Quinton Reviews / Quinton Kyle Hoover / Q_Review / OttselSpy24 / OttselSpy25 - I KNOW WE HIT THE LIMIT FOR ME TO DO THEM, BUT THOSE THINGS TAKE TIME, NOW SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK ABOUT GARFIELD AND MCDONALDS, WHILE MOCKING OTHER YOUTUBERS!!

[Kyria the Great]

This is what frustrates me about Quinten; mediocre media is extremely fascinating in retrospect and he refuses to address it on those terms. It’s the same reason that ChrisChan fascinates me. There are these things created that are essentially only ever background noise in their time. Looking at them is very interesting to learn about how mass culture changes over time. It’s interesting explicitly because it wasn’t intended to stand out other than for a half hour on a weekday afternoon. Looking back on it can tell us something about what the dominant cultural forces at the time deemed to be normal. A standout show or movie or product wouldn’t tell us the same thing because it was created to stand out

Well for all these championing all these shows, aside from his noise he's making about the series, what actual cultural impact do these shows have? Shows that truly are good capture a generation, are quoted, create memes, and we can all look back on truly what era they captured. Though mediocre shows are usually trend followers with not being confidently enough to chart its own course with especially Nickelodeon live action shows. Not everything has to be great but certainly watching those shows, it almost is like watching the slow decline of culture in general.

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

This is what frustrates me about Quinten; mediocre media is extremely fascinating in retrospect and he refuses to address it on those terms. It’s the same reason that ChrisChan fascinates me. There are these things created that are essentially only ever background noise in their time. Looking at them is very interesting to learn about how mass culture changes over time. It’s interesting explicitly because it wasn’t intended to stand out other than for a half hour on a weekday afternoon. Looking back on it can tell us something about what the dominant cultural forces at the time deemed to be normal. A standout show or movie or product wouldn’t tell us the same thing because it was created to stand out

Quinton would be the type of person to think that the politically correct mediocre media is much more interesting to make video essays over. I can’t imagine him doing these kinds of hour long essays surrounding early Adam Sandler or Tom Green movies, since those bad to mediocre movies would make Q’s play it safe and insular bubble explode without having any safe spaces.

His opinion on the recent Jeffery Dahmer biopic on Netflix where he criticized the fact that gay people should not be viewed in the same way as serial killers was just proof to where his mindset is.

 

[Dirk Dinkum]

Sorry for the delay my non-binary Qiwis, but with no further a-do (you don't need to hear my shitty excuses linked to my depression uwu) here I coom:

• If you're a witty Qiwi, you probably noticed the stream happened a day before Q's 26th birthday and that in a nutshell is the reason for the stream. Mind you, Cracker Reviews isn't at all festive about it. The first 7 minutes or so of the stream are nothing but seething about getting older, paraphrasing him, he's still stuck doing the same thing he was doing at 19 while his friends are getting married and having kids.
• The day before he got a booster, terrible back pains and a fever that woke him up at 4pm. Yes, he also seethed about what he did in the last 48 hours of being 25.
• Seething about his looks (mainly his hair but specially about his massive bald spot). Almost 8 minutes in, someone says they wish they looked like Q, he thanks them and spends 15 seconds staring at the empty void that is his life.
• This in-on itself convinced me he doesn't stream to further his brand or to share his process, but when he has nothing or no one else to occupy the silence. I'm a veteran at this point so I can tell you with confidence he has no better idea of what he is doing now than when he started. He reduces image quality to pre-modem day graphics, leaves tons of dead air, needs chat to give him compliments and ideas for the stream. The fucking pinnacle of visual activity was having his Tumblr blog on screen or a still from Seinfeld.
• Stream actually starts promising (by Qracker standards) with a relatively high viewership. The only justification chat can muster is that Hasan was banned, to which the Qoomrade replies he could fill the niche while he was away. Don't worry, he steadily loses it as the stream goes on.
• This stream happened shortly after YoumaCon, so he talks about his con appearances of the year (2, counting this one). The YoumaCon panel was attended by 200 people and the footage will be used in the 48 hour Dad video. The main highlight tho is that the Expired Cow cosplayer showed up for both con appearances.
• While Kobeing his shirt to prove he ain't a transphobe.

