PTSD

[Manah]

Probably right. Not sure why I picked the forum to talk about it.

I think he's more wondering about where the hell you found this 4 year old thread.

 

[yasscat]

I think he's more wondering about where the hell you found this 4 year old thread.

She. And there were a lot of reasons for my "uhh." But that was one of them, yes.

 

[Kelpy Goyim]

She. And there were a lot of reasons for my "uhh." But that was one of them, yes.

Its actually the typical response. I think these cases kind of highlight just how randomly cruel life events can be and their lasting effects. This being how, but more to why I found this 4 year old thread. Maybe I needed to. Also, its just about physically impossible for me to speak of it anywhere but a semi anonymous forum.

 

[L50LasPak]

My biggest mistake with PTSD was not recognizing it right away. I have suffered depression for much of my life and when my traumatic event happened, at first nothing appeared to be different. I went through a mourning period and it kept me up at night for a little while of course, but those symptoms went away and I returned to my normal routine.

However, over the course of two and a half years or so, the symptoms crept up on me. I because quieter, less talkative, withdrawn and began to drink heavily. I began sleeping less and experiencing nervous attacks and paranoid episodes. I also became a more enraged person, impatient, with a shorter temper and one by one my miserable personality and drunken behavior caused my friends to slowly abandon me. I've progressed to full blown PTSD now where I have sobbing fits over nothing, sleep only in short bursts, hate interacting with other people in general, spend long periods of time staring off into space and I feel the need to keep my home dark. Accomplishing even mundane tasks is excutiating, and over the years I've lost several decent jobs by getting enraged at the managment and quitting over stupid things.

I tell you this story as a precautionary tale, because, I reiterate, my biggest mistake was ignoring the symptoms. This was a slow, creeping illness where the symptoms developed in gentle, incremental forms. I didn't just have a mental breakdown and wake up as a worthless mess one day.

My best advice if you experience a traumatic event is not to wait to seek therapy. In the beginning, I felt normal and just chalked up the smaller symptoms to my ongoing depression. Take action the moment you notice your personality begin to change. If you're not careful, you'll mutate into a raging, cynical asshole or fragile, crying mess that collapses over minor inconvieniences. Or, god forbid, develop a drug abuse problem. These are generally the kinds of personalities that most people do not want to be around, and having supportive friends and family is the most important thing in dealing with PTSD. Its really easy to fuck yourself over if you wait too long.

 

[queerape]

My biggest mistake with PTSD was not recognizing it right away. I have suffered depression for much of my life and when my traumatic event happened, at first nothing appeared to be different. I went through a mourning period and it kept me up at night for a little while of course, but those symptoms went away and I returned to my normal routine.

However, over the course of two and a half years or so, the symptoms crept up on me. I because quieter, less talkative, withdrawn and began to drink heavily. I began sleeping less and experiencing nervous attacks and paranoid episodes. I also became a more enraged person, impatient, with a shorter temper and one by one my miserable personality and drunken behavior caused my friends to slowly abandon me. I've progressed to full blown PTSD now where I have sobbing fits over nothing, sleep only in short bursts, hate interacting with other people in general, spend long periods of time staring off into space and I feel the need to keep my home dark. Accomplishing even mundane tasks is excutiating, and over the years I've lost several decent jobs by getting enraged at the managment and quitting over stupid things.

I tell you this story as a precautionary tale, because, I reiterate, my biggest mistake was ignoring the symptoms. This was a slow, creeping illness where the symptoms developed in gentle, incremental forms. I didn't just have a mental breakdown and wake up as a worthless mess one day.

My best advice if you experience a traumatic event is not to wait to seek therapy. In the beginning, I felt normal and just chalked up the smaller symptoms to my ongoing depression. Take action the moment you notice your personality begin to change. If you're not careful, you'll mutate into a raging, cynical asshole or fragile, crying mess that collapses over minor inconvieniences. Or, god forbid, develop a drug abuse problem. These are generally the kinds of personalities that most people do not want to be around, and having supportive friends and family is the most important thing in dealing with PTSD. Its really easy to fuck yourself over if you wait too long.

I was in a similar boat myself. I wasn't diagnosed until age 19 because no one understood a 14 or 15 year old could have PTSD

 

[L50LasPak]

I was in a similar boat myself. I wasn't diagnosed until age 19 because no one understood a 14 or 15 year old could have PTSD

One undeniably good thing about the whole millenial "coddled generation" older people complain endlessly about is that this sort of thing has started to become recognized earlier. Hope its not too late for you partner, certainly was for a bunch of people I grew up with.

Mine was my own fault though. I didn't pay attention, I didn't think anything was wrong, and I drowned the symptoms in booze until they were overwhelming. I have nobody here to blame but myself.

 

[queerape]

ine was my own fault though. I didn't pay attention, I didn't think anything was wrong, and I drowned the symptoms in booze until they were overwhelming. I have nobody here to blame but myself.

