Quinton Reviews / Quinton Kyle Hoover / Q_Review / OttselSpy24 / OttselSpy25 - I KNOW WE HIT THE LIMIT FOR ME TO DO THEM, BUT THOSE THINGS TAKE TIME, NOW SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK ABOUT GARFIELD AND MCDONALDS, WHILE MOCKING OTHER YOUTUBERS!!

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Is Quinton able to redeem himself?

  • YASS QUEEN SLAY

    Votes: 273 13.4%
  • Not without Caleb

    Votes: 287 14.1%
  • Only inside a bouncy castle

    Votes: 801 39.3%
  • After his love quest is over

    Votes: 648 31.8%
  • With the love of a true and honest whaman

    Votes: 567 27.8%

  • Total voters
    2,036
uinton was seething today that this incredibly niche video, that most of his audience won't get it is a joke, that is unrelated to the brand of videos he makes, is underperforming even though he also was bitching for months about knowing just that
Could be just me, but I’m pretty sure the almost two irl day runtime is why it’s performing badly.

Having watched the original version 3 times in its entirely(twice as background noise because Russ is perfect for that) it’s infinitely better than anything Quinton can do, and I’d totally sub to a Russ channel
 
"My regular audience is clicking less and watching for less time per viewing" -

does Q consider that he might be the problem? I've seen many people complaining about the "video essays" that just recap a show and you know exactly who they mean. Russ is far more engaging and actually seems to enjoy the shows, rather than the "I forced myself to watch every episode of this garbage" approach Quinton does.
 
> This year's April Fools video is the same exact video, free use proofed and with a couple extra hours.
I would've been interested if it was a sequel that reviewed the other seasons of Beverly Hillbillies etc. but if it's the same video with a few more intermission intermission intermission intermissions what's the point?
 
I would've been interested if it was a sequel that reviewed the other seasons of Beverly Hillbillies etc. but if it's the same video with a few more intermission intermission intermission intermissions what's the point?
Its a Quinton video. There is never any point other than him demonstrating how talentless and lazy he is to the world.
 
I would've been interested if it was a sequel that reviewed the other seasons of Beverly Hillbillies etc. but if it's the same video with a few more intermission intermission intermission intermissions what's the point?
At least Russ does more with his intermissions. Quinton wastes time with playing video games, Russ gave biographies on the actors, talked about the prop designers, and did a wildly unnecessary breakdown of Dobie Gillis just so he could explain one time bit character.

"My regular audience is clicking less and watching for less time per viewing" -

does Q consider that he might be the problem? I've seen many people complaining about the "video essays" that just recap a show and you know exactly who they mean. Russ is far more engaging and actually seems to enjoy the shows, rather than the "I forced myself to watch every episode of this garbage" approach Quinton does.
What’s really intolerable is that these recap videos aren’t even video essays. They’re just recap videos. If you turned in an essay at any level of school that just recapped the reading, you’d get an F. You’re supposed to take the content and have a thesis of some kind. And “icarly is weird” is a terrible thesis.
Even Russ’s “how the Beverly hillbillies changed television” thesis doesn’t work because he doesn’t ever start explaining how any of this changed television.
This is the same problem nostalgia critic had in 2008 and yet we still have fat man children trying to do the same gimmick except this time they all want the longest possible video
 
This is the same problem nostalgia critic had in 2008 and yet we still have fat man children trying to do the same gimmick except this time they all want the longest possible video
Its been said many times before but its truly pathetically ironic how Quinton started out as a NC fanboy who had potential to be greater, and then became an NC hater who became an even worse version of NC.
 
Everybody including Breadtubers are mocking Quinton for his long-winded videos lol.
Here's the thing... that has been a feature of this thread since he started the Schneider grift.

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Blud, when I wrote that his videos didn't have any legs past the week I was being hyperbolic.
 
Prelude
Preservetube

Quinton is coping hard on the second channel. He highlighted two specific segments from the Beverly Hillbillies video:
Eight hours worth of recapping comic strips, can't be archived proper.

And Darkwelder, that I assume is one of Russ's movies Q has talked about.
Preservetube

Quinton has been asking his 'cord if they get what Darkwelder is. A week later the Beverly Hillbillies managed 308k views. If this is him waving a white flag is up to Quintstory.

Here's a cry for help.

His latest scheme to attract another of age, mentally unstable BF-free girlfriend he can humiliate?
 
