"Queen Bee" sperging

[The Dude]

I suspect that the reason she continually insists Chris is really sweet, kind, intelligent, and heroic is because she sees herself as similar to him in a way. Due to her own mental illness and/or general terribleness, people probably "overlook" the sweetness, heroism, etc she thinks she has, and so she's trying to act the "right" way toward Chris. To look at him the way she thinks the world should look at her, if that makes sense.

When I met her she genuinely seemed to believe her bullshit about Chris. "He's SO sweet and caring and generous and if only people got to know him blah blah blah BLAH..."

 

[Tubular Monkey]

I predict Chandler babies from Anna.

 

[CWCissey]

I predict Chandler babies from Anna.

Pfft, please. Chris is so unhealthy I think his swimmers are all dead, he produces grease and/or his bent duck makes it impossible.

Or they'll just sit around yelling the sperm cell equivalent of 'I'M WORKING ON IT!'

 

[Sweet and Savoury]

I predict Chandler babies from Anna.

I want some of what ever your smoking Tubes.

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

I predict Chandler babies from Anna.

I want some of what ever your smoking Tubes.

It does beg a really odd question: does Anna feel sorry for Chris? And is it sorry enough to warrant giving him a pity fuck?

I doubt it, but she does tolerate far more from him than most other people would, without getting anything clear in return.

 

[Thetan]

But c'mon, no one can be that stupid, right?

Perhaps not so much 'stupid', but misplaced compassion? Really, she suffers from a mental illness as well, so wouldn't that make her more receptive to the thoughts and opinions of someone who we all see as batshagging mad? Really, Chris' ideas are perfectly reasonable from his POV, so perhaps she's just playing it from that point of view?

Agreed.
What if she feels guilty? The Crazy Pacer story basically killed any belief that Chris is just a normal guy pulling the most epic prank in Internet history. The TotCP did more damage to Chris's reputation than the Place photograph. It's not too far fetched to feel like maybe, just maybe, she's the one responsible for the trolling.
It's super crazy, but maybe the asspats are her way of making up for her blog entry on Chris all those years ago.

Just a thought, I'm aware it sounds like crazy bullshit.

I've tried to make that point before. The picture that started the whole mess wasn't particularly embarrassing. At the time it was taken, it wasn't unusual for people Chris's age to play Pok'emon or other similar card games. The only thing that makes the picture somewhat humorous is Chris's chubby / dorky appearance and the Sonichu medallion: otherwise, it's relatively forgettable. As I said before, it was Chris's over-reaction to a basically meh, mildly amusing picture that brought all the drama that followed. And, as far as humiliation, the Something Awful picture has got nothing on "She Came For CWC". You can't even find the original picture now, without a lot of fairly determined searching. "She Came For CWC", however, is consistently in the first page of results when you search for "Megan Schroeder".

The contrast here is very telling. The person who didn't make a huge scene, demand that her "honor" be restored.... blah....blah... blah.... is pretty much forgotten about, except in the case of Christorians and a small subset of Internet culture. Chris on the other hand..... He brought all of this on himself.

 

[A-№1]

Yeah, but she knows that some of the crazy shit he says are about things he's been arrested for in the past and she's still giving him asspats about those things. She knows he's hit someone with his car. I just don't understand Anna.

Anna is an oxpecker. They don't really care what their host mammal tramples so long as they can continue to get tasty tidbits from it, and their host keeps them around because they ease uncomfortable afflictions.

I really don't think it's any more complicated than that. It's hard to understand because there's nothing there to understand.

The only thing that makes the picture somewhat humorous is Chris's chubby / dorky appearance and the Sonichu medallion: otherwise, it's relatively forgettable.

Sort of. I may be mistaken, but I do remember Sonichu was in the internet's collective unconscious for a while before that picture surfaced, and there was more than a little, "So this is the sperg behind Sonichu?" reaction to the photo. That made it a little more than a run of the mill weird fat dork pic.

As I said before, it was Chris's over-reaction to a basically meh, mildly amusing picture that brought all the drama that followed.

Oh no doubt there. Sonichu itself would have been a minor footnote in internet history if Chris hadn't jumped in to prove how much more fascinating (and horrible) he is than his lame little recolor comic.

 

[The Dude]

I predict Chandler babies from Anna.

Pfft, please. Chris is so unhealthy I think his swimmers are all dead, he produces grease and/or his bent duck makes it impossible.

Or they'll just sit around yelling the sperm cell equivalent of 'I'M WORKING ON IT!'

They'd bitch on Jizzbook about being too stressed out to swim up the fallopian tubes and how someone should bring a "fertilization-free egg" down to them.

 

[KatsuKitty]

I predict Chandler babies from Anna.

I want some of what ever your smoking Tubes.

It does beg a really odd question: does Anna feel sorry for Chris? And is it sorry enough to warrant giving him a pity fuck?

I doubt it, but she does tolerate far more from him than most other people would, without getting anything clear in return.

