feels a third wheel when she is here. My husband said she'd had a crying fit about a month ago over the fact that she couldn't be with him forever.
She is not a polyamorous person. She is monogamous but apparently was fine with the situation. Seems like she never was to me.
About 2 weeks ago, my husband and I had an argument about money. We're deeply in debt. His girlfriend was here, as she's here a lot. Apparently she later told him that I'm abusive and manipulative. He asked for a break from our marriage. After a week, he said he didn't love me any more, wants to be with her and have children with her. We decided to be childfree years ago. I've never wanted children and was very vocal about that before we married. I was sterilised six years ago and my husband was all in favour. He originally volunteered to have a vasectomy, but I really wanted fixing myself for my own piece of mind.
I'm really confused by this huge 180 switch. I'm concerned that NRE is messing with his head, along with these overblown dramatic declarations of undying love from his girlfriend and the insistence they are soulmates.
I could really use some guidance from people not involved in the situation who understand how poly works. We've never had this before. I feel he is being manipulated by her, as he is a very caring and giving person. She has a strong abuse history, including having a miscarriage following being beaten by an abusive ex. I feel my husband has been taken in by this and feels a need to save her.
But throwing me to the curb.......this is not him. My husband is not an impulsive nor cruel man. I've been with him 18 years.
ETA: Many thanks for all your input, I have many angles to consider, some I hadn't thought of at all. The couple of, "tough love," comments are also most welcome. I can't lose sight of my part in this, and owning that, the parts that are my responsibility that I have some modicum of control over is the most constructive thing I can do.

OP (36F) and her husband (35M) are doing the poly thing for a few years, looks to be 5 or so.
Married "happily" for 18 years.
OP gets sick with health stuff, husband picks up a 20 year old from FetLife (A Fetish social/dating website, if you are unaware) in November.
Despite the fact that OP clearly states "I'll need help with confidence issues", her husband brings his new 20 year old side chick over the house frequently.
Side chick isn't poly, avoids the OP and badmouths her to the husband when they're alone.
Side chick is also a typical "damaged girl" you'd find on Fetlife (abused sexually, abusive exes, abortion/miscarrages).
Two weeks ago, OP and her husband get into a huge blowup over money (they are also massivley in debt). Husband asks for a break in the marriage.
After one week of break, husband declares that he no longer loves his wife and only loves the new girl and wants to have a family with her.

OP is now in full on "I hate this man, and I hate all men" mode and through comments on other threads, answers the question we all were thinking.
"What was OP not giving her husband, that he was getting from this damaged Fetlife girl?"

(From her comments in other places)
Turns out that after 18 years with a man I used to praise as, "not like the rest," I was actually with a pornsick loser who suddenly had to bed a 20 year old at the age of 36. A 20 year old who, "identifies as a little." They have one of those gross Daddy girl relationships.
I'm not sure I'll ever trust a man again. Fortunately, I'm bisexual, so I don't have to if I don't want. I feel truly sorry for all you straight women. Men are, without exception, disgusting pigs.

Looks like he's really into Daddy Dom/Little Girl roleplay (KF Thread on DDLG - If you want to learn more about that nightmare) and she's swearing off of men forever.

I thought because my (soon to be ex) husband didn't smack me around and sometimes made a nice dinner, that he was the Second Coming. It's only been with distance I've realised how compelling he was, how he went crazy any time I had anything to say he didn't agree with, and that he's not been doing the few things we agreed were his responsibility.
It's true, men are so ridiculous and abusive in general, they pretty much just need to not be overt with their shirty ways and we think they're awesome.
I reckon it's because the wool was coming off my eyes that he got himself a younger, more naive fluff piece.

No children, fortunately. I never wanted kids, was very vocal about that. In fact, I was sterilised six years ago. His main excuse for switching lanes is that he needs children now. I reckon he's always been pissed I didn't want kids because that would have made me easier to control still.

Another success story. Tango down on an 18 year marriage.

==========================

She's been living in a dumpster fire with two dudes who have never wanted her around.

I disagree.

They absolutely wanted her around. They wanted her around as a relationship councilor for when they fought, they wanted her around as a co-signer for the mortgage (even though everyone knew that she would be moving around for work), they wanted her around when one of them was bored and wanted to fuck a girl, and they wanted her around to fill a relationship/intimacy void when they were fighting/apart from each other.

She put in a ton of work and got them to a point in their relationship where neither of them need/want her anymore. They're free to relax and settle down in a house she's paying for half of. So they kicked her out.
 
