Questions for the female autists here - Sneed

[Laputa]

I'd wager that if you have ibs/celiac then your "fuse" is going to be much shorter.

I would say this *can* be true on occasion, but I’ve done a lot of work on my sensory issues. I think it bothered me more as a child.

I do think that eating in general is just a struggle for autistic people, especially women. ARFID is prevalent, and so is over-eating a very small roulette of foods

 

[Adrenochrome Dreams]

Speaking from experience, it's generally assumed that adult female autists don't need to be considered in that way because they're infantilized to absolute shit. I've had people express shock that I have had academic success, held relationships, or just generally enjoy normie girly shit. As if I'm some sort of perpetual toddler and not an adult with a life.

I think the main work to be done is to create more support and recognition for high-functioning female autists who are living on their own and going through regular milestones but still need help and lack any resources. Occupational therapy type shit for the struggles of adult female life might be a good idea? IDK I went to OT as a teenager and they could barely figure out how to adjust the curriculum to teach me shit like putting in my earrings and applying eyeliner

This is exactly what I meant by high functioning “autists” looking down on autistic people who are more disabled than them.

Centering the needs of significantly autistic people (who are still the majority, 80%), is not “infantilizing”, just because you are lucky enough to not be like that.

Boasting that you can live a totally normal and successful life while having an attitude that those who haven’t are “perpetual toddlers”.

I cannot wait until the day when the criteria for autism is clarified to exclude cunts with nothing wrong with them.

 

[Chongqing]

What problems do women with it face that guys (usually) don't?

One time, a lifetime ago now, there was a beautiful woman with red hair who was romantically interested in me and thing were going well, but when she told she was autistic, I told her I didn't think it would work out between us.

Regrettable decision, "you're just gay," et cetera. Yeah, I know.

I didn't have any information.

 

[The Cunting Death]

Would someone whining about the name Asperger Syndrome and getting mad when another autist says it's not a big deal be part of that? I've had a person or two get mad at me for saying I have more important things to worry about than the name of my disability. Hans Asperger is dead. It's not called Hitler Did Nothing Wrong Syndrome.

honestly I don't give a shit if it was named after a nazi, a nigger, or a gypsy; it's just a name, I don't care where it came from.

 

[Laputa]

This is exactly what I meant by high functioning “autists” looking down on autistic people who are more disabled than them.

Centering the needs of significantly autistic people (who are still the majority, 80%), is not “infantilizing”, just because you are lucky enough to not be like that.

Boasting that you can live a totally normal and successful life while having an attitude that those who haven’t are “perpetual toddlers”.

I cannot wait until the day when the criteria for autism is clarified to exclude cunts with nothing wrong with them.

Just because I can live on my own doesn't mean there's nothing wrong with me. You don't know me or the shit I've had to put up with just *so* I could have that kind of life

Also, I wasn't advocating for the centering of resources on high-functioning individuals. Just that they be available

I do not look down 'low-functioning' autists at all, and I think that they should be prioritized, frankly

 

[Chromeo]

Just because I can live on my own doesn't mean there's nothing wrong with me. You don't know me or the shit I've had to put up with just *so* I could have that kind of life

Also, I wasn't advocating for the centering of resources on high-functioning individuals. Just that they be available

I do not look down 'low-functioning' autists at all, and I think that they should be prioritized, frankly

I think a lesson that's important to learn and share with other autistic people is that you cannot argue with some people. I once spent hours going back and forth with some idiot on why women can't just use toilet paper for their periods before giving up. It's the "playing chess with a pigeon" thing, the pigeon doesn't give a fuck and you're just gonna frustrate yourself. There's no use talking to some people. Just accept they're retarded and move on.

 

[Laputa]

I think a lesson that's important to learn and share with other autistic people is that you cannot argue with some people. I once spent hours going back and forth with some idiot on why women can't just use toilet paper for their periods before giving up. It's the "playing chess with a pigeon" thing, the pigeon doesn't give a fuck and you're just gonna frustrate yourself. There's no use talking to some people. Just accept they're retarded and move on.

Good advice actually. Thank you

 

[2mm and 99 others]

Also it's important to acknowledge, if that thing the argument is about, is really the hill to die on and if it's really that important to have a stance about it. Some never learn it, and now here we are with all the lolworthy ancaps and their child prostitutes, and Effective altruists and LessWrongs.

 

[AnOminous]

This thread has just basically turned into a thread for incels to hit on female autists.

 

[ShapelyMutton]

This thread has just basically turned into a thread for incels to hit on female autists.

Would you prefer us to use the Kiwifarms Dating thread?