"So, this is my shirt. It says Harry Potter Obama. I wore it to bed this morning. If it doesn't look clean, it isn't. I wore it to bed this morning."

• Twenty-four minutes into a 2 hour stream.

"I suddenly realize I'm not a very interesting person."

• By the time of this stream the Dad video was just 27 hours of pure anal ysis, meaning it still was missing Hoover style intermissions. GarfTube shares all of this while while chewing candy cane with his mouth open.
• He finally watched Defunctland's Disney Channel video and felt even worse because it's so high quality. This time around he didn't compare it to his own work but rather said that it was depressing going from something so good to watching Nickelodeon sitcoms.
• Quinton still thinks Viacom isn't so bad because they don't bother copy striking his videos. He does understand most people have had to deal with them normally.
• Someone in chat wants to send GarfTube a Garfield Christmas present, he immediately feels the sus. Said gifter asks if he has a PO box, no dice. GarfTube requests substantial clearance via email before accepting more marketable garbage in his apartment.
• Someone else asks if Q likes Tumblr, to quote him, he likes it because it's slow and not addictive. Like he can spend an hour there per month. We get more words about Twitter being his coping mechanism and how he has tried to quit it many times.
• Quinton tells the audience (and himself) he has been busy lately. He filmed a year's worth of Johnmas cameos (now with crypto and cow tools) for his lore and inquired if any of his fans care about it a couple of times. Creppy Fat is bussing tho, he has a real job.

• GarfTube spills the beans about his favorite Garfield plush (Garfield Pajama wearing Garfield in case you were wondering), someone asks if it is his white whale, turns out he has it and his masterplan is to hoard as many knockoff Garfields as possible in a hammock and review each one individually.
• Someone asks if there will ever be a review of sadworld, GarfTube declines as Noah Munck wants nothing to do with Nickelodeon related spergs. According to the fat cuck himself, Noah was a Twitter mutual back in the day, way before the NSU saga kicked in.
• Cuckton wants y'all to know that he is the third guy in the top left of ScottTheWoz's Borderline Forever poster and that he has a store in PixelArt where you can find doing your mom shirts in different fonts. He belched right after.
• He also spent a solid minute trying to showcase a Garfield design he commissioned for merch because his files were too big.
• He wanted to theme his channel (as a joke bruh) around Avatar for a month and watch The Way of Water 17 times until he loses his mind. This is one of the few occasions in the stream he looks somewhat tickled, proving comedy does come from someone else's suffering. Who is suffering here is up to the reader.
• Sam & Cat has been very depressing to him because he has to watch it. He feared he wouldn't have it ready before the year ended (and with hindsight we know he failed). Simpton gives us a simplified description of what he does: soaking up in media, producing about it and then submitting his work to his tight-knit circle to see if there's anything in it that's bad for optics.
• The plan is to have the whole series finished by April and take a three month long vacation. Whether he will use it for his still unfulfilled goals (weird Maccas, creationist road trip, bigfoot video) will likely remain unanswered until he tweets about it.
• He visited solid jj since he lives a couple of hours away from him and also voiced Shaggy in a recent skit. According to one comment he did a good job in sounding like Casey Kasem. Not much fanfare about him being in that video tho.
• Simpton is tasked with naming his favorite YouTubers, and this is an interesting beast. He doesn't struggle to mention Izzyzz (more on this later) and Defunctland but after that he says he watches a lot of small YouTubers, takes his phone and scrolls through his Watch Later (where all his favorites end up in). I might be reading too much but there were no mentions of Internet Comment Etiquette, Big Joel, Jack Saint, not even Creepy Fat who he shills in every other video.
• Someone mentions Danny Gonzalez, so Q wonders if he is thinking about the right Danny Gonzalez (don't worry guise, he is thinking about the right one). Simpton likes his content, but he has to tell us a personal story about that. In Q's VidCon 2018 vlog he briefly bothered Danny and Drew Gooden while they were hanging together. You might have seen this clip, it was one of the few things about Quinton in Tumblr before he totes became its king. According to the garftist himself, Danny hated him because he was too annoying and trying too hard to be cool but Danny's wife loved hanging around with him. That last bit you can take with as much salt as you want.
• Someone asks Quinton if he likes Izzyzz's videos (yes, he just said he did and to his credit he mentions he did, which makes me feel like less of a schizo) and he becomes all compliments about what they do and how they have almost the same audience. This whole segment has a 'I've a crush on them' energy rather than a 'I admire them' energy. Quinton also mentions he really only started staking Garfields in his videos because of Izzyzz. I might be reading too hard again, but Q doesn't refer to them as if they are particularly close. He might still be weary about femoids after Sarah Z.
• "Hey Quinton, what did you have for dinner." "Taco Bell, TWICE." Quinton hopes to change his eating habits for 2023.
• At this point you might be asking, why there are two videos if this is a 2 hour stream? Quinton received a call and ended the stream, after said call finished he streamed again. Before you ask, yes, he does leave his chair a couple of times in stream. The working theory is that his apartment is so small and its walls so thin he can't risk taking personal calls.