I’ve brought this guy up before as being the guy Quinton wishes he could be. Well, after 2 years of inactivity, Tim Rogers returns in Easter with a 9 hour narrative review of LA Noire

This, this is how you make a long form review with a personal connection being tied into it.
And full discloser, despite enjoying his content, I have never liked Tim as a person and I’ve personally argued with him on several occasions
 
The Beverly Hillbillies video sits currently at 410k views.

Quinton has released a new second channel video, we may be starting a new era in Quintstory. He does look significantly slimmer but he still looks rough as all fuck.

> Quinton starts by saying he normally struggles to shave his neck and ends up cutting himself. He managed to do it again with an electric razor.
> Says he has ADHD. Not sure if it is a joke or not.
> Quinton does say that this is an important moment for the rest of his career.
> According to him the History Channel videos netted him 100k subs. While not even I remember if this is true, there's no mention of how his channel was effectively dead around that time, how the Nickstorian saga began as a gambit to revive it. He mentions that the channel struggled but only to say he persevered.
> The previous point is in the context that he is figuring out the next gimmick for Quinton Reviews' branding.
> During the dark ages of his channel he was 'economically in the dumps, manic and a different person every week'. The channel was dying BUT the History Channel and Nickstorian saga earned him 'recognition and some infamy as the long videos guy'.
> Quinton is more comfortable making videos every couple of months instead of chasing trends (only thread old fags can laugh at this one). He experiences nervousness and dreads losing it all, namedrops Fallen Titans to say that it was about just that.
> Quinton says he has a recurring nightmare of making a video that only gets 300k views and is received lukewarmly so he gets back to 2019. He says that he has to keep a certain quality to his work or else the algorithm will decide he is a loser and stop recommending him. No longer enjoys the creative process.
> Quinton admits that his fears may seem silly... from the perspective of his audience of small YouTubers that make 500 views. But since he is a big fish he has the constant drive to strike gold with every video.
> The Beverly Hillbillies is just a misfire because it managed to get over 400k views, not an abject failure. It took almost a whole month and 400k views for 38 hours kind of proves the whole its the length what inflates the viewcount. He then says that it is natural for it to not have that many views because it is a reupload and if you add the views of the prior version he got 1.3M. Cope.
> Quinton didn't even expect more than 100k people to watch this niche video. A tiny part of his audience wants a new Russ Reviews, a part of his audience wants more iCarly guy videos, a minuscule part of his audience wants pre-2021 Quinton back. Cracker, please stop patting yourself in the back.
> Says he could've remained on his small niche. Mentions TREY the Explainer, The Pharaoh Nerd and Miniminuteman as examples. All of these people have degrees while Quinton finished high school, worked at Little Caesar's and does this for a living. 'But I think being a full-time sceptic that tells you the objectively correct version of history wasn't my calling in life.'
> A multi-hour long video on Green Acres is happening, Quinton just doesn't have the money right now. 'For a good reason.' The gist of it is that is going to be everything Quinton was and is. Planned to drop Father's Day.
> Quinton won't kill the gold egg laying goose just yet. He is keeping some bonus Nickstorian ideas on the pipeline as insurance. This year will be very experimental.
> Quinton knows he shouldn't be making promises considering his track record for release.
> Quinton will stop making very long videos because of his mental health and recognizing he has destroyed all the novelty. Says he loves animators because they play his videos on the background while working, no one else has the time to watch them. I do some animation freelance work and if I'm not around as I used to is because I don't have time for his videos anymore.
> Quinton is meticulous now. His videos won't be shorter than an hour for branding reason but will last up to three because of the stated above. Quinton doesn't have the money to do 7-9 hour videos anymore.
> The Sam & Cat videos are the 'least defensible' he has done, weird wipe that alludes he was cut off, you can defend them if you want.
> Quinton is reconnecting with enjoying the creative process. He admits he experienced burnout. Quinton wants his old audience back... probably not 2018 and before old. 2016 Quinton has meaningful contributions tho.
> Quinton wants to reach 1M subs by January 2026 because it will mark the 10th anniversary of his channel. 'Don't worry, you will get there. no problem'. He is wondering if the Nickstorian fans won't be fickle enough to miss out.
> Quinton tells his therapist that he fears the Nickstorian videos stop getting engagement and he is back to where he was.
 
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Please god no

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Fun fact: this vid showed up on the youtube homepage and is now in my history because I accidentally moused over it and youtube does that shit where it auto-plays a vid muted and adds it to your history if you hover over it. Forgot to take a screengrab when it was on the front page but this one from my history shows it too.

Also why are all the characters greyed out more than usual?
 
This video showed up on my main page and reminded me this man exists, unfortunately.

