Predictions for DSP in 2024

[clothes in my closet]

This year has come to a close, and the new year is upon us, so it's time for another DSP Predictions thread.

It's pretty interesting to read through last year's thread, as there were a surprising number of accurate predictions, some of which probably seemed outlandish at the time.

Leave your predictions for the upcoming year below


Shoutouts

Big ups to:


@Bigbadyeet , @The Last Stand - for predicting that Phil would do another interview

@Dona Morte - for predicting that Phil would get hacked ( big ups @dangreene , you absolute tard )

@Lei Wulong's Left Leg - for predicting that CoffeeCuck would whale on Phil again

@Mentally Iller Detractor - for predicting that Phil's dishwasher would break, and the ants would storm the Gout Fortress

@Big Brown Schlub , @The Penultimate Warrior - for predicting that there would be a new leak #dentcord

@It Goofy , @Mighty Pigmask - for predicting that Phil would get into a slapfight with another e-celeb (Keemstar and LTG)

@Mighty Pigmask - for predicting that Phil would feud with a detractor (Evil AJ)

@Mighty Pigmask - for predicting that Phil would add a gay Twitter news segment to his podcast

@Sparkletor 2.0 - for predicting that Feasting with the King would get cancelled

@The Penultimate Warrior - for predicting that Phil would be kept from streaming for a week due to a minor medical issue

@Corpun - for predicting that another whale would get angry at Phil and leave ( Dutch Bros )

@Almighty Kevin - for predicting a Jasper health scare

@Martys_not_smarty - for predicting that Derich would copy/paste one of his porn searches into Phil's chat ( Milfs in Miami )

@&igrewintoribbons - for predicting that Phil would pivot to react content

@BrieLarsonFan2004 - for predicting that Phil would react to a famous detractor video ( TIHYDP Metal Gear Solid )

@myone - for predicting a tech crisis ( Internet outages )


Honorable Mentions

Things that didn't come true, but Phil alluded to


@tzgnilki - Phil wants another day off

@FaXmachine - Phil wants to refinance his condo

@Bigbadyeet , @Balr0g , @Almighty Kevin , @Viscious Seviper , @Beverly Sutphin - Another Khet sighting. I put this here because the photos were dogshit sorry

Apologies if I missed anyone's accurate predictions


Thank you all for a chill and positive year Here's to one more

 

[clothes in my closet]

My predictions

1. Phil will finally transition into politics. He will have a semi-regular politics segment on his podcast, and it will be called "DSPolitics"

2. Joon the King will drop his DSP documentary. It will be very long, very boring, and mostly rehashed information. Joon will cover several of DSP's detractors, and there will be plenty of misinformation. Overall, the documentary will paint Phil in a decent light. Phil will hype up the documentary for months, he will turn it into an event, and Phil will label it as "The most important event he's ever done." Phil will do an interview with Joon, in which Phil sucks Joon's dick really hard, and then Phil """"corrects"""" Joon on many bits of lore, in an attempt to control the narrative about Phil's history. The whole thing will be a huge softball for Phil.

 

[Martys_not_smarty]

Mine is pretty low hanging fruit but I predict someone bigger than Dave will give him a clapback that will cause him to pull a decade of failure style rant and stick his greasy face into the camera like that old will sasso meme.

 

[Lei Wulong's Left Leg]

Instead of making predictions, I'm going to do a top 5 things we WON'T see from DSP in 2024. Nobody buy any monkey's paws.

1. The perpetually teased Fightcade stream.
2. DSPReacts, despite hemorrhaging views, memberships, and pahsitivity, will not die.
3. The LTG-DSP fight.
4. Divorce saga.
5. DSP finally pulls a 5-star Hogan.

 

[Love Is Blue]

rolling for a stroke while he rages in SFVI

 

[Tsoliassssssssssssss]

He will say nigger again on stream

 

[Keith the Horse Fucker]

Phil will get a new computer, whether one he purchases or from a.n anonymous dent. He will declare the computer a lemon within 2 months.

Derich and Phil will start to show signs of a failing partnership.

Phil will wear his scarlet letter (red shirt) on May 1

 

[The Last Stand]

Yay! I won something. DSP is so predictable. I have not been up to date with DSP lately, so who knows what is in store for 2024.

I'm guessing he will have another sponsership/partnership that will go down to the drain as usual. Or Khat develops a brain and causes trouble in paradise somehow.

 

[Random5678]

1. DSP will be forced to move on from Windows 8.1. This event will cause an unprecedented level of panicked pig squealing.

2. 1MM will be the only tipper during an entire day of streaming.

3. DSP will suffer a genuine medical emergecy and/or DSP will reveal what illness he has been suffering from since 2021.

 

[mush mouth bong bitch]

My prediction: DSP will qualify for a refinanced loan and will consolidate unsecured debt into the house. He will then spend even more on wwe and crash and burn in bankruptcy 2.0 by 2025 where his house is no longer protected.
Derich will get timed out at least once.
Khet will not be sighted until 2025.

 

[Brownshirt Freshman]

With his income taking a noticeable dive and no slowdown of spending I predict the return of the fabled Begathon.

 

[Spirelord: Downfall]

He'll probably get a dent to give him a PC where he'll bitch about Windows 11 being too complicated and not the super special OS he wanted. The PC shit he does will be infinitely more boring (think modded Skyrim/Fallout/Starfield limbo for almost the full year for nights) and nothing interesting from indie studios, not understanding that's some of the reason why people like PC. Oh, and at least two tech support streams, and for every game with character creation, that and settings management will be the only 'gameplay' he'll do for the first stream. After that I'll present the unlikely possibility of Phil miraculously learning about idle/incremental games while dicking around on Steam for pea sea suggestions, and almost shitting up what he's got going on out of sheer sloth, at at a minimum absolutely ruining any potential those games could've had.