Will see y'all in Part 2. Why not cover the whole thing in one go? I gotta eat and I gotta grift.

 

[Dirk Dinkum]

Forgot to include the stuff about YoumaCon. Q kept bitching about not having coffee and iirc mentions he will meet Steve from Blue's Clues at a con soon.

• The second half of the stream starts more interesting. Quinton asks chat for their favorite long videos of his that aren't Nick related (and yes some still mention the Nick videos. Yes they ate glue until 9th grade, how could you tell?) All answers that aren't addressed with a good from Q, get Hideaki Anno level explanations about how Q felt about them.

1. Bee Movie shitpost. Quinton lost 10k subs in one day, people used to really hate him back in the day.
2. LonelyGirl15. Wants to redub it because mic was shit and he didn't bother to get a new one until way later.
3. Blue's Clues. I will leave this quote from UBCon about it.

• On making a video like his own Blues’ Clues: “Probably not. I made that video directly after one of the most intense identity crises I’ve ever had in my entire life. Uh, where I really barely held on and then I woke up one day and I made the Blues’ Clues video…” “I really did feel abandoned by Steve when he just left.” “I didn’t feel abandoned by Steve but by this future that I imagined I had given up all of a sudden…” “that’s the entire point of me talking about like the parasocial relationship I had with Steve. Kind of like an existential, just thinking out loud about like what it’s like being a YouTuber…” “that's why I say in the video “everything ends and that has to be okay.”

• Someone says to Quinton what he likes hearing most: I didn't bother watching your Leafy video. We get to hear how he got his break as an idubbbz reply guy and tries to stir the convo around his early work he has not disabowed, no one cares.
• Someone mentions liking his GradeA video, and here the tension gets as high as Q's cholesterol. He even reads it very fast to get done with it. Q doesn't dislike the video, he dislikes the points he made were used against him, even saying he came up with them at age 18 so they aren't absolute moral statements. He doesn't miss an opportunity to call Grade an idiot for being antivaxx and tries to make an impression of him.
• Someone asks Quinton about the most embarrassing piece of clothing he owns (gasp). Months ago, Quinton bought a shirt from a ScottTheWoz charity auction that read "Sex? No" and wore it the same day his mom came to drop clothes to his apartment. Yes, he is THAT sitcom character.
• Quinton has a talent for chugging water really fast he displays often and only admitted in this stream.
• Someone finally says something that made all of this worthwhile. Someone asks, when are we getting the Zoey 101 video to which Quinton answers in a way that would make History of Power Rangers Linkara blush. He starts by saying that he wants to take a break from the Nickelodeon grift (paraphrasing, but he did call it a grift) once he finishes the main mission. He follows it up by saying he is making the Zoey and Drake & Josh videos after he hits 1M... wait, forgot the best part. A year after he hits 1M. (C'mon, he needs a break. So much Nickelodeon is bound to break a man, imagine what it did to Quinton). And the finisher? Since he themed his series so far around the downfall of Dan Schneider, this time around he wants to theme these videos around the downfall of their leads. He's explaining this whole masterplan while sucking the excess cocoa from his cup, which he managed to fuck up. Comrade Quinton fails to read the room even while being in front of the fucking thermostat.
• He laments he couldn't upload more videos so they could finally get to 1M because of being so depressed. He even says if he had released 2 more videos, the goal could've been achieved. Comrade Quinton is a man of the people and predicts they could get there by summer.
• He still hasn't read I'm Glad My Mom Died. To his credit this is the first time he is making a sensible decision since his reasoning is that if he did, it would get on the way of the plan as he is looking to consume Schneider media in a chronological order, same reason he hasn't picked up nu-iCarly yet. Missed opportunity because if he decided to make a video only about the book, he probably would think he needs to watch everything again and reframe his gushing over Seddie.
• The Dad video excites him because it might break a record. Belches twice.