"Men are, without exception, disgusting pigs."
"I thought because my (soon to be ex) husband didn't smack me around and sometimes made a nice dinner, that he was the Second Coming."
Huh, her standards being the bare minimum prove that all men ain't shit.
I'm sure she's as damaged as the 20 year old, just in a more subtle way.
 
nothing subtle about it. the guy might be an obvious shittbag, but "my husband wanted kids so he could control me" is nutty as hell

Well, she may be on to something. The girl he's with is young (20) but if you take the OP's age (36) and subtract the amount of time they were married (18 years, allegedly), that would make her 18. Which is young, but then you have to factor in they probably dated for at least a year or two before getting married, meaning she was 15-17 years old.

Even though he was the same age, he likely liked the fact that she was young and (probably) not that bright and stayed with her through the years. She says they were poly for ~5 years, so that would mean when she just got past age 30 they "opened" the relationship up. He could have been looking for a really damaged, young, and dumb girl for a few years and just finally found one. The fact that he is into DD/LG would lead me to believe he is a weird control freak.

EDIT - We also don't know during their poly relationship the other girls he would go for, but I would not be shocked to hear if they were all 23 or younger.
 
Well, she may be on to something. The girl he's with is young (20) but if you take the OP's age (36) and subtract the amount of time they were married (18 years, allegedly), that would make her 18. Which is young, but then you have to factor in they probably dated for at least a year or two before getting married, meaning she was 15-17 years old.

Even though he was the same age, he likely liked the fact that she was young and (probably) not that bright and stayed with her through the years. She says they were poly for ~5 years, so that would mean when she just got past age 30 they "opened" the relationship up. He could have been looking for a really damaged, young, and dumb girl for a few years and just finally found one. The fact that he is into DD/LG would lead me to believe he is a weird control freak.

EDIT - We also don't know during their poly relationship the other girls he would go for, but I would not be shocked to hear if they were all 23 or younger.
There seem to be a disproportionate number of poly people who got married really young.
I'm curious to know what her background is. Getting married at 18 is only still common in subcultures that would also heavily frown on poly.
 
There seem to be a disproportionate number of poly people who got married really young.
I'm curious to know what her background is. Getting married at 18 is only still common in subcultures that would also heavily frown on poly.

Almost like young marriage is synonymous with poor impulse control/spontaneous behaviour, which (surprise surprise) doesn't stop once you get married and results in one or more parties getting bored and craving some strange. Also doesn't hurt that most of these people appear to have a gaggle of other things wrong with them so it's like putting together a by-the-numbers painting of an unstable relationship.
 
not subtle at all tbh
her own words:

bitch was fucked in the head all along
Yeah who would say they’ve been “sterilized”, that is not normal. Most people would say they had their tubes tied or use a euphemism.

I’m sure having a husband leave you for a weird fetish relationship damaged her though if she wasn’t already.
 
Someone needs to just burn that subreddit to the ground. Like what sort of cuckery is this:
This all seems like such a joke, like it's exaggerating what poly people tend to say. "wouldn't it be such a waste of time to be angry" "aren't I so open-minded"
I don't want to believe these kind of people exist.
 
Found (without really looking) another poly success story. This one goes through a few different subreddits to paint a clearer picture.

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/bbi4kf/compersion_lost/ (Archive) r/polyamory
I'm working very hard on myself to support my longtime husband and his GF. But sometimes despite feeling pretty good, he plunges me back into feeling inadequate, a pest, an obligation and feeling second best. Tonight was their date night. Sadly, I'm stuck at home with a fever of 102. I feel awful...dizzy, weak etc. they got home at 10:30 and I thought he might come in to check on me. But nope. They just went to bed in the other room. My feelings aren't hurt that they went out....I just thought they might be a little concerned about me but I guess not. Having someone to care about you when you're really sick is a huge perk of marriage. But I guess not if you have a beautiful girlfriend to be with.
Things like this really bum me out.
If the roles were reversed, I would have come in and checked to see if he needed anything and how he was feeling. Such a small thing but I feel really unloved tonight.

So we have our OP, a poly woman - sick and alone with a fever, sad while her longtime husband doesn't care that she's sick while he raw dogs his girlfriend a few rooms down. OP in particular feels "really unloved" and deservedly so, the situation she is describing sounds pretty shitty. I know we like to knock polyamory for being nonsense (and it is), but I would still like to think in a "healthy" poly relationship that a husband might take a night off from raw dogging the side girl to take care of his sick wife (or at a minimum, reschedule it).