I'll also say he has a higher chance of going in over his head with religious/political spergery on his pahdcast than him emulating anything proper, instead opting to beg for codes for use his hard earned tardbux contributions to purchase them again. That or he'll have several streams dedicated to asking his chat how to set up the emulator with a nonzero chance of him just straight up asking where he can get roms and maybe even downloading them on stream.

Other than that... Unless he's scraping the wood off the barrel for woodshavings for the soup that is Youtube (eg. Cooking with the King, renamed Cooking with Phil, friend request ridicule except it's a troll cope segment) maybe someone'll 'steal' his license plate and beg for 'about a thousand bucks' to replace it? Maybe he'll bullshit about a gun he bought to fend off the trolls? That or he watches gangstalking videos and relates to them way too much, to the point of using their terminology? Either way expect more mental decline followed by begging to temporarily alleviate the mental pain.

 

[Martys_not_smarty]

PC addendum: he can content with just the rig he'll cry until some dent "donates" him a $250 Corsair mechanical gaymer keyboard with the additional hot key panel and you can't have a $250 keyboard without the $150 mouse to go with it at which point he'll fuck up the dpi and flail around in shooters like a tard.

 

[Agent Proper]

I predict that Phil will make KO Gaming into DSP Classics a channel dedicated to reliving his glory days thanks to a cult member editing he old contract into curated moments.

DSPolitics will begin in an attempt to save the React channel.

I agree with @clothes in my closet that Joon will drop he documentary about The Vortex it will suck.

There will be a beef between DSP and the Lolcow Live show at some point.

Khet will break the washing machine.

Lastly a Burnell health scare will probably happen.

 

[fresh pair of socks]

DSP will finally come clean with his diabetes diagnosis.

Khet will break another vacuum and put on another 20-30lbs.

Another ill-fated, soon to be abandoned gimmick channel along the lines of DSPreeeeacks.

Tekken 8 will not save the channel and return DSP to FGC prominence. Also, it will have terrible lag and dropped inputs.

 

[Prince Lotor]

Phil will accidentally wear a small dress on-stream and will scream at everyone, "It's NAHT a dress!!! And besides, I'm wearing pants with it, so how could it be a dress, moron?!?"
Meanwhile Phil’s wife will have accidentally bought him a dress as a present because he kept talking about how he wanted a shirt that wasn't 'so tight on my chest'.
Phil will continue wearing the small dress as a shirt and banning everyone because of his ornery narcissism and we will all piss ourselves laughing and make memes.

Happy New Year Kiwis

 

[Little Bill]

My top/most-likely to occur predictions:

1) Phil will get a new computer from a whale/long-time supporter.

2) Another big/prominent whale/dent will leave/stop supporting Phil.

3) A Burnell family member, yes, this includes Jasper kitteh as well, will have a health scare.

4) Phil will do an 'interview' with TurkeyTom, Joon The King, or with another prominent content creator in the YouTube drama/commentary-esque sphere.

5) Phil, finally losing his patience/willingness to put up with Derisch, will eventually banish him to the Shadow Realm.

6) Another Khet sighting (may be an old photo from 2023 though).

7) Another DentCord leak.

Other 'fun' possibilities but what I think are much less likely to occur:

REEE-financing the SnortFort.

9) Khet finds gout aboot Phil's Dub ya-Dub ya-E Champions account/spending and wants to file for an e-divorce.

10) Some undisclosed legal issue(s).

11) Another tax saga.

None of these things I listed above are for certain, with the exception of one thing. The 'curated' content Phil provides will continue to be dogshit as always.

 

[Piece of Peace]

Dave's tits pecs will continue to grow in 2024.

 

[Brother Wind]

Well because things can't get any worse for Phil, I'm gonna be real broad and say physical injury this year. A real one, hospital visit worthy. If I'm being conservative, he falls down the stairs. Because I wanna be on record on calling this, my secret fun guess is that this is the year he gets assaulted.

 

[BPD Gunt Rider]

I was correct that Phil's income is heading below $100k/year. That probably won't fully happen until '24, though.

1) Phil refers to himself as an "Internet personality content curator for a family of channels" or some stupid term like that to not just be known as a gamer. This is inevitable since it's obvious he hates most games, he loves his daily therapy podcasts, he's said he wants to do politics, and he gets the most money during them.

2) We finally get quality robust images of Kat. Also, her 2024 voting record will be found and prove she's still in the Snort Fort fully concluding #teamdivorce.

3) Phil will let the Kat out the bag about how fat his wife is and how disappointed he is about it.

4) Phil will not get a gaming PC. He's going to retire SF6 soon, and it will become hated like SFV. He'll dangle Fightcade for a while, but he'll never play it unless someone completely sets it up for him, which I don't think is possible remotely.

5) Phil's income drops another 10%, nearing $5k/month by summer which causes a stern scolding to the dents.

6) A Jasper short will "go viral" and Phil will never shut up about it.

7) Joon's documentary will happen as others said. Phil will make a big deal about it. I don't care.

Hades 2 and Flight Simulator will be his regular chill games for much of the year because certain dents will reliably fund them. Zzzzzzzzzzz.

9) Muta reaches true cuck and lolcow status, and Phil gets a few days of shitting on him like ProJared.

10) Phil will return to only wearing t-shirts and looking like a bum.

11) A dent dies at an early age, I'll guess Slayer, and Phil doesn't care.