r/AmITheAsshole / AITA

[Bunny Tracks]

I see your 'creepy boob joke' and raise you this tale of masturbatory autism I found linked in the comments:

r/AmItheAsshole - AITA for politely and maturely asking a co-worker on a work trip to not masturbate when I am in the room?

1,452 votes and 820 comments so far on Reddit

www.reddit.com

The OP deleted it, but a transcript can be found in the comments.

This is literally one of the most autistic things I've ever read. The comments are hilarious.

Spoiler: transcript of the post

So the story is my team was sent on a work trip, and they roomed us 2 to a room in the hotel. This was a 5 day trip. I was roomed with a co-worker who I'll call Harold. Harold is new to our team.

I was very concerned about having to room with somebody. Some people have called me a "prude" in my life, but I am just very private about sexuality. I don't care what people do, truly, I just like to practice discretion and privacy.

Over a period of 5 days, I am sure most males will engage in masturbation at least 2-4 times. Frankly, many males engage in this daily. So, since I was sharing a room with another male, I was afraid of when and how he might masturbate.

So I tried to address it in a professional, mature, polite, non-judgmental way. I said basically something like: Look, we are both guys, we both know that we masturbate sometimes. I would just ask that while we are on this trip, as a sign of mutual respect, we agree to only masturbate in the bathroom if we have to. I would ask you, respectfully, to not masturbate in the bed at night while I am in the room in the next bed, I think we can agree that would be awkward. Of course, I'll make the same promise. Agreed?

Not word for word but that is the gist of what I said. I expected him to react with agreement and maybe relief that I had broached the subject, which I'm sure he had been thinking about too.

Instead, he acted very oddly, and even seemed angry. He got very awkward and then told me he didn't think that I should say "shit like that" and that he was not the type of person who would "jack off next to my god damned co-worker". I was absolutely astonished that he reacted so immaturely. It turns out he spoke to our Manager who was on the trip, and the company had to pay to give him his own separate room because he was not comfortable, and I got in trouble for this. Of course he also told the rest of the team.

This is causing interpersonal conflict because I think I behaved correctly, but he believes I was "insane", and most of my co-workers have taken his side and are issuing harsh judgments against me and it seems I may be losing friendships over the issue. However I feel it is all misinterpreted. I am very stressed and saddened by how I am perceived but can not truly see how I might have been out of line, so I thought I would post here to see if there is a consensus.

 

[Symphony of the NEET]

If sperglords didn’t feel like Reddit was a safe space to share their bizarre views I would be so bored at work. Asking a coworker about rules for baitin’

 

[World's Smallest Violin]

These people always have to humble-brag-but-not-really in their stories. "Oh, we live in a neighborhood filled with retired boomers who bought their houses cheap in the 80s because most people our age can't afford to live here, but oh no our mortgage is astronomical and we have to work so much harder to pay it off than these assholes ever did! Have we mentioned it's in LA where decent places are like $1M?" They want to look cool and rich but they also want to look sympathetic and they know reddit hates rich people so they throw in lines about how it's still so hard.

Also, they're shocked that moving their young kids into an area filled with retirees is causing problems? Why would you even want to move your kids there and not some place with other families that have young kids? It'd probably be cheaper and the children could make new friends.

I'd hate to be "friends" with redditors if that anti-rich antagonism is all they got going for them.

 

[sm0lbreyn]

This is literally one of the most autistic things I've ever read. The comments are hilarious.

- exceptionally civilized gentleman tells coworker he will be sharing a hotel room with, 'we need to lay some ground rules for when we abuse ourselves during our time together. we are, after all, exceptionally civilized gentlemen.'

- coworker, who undoubtedly had not even considered the issue because he's not an exceptionally civilized gentleman and had no plans to spank it at all during the trip, does not react well to this creepy as fuck exceptionalism
- exceptionally civilized gentleman doesn't understand why everyone looks at him sideways now

 

[Livecorpse]

- exceptionally civilized gentleman tells coworker he will be sharing a hotel room with, 'we need to lay some ground rules for when we abuse ourselves during our time together. we are, after all, exceptionally civilized gentlemen.'