I did the same, i drank and smoked (I quit smoking now and cut back on drinking) and did dumb shit as a cry for help that I was not ok, but no one took heed, and just assumed I was being a rebellious teenager. I very clearly had PTSD symptoms, and vocalized it, and all people did was minimize my concerns and say I was too young to have PTSD.

Here's to you friend, hopefully you feel better soon

 

[Have a Better Day]

These replies are powerful reads. I'm glad to see that I am not alone in my experiences on this forum.

I was diagnosed with PTSD after extremely traumatic incidents in my early teenage years, which left me with even more issues than I already had. My depressive symptoms were already present and I was already anxious, but both of those got incredibly bad quickly, especially after the second traumatic incident, which unfortunately ended with me in the ER hanging onto life.

The one thing I regret very much is not reaching out for help as soon as the first incident occurred. I'm not even near recovered from everything, I'm still battling hard with my "triggers" and the illnesses that were brought on by it, but slowly I'm getting better with my therapist. I honestly think that if I did this sooner, the second incident wouldn't have happened, or at least in the same way it did.

One problem I had when I was this young was the way I was treated a lot of the time by both my family and some medical practitioners, as I have had multiple people in my life talk down to me/make fun/purposefully trigger me, including doctors, job managers, school mates, (ex)friends, and even family. Some of the adults in my life didn't understand that someone at 13 or 14 could have this illness, others compared it to their (arguably worse) experiences and told me to suck it up because I was that age. It was even harder to deal with because during that time my whole world within myself was flipped on its head with inner discoveries that confused me to no end. I still deal with that now. But I keep my head up through coping mechanisms and try my absolute best to understand that they do not.

 

[L50LasPak]

The one thing I regret very much is not reaching out for help as soon as the first incident occurred. I'm not even near recovered from everything, I'm still battling hard with my "triggers" and the illnesses that were brought on by it, but slowly I'm getting better with my therapist. I honestly think that if I did this sooner, the second incident wouldn't have happened, or at least in the same way it did.

This is perhaps my own vocabulary and experiences coloring my vision. But I've found "triggers" don't function the same way for me. Its more like the things that used to make me happy that bother me, despite being unrelated. However, for instance, jokes about my incident I find hilarious, to the point where I laugh like a lunatic at them and find them to be of great relief. What a damned complication, I don't want this to become a Tumblr thread, but son of a bitch this shit is annoying in the way it acts up.

 

[Have a Better Day]

This is perhaps my own vocabulary and experiences coloring my vision. But I've found "triggers" don't function the same way for me. Its more like the things that used to make me happy that bother me, despite being unrelated. However, for instance, jokes about my incident I find hilarious, to the point where I laugh like a lunatic at them and find them to be of great relief. What a damned complication, I don't want this to become a Tumblr thread, but son of a bitch this shit is annoying in the way it acts up.

"Triggers" can work in mysterious ways sometimes. I feel like I already had/have some sort of another emotional problem (like learning difficulty related I guess is the way to describe it?), which is why they affect me so weirdly, and badly.

Sidenote and kind of tangent, I wish people would stop using the word "trigger" so freely. I am trying to search for another word because describing the things that send me into flashbacks or similar troubles as "triggers" just feels... like I'm discrediting myself because of the popular use of the word. If that makes sense. Idk.

 

[L50LasPak]

"Triggers" can work in mysterious ways sometimes. I feel like I already had/have some sort of another emotional problem (like learning difficulty related I guess is the way to describe it?), which is why they affect me so weirdly, and badly.

Sidenote and kind of tangent, I wish people would stop using the word "trigger" so freely. I am trying to search for another word because describing the things that send me into flashbacks or similar troubles as "triggers" just feels... like I'm discrediting myself because of the popular use of the word. If that makes sense. Idk.

Makes perfect sense to me actually. I despised it from the beginning because I was a big Starcraft fan and the term "Trigger" in that game meant a precise action that had to occur to make the AI do something in Staredit. So natrually I became a little bitter when I would use the term later and people would think I was talking about either "triggers" (in SJW circles) or "LOL TRIGGERED" (in more right-leaning circles). Petty I know, but hopefully that pettiness adds a little bit of levity to this thread.

Given the origins of things like "kek" (I shit you not, originally dervied from the noise the Zergling unit makes) I would actually not be surprised at all if "trigger" was popularized due to this association. That's just my pure speculation though, I have nothing to back that claim up.

Back to the topic though, your point of potentially having a pre-existing condition is probably part of how this fucking curse actually works. Because some people see awful, nightmarish shit and they're just fine afterwards, zero fucks given. But some people see like one horrible thing in their life and they collapse. There's defintely some set of conditions that predisposes you to PTSD that aren't just "not being a psychopath".

 

[Spl00gies]

-hugs thread-
Without powerlevelling, C-PTSD/PTSD is incredibly tough to deal with. Keep on keeping on, butties.

