Proper foreplay before fucking your couch? - fuck yo couch nigga

[Quantum Diabetes]

Do you fluff up the cushions, maybe lay down a towel or do you just go in raw and dirty?

 

[Furret]

I usually like to give it a nice patting-down before I go in. Really gets it in the mood.

 

[Kenya Jones]

This would have been really helpful for my friend

Spoiler: Facedox

 

[WinchesterPremium]

Foreplay is for homosexuals.

 

[Dysnomia]

You offer her any change found in the cushions. Consider it a tip in addition to the fiver you just paid her.

 

[Quantum Diabetes]

instructions unclear couch on fire

 

[A Welsh Cake]

I pour vegetable oil all over the filthy bitch and slap on some Chemical Zone music.

 

[Cat Phuckers]

Try pouring hot candlewax on the armrests to get her in the mood. Maybe rub her up and down with a fluffy dust wand while spraying Febreze around the room.

 

[Quantum Diabetes]

I just caught my couch chatting up dudes at Rent a Center

 

[The Curmudgeon]

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