Questions for the female autists here - Sneed

[Coldsteel the Hedgehog]

Growing up like that is something that not even male autists will understand, and it's why I can never quite make myself hate pooners.

There's a very distinct and acute loneliness in growing up othered like that. No matter how nice you try to be, and how much you'd like to make friends, you end up outside everyone else. Girls take great care to use you as a sign of what happens when you step out of line, and boys tease each other about having to settle for that. Male autists see you as nothing but their ticket to finally having a girlfriend because you're just as undesirable as they are. The only hope is finding other girls like you to be weird with.

It's a threat, telling them "I'm more confident than you and I'm more comfortable than you and I don't care about the things you care about," so some bitchy women will snipe back. They'll ice you out, or say hurtful things with/without thinking, because whether they know it or not they're already wounded and perceive you as the wounder.

This is the worst, honestly, and it never stops no matter the age. I stopped associating with most women-only groups because socializing would inevitably regress into sitting there listening to a bunch of other women talk over me or speak poorly of me without even realizing it because they were all so absorbed in their social collective. The amount of times I'd had basically everything about me called ugly/weird/disgusting to my face, or even had other women imply that I wasn't even a woman myself because of that sort of thing was insane. Eventually, you almost start to believe them.

 

[Catboi]

Oh c'mon, it's not like at least some users of this thread never shown some sympathy and/or friendship to some other sperg of either sex, sometimes much to our own detriment, cos they tend to completely estrange out of nowhere and such shit.

As for fucking the husband, some women think I do it in my present life. Once I ended up on a trek where everyone was paired up and the male sperg who had invited me, had somehow completely shut off and did not talk for days. The normie gfs were shooting daggers with their eyes, because they did not see me as a possible friend, but as a threat, and the guys were afraid to talk to me. Later I learned, that they found me weird, quiet and complained I did not talk to them much, while nobody tried to break the ice or start a conversation I could join. And that's an usual situation for me.

This must be a universal female autist experience because this happens to me all the time too

Women will act like total cunts towards me and purposely exclude me for being "weird" then be like "Well she doesn't talk to us she must want us to fuck off and die!"

 

[2mm and 99 others]

They'd do something like this on a friends meeting and I think, oh please leave these stupid displays of affection for your cold bedroom, and now, as you made me extremely uncomfortable, please at least let me finish my talking about my holiday experience or a work trip or that weird structure in the backwoods, when your bf I have shown absolutely no romantic or sexual interest in, asked me about it himself.

 

[ThePozzedOutCritic]

They'd do something like this on a friends meeting and I think, oh please leave these stupid displays of affection for your cold bedroom, and now, as you made me extremely uncomfortable, please at least let me finish my talking about my holiday experience or a work trip or that weird structure in the backwoods, when your bf I have shown absolutely no romantic or sexual interest in, asked me about it himself.

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In general I think people who think it's okay to make out in front of others should be beaten with sticks no matter their motivation

 

[Sandshrew]

In general I think people who think it's okay to make out in front of others should be beaten with sticks no matter their motivation

I used to be friends with a couple (originally was friends with the girl first) who would invite me over to cook or something, but then sometimes just start making out with each other on the couch, and it was insanely awkward. They were both extremely autistic, as am I, but damn, at least I was raised correctly because wtf. I stopped hanging out with them after this type of behavior happened multiple times. And they were angry at me since it's hard for them to make friends, I wonder why.

I feel like in general, male autists struggle a lot with understanding how to NOT sexually harass people and not make them uncomfortable.

I'm broke right now, but I'd still pay any amount of money to join a no-troons female-only autistic club, if it were to exist. Because maybe I'm biased, but female autists tend to be really cool and insightful, if they're not accompanied by a sex pest male autist.

 

[Coldsteel the Hedgehog]

Because maybe I'm biased, but female autists tend to be really cool and insightful, if they're not accompanied by a sex pest male autist.