 

[tantric_depressive]

I havent been diagnosed but in 2011 I had just turned 20 and was a 5 year heroin addict with absolutely no sense of others safety or well being. Just a junkie shit from the suburbs. I had been clean for a month and employed for 1 week when so and so and such and such happened and i went right back to the kneedle. 2 days later, omw to an NA meeting I fell asleep behind the wheel and took the life of an innocent victim by way of head on collision. i woke up for a moment in the air, upside down i believe, then it was black. then i was being pulled up out through the drivers side window of my vehicle which had rolled probably 20 times and down the side of a hill near some woods, id estimate 50 yards away from the road, by a witness. as soon as i realized what id done i ran back up towards the victims vehicle and was willing to try to do anything i could to help. this was clearly misguided aswell as dangerous but in my state its all that made sense. i was quickly restrained and taken to a hospital, then released the next day with relatively minor injuries. the detectives called, i had my father take me to the local police station, and 6 years later i was released from prison and sent back home. didnt seem fair and still doesnt, how can i ask for help when im literally the cause of the OPs affliction? No pitty parties here, but its been almost 3 years since my release and things have only grown harder, yet do i even deserve to mention such a thing?

My ex sister-in-law committed vehicular homicide 20 years ago when she nodded out on dope behind the wheel and took out another car, a lot like you.
What's not like you is that she's never shown a bit of remorse, signs of feeling bad about it, or expressed a single thought towards the person she killed except for when it helped her get parole. She's done nothing but duck personal responsibility and continue to do drugs, do bids, and miss out on her own daughter's life.
If it helps any, I'd say you're much better of a person, just due to the fact that you feel remorse, still take responsibility, and think of your victim.

 

[L50LasPak]

My ex sister-in-law committed vehicular homicide 20 years ago when she nodded out on dope behind the wheel and took out another car, a lot like you.
What's not like you is that she's never shown a bit of remorse, signs of feeling bad about it, or expressed a single thought towards the person she killed except for when it helped her get parole. She's done nothing but duck personal responsibility and continue to do drugs, do bids, and miss out on her own daughter's life.
If it helps any, I'd say you're much better of a person, just due to the fact that you feel remorse, still take responsibility, and think of your victim.

How the fuck do you deal with that?
Where do they sell it?

 

[Kelpy Goyim]

How the fuck do you deal with that?
Where do they sell it?

Idk to be honest, pretty much deals with me most of the time but I suppose talking about it and just admitting to myself and others that I actually did it has been somewhat cathartic.

 

[Bluey]

I was diagnosed with PTSD a couple years ago due to the emotional and verbal abuse I endured growing up and in my school years. I do have some close online friends that I vent to when I feel trapped in my life. I do hope everyone pulls through, though.

 

[Pomniman]

Like the OP, I too used to be an EMT, among other things, have dealt with things like amputees, cadavers, dying patients, &c., and have certain issues, but I wouldn't call them PTSD in my case. I've just had a somewhat shitty life in general and coped with it in maladaptive ways. I sometimes have paranoid thoughts, delusions, and the occasional hallucination, but can tell the difference between these things and reality these days without anyone else having to point it out.

Seeing what psychiatric care is like from both sides pretty much depleted my faith in it even though I used to want to be a shrink when I was younger, so I don't bother with therapy or medications. The way I see it, unless you're so impaired by whatever you have that you can't do things like getting out of bed in the morning or not killing yourself without psych meds, it's best to avoid therapists and psychiatrists because they pretty much always try to push pills on you and the pills do more harm than good unless you're genuinely in a state where they're essential to your day-to-day survival, which some people are.

 

[snailslime]

no but occasionally i get this really strange type of anxiety

 

[L50LasPak]

Seeing what psychiatric care is like from both sides pretty much depleted my faith in it even though I used to want to be a shrink when I was younger, so I don't bother with therapy or medications. The way I see it, unless you're so impaired by whatever you have that you can't do things like getting out of bed in the morning or not killing yourself without psych meds, it's best to avoid therapists and psychiatrists because they pretty much always try to push pills on you and the pills do more harm than good unless you're genuinely in a state where they're essential to your day-to-day survival, which some people are.

I have no experience in psychiatric education but from what little I've read of their own studies and paperwork I have to admit I feel the same way. I'm not gonna pretend I'm some genius who figured the whole system out on his own by just flipping through the pages but, to put it diplomatically; it kind of doesn't take a genius to figure it out.

Now, its not the lurid holocaust certain paranoid people seem to be under the impression it is, but yeah, the system is a blundering mess. I'd use the word "disaster" but even someone like me feels that's a bit too cynical. Though depending on which country you live in perhaps disaster is a more appropriate word for it, I only know about the US/UK systems so I have no idea how they handle it in some random place like, I dunno, Serbia or whatever. Definitely a lot of shooting at pidgeons in the dark with few pidgeons to shoot at no matter where you are or what you have.

 

[Rafal Gan Ganowicz]

Thanks for posting this thread. I've got it too, due to military service compounded by seriously bad case of narcissistic /judicial-proxy abuse from a skinwalker who very nearly had me neck it and also murdered the lovely doggo in my avatar. Starting equine therapy through a Vets' charity mid Jan. Will let you guys know if it's of any value