 

[failed mist]

Interesting how many women in this thread describe being seen as an unfeminine womanfailure and, at the same time, as a dangerous sexual threat

Makes me think of a situation I witnessed where a guy cheated on his girlfriend with an unfeminine 1.5/10 autistic chick and was visibly insanely attracted to her. Women don’t enjoy being made to confront the fact that, for some guys, maybe their own boyfriend, naive exploitability ranks higher on the hotness scale than a pretty face or a neat, girly appearance.

 

[2mm and 99 others]

Can be, or it's that some people, being spergy themselves, find the traits that normies find off-putting, weird and unreadable (that's the thing which normie girls and many boys hate the most), as *mysterious*, *charming* and *unusual*, because things like expected body language, facial expressions and emotions in voice (or lack thereof) aren't really important for them in regards of assessing a person's character, they just can see it's ''different'' and maybe they think of normies' expressions as overly emotional.

 

[Coldsteel the Hedgehog]

Autistic women are "threatening" because it's not uncommon for them to share more interests with male peers and prefer male company. In my experience, most normie women do NOT like other women getting buddy-buddy with their partners, even if their hang out activities include sperging out about 80s comic books and doing WoW raids. It's not uncommon for it to be interpreted as pickme behavior and ascribed malicious intent.

 

[Perun]

Autistic women are "threatening" because it's not uncommon for them to share more interests with male peers and prefer male company. In my experience, most normie women do NOT like other women getting buddy-buddy with their partners, even if their hang out activities include sperging out about 80s comic books and doing WoW raids. It's not uncommon for it to be interpreted as pickme behavior and ascribed malicious intent.

because they know men aren't interested in friendship with women, and they assume those women know it too, so they conclude they are befriending their moid cause they want something more than friendship. In this case the autist is being naive and the normie is correct to worry, they just don't know the autist isn't being malicious but rather naive. I remember being excited as a young sperg in college about how easy it was to make friends cause i previously went to a girls school, but eventually each moid i befriended would ask me out and then stop talking to me once turned down.

 

[w.a.m.s.]

because they know men aren't interested in friendship with women, and they assume those women know it too, so they conclude they are befriending their moid cause they want something more than friendship. In this case the autist is being naive and the normie is correct to worry, they just don't know the autist isn't being malicious but rather naive. I remember being excited as a young sperg in college about how easy it was to make friends cause i previously went to a girls school, but eventually each moid i befriended would ask me out and then stop talking to me once turned down.

^^^

Most high-functioning autist vs normie social dilemmas can be summarized by "autist projects their natural straightforwardness onto people who have like 10 other filters/warning systems/trust indicators/other heuristics and aren't even consciously aware of all of them." It's like two people trying to navigate two different minefields that somehow exist in the same physical space.

I don't mean to euphemize context-blindness, alexithymia, or the other things that make autism a disability. I do mean to tell normies reading this thread: if you think of autism as being extremely straightforward and not understanding why others would be anything other than straightforward, you will find it easier to interact with autists and not get hung up on misunderstandings.

 

[Fishcat]

It's the female autist's trilemma:

• Becoming close friends with men is compromised by the fact that most men will either want to pursue a relationship and thus try to get too close, or be self-conscious of how it may be interpreted negatively by another woman who is their potential or actual gf/wife and thus keep you at a distance
• Becoming close friends with normie women is compromised by the fact that you don't mirror their complex, more emotionally-centered social norms, which leaves you both feeling uncomfortable and unable to relate to each other
• Becoming close friends with other female autists is compromised by the fact that they are rare in number, reclusive in behavior, and vulnerable to pitfalls that make them crazy (e.g., trooning out)

I'm not claiming that these issues apply to every single person such that it's impossible to ever make friends but they're broad generalizations about why it's more difficult. It's why I say female autists have no in-group. I don't think being female makes autism intrinsically different, but I think it causes extrinsic challenges because many autistic traits are socially associated with males.

 

[#1 Hot Sauce of Kiwi Farm]

^^^

Most high-functioning autist vs normie social dilemmas can be summarized by "autist projects their natural straightforwardness onto people who have like 10 other filters/warning systems/trust indicators/other heuristics and aren't even consciously aware of all of them." It's like two people trying to navigate two different minefields that somehow exist in the same physical space.

I don't mean to euphemize context-blindness, alexithymia, or the other things that make autism a disability. I do mean to tell normies reading this thread: if you think of autism as being extremely straightforward and not understanding why others would be anything other than straightforward, you will find it easier to interact with autists and not get hung up on misunderstandings.

This constantly I always prefer to be upfront and honest which often clashes with social norms I've gotten better with age. Though I think my worst was responding to the casual conversations. For example when people asked how I was doing I'd ask them if they actually cared or are they just asking out of professionalism or societal demands... To this day I still choke down my annoyance towards casual conversations, but I at least respond with the proper answers that people are looking for.