- coworker, who undoubtedly had not even considered the issue because he's not an exceptionally civilized gentleman and had no plans to spank it at all during the trip, does not react well to this creepy as fuck exceptionalism
- exceptionally civilized gentleman doesn't understand why everyone looks at him sideways now

"I'm a prude. Let me loudly have a serious, formal conversation about my masturbation habits with this person I don't know very well and will be expected to share a bedroom with. What could go wrong?"

 

[The Splat]

This is literally one of the most autistic things I've ever read. The comments are hilarious.

Spoiler: transcript of the post

So the story is my team was sent on a work trip, and they roomed us 2 to a room in the hotel. This was a 5 day trip. I was roomed with a co-worker who I'll call Harold. Harold is new to our team.

I was very concerned about having to room with somebody. Some people have called me a "prude" in my life, but I am just very private about sexuality. I don't care what people do, truly, I just like to practice discretion and privacy.

Over a period of 5 days, I am sure most males will engage in masturbation at least 2-4 times. Frankly, many males engage in this daily. So, since I was sharing a room with another male, I was afraid of when and how he might masturbate.

So I tried to address it in a professional, mature, polite, non-judgmental way. I said basically something like: Look, we are both guys, we both know that we masturbate sometimes. I would just ask that while we are on this trip, as a sign of mutual respect, we agree to only masturbate in the bathroom if we have to. I would ask you, respectfully, to not masturbate in the bed at night while I am in the room in the next bed, I think we can agree that would be awkward. Of course, I'll make the same promise. Agreed?

Not word for word but that is the gist of what I said. I expected him to react with agreement and maybe relief that I had broached the subject, which I'm sure he had been thinking about too.

Instead, he acted very oddly, and even seemed angry. He got very awkward and then told me he didn't think that I should say "shit like that" and that he was not the type of person who would "jack off next to my god damned co-worker". I was absolutely astonished that he reacted so immaturely. It turns out he spoke to our Manager who was on the trip, and the company had to pay to give him his own separate room because he was not comfortable, and I got in trouble for this. Of course he also told the rest of the team.

This is causing interpersonal conflict because I think I behaved correctly, but he believes I was "insane", and most of my co-workers have taken his side and are issuing harsh judgments against me and it seems I may be losing friendships over the issue. However I feel it is all misinterpreted. I am very stressed and saddened by how I am perceived but can not truly see how I might have been out of line, so I thought I would post here to see if there is a consensus.

View attachment 1113275
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Please tell me this is a troll. There's no way someone would think this was an acceptable idea to even think of, let alone actually telling someone that.

 

[World's Smallest Violin]

Why would anyone ever expect good advice from reddit anyway? The average reddit user isn't exactly a social butterfly with years of real life experience to accurately judge these complex situations by.
View attachment 1098582
I'll bet my right arm that this is just reddit fanfiction. I briefly scrolled through the comments and only saw one person suspecting the same thing.

>when fagdditors make boomers seem like decent people
That post is basically overgrown child yells at old people

 

[Kaede Did Nothing Wrong]

link. what a shitty mother.

 

[Pumpkin Girl IRL]

Oh please, 14 year olds are jerking it to porn already. Don't be naive.

The use of pathetic cuck just makes it ring kind of false tbh. I've never heard that term used offline, ever.

 

[JP's_Canadian_Cider]

Oh please, 14 year olds are jerking it to porn already. Don't be naive.

The use of pathetic cuck just makes it ring kind of false tbh. I've never heard that term used offline, ever.

Not saying this is real or not, but do you hang around enough 14 year old girls to know if they use the word "cuck" or not? Given that the average reddit r/The_Donald Trump supporter is 12 years old it wouldn't be that far fetched.

Or to say it in other words: Oh please, 14 year olds are shitposting online about politics already. Don't be naive.

 

[Amber the Hedgehog]

View attachment 1117942
link. what a shitty mother.

How to hell this has anything do with sexism? I'm pretty sure that a male relative in porn would have resulted pretty much same outcome. People don't think that highly of sex work and teenagers are pretty immature and judgemental about anything do with sex.