"It is a surprise, but it's a surprise you can see on my Patreon right now for free. I mean, not for free. You have to pay like a dollar."

• An hour and a half in:

"I'm sorry I didn't have the most exciting thing to stream."

• Someone asks Quinton what's the worst gas station item and his answer is pretty simple but evolves into something else. He loathes Snoballs and the story behind that hate is that he bought them for a new intermission he is working on for iCarly in his new second channel. Turns out pink Snoballs were used in the show and they happen to be seasonal, so he has to hoard them until he can finally make the video. Until that happens he just eats them and has grown to hate them. He plans to explore the recipes of iCarly, try them out and share his theories about them. He's specially excited about T-Bo's tacos on a stick. So, what has kept him from recording this? Sink is full of dirty dishes and there's an empty bottle hill sitting near the kitchen. He even found a Pringles can and started to eat its contents.
• His favorite piece of fan art is the Linkara Garfield he received during the Garfield vacation.
• Quinton thanks the audience for being there for his last hours as a young man, he gets startled about something he doesn't recognize and shares his apartment building has sprinklers in case all the fire hazards he calls belongings start acting up.
• Quinton's birthday plans are to go to Casa de Hoover and consume his birthday feast. Q's favorite meals are nachos and chili, one year he requested both for his birthday and was pleasantly surprised when the supper turned to be a glorified taco salad mix of both staples of tex-mex cuisine. It has become a yearly tradition completely restricted to his birthday because he knows it isn't good for him.
• He might visit a friend or two because "all of them have real jobs", then refrains it by saying since he is the only 'freelancer' in the group he has more freedom about his schedule, being able to show up for his friends for anything, unlike them.
• Right after this he says he has been suffering from impostor syndrome lately (more like for the last 2 years). It's because Twitter threads about good long form video creators never mention him. Laughs awkwardly (and sussy-ly). Someone tells him brutalmoose mentioned him once. Turns out the best gift you can give him is to lend him some self worth.
• We get insights into Bon Bon's (his cat) struggles. She gets very anxious when he isn't around and he has been all over the place in the last couple of months (context: Quinton attended YoumaCon in Detroit, travelled to NYC for video stuff, visited his folks just during October-November). Nowadays she starts screaming when Quinton comes back from drinking with his friends. Someone asks what color her fur is, so after much deliberation Q just grabs her and tries to show her off while she limply rests on his hump (later he says she doesn't like being held high off the ground). Q gets a clue and releases her.
• He gets a Discord notification from the Defunctland server about a monthly meeting and has to tell his streaming audience he doesn't have to go. He then explains how a competent Patreon is run (monthly or yearly meetings explaining what they have done, PowerPoint on what they want to do, explaining where your money is going). He then tells us he once was given admin role in the server and during a meeting he didn't realize he was unmuted so people heard him yawn and sneeze.
• Someone asks Quinton if he covered the Victorious episode where the gang ends up in the hospital for using poisonous doctor fish and he says he is saving it because it was too creepy and couldn't make fun of it. (context: tons of feet)

"Of course there's more Nickelodeon content coming. What do you think? I was going to stop grifting off that goldmine?"

• Quinton admits he is shit at streaming despite the effort from chat.
• Quinton's shirts are 80% his own merch and the missing 20 is weird shit he finds in Instagram.
• General Nickelodeon sperging while eating Pringles. Hasn't been crucified by Ariana stans yet, Victoria stans hate him. Underage drinking from the Victorious cast. Hasn't read McCurdy's book. He knows he should shut up about Elizabeth Gillies and her husband.
• He gets frustrated when people tell him stuff he already knows. He gets very frustrated when people tell him to do stuff he already did or said he was going to do at the end of his videos, he even ponders if they finish his videos (hiuck), getting progressively angrier over someone pestering him about Victorious's missing episodes, once he gets to how Creepy Fat ate that lie and tried to convince Q to look it up, he explodes in anger. Truly one of the performances of all time.
• He will only sell the Victorious dolls as a package. No wonder he doesn't have any buyers.
• He ends the stream telling chat he had a bad week, wishing himself a happy birthday and doing cat noises.
• HE DIDN'T PLAY ANY GARFIELD GAMES AT ALL.