At first it's just Quinton bragging about his jar video from eight fucking years ago, but it does go some interesting places along the way.
  • Quinton whines that he never got paid for being a segway into the commercials
  • "For years, to the people in the small town where I grew up this was the only accomplishment I had ever made "
  • Claims this was the most exciting and interesting thing anyone in his town had ever done FOR DECADES
  • Claims he got stopped in the middle of the street by people who recognized him and wanted to know what it was like to appear on that show
  • Whines again and looks visibly deranged about the money but don't worry guys! Thanks to Quinton's extremely subtle acting skills you can tell this is supposed to be a joke, he's totally not malding about this show using his video without asking!
What I find most interesting about all of this is that it's just the world's nerdiest version of one of Bert Kreischer's stories. "Yeah man, 2016 was the year of the Quinton! Everywhere I went people recognized me and said 'look, it's The Machine the guy who showed up for 15 seconds on Tosh.O!'". But while a guy like Bert is visibly bullshitting and actively trying to hype the story up, I genuinely feel like Quinton wholeheartedly believes this is what really happened?

2016 wasn't even early internet anymore, by that point the mark of 1m views was already considerably less impressive than it would have been four years prior. The idea of a "mainstream internet" was already fading away, and shows like Tosh.o were already past their peak of popularity. But Quinton is a special boy. He has such a unique mix of concentrated autism and sheer narcissism and ego that he might just believe that Tosh.o was the most watched show in that shitty town he lived in, that the entire town tuned in on that fateful night, and they all recognized the fat neckbeard loser that opened a jar before the commercials and voted to make him the town hero and declare him the most interesting person to come out of that city.
 
I've quite the effort post ready for youse. For context, I've two jobs so I didn't save roughly three hours and a half of Quinton on Quinton action for today just cuz. And I'm saying that like he didn't add two other second channel videos that add an extra half hour to the tally that were released as I was planning to use my day off to summarize shit for the amusement of five angry fourteen year olds. This will be very surface level but it may or mayn't end up being more than one post.

Please god no

View attachment 7285384
Fun fact: this vid showed up on the youtube homepage and is now in my history because I accidentally moused over it and youtube does that shit where it auto-plays a vid muted and adds it to your history if you hover over it. Forgot to take a screengrab when it was on the front page but this one from my history shows it too.

Also why are all the characters greyed out more than usual?
I'll be starting with this one.

  • Quinton has been making empty promises for years to inflate his subcount. He is classifying them in this video as thumbs up, down and mehs (mehs are a photo of T.J. Miller).
  • Thumbs up: BigFoot video (once again seething about how the ghost show video was received, will be one of his magnum opuses or something), Homestuck (he is pulling a Synecdoche, NY here, partially abandoned as part of the gimmick, he literally says the joke is that you watch him age ten years in under an hour so we are seeing the joke in real time), Animorphs (calls it a tentative thumbs up, didn't have the "mental bandwidth" to do this in tandem with iCarly, doesn't trust his own capacity to review a book)
  • Thumbs down: Garfield Eats (doesn't fake concern over Mazri's mental state this time), Garfield Horror (it was going to be about the scarcity of child only spaces)
  • Meh: Back at the Barnyard (a meh because no one tells him to do it anymore).
  • High School Musical is one of the stretch goals his fans didn't meet but kept pestering about. "In my head there's a thousand funnier. twinkier YouTubers that have done the classic HSM video". That quote alone made using forty minutes of my day for this worth it.
  • Quinton didn't really promise to review HBO's Watchmen so you can leave him alone. He says he obviously agrees with the politics of the show but suspects he won't like it anyway. Only controversial opinions here.
  • The McDonald's roadtrip. 'Secretly' filmed 57 different McDonald's over the span of three years and has five hardrives worth of footage. Expected to be five hours long. Quinton has struggled with the writing because every time he makes "tourist analysis", it bombs. Many cameos. May release next year.
  • iCarly recipes, iCarly video games and iCarly reboot. The first two were meant to be intermissions during the first two videos of the Nickstorian saga but he feared people would call him out for milking the franchise (as if). No mention of Flowergothic a-logging.
  • Garfield video games. Thumbs up, is two hours of Quinton getting his shit together away from happening and becoming a compilation in the main channel. Quinton still fears the fact it is seen as a gimmick.
  • Barbie movies. Thumbs down. Was going to be every Barbie movie, then how Barbie as a character has evolved. Blatantly planned because of the Barbie movie (he calls it a feminist masterpiece). The movie made Quinton think about his own place in the patriarchy but it was poorly paced. He is fascinated by pre-lore (non-canon or side canon that is disaplaced by mainstream continuity and uses this to say that Francis of the Filth is stupid).
  • Doctor Who. Same execution as the Nickstorian saga, sped up same gimmick of Homestuck.
  • Drake & Josh and Zoey 101. They will happen IF HE GETS TO 1M.
  • Last five minutes is him giving quick notes on stuff he is never doing. Highlights include: saying that he isn't doing a Twilight video because people used to tell him he looked like Robert Pattinson and now that he looks like Shane Dawson, planning on making a breadtube video essay on Spy Kids and Bionicle lore is based of native American folklore.
  • Quinton finishes the video with the "Here's the thing" clip.
If you are a thread regular, you may already know all of this shit because he literally made the same video a year ago. I'll skip two videos for a separate posts because those belong together.