The mom putting too much blame on the teenagers. SIL didn't get her privacy invaded, she put that stuff online and so to the public. Someone recognizing her, saying something to her family, friends or work colleagues, and that causing drama is very likely scenario. SIL has no real right, let alone ability to choose who watches porn she stars in and what they do with that knowledge. This why even porn stars that really like doing porn advice against doing porn.

I kinda get punishing for name calling especially if it was like a long mean loud rant type of thing but that was pretty much mom's fault. She was trying to force her child accept SIL's choices as no big deal even though they clearly caused a lot embarrassment and are genuinely controversial. SIL has chosen this career path and it's causing issues to her niece, as an adult she should be the one doing understanding and swallow her hurt feelings, not the child. Now if this was a case of revenge porn or one time mistake made in past then I think the mom would have a point. Social media purge should have been acceptable no matter what so that the daughter can avoid future drama, but I could see private social rejection going bit too far in that sort of case. Ultimately even then the teenager has right not have a close relationship with a family member if she doesn't want to. Asking her to be polite is reasonable enough but demand a teenager just happily approve her aunt's porn career is way too much.

 

[WinchesterPremium]

How to hell this has anything do with sexism? I'm pretty sure that a male relative in porn would have resulted pretty much same outcome. People don't think that highly of sex work and teenagers are pretty immature and judgemental about anything do with sex.

To be fair, nobody ever looks at the guy in porn.

 

[DumbDude42]

To be fair, nobody ever looks at the guy in porn.

not in straight porn anyway
but imagine if some uncle got exposed as a former gay4pay porn actor? the kid would never hear the end of it lol

either way, big lmao at that "my husband and i are very respectful and non-judgmental about her profession" line. i bet a thousand dollars that the husband dies a little inside whenever he's remembered of the kind of shit his own sister is doing, and the "non judgmental" shit is a facade he is forced to play along with to avoid getting endlessly bitched at and shamed by his harpy of a wife

 

[The Splat]

Having a gun in your car is fine. But THREE of them and a knife?

Spoiler: The original post.

This happened monday, fresh off the weekend and its been annoying me ever since. I am being treated like im in the wrong in this situation so lets see what you guys think.

I drive a 2018 Range Rover with plenty of interior space. As such I keep three guns in my vehicle at all times. I keep a Glock 19 in my glove box, a .38 snubnose in my drivers side door, and a brand new V3 Tac 13 shotgun under the back seat.

I also keep some other weapons and gear under the seats and in the side doors and trunk. I keep these for my own reasons and never bring them inside my office. I live in a metropolitan environment that is not friendly to weapons.

Two workers who I am on good terms with ask me if I would eat lunch with them. I agree. As we're leaving my coworker says he parked on the roof of our parking garage (he arrives late constantly and is unable to park in a desirable spot. This angers me to say the VERY least as he invited me).

They suggest using my Range Rover as it has generous amounts of leg room even with my equipment and is just a nicer vehicle in general.

I agree. One coworker sits in my front passenger seat, the other sits in the back. My coworker compliments my car which I enjoy. However he is very touchy and opens my glove box, revealing my glock 19 as well as my knife, and documents which spill on the floor. I slam the glove box closed and tell him not to touch things in my vehicle.

The ride is mostly silent, until i see my other coworker in the back seat nudge my concealed shotgun with his foot. He also turns his head and looks in my truck and starts asking me about my gear. I keep my camera and emergency roadside tool kit in there, along with some other less than lethal equipment.

He starts asking me about them and i give him the silent treatment for a few minutes before telling him to not look into my trunk.

Lunch was terrible. Overpriced and they couldnt cook a steak properly. As a gesture of good will i pay for said lunch.

Later i was asked by my boss if i am bringing weapons into the workplace, which im not. They ratted me out. The parking garage is building property and all equipment, be it shotgun, revolver, or tazer is locked securely in my Range Rover.

I feel like my privacy was invaded, and that i am not in the wrong here despite being brought aside by my boss. Am i the asshole?