Every single True and Honest Female Autist I've ever met managed to worm their way into my list of long-term friends, many of whom I talk to even now. I think it's a combination of being compatible socially/having similar values in relationships and the general vibe of "everyone here is shit at the same things, so there's no shame in being open about it or working around it." God bless self-aware girls with 'tism, they somehow have some of the best and most reliable communication skills I've ever seen in my life.

 

[Sandshrew]

Every single True and Honest Female Autist I've ever met managed to worm their way into my list of long-term friends, many of whom I talk to even now. I think it's a combination of being compatible socially/having similar values in relationships and the general vibe of "everyone here is shit at the same things, so there's no shame in being open about it or working around it." God bless self-aware girls with 'tism, they somehow have some of the best and most reliable communication skills I've ever seen in my life.

I have made my way recently into an autist friend group that is mostly women. And it felt so relieving to be a part of a place where people just got me, that I didn't have to overexplain myself and wasn't judged for my monotone voice.

However, unfortunately, I do think I'm going to distance myself from the group, since the few male autists in the group really ruin it for me, and the whole group is EXTREMELY liberal. Even if politics aren't mentioned at all, they get brought up pretty frequently, and I've been chastised by the group before for having dissenting opinions. Autistic "strong sense of justice"/"black-white thinking" can really be annoying when they're objectively wrong about something. I've come to realize that some autistic people are basically full-on narcissists if they refuse to work on their theory of mind and self-awareness.

It's why I want a female-only autist space.
Do you have any suggestions for finding more female autists that aren't too infected with troonery/liberal BS?

 

[supremeautismo]

Do you have any suggestions for finding more female autists that aren't too infected with troonery/liberal BS?

I’ve heard terf-y/tired-of-troons women use an open interest in Harry Potter as a way to ward off troons. The question is then, who are you willing to deal with more— trains, or Harry Potter fans?

Rock and a hard place, unfortunately.

 

[Sandshrew]

I’ve heard terf-y/tired-of-troons women use an open interest in Harry Potter as a way to ward off troons. The question is then, who are you willing to deal with more— trains, or Harry Potter fans?

Rock and a hard place, unfortunately.

I was never like an obsessive superfan of Harry Potter or anything, but JK Rowling is extremely based and I'm more than willing to start wearing a Harry Potter shirt or something to ward off annoying people.

 

[supremeautismo]

I was never like an obsessive superfan of Harry Potter or anything, but JK Rowling is extremely based and I'm more than willing to start wearing a Harry Potter shirt or something to ward off annoying people.

It’s a good place to start. If you want a new hobby, the crochet and knitting community has friendly lady autists, just need to dodge the “uwu tumblr queer transmasc (code: a woman with a short haircut) psuedo-socialist” types.

 

[Coldsteel the Hedgehog]

Do you have any suggestions for finding more female autists that aren't too infected with troonery/liberal BS?

Most of my less-pozzed friends have come from:

1. Older women, I'm in a few groups for retro/dead franchises that mostly collects older fans.
2. Incredibly male-brained hobbies, mostly SEM (not tech) related.
3. "Based" fandoms, or ones that have inherently problematic(tm) content that drives away the wokescolds. If you can find stuff that would automatically get you put on the average twitter user's DNI, that's usually where you'll find them. Can sometimes overlap with #1 if it's also an older series. Historical fiction and related areas also tend to hold a lot of hyperfixation autists who would rather die than include modern sensibilities in their 1600s meiji-period worldbuilding, and it's a fantastic litmus test for people to see if they freak the fuck out or not whilst maintaining plausible deniability for the sake of historical accuracy.
4. Hobbies that require you to be a functional and/or independent adult tend to also drive away a lot of the tranny bullshit, especially if it's something that requires consistent dedication or any kind of physical exertion. One of the most reliable women I've ever known was a horse girl who was living her dream.
5. To be honest, a lot of the off-topic threads here aren't too bad. You'll see BP posters pop up in some of them, and you can't do better than making friends with a kiwi.

 

[Caramelo]

The general experience of the sperg woman mirrors so much my own that I suspect I might be one.