Dates like birthdays or holidays still hold little meaning to me, but I know they are important to others so I make sure to mark and plan ahead as while the days hold little importance to me I do care about how it affects my friends and family.

I suppose this can also explain why I did not talk much throughout school as I would often make a social blunder leading to ridicule as children can be cruel. I had to retrain myself once I entered adulthood as networking is key and an awkward reserved girl is going to be ignored and taken advantage of.

I might be sharing to much considering the site though I hope this satés some of the other posters curiosity about your fellow Kiwis and hopefully gives you some insight to better understand others like myself.

It's the female autist's trilemma:

• Becoming close friends with men is compromised by the fact that most men will either want to pursue a relationship and thus try to get too close, or be self-conscious of how it may be interpreted negatively by another woman who is their potential or actual gf/wife and thus keep you at a distance
• Becoming close friends with normie women is compromised by the fact that you don't mirror their complex, more emotionally-centered social norms, which leaves you both feeling uncomfortable and unable to relate to each other
• Becoming close friends with other female autists is compromised by the fact that they are rare in number, reclusive in behavior, and vulnerable to pitfalls that make them crazy (e.g., trooning out)

I'm not claiming that these issues apply to every single person such that it's impossible to ever make friends but they're broad generalizations about why it's more difficult. It's why I say female autists have no in-group. I don't think being female makes autism intrinsically different, but I think it causes extrinsic challenges because many autistic traits are socially associated with males.

This resonates with me and stirs my soul. Though as much as I would love to speak with someone that could relate with me. I know this is not the site for that and friendship made through Kiwifarms is most likely a terrible idea. I am not saying that my fellow Kiwis are bad it's just that the site culture warns about power leveling and with how previous actions between other Kiwis that have gotten to friendly have gone I am going to take the warning to heart.

 

[Mordecai "3 Finger" Brown]

Interesting how many women in this thread describe being seen as an unfeminine womanfailure and, at the same time, as a dangerous sexual threat

Makes me think of a situation I witnessed where a guy cheated on his girlfriend with an unfeminine 1.5/10 autistic chick and was visibly insanely attracted to her. Women don’t enjoy being made to confront the fact that, for some guys, maybe their own boyfriend, naive exploitability ranks higher on the hotness scale than a pretty face or a neat, girly appearance.

The situation that you describe sounds like a pretty specific outlier.

The evolutionary dating psychology bros like hoe_math though boil cheating down to its most rudimentary sex-specific reproduction strategies.

Wrt cheating, it essentially comes down to "women cheat to trade up, men cheat to pad their numbers".

The idea being that since the male investment in reproduction is so minimal, there's a biological incentive to cheat with any potential mate that gives you access to increase the number of chances for your DNA to pass on irrespective of quality or downgrade.

 

[#1 Hot Sauce of Kiwi Farm]

Do female autists also love model trains?

I share no such fascination with trains. I do find a luxury trip on a train to be pleasant, but that is as far as it goes. I cannot speak for others, but I do have a particular fondness for Rotary Engines.

I've got another question, how do women feel about the overall trend of people self-diagnosing as autistic/on the spectrum?

They are merely attention seekers who should be treated with utter disdain. There are very few things lower than faking a mental illness as people who actually suffer from them everyday would love nothing else, but to be normal.

As others have said for some reason people with left leaning political views seem to think that having a mental illness can make up for not having a personality. I do not appreciate how they look down and treat others like myself as if we are special or incapable of providing or making decisions. I put a lot of effort every day to fit in and better myself only for these people to cast aside my accomplishments and infantize me it is maddening.

Babies and young kids screaming in an enclosed space=hell

It can be very taxing however, I have always enjoyed spending time with children. I use to watch younger family members. I taught them mathematics and how to read and write before they even entered elementary school. I bought a rainmaker and other storytelling tools as they use to love when I read to them. I would do voices and sound effects as I read to them.

They are older now and seem to be inseparable from either their phones or other media which saddens me as they are so indifferent to me even though I try to interact and to talk them. It hurts, but I hope they grow out of it as I made sure to warn my family of the dangers that children can face online.

Kind of off topic but do you guys feel you've benefitted from your Autism diagnosis? I've been diagnosed with a couple things and I don't think it's changed my life at all.

It allowed me to access social programs that assisted me in acquiring the skills and tools needed to reach my desired career. Other than that no, none of the staff knows, they just think I am direct and only care about results which I do. No one would know unless I let my hair down sort to speak like I am now.

(I'll stop for now as I don't want to take over the entire thread)

 

[BestUserName]

I will never be loved by anyone except my immediate family (even then only barley), never able to care for myself or contribute much, and hitting middle age with nothing to look forward to. I might answer questions if you ask them, or just sperg out and vanish from view. I'm very dysfunctional like that.