So: long-haul greyhound ride across Canada, pretty uneventful until a tire blew at 6.30 AM outside a little town in Saskatchewan. Everybody gets off the bus and starts milling around: an old broad with problem glasses and the air of Ottawa aristocracy sees her chance to break out the tarot cards and start wooing the dumb people aboard. I go for a stroll down the single road in town, find a general store unlocked with nobody home, grab the smokes and tequila I'd been hankering for, drop not enough money on the counter and fuck off back to the bus.
Old bird's still holding court, yada yada spirit dimension etc. I have a smoke, drink some tequila and listen from the sidelines. Back on the bus and now she's in fine form, having insinuated herself into the good graces of a group of young people. Yap yap yap I go back to sleep. The prairies aren't much to look at and I've seen enough of them in my life.
Calgary, Alberta, several hours later: they rush us between the buses to our connection because now we're six hours behind. I grab a quick dart on my way, then get on the bus. Here comes the loon. We're not two miles down the road and she flutters up to the driver to inform him (and the rest of us) that she's dropped a priceless gold earring back at the station.
Very sentimental, this bauble is, an heirloom, you understand.
Driver says :
"Sorry ma'am, that's against policy and I'm already way behind. Call the station and hopefully it's in Lost and Found."
Well,she's not having that :
"You mean to tell me that you won't allow me to retrieve my earring?!"
"Can't ma'am, please step back, you're obstructing my view."
"*apoplexy* *sputtering* Well! It's a good thing that I've done so much spiritual work!! I'm glad know that when we ascend into the fifth dimension that I will be doing very well! I've done light work, you know!!"
I've been sitting at the back of the bus since Toronto, but now I'm moving up to sit beside someone else and I'm laughing pretty openly; this is the best time I've had in three days on this fucking bus. She's still going in the same vein and it's pure distilled yuppie autism. The entitlement; the privilege; it was supoib! She's questioning his immigration status, she's making snide remarks about his presumed wage, the works. The more she's getting wound up the more I'm in my glory. The mood in the bus got strange and fractious. She's trying to enlist as many peons into her court as possible to hound this driver.
Finally we pull off the highway onto a side road; it's Her Nibs' stop. There's a problem, though:
"Sir! I made an agreement with the company that they would drop me off a mile down that road!!"
-a quivering, jowly arm shakes and points-
"Well sure, ma'am, I understand. But we're running very late and I was told just to leave you here."
(There was a patch of woods, quite dark and ominous on her side of the bus)
"Here??!!! What am I going to do here?!?!"
"I'm sure you'll be fine, ma'am."
And that guy just stopped off the bus, hopped out, pulled her suitcases and dumped them. Meanwhile, she was nearly having a breakdown, hair flying, glasses and shawl all askew. Luckily for her, he'd dropped her off directly across from an R.C.M.P. detachment. I was the only one who'd noticed that; everybody was watching them, rapt and horrified at his rough treatment of her.
Cucks.
She deserved worse, the crazy old bitch.