It would certainly explain many things.

 

[Susanna]

The general experience of the sperg woman mirrors so much my own that I suspect I might be one.

It would certainly explain many things.

Women hide things like this better ("Oh, they don't want to listen to me talk about knitting, I guess I'll shut up..." vs. men who will just rant nonstop about trains whether people are listening or not), so are less often diagnosed. Could be worth getting checked out if you're having problems from it.

 

[Jerri's Kid]

I’ve heard terf-y/tired-of-troons women use an open interest in Harry Potter as a way to ward off troons. The question is then, who are you willing to deal with more— trains, or Harry Potter fans?

Rock and a hard place, unfortunately.

Harry Potter fans are generally ok unless they are Snape fans, who are the weirdest and most annoying ones. Even so, I'd rather deal with them than troons.

 

[Bloo]

I’m always questioning whether I’m autistic or just a weird woman. I have always been an outsider, incredibly introverted and socially awkward. I get overwhelmed incredibly easy and get fixated over odd subjects. I have slowly learned to “mask” it and can more or less socialise fine now. I simply choose not to a lot. I’ve spoken to my doctor about it recently and he gave me a form to fill in, it’s the NHS so I’m not expecting to see a psychiatrist any time soon. I don’t know what an official diagnosis would even do for me at this point. I don’t know what to do.

 

[Adrenochrome Dreams]

I’m always questioning whether I’m autistic or just a weird woman. I have always been an outsider, incredibly introverted and socially awkward. I have slowly learned to “mask” it and can more or less socialise fine now. I simply choose not to a lot. I’ve spoken to my doctor about it recently and he gave me a form to fill in, it’s the NHS so I’m not expecting to see a psychiatrist any time soon. I don’t know what an official diagnosis would even do for me at this point. I don’t know what to do.

If you are not affected by your proposed autism then please don’t clog up the NHS waiting list for an autism diagnosis.

It’s completely clogged up with adults who’ve lived a totally normal life wondering if they’re “different” and wanting validation, meanwhile people who can’t exist without support have the same waiting list as everybody else.

You say yourself you don’t know what a diagnosis would do for you, when those with disabling autism rely on it to access support.

Also masking is such a bullshit concept, if you can choose to look not autistic, then you’re not autistic.

 

[Bloo]

If you are not affected by your proposed autism then please don’t clog up the NHS waiting list for an autism diagnosis.

It’s completely clogged up with adults who’ve lived a totally normal life wondering if they’re “different” and wanting validation, meanwhile people who can’t exist without support have the same waiting list as everybody else.

You say yourself you don’t know what a diagnosis would do for you, when those with disabling autism rely on it to access support.

Also masking is such a bullshit concept, if you can choose to look not autistic, then you’re not autistic.

Fair. After I had the form I did think that. I didn’t talk to him just for that, I brought it up at the end. I had an actual mental breakdown a few years ago but that was due to other reasons mainly. I’m much better now.

I have got a bit of the “autism stare” going on and some of my family members are autistic so there is that too.

 

[2mm and 99 others]

Also masking is such a bullshit concept, if you can choose to look not autistic, then you’re not autistic.

Good point, that's called ''upbringing''.
But I'd say some autists have consciously assigned priorities and values to particular people and things they do and that determines how much effort are they willing to give. If the priorities shift for some reason (being overworked, autistic burnout, they met someone), it might look that they dropped the mask, while it just means the values were reassigned. (Like, I asked a formerly very good friend, why he did not bother to write at least ''Sorry, I can't make it'' and his response, a week later, was: Your messages are low priority now.

 

[NoReturn]

Not a question, but you guys... watch this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ewr1ZAl38ec

Spoiler: Local mirror

 

[Bloo]

For me, it’s more like I’ve rehearsed what to say to random people not to look like a complete weirdo. I’ve also learned how to casually joke around with new people. It only took me around 30 years.

My hairdresser has left so I’m seeing a new woman next week which sounds like a nightmare.