But gee, giving people who are clearly freaked out about your shitload of weapons in your car (that you gave no prior warning to if they're kept in such easily accessible places) the silent treatment and then telling them to "not look in the trunk" is one easy way to put a target on your back for "Potential Serial Killer".

 

[Crunchy Leaf]

Having a gun in your car is fine. But THREE of them and a knife?

Spoiler: The original post.

This happened monday, fresh off the weekend and its been annoying me ever since. I am being treated like im in the wrong in this situation so lets see what you guys think.

I drive a 2018 Range Rover with plenty of interior space. As such I keep three guns in my vehicle at all times. I keep a Glock 19 in my glove box, a .38 snubnose in my drivers side door, and a brand new V3 Tac 13 shotgun under the back seat.

I also keep some other weapons and gear under the seats and in the side doors and trunk. I keep these for my own reasons and never bring them inside my office. I live in a metropolitan environment that is not friendly to weapons.

Two workers who I am on good terms with ask me if I would eat lunch with them. I agree. As we're leaving my coworker says he parked on the roof of our parking garage (he arrives late constantly and is unable to park in a desirable spot. This angers me to say the VERY least as he invited me).

They suggest using my Range Rover as it has generous amounts of leg room even with my equipment and is just a nicer vehicle in general.

I agree. One coworker sits in my front passenger seat, the other sits in the back. My coworker compliments my car which I enjoy. However he is very touchy and opens my glove box, revealing my glock 19 as well as my knife, and documents which spill on the floor. I slam the glove box closed and tell him not to touch things in my vehicle.

The ride is mostly silent, until i see my other coworker in the back seat nudge my concealed shotgun with his foot. He also turns his head and looks in my truck and starts asking me about my gear. I keep my camera and emergency roadside tool kit in there, along with some other less than lethal equipment.

He starts asking me about them and i give him the silent treatment for a few minutes before telling him to not look into my trunk.

Lunch was terrible. Overpriced and they couldnt cook a steak properly. As a gesture of good will i pay for said lunch.

Later i was asked by my boss if i am bringing weapons into the workplace, which im not. They ratted me out. The parking garage is building property and all equipment, be it shotgun, revolver, or tazer is locked securely in my Range Rover.

I feel like my privacy was invaded, and that i am not in the wrong here despite being brought aside by my boss. Am i the asshole?

But gee, giving people who are clearly freaked out about your shitload of weapons in your car (that you gave no prior warning to if they're kept in such easily accessible places) the silent treatment and then telling them to "not look in the trunk" is one easy way to put a target on your back for "Potential Serial Killer".

If you live in a 'metropolitan environment', there are definitely opportunistic thieves who will see an expensive car and hope the owner is a dumbass who leaves expensive shit inside. A Glock 19 costs $499.99, a V3 Tac-13 costs $915, and a .38 snubnose is several hundred dollars regardless of brand. If you can afford a Range Rover you can afford to replace your guns, I suppose.

Not to be a culturally insensitive blue-stater, but is this normal behavior in, say, Texas or Alabama?

 

[Agarathium1066]

If you live in a 'metropolitan environment', there are definitely opportunistic thieves who will see an expensive car and hope the owner is a dumbass who leaves expensive shit inside. A Glock 19 costs $499.99, a V3 Tac-13 costs $915, and a .38 snubnose is several hundred dollars regardless of brand. If you can afford a Range Rover you can afford to replace your guns, I suppose.

Not to be a culturally insensitive blue-stater, but is this normal behavior in, say, Texas or Alabama?

To keep three weapons in a locked vehicle? No. Hunting season may see someone leave their weapon in the back if they intend to go straight out to continue but no one leaves all three in there. It's a fine way to have some druggie or thug smash your window open so they can help themselves. Doing that in a decent vehicle on top of it all is stupidity of the highest order.

A pistol in the glovebox is a pretty common thing so if the co-worker did actually check their shit they're being nosy but nudging a shotgun with your foot would make most raise a brow if they're not an avid hunter. Why the hell else would you be bringing a shotgun?

This either didn't happen or the OP is a fool who will soon be parting with his weapons when some opportunistic thief decides to