Quinton Reviews / Quinton Kyle Hoover / Q_Review / OttselSpy24 / OttselSpy25 - I KNOW WE HIT THE LIMIT FOR ME TO DO THEM, BUT THOSE THINGS TAKE TIME, NOW SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK ABOUT GARFIELD AND MCDONALDS, WHILE MOCKING OTHER YOUTUBERS!!

[Blue Gem Kosher Queen]

So it was a good con - lot of people. I didn't spot Quinton but I found one booth which was selling...

Spoiler: haram

These mini daikamuras were clearly Internet-critic theme, is Quinton the one on the left or is it a Channel Awesome contributor I can't identify?

I could probably find the artist who created these to confirm but... i'm afraid.

I don't think so mainly because it isn't how Q dresses or is usually depicted even in the kindest of fanarts but what sells to me this isn't him is that whatever characters/icon he has on his shirt isn't Garfield and that he has a silver streak on his hair.

 

[Local Wordmason]

So it was a good con - lot of people. I didn't spot Quinton but I found one booth which was selling...

Spoiler: haram

These mini daikamuras were clearly Internet-critic theme, is Quinton the one on the left or is it a Channel Awesome contributor I can't identify?

I could probably find the artist who created these to confirm but... i'm afraid.

>tfw you will never own a nostalgia critic body pillow

 

[Blue Gem Kosher Queen]

Qiwis, turns out we have been duped.


Quinton was in LA this whole time.

 

[Dirk Dinkum]

Archive
Following Quinton is like taking care of a high functioning autistic child. He acts up when you aren't looking. According to the comments some people were offended with the gall of this incel. There's no fucking way this retard isn't going to be George Floyd'd by the tax man.

 

[Blue Gem Kosher Queen]

I saw this post earlier this week and thought of you.

We can use K-Mart and Blockbuster as measures of time for how long it takes Quinton to make content.
We truly live in the future.

 

[Gloria The Glorious]

Bold move, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off.

 

[Blue Gem Kosher Queen]

BonBon, Quinton's cat, turns 10 years old.

 

[Joe Swanson]

We truly live in the future.

>Nomiecons think slavery is bad and think it's based the Republicans ended it
>Hwite Nationalists think that da joos were behind most of the slave trade and that slavery was a mistake because now there's niggers in America
Who's this supposed to upset

 

[MeltyTW]

Who's this supposed to upset

The villains of the story he invented in his mind that he wants to impose on all of us trying to make political decisions based on actual reality and not drumpfler being volde- some other pop culture villain now.

 

[Blue Gem Kosher Queen]

I failed you fellow Quintstorians.

concern=irrelevant man

Quasimodo Farms right once again.

 

[Gloria The Glorious]

I failed you fellow Quintstorians.
View attachment 7150355View attachment 7150356

Quasimodo Farms right once again.

Quinton, Garfield IS what you're known for. That, and iCarly Analysis where you describe plots and don't analyze anything for 7 hours at a time.

 

[Dirk Dinkum]

Tales from the Quew: The joke was on you.

March 31st. Commander Quinton "Coomer" Hoover of the Quarantine Quew officially waves the white flag on being able to meet the deadline for an April Fools video in two consecutive years.

In case you didn't play the audio: Quinton as of that day had only 40 minutes left to edit to upload his April Fools video in time that were exclusively a comic strip review segment. He says he can't pay his editors before the end of May. He planned a trip on April Fools that he presumably canceled.



A last dance for Russ Reviews, the dawn of the long video cold war.


April 1st. After engaging in two power naps, the Garftube abides.

megamindhedidit.gif

Dawn of April Fools. As Quintstorians are concerned, this is where our story really begins.


As me writing this, it is 12:49 PM EST (Quinton's timezone) and the only novelty in his channel is that last year's April Fools video is back (sorta).

Epilogue:

 

[Kanemura Miku]

He says he can't pay his editors before the end of May. He planned a trip on April Fools that he presumably canceled.

Where does his Patreon money go if he's broke through the rest of the month?

 

[Dirk Dinkum]

Where does his Patreon money go if he's broke through the rest of the month?

According to Quinton during that time he decided to epicly own the only woman that has ever shown interest in him, he uses most of it on editors. Which is to say he loves wasting money.

This is a working theory, but it seems that his incapacity to not waste money has upset his paypigs capacity to enable him. He has a crippling buying random shit addiction, takes several flights a year to meet with acquaintances and according to him, almost nothing he has made in the last four years is monetized.

 

[Metamorpho]

almost nothing he has made in the last four years is monetized.

This is baffling. He must be a madman making a decision like that.

 

[Chilson]

This is baffling. He must be a madman making a decision like that.

This is the same guy who bought another gaming laptop to edit with instead of a proper PC and buys worthless Garfield/ICarly junk by the truckload. You really shouldn't be baffled.

He has NEVER not been a rabid reddit-tier consoomer and his inability to spend his money or manage his time properly is a direct result.

 

[Dirk Dinkum]

This is baffling. He must be a madman making a decision like that.

Those videos he can't monetize are the same Dan Schneider videos that got him to almost 1M subs and the increase in Patreon support he uses to go to theme parks by himself and buy random plastic shit at conventions. This doesn't even crack Top 20 worst decisions he has made.

The new video still isn't up. Q isn't done raping YouTube Studio's video processor. EDIT: Quinton thinks too highly of his work imo.

 

[Blue Gem Kosher Queen]

Based on my estimations, Quinton spent at minimum around $900 and I feel that may be a very optimistic. There's not really a need to guess as he made an almost hour long companion piece about what he got from the con. Will summarize it after I get some updates from my employer.

Guess what guys? I finally got my issues solved and I'm finally sitting down to summarize this for youse. Yes, it took that long and considering we likely are entering a financial crisis saga, we couldn't ask for better timing.

I'll be giving an armchair accountant breakdown of Quinton's spending at the Garfield Gathering based on the following video.

PreserveTube

As a refresher, Quinton spent around $700 by staying for the whole week at a hotel for the con*. He apparently also had to spend real money in exchange for garfbucks (tokens like those used in church fundraisers) in order to enter games and play for unique Garfield prizes (that presumably weren't good enough to be sold on their own). How much Quinton or his acquaintances spend specifically isn't mentioned but I want to assume it wasn't more than five bucks per game.

• Quinton managed to sell a big box's worth of stuff he didn't want anymore and managed to fill it with stuff he brought at Garfcon alone. The irony isn't lost on him.
• Quinton says that he was diagnosed with OCD (no shit).
• He received seven freebies, including a Dollar Store-tier pillow that he won and a folder's worth of 'homework' (as in the con goers received papers with questions about what animals they saw at the zoo).
• Mother Garfield gave him a Ronald McDonald Garfield drawing and one of the flaming Garfield plushies she won. He still bought another, smaller flaming Garfield plushie.
• Bought one of the Garfield centrepieces for an undisclosed amount.
• While talking about the auction, Quinton says that he was told 'it is a cultural thing' when newcomers faced scepticism for not throwing 15k on random Garfield bullshit. He wanted to prove himself as a paypig (exact words once again). He spent $150 at the auction alone but didn't earn the respect of a bunch of old people.
• Big Garfield PEZ dispenser: $20. He usually doesn't care for this item, but saw it, bought it and then bought the regular sized Garfield PEZ dispenser.
• Canadian tourist Garfield plushie: $1. This whole moment is clip worthy. Some collector approached him to sell this one for one dollaridoo and Q proceeds to explain quite smugly that it is a good deal considering the obvious smoker marks it has. He sniffs it looking for traces of tobacco and after three tries he says it doesn't smell like it but looks like it belonged to a smoker.
• Mattel Talking Garfield (Quinton calls its draw stream Garfield) 1983: $5. He pulls the string several times while making a Napoleon Dynamite face.
• Dakin Swimming Garfield 1981: $10-15.
• Unidentified transparent plastic car riding Garfield with blue cap and scarf poppery: ~$5. Lol dude weed.
• Garfield velcro wristwatch cover: $1-5. Some old lady was selling what she assumed to be a regular band, Quinton told her it was a wristwatch cover. He knew this because he already owns one with the watch still glued on. He still bought it. Q enjoys shaming his audience for not noticing his elaborate continuity jokes.
• Small Garfield Pirate plushie: $5.
• The irony that he buys stuff he already owns isn't lost on him, he says as he admits buying a plushie only because the seams for its eyes are gone.
• Garfest 2005 plushie. ~$10. Just because its Halloween themed, looks like a bootleg but is licensed. Quinton gushes about this one the same way a grandma would.
• Garfield light switch cover: $15. Quinton really connected with the person that sold him this one (on the younger end of sellers) and hopes to see her again next year. One of his favourites. He calls it 'sexy'. It is dirty but Q rubs his eyes after the fact.
• Garfield Telephone (mint condition): $20. Acquired from the 'toughest' seller, connections all over the world, charges 'an arm and a leg'. He takes it out of the box and tries it out (the eyes opening mechanic) and he fucks it up (he opens and closes the eyes so quickly it jams). Quinton learned how to fix it and wants to fix Smosh Pit's Garfield phone. This entire segment (about the last 10 minutes) is filled with memes only thread regulars would even find funny.
• Kennywood Garfield's Nightmare banner. $50. One of the few relics of this that Nickelodeon wasn't able to wipe out from the face of the Earth.