Before we begin, I've something to admit. Quinton, I was the one that told you to put that alien on Giorgio Tsoukalos' shoulder. Is something I've brought up in conversation when friends discover how lame you are.

  • Quinton maintains the History Channel saga was his most consistent high quality project.
  • He starts by telling us that Quinton Reviews was going through a rut (just to put a little disclaimer that all his videos that underperformed have rebounded). Fallen Titans was supposed to end with the video he made on himself.
  • Quinton says that this era of success has lasted longer that the darkest chapter of his life. Here I want to make something clear, I can sympathize with Q and there's a part of me that respects he could climb back to a state where he is happy and fulfilled. What I don't like about his character and makes it really hard not to snarkly put him in his place is that he only is vulnerable in a context in which he can, not so subtly, tell you how great he is. Like how he traumadumps about impostor's syndrome and trust issues but when it comes to his talents as a content creator he believes himself irreproachable.
  • He actually proved my criticism in real time, when talking about how 2018-2020 felt like "crossing the Sahara desert" by himself and then says "these videos are so good" so he doesn't make himself too sad on camera. His best content, set him to great things, he talks about it the way you expect someone to talk about a partner or child and then segues about how people wanted him to be hated and hate himself.
  • This is a live reaction style video and all my points were written off shit he said in the first ten minutes.
  • Quinton is presenting his philosophy about how documentaries should be made (like how Tiger King should've a narrator because it clearly has a bias) and I'm just distracted by Q's appearance. I was checking how gaunt he looked, how his posture makes him look dwarfish, if had painted his nails. Is Hasan-like in nature. He is talking, he clearly thinks he knows what he is talking about but I don't care.
  • Based purely on eye test, it seems he is back to 2020 weight.
  • Quinton has enough confidence back in him to be making statements that could come to bite him in his flat ass if anyone but me cared. He says that other YouTubers were too scared back then to tell "nazis" to fuck off (in the context of the Subscribe to PewDiePie meme) because no one wanted to get too political.
  • He then explains the aliens don't like white people meme from his perspective. In a nutshell, Quinton made a dumb inflammatory tweet about how since ancient aliens theory doesn't account for white ancient civilization, aliens don't like white people. j aubrey captioned it 'Reminder this guy sucks'. j aubrey and Quinton only share in common that they were both close friends of The Right Opinion (who we have on record being cordial to Q despite being thrown under the bus by him for the TLJ spat). Quinton is saying now that he exited the 'drama' community because he refused to play the game of throwing shade to other creators and dm'd a common friend (who very obviously is TRO) that he was leaving the community (likely the same dm TRO said was actually to 'float away' from them). Quinton questions if aubrey is illiterate or stupid for not getting the joke. He remembers aubrey has more Internet points than him, gets sad for a second and says he got under his skin and owned him.
  • I actually felt bad for saving the 'I was there when the History Channel happened and Quinton actually took my feedback seriously' for now but Quinton hammers down his hateboner for j aubrey for ten minutes and says he owes his career to owning him so hard. Quinton basically goes about how he is at his most popular and prosperous because of aubrey. Distilled manic white girl energy as he says that living out of spite is something he does. He says he thinks about him often and how he allowed him to reach his peak, earlier he had said he didn't remember his name.
  • Man, j aubrey literally has his summer home in Quinton's head. I thought we lived in his head but we're just doing the lawn. The bulk of these revelations happens in the timestamp 'Living your best life'.
  • Quinton looks and acts like Chris D'Elia down to the white teenage girl mindset and speaking patterns.
Honestly, I feel renergized to face another grueling week of 16 hours of work knowing that someway, somehow a man with something around 900k souls watching his every move with glee and presumably making several times what I make, pissing it all away in toys will always manage have a sadder life than me. I hope that thought helps you too dear traveler. Every time I see Quinton down, he himself shows me why he is down.
 
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