I'm hardly an expert on hook-ups, but I wonder if Anna is attracted to him in some weird way. There's people who have like "caretaker" fetishes for "less-abled" (to put it euphemistically) people like Chris.

I remember the NUCLEAR FUCKING CATASTROPHE that erupted when Chris lost his virginity to a hooker. Just imagine how fast their fedoras would be spinning if Chris lost it "legitimately" to someone with a fetish like that. ABSOLUTE PROOF ONLY GENES MATTER

 

[timtommy]

It does beg a really odd question: does Anna feel sorry for Chris? And is it sorry enough to warrant giving him a pity fuck?

I doubt it, but she does tolerate far more from him than most other people would, without getting anything clear in return.

It does seem unlikely. Even if she did feel sorry enough/want to, there is the fact that he would probably be very public about it. That would be very unpleasant and embarrassing for her, in a way she might not tolerate.

Which leads me to 2 questions.

1. Would Chris rather have sex and not be able to tell people about it, or not have sex but have someone agree to pretend with him that it happened?
2. Is it possible it (Anna sleeping with Chris) has happened, but she keeps him quiet about it? Possibly with the promise of future china.

 

[LordCustos3]

I predict Chandler babies from Anna.

I suspect the only thing that cums out of that bent duck is an insipid, watery discharge. Possibly with a slight greenish-brown tinge, tiny reddish-black flecks in it and an oily sheen like spoiled meat.; and the smell!
Ye Gods....the smell is like curdled fish oil.
One of his many secretions that is both teratogenic and a cause of contact dermatitis.

But thats okay, its perfectly natural for a healthy, growing, sane and sound-minded adult autistic individual manchild to spurt industrial waste from his genitalia.

 

[Stuff and Things]

I predict Chandler babies from Anna.

Pfft, please. Chris is so unhealthy I think his swimmers are all dead, he produces grease and/or his bent duck makes it impossible.

Or they'll just sit around yelling the sperm cell equivalent of 'I'M WORKING ON IT!'

They'd bitch on Jizzbook about being too stressed out to swim up the fallopian tubes and how someone should bring a "fertilization-free egg" down to them.

hay! i say that joke on the "does chris produce viable sperm?" topic or something like that... lol and also, they'd dress up as eggs and call themselves "tomeggs"

 

[Smutley]

2. Is it possible it (Anna sleeping with Chris) has happened, but she keeps him quiet about it? Possibly with the promise of future china.

Hahahaha.

No.

Not even a minuscule chance.

 

[exball]

2. Is it possible it (Anna sleeping with Chris) has happened, but she keeps him quiet about it? Possibly with the promise of future china.

Chris doesn't really give a shit about China. Losing his virginity was just to prove he's STRAIGHT.

 

[MetroidJunkie]

Chris doesn't really give a shit about China. Losing his virginity was just to prove he's STRAIGHT.

Which he got.... from a prostitute of all things. Somehow, virginity seems so much better than having to resort to paying someone to do it.

 

[Pikonic]

Chris doesn't really give a shit about China. Losing his virginity was just to prove he's STRAIGHT.

Which he got.... from a prostitute of all things. Somehow, virginity seems so much better than having to resort to paying someone to do it.

The real problem was he thought his life would be infinitely better if he got laid.

Spoiler

it didn't

 

[MetroidJunkie]

The real problem was he thought his life would be infinitely better if he got laid.

Spoiler

it didn't

Guess he fell for the societal crap that says sex is somehow necessary. You can go through and live a happy life without ever having sex with anyone. Personally, I think abstinence shows strength because it shows you're willing to dominate your own sexual urges. To me, casual sex doesn't seem any more fulfilling than masturbation because you're doing it with someone you don't have a bond with. Guess Chris thinks sex is some kind of magic wand that makes his life better.

 

[Tubular Monkey]

The real problem was he thought his life would be infinitely better if he got laid.

Spoiler

it didn't

And that's where the prostitute's real problems began. You don't really comprehend what a disgusting profession that is until you consider the prospect of a woman accepting money to have sex with Christian Weston Chandler. Jesus Godbear Christ.

 

[timtommy]

Which he got.... from a prostitute of all things. Somehow, virginity seems so much better than having to resort to paying someone to do it.

That is why I asked the first question: Would he rather have sex and pretend he didn't or not have it and pretend he did?

If the consensus is the latter, why didn't he do it a lot earlier?

Couldn't he have said in one of his early videos "I hired a hooker, it was great, she said I was the best she had ever had"?

He didn't which, to me, gives some evidence to the other hypothesis. I tend to think he actually wants the real thing, for one of any number of reasons.

It is a small leap from there to think he might agree to keep it quiet.

I admit it is a much bigger leap to think that he actually could keep it quiet. I am pretty confident the answer to my Anna question is no. The question maybe should have gone in the What if? forum.

 

[Tubular Monkey]

I predict Chandler babies from Anna.

I want some of what ever your smoking Tubes.

I'm wishing I could stop picturing their Chernobyl babies.