 

[Woke Blue Muttlema]

In the spirit of recapping stuff that happened months ago, I found this copy of the UBCon appearance yours truly already recapped.

Recap of the first panel
Recap of the second panel

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

• He gets frustrated when people tell him stuff he already knows. He gets very frustrated when people tell him to do stuff he already did or said he was going to do at the end of his videos, he even ponders if they finish his videos (hiuck), getting progressively angrier over someone pestering him about Victorious's missing episodes, once he gets to how Creepy Fat ate that lie and tried to convince Q to look it up, he explodes in anger. Truly one of the performances of all time.

This is prime level wannabe MovieBob behavior. Not even the Nostalgia Critic would be this uptight about someone nitpicking his flaws like that, and he would even make puns that just would not land. Yet Q just can’t do that.

 

[Woke Blue Muttlema]

Clock me for this, but where was this clip taken from exactly? I stumbled upon it by chance and now I know about Quinton. I looked into every highlight after the upload date of the first ICarly video and didn't find any mention of it. I'd like to see where discussion starts for this on here, too.
View attachment 4297245

iBinged iCarly. Starts at 2:18:09 and it was cut very short there, he keeps going for almost 4 minutes while increasing the amount of plushies behind him.

 

[Dirk Dinkum]

I know we are treading old ground here (more a testament of how dull his constantly updating Twitter is than anything) but I just remembered Quinton has a video in his second channel that is only the intermissions and it got me thinking. Boy, is this man full of himself or what?
The intermissions are the segments in which he is front and center while engaging merch and giving random channel updates. It is 8 hours and 44 minutes of fucking Quinton playing with toys and telling you how depressed he is, juxtapose that to the length of the iCarly and Victorious videos and you notice an intentional filler problem. 4 months later it has 97k views, sounds like a lot until you consider this is an even more blatant algorithm farming than the videos themselves because those at least have the recap aspect.
If you want to clip Quinton, this is a good place to start. Even us autists have limits.

 

[Nod Flenders]

I know we are treading old ground here (more a testament of how dull his constantly updating Twitter is than anything) but I just remembered Quinton has a video in his second channel that is only the intermissions and it got me thinking. Boy, is this man full of himself or what?
The intermissions are the segments in which he is front and center while engaging merch and giving random channel updates. It is 8 hours and 44 minutes of fucking Quinton playing with toys and telling you how depressed he is, juxtapose that to the length of the iCarly and Victorious videos and you notice an intentional filler problem. 4 months later it has 97k views, sounds like a lot until you consider this is an even more blatant algorithm farming than the videos themselves because those at least have the recap aspect.
If you want to clip Quinton, this is a good place to start. Even us autists have limits.

That picture of him is terrifying. Looks like he hasn't had a shower or a bath in weeks.

 

[Woke Blue Muttlema]

I know we are treading old ground here (more a testament of how dull his constantly updating Twitter is than anything) but I just remembered Quinton has a video in his second channel that is only the intermissions and it got me thinking. Boy, is this man full of himself or what?
The intermissions are the segments in which he is front and center while engaging merch and giving random channel updates. It is 8 hours and 44 minutes of fucking Quinton playing with toys and telling you how depressed he is, juxtapose that to the length of the iCarly and Victorious videos and you notice an intentional filler problem. 4 months later it has 97k views, sounds like a lot until you consider this is an even more blatant algorithm farming than the videos themselves because those at least have the recap aspect.
If you want to clip Quinton, this is a good place to start. Even us autists have limits.

Curse you faggot. He uploaded two more videos to his second channel.

He either is doing this to cope with the Nick autism or has hit a wall with it and wants to extend the attention he is receiving to stuff he actually cares about.

The saddest thing is that these two could’ve been main channel videos two or three years ago. I don’t mean that as a compliment.

Someone in the Western Animation thread brought up Quinton’s takes on the Clone High revival leak but the screen caps apparently didn’t work. On mobile so I can’t do much on that department.

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

It’s easy to make a lot of Justin Roiland jokes since he made Rick & Morty into a household name, but Q should be the last one to talk about “cursed things” to ever see on the Internet.

Also:



I can be certain that no one will think twice about you trying to use self-deprecating humor regarding the failure of a TV show series that you desperately wanted other people to watch, especially when your fans were not into watching almost eight hours of a video that you edited yourself.

 

[Meltryllis]

Also:



I can be certain that no one will think twice about you trying to use self-deprecating humor regarding the failure of a TV show series that you desperately wanted other people to watch, especially when your fans were not into watching almost eight hours of a video that you edited yourself.

Out of interest, I did a search for Victorious without being logged in and

Quinton's first video is the 52nd result to show up, and the second one is 57th.
Sorting by views, the first one is 47th, the second one is 73rd.
I can't tell if people fail to understand the way Youtube's algorithm works or if this is just trying to farm a retweet from Quinton.

 

[Roast]

Anyone notice his Wikipedia page, created last November 4th?

https://archive.ph/T3zQS

 

[Woke Blue Muttlema]

Anyone notice his Wikipedia page, created last November 4th?
View attachment 4398956

https://archive.ph/T3zQS

That shit should get deleted very quick under the notoriety rule, but being Quinton there’s the possibility not even the jannies noticed it existed. It either starts an autistic edit war like in the Pizza Party Podcast wiki or gets deleted.

I think the fact that it doesn’t include his very public date of birth, any mention to Fallen Titans or drama speaks more about how uninvolved his new fanbase is.

 

[Dirk Dinkum]

either starts an autistic edit war

Acksually...


How is it that the jannies that checked this ended up scrubbing the truth in favor of having wrong info in the article? I guess I can comprehend the Woodford County shit, but they fucked up his year of birth a fucking day removed from his birthday. The fucking source is the The Guardian article and you dont have to be a genius to notice how flimsy the logic is.

I guess we can take the schizo tho. We got an official instance of Quinton recognizing being from Kentucky.

https://web.archive.org/web/20221104074758/https://twitter.com/Q_Review/status/1479947533078122496

https://web.archive.org/web/20220523025834/https://twitter.com/Q_Review/status/966410252336881664

 

[V4L_Penis]

Curse you faggot. He uploaded two more videos to his second channel.

He either is doing this to cope with the Nick autism or has hit a wall with it and wants to extend the attention he is receiving to stuff he actually cares about.

The saddest thing is that these two could’ve been main channel videos two or three years ago. I don’t mean that as a compliment.

Someone in the Western Animation thread brought up Quinton’s takes on the Clone High revival leak but the screen caps apparently didn’t work. On mobile so I can’t do much on that department.

Damn. I haven’t really kept up with Quinton lore since like 2018 and he looks like shit. If you told me that’s a 40+ year old man I wouldn’t even question it but he’s only 26? I guess that’s what unrestrained autism does to a motherfucker. Honestly surprised he didn’t end up trooning out like I always thought he would though. I guess he’s at least self aware enough to know he would make a hilarious ogre of a tranny to the point he’d make philosophytube look petite.

 

[Namekian George Floyd]

Quinton's editor for the iCarly videos comes off as a scornful ex-lover by doing a video idea Quinton came up with before Quinton could do it , in which she acts extremely cringe while taking shots at him. I will not offer a tl;dr because if I had to suffer through the autism, so does everyone else.

 

[Chilson]

Quinton's editor for the iCarly videos comes off as a scornful ex-lover by doing a video idea Quinton came up with before Quinton could do it , in which she acts extremely cringe while taking shots at him. I will not offer a tl;dr because if I had to suffer through the autism, so does everyone else.

She???

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

She???
View attachment 4432388

Somehow the eyeliner looks too messy, but the makeup is intact. How is that possible?

 

[Namekian George Floyd]

She???
View attachment 4432388

The resemblance is uncanny, isn't it?

Spoiler: Expose The Nose

I'm open to being wrong but I don't think she's trans. She has an OF and some of those nudes leaked on here, no pussy pics but she really doesn't have a masculine body at all. If someone was dedicated enough, she probably had pics of her vag on OF by now or you could just assume she's Jewish in which case her being a woman with such a large schnoz and obnoxious voice makes sense.