There is a small stand out from the comments section, though, from the OP
Yeah. He said he thought I was asleep. He had texted me saying they'd be home at 10:30....that was my cue to go to my room. But they were out for 4 hours. I didn't even get a text asking if I was ok. It's as if as soon as they left, they forgot I existed.

Not only was she sick, but when her husband has a date night she's apparently banished to her room while they go to slam town elsewhere in the house.


Maybe it was just a one time slip up, though, I mean, it's not like the rest of their relationship is bad, right?

https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/akx1eo/not_the_usual/ (Archive) r/DeadBedrooms - 2 months ago.
Hubby and I have been married longer than 2 decades. We are thin, fit and attractive. We also have an open marriage. He is in a 2 year relationship with his GF. I date around a little, but nothing steady as far as sex goes.
Our sex life has always been great. There have been a few bumps in the road with insecurity/jealousy about his GF, but mostly I've been good with their relationship. They spend about 1 night a week together.
But in the last 4-5 weeks, he can't get an erection with me. Not even in the morning. He's still having sex with his GF, though, and it's creating a real rift for me; emotionally, physically and mentally. He says it's not my fault. I believe him....and then I don't.
This is more of a rant than asking for advice. I wish he would put his GF on hold until we can figure this out. I've put up a wall and he feels it and says this prevents him from getting hard. But the more he has sex with her,and can't with me....I feel unattractive and guarded. I can't help it.
Please no anti-polyamorous remarks. If you don't like it or understand it, fine.

r/DeadBedrooms is a subreddit where people go to complain/seek help about being in sexless marriages/relationships.

OP hasn't gotten banged out by her husband in nearly 3 months, even though he's more than capable with his girlfriend. She makes a point to say "don't blame poly" but her entire jealousy stems from the fact that her husband is sexually active with someone else and not her (the single core tenet of polyamory).

We can also extrapolate that as they've been together 20 years, that they are likely 40-50 years old and although the girlfriend's age is never stated, I would not be shocked to hear if she was significantly younger.

Sure, you might think, though, it's a rough patch. But if they've been together for 20 years they've probably encountered hardships before, right? It's not like it's the end.

https://www.reddit.com/r/UnsentLetters/comments/b12oy0/your_self_absorbed_depression/ (Archive) r/UnsentLetters
For two years you've been my lover, my friend, my buddy. I loved you like crazy. I supported you through all your sadness and depression. But I can't deal with your yo-yo relationship anymore. When you're really happy, you distance yourself from me. You're off going to dinner with new potential girlfriends, going on adventures. Having sex.....it doesn't matter how attractive I am....I never get you when you're happy. When you're in the depths of depression, you distance yourself, rarely texting me and NEVER asking how I might be doing.
I'm only important to you when you're neither happy or sad. I'm tired. I'm done. Sometimes I need YOU...but you only care about yourself and it's taken me two years to see this. I'm not sure you'll ever have a successful relationship with all your emotional baggage. Why do I feel guilty? Why do I care? Good luck. It's time to distance myself.

r/UnsentLetters is a subreddit for writing letters to people and not sending them to basically vent and put your own thoughts on paper. In therapy, it's a useful tool for indirect confrontation and resolution. This subreddit in particular is intended for actual problems and is not a creative writing prompt.

Incidentally, it would seem that OP's husband and girlfriend have been going out for approximately 2 years, though that's surely a coincidence and not at all why their relationship has had such a drastic shift.

Another success story.
 
Found (without really looking) another poly success story. This one goes through a few different subreddits to paint a clearer picture.

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/bbi4kf/compersion_lost/ (Archive) r/polyamory


So we have our OP, a poly woman - sick and alone with a fever, sad while her longtime husband doesn't care that she's sick while he raw dogs his girlfriend a few rooms down. OP in particular feels "really unloved" and deservedly so, the situation she is describing sounds pretty shitty. I know we like to knock polyamory for being nonsense (and it is), but I would still like to think in a "healthy" poly relationship that a husband might take a night off from raw dogging the side girl to take care of his sick wife (or at a minimum, reschedule it).

There is a small stand out from the comments section, though, from the OP


Not only was she sick, but when her husband has a date night she's apparently banished to her room while they go to slam town elsewhere in the house.


Maybe it was just a one time slip up, though, I mean, it's not like the rest of their relationship is bad, right?

https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/akx1eo/not_the_usual/ (Archive) r/DeadBedrooms - 2 months ago.


r/DeadBedrooms is a subreddit where people go to complain/seek help about being in sexless marriages/relationships.

OP hasn't gotten banged out by her husband in nearly 3 months, even though he's more than capable with his girlfriend. She makes a point to say "don't blame poly" but her entire jealousy stems from the fact that her husband is sexually active with someone else and not her (the single core tenet of polyamory).

We can also extrapolate that as they've been together 20 years, that they are likely 40-50 years old and although the girlfriend's age is never stated, I would not be shocked to hear if she was significantly younger.

Sure, you might think, though, it's a rough patch. But if they've been together for 20 years they've probably encountered hardships before, right? It's not like it's the end.

https://www.reddit.com/r/UnsentLetters/comments/b12oy0/your_self_absorbed_depression/ (Archive) r/UnsentLetters


r/UnsentLetters is a subreddit for writing letters to people and not sending them to basically vent and put your own thoughts on paper. In therapy, it's a useful tool for indirect confrontation and resolution. This subreddit in particular is intended for actual problems and is not a creative writing prompt.

Incidentally, it would seem that OP's husband and girlfriend have been going out for approximately 2 years, though that's surely a coincidence and not at all why their relationship has had such a drastic shift.

Another success story.

Wow. Who would have thought putting another person into your relationship would spoil the loyalty and intimacy two people build up together? That's just wild.

I feel bad for this woman even though she's clearly done this to herself by agreeing to this. Being so sick and having your husband banging away some tart in the next room...And they convince themselves that this is so much more accepting and loving than a mono relationship because they have 'no jealousy' and being mono is so booooring! Nothing is wrong with vanilla ice cream if the other flavour offered is shit-vomit flavoured.
 
Wow. Who would have thought putting another person into your relationship would spoil the loyalty and intimacy two people build up together? That's just wild.

I feel bad for this woman even though she's clearly done this to herself by agreeing to this. Being so sick and having your husband banging away some tart in the next room...And they convince themselves that this is so much more accepting and loving than a mono relationship because they have 'no jealousy' and being mono is so booooring! Nothing is wrong with vanilla ice cream if the other flavour offered is shit-vomit flavoured.

Hey, people eat laundry detergent to earn the respect of random people on the Internet they've never met. Fucking up your marriage doesn't seem like such a stretch by comparison.
 
Today on Time Travel Polyamory I take a look at a fresh "update" post and tie it together with the historical post they are referencing. Let's see if we could have predicted this wild turn of events.

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/88vjt6/sometimes_i_dont_want_to_do_this_anymore_but_i/ (Archive)
One Year Ago


OP and her boyfriend (A) in a 4 year relationship. "There's never any drama"
Unless you count him cheating on her with another dude (B)
The cheating didn't ruin the relationship though, because A stuck with it (the cheating, he kept doing it)
OP decided that she may as well just open the relationship because A would not stop with B.
Why not go whole hog and start dating B herself? (Despite the fact he slept with her boyfriend).
They all move in together, there's no hierarchy and everyone is happy!
They even got a mortgage together, despite the fact that she isn't super happy but isn't sure why*

(* = she likely isn't happy because she's bottom tier garbage in her own relationship and everyone in it (A and B) have betrayed her trust multiple times but she doesn't have a spine).

That was a year ago, how did it turn out?

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/b9jf0d/its_over_triad_25_years/ (Archive)
Three Days Ago


They dumped her because she was going to have to travel for her job once she graduated in 4 years. This is despite the fact she's apparently in a PhD program and would have been working towards this job nearly the entire time they all knew each other.
(Side Note - why buy a fucking house if you're going to move, lmao - they probably talked her into it)
She still lives in the house with them because she's on the mortgage (lmao)
They aren't polyamorous, they're in love with each other now. Not her. They have the relationship she wanted (and got cheated on a bunch for)
She's now resentful that she made the relationship and they're getting the happy ending.

Another success story.

The guys are gay. A was deep in the closet then used OP as an emotional crutch until he was able to sashay away on his own two feet. Were it not for the polyamory twist, it’d be a tale as old as time, but even that could be explained away by B’s intense infatuation with A (enough to tolerate a clueless if nurturing fag hag) and/or shaky finances. (Did he pay rent?) I bet OP had little-to-no sex with either of them; they’re all relatively young; and (at least) A had a conservative upbringing. The only thing I do not understand is how OP could have been accepted into a PhD program. Is “polyamorous” an underrepresented minority?
 
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