Polyamory General - Polyamory drama from Facebook, Reddit, and more

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Crunchy Leaf said:
Her husband is having a child with someone else. He’s going to be giving less attention to her because he’ll be focused on the baby. She won’t be the one to make him a father—if you go on r/stepparents, second wives agonize over this to the point of tears. If she has a baby with him she’ll worry it’ll be less special because it’s not the first one. If they have a joint account, will her money be going toward the baby? Anyway, I hope she gets a divorce, realizes poly is a bad idea, and finds a new guy and successfully has kids with him. She’s 23 so she has time, and it could be that her issue is the husband (there are cases where neither the man nor woman have fertility issues by themselves, but their genes combined result in miscarriages).
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23 years old? Get a life, FFS. Move on girl.

I could see this being a point of despair if she was in her late 30s. But she has time, but she shouldn't waste it on these people, any more. At 23, she absolutely should not resign herself to playing second fiddle to her husband's girlfriend and his Baby.

Odds are against her being infertile. Chances are she has some minor issue with her plumbing that will resolve with time ... which she can use to find a faithful partner. As of right now, she has been displaced, and needs to grieve her loss and get out of there.

I am noticing a trend here: when drama arises, it is because the agitators are generally folks with a limited theory of mind. By that, I mean, they seem fundamentally unable to conceptualize the fact that another person does not experience circumstances in the same way s/he does. So, they are absolutely impervious to the effects of their behavior on another person (another mind, another point of view). And therefore, they can not foresee the consequence of their actions.

As far as the rest of this is concerned, epic fail.
 
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Not sure if this sub has been mentioned but r/polyfamilies is pretty great.

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Tale as old as time. Woman cheats, THEN pushes for an open relationship.

Your average poster:

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Gross.
 

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MakeItRain said:
this week in wildly selfish poly drama

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Imagine finding out your parents gave you up for adoption so they could keep fucking your dad's wife without any complications like the child they gave birth to.
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I came here to check that someone had posted this legendary dumpster fire here. I would say, this is such BS it has to be a troll post, but the fucking entirety of r/polyamory is a trash fire so yeah, I feel like this is possible.

Alyssa needs a hug and a divorce.
 
Non-Expert! said:
Actually never mind about Allah. He doesn't have to do much of anything for a plague of genital locusts to descend upon them, given their behavior.
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Why do you think genital locusts exist? Your trust in the workings of Allah is lacking.
 
I'm so glad the "showering" thread gave me the amazing new insult CUM BIGOT to throw at people.
 
Mein Garten said:
I mean what did they think was going to happen? Also, took a glance at the new posts... lol.

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He should have stopped at "boundaries .... I might be down for a one-night stand three way situation."

His idea of "boundaries" include letting a third party into their bed, screwing around, then cutting him or her out. Who the hell would want to be the tomato, in the middle of a long-standing meat sandwich? And just for an evening?

Let me guess .... he doesn't grasp why his girlfriend fails to see him as a steady rock, and sexuality as private and exclusive, between them.

His girlfriend tells him that she wants to experiment with lesbian relationships, yet clearly wants his support and the safety of a heterosexual relationship.

Let me guess ... The concepts of "self-respect" and "imposing limits" are workarounds.

All I can say, is that you get what you bargain for.
 
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Holden Caulfield said:
Polyamory only works in polygamist sex cults, or 1970s comedy troupes/arts collectives where everyone is on coke and fucking one another.
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Both of those things still generate a fuck ton of drama. I used to know somebody who escaped one of the Mormon-adjacent polygamist cults as a teenager and apparently it was constant game of thrones-tier backstabbing and shit talking between the wives in his family as they vied for his dad's affection and approval.
 
MakeItRain said:
Both of those things still generate a fuck ton of drama. I used to know somebody who escaped one of the Mormon-adjacent polygamist cults as a teenager and apparently it was constant game of thrones-tier backstabbing and shit talking between the wives in his family as they vied for his dad's affection and approval.
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Back in the nineties there was a movie about this in China, called Raise the Red Lantern. The man had I think three or four wives. He routinely beat the shit out of them. And they were always stabbing each other in the back as they tried to get in his favor.
 
I think that the number one reason it's easier to have an open relationship with hookups than a commited polyamorous relationship with multiple people is that in the open relationship, you have little to no attachment to the hookups. It's casual enough your emotional energy is still focused on one person. But in polyamory, you have to divide your emotional energy to multiple people, and inevtably this won't be equal, as people will pick favorites and this will cause strife.
 
queerape said:
I think that the number one reason it's easier to have an open relationship with hookups than a commited polyamorous relationship with multiple people is that in the open relationship, you have little to no attachment to the hookups. It's casual enough your emotional energy is still focused on one person. But in polyamory, you have to divide your emotional energy to multiple people, and inevtably this won't be equal, as people will pick favorites and this will cause strife.
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Can somebody please shed light, on why a couple would even desire a hookup, in any way shape or form? If your emotional energy is focused on only one person, why is somebody else in your bed?

The advantage of having a monogamous relationship, is that you have a sex partner at your beck and call. How much sex, can a person take? If you want somebody else between your legs, why are you wasting your time with your (apparently) insignificant other? S/he is obviously lacking something, that a third party has to offer. Why waste your time with any of it?

Find the right person, behave properly from the get-go, so that Mr. or Ms. Right does not see you as a would-be cheater.

Or be a whore and take in a multiman soup.

As for men, be prepared for a lot of hurt feelings and drama.
 
Non-Expert! said:
Can somebody please shed light, on why a couple would even desire a hookup, in any way shape or form? If your emotional energy is focused on only one person, why is somebody else in your bed?

The advantage of having a monogamous relationship, is that you have a sex partner at your beck and call. How much sex, can a person take? If you want somebody else between your legs, why are you wasting your time with your (apparently) insignificant other? S/he is obviously lacking something, that a third party has to offer. Why waste your time with any of it?

Find the right person, behave properly from the get-go, so that Mr. or Ms. Right does not see you as a would-be cheater.

Or be a whore and take in a multiman soup.

As for men, be prepared for a lot of hurt feelings and drama.
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The hypothesis I would offer is some people are more able to divorce sex from emotional intimacy. They are more able to see sex as a physical, impersonal need compared to more personalized emotional needs. The vast majority of people see sex as emotional too, but some people see it as a physical need only. There are cases where one partner is asexual too, and allows the other one to have sex outside the relationship as they can meet romantic and emotional needs but not sexual.
 
queerape said:
The hypothesis I would offer is some people are more able to divorce sex from emotional intimacy. They are more able to see sex as a physical, impersonal need compared to more personalized emotional needs. The vast majority of people see sex as emotional too, but some people see it as a physical need only. There are cases where one partner is asexual too, and allows the other one to have sex outside the relationship as they can meet romantic and emotional needs but not sexual.
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But even in such a case, if you have a sex partner on hand, why are you looking for another one? If you want a sexual release with no connection, beat off ... All of this is needlessly complicated. The other thing, is that the "hookup" also has feelings. And the chemistry brought you together is necessarily emotional.

People will figure it out, I hope.
 
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