Things Q won at the auction ($150)

• Chocolate exclusive plush (with a pencilcase and waterbottle).
• Pizza Hut Kid's Pizza Pack goodies (pizza box, inflatable frisbee, kite, toys and three cup variants). Bid started at $40 and no one was biting. Quinton only wanted it because of the accompanying poster. Then he was faced with a dilemma. Pay $300 so UPS wouldn't destroy it or what he did, send the thing to Goodwill and expect it to reach Lexington safely. Apparently is lost.
• Enesco Garfield "I Think I'm In Love" and Odie "Be Mine" porcelain figures: Only porcelain things he was invested in. Some lady basically came to him and rubbed Odie on his cheek after she noticed his interest. He spent a 'pretty penny'.

What Q won at a raffle

• ACL Garfield mini phone: $11 ($1 per ticket). He collects old phones. For a skit.

Quinton's conclussion
Quinton wants to welcome the new generation of Garfield fans. If you come to make fun of a bunch of elderly people you are cringe. He is the bearer of the flame that he hopes can last another couple of decades. Quinton will be showing up next year in Branson, likely to sell some of his own merch.


Quinton basically just picks stuff up, talks about and most of the time says is good for his worship hammock. Sometimes says how much he spent. TL; DW happened not even fifteen minutes in.

• Quinton had the hotel receipt on the box. He spent $611 for 3-4 days. $40 for every night's banquet. ~$50 to enter a museum (presumably the Louisville Slugger) and $600 on all the other merchandise. After a nervous laugh he says it's well worth it if you've the money. Based on his behaviour so far this year, he probably no longer has such money.

TOTAL: ~$1341 (likely more).

 

[Sarn’t]

I don’t really give a shit about Quinton, or follow this thread at all so apologies for being generally unaware, but can someone explain why and how this nigger uploaded a 42 hour long video on the Beverly hillbillies?

 

[Blue Gem Kosher Queen]

I don’t really give a shit about Quinton, or follow this thread at all so apologies for being generally unaware, but can someone explain why and how this nigger uploaded a 42 hour long video on the Beverly hillbillies?

> Quinton's channel is dying in 2020 so he tells his audience that if they help him, he will make a mega retrospective on iCarly.
> Quinton ends up producing videos that are at the absolute shortest six hours that pretty much consist of him summarizing episodes and then playing with toys as "intermissions". He thinks too highly of his "informative comedy".
> The overall vibe of Quinton's videos is watch a grown man play with artefacts of his childhood and make corny skits about it.
> Quinton's channel comes back from the death due to the novelty. He gains a new audience largely unaware of anything else he has done despite how hard he tries to trickle down views to shit he cares about.
> Quinton milks this relevance into con appearances and meeting former Nickelodeon stars. In the way he manages to piss some people off for how he handled clickbait around the release of I'm Glad My Mom Died.

> Quinton convinces his dad to make a Beverly Hillbillies retrospective with the same gimmick as an April Fool's video that last over thirty hours. Everyone that bothered to watch it (@LiquidKid) says Quinton's dad is a more engaging and informative presenter than Quinton.
> This gets even more retarded when you consider that Quinton's dad is "replacing" him because in some Linkara tier lore shit Quinton dissapeared up his own ass or something.
> The Beverly Hillbillies video gets copyright raped by Paramount. Archived link to an article I found while writing this.
> Quinton reuploads it as a channel members exclusive around June.
> This year's April Fools video is the same exact video, free use proofed and with a couple extra hours. Few posts about yours will show that he didn't meet the April Fools deadline (he failed last year too). The new video was made public when I was writing my numbers breakdown.
> Quinton was seething today that this incredibly niche video, that most of his audience won't get it is a joke, that is unrelated to the brand of videos he makes, is underperforming even though he also was bitching for months about knowing just that.

> Last time Quinton wussed out so bad he released two videos he was saving for God know when that underperformed.
> This year is supposed to be Quinton going back to making videos that can't be used to measure sleep cycles and proving he doesn't need the work of a paedo enabler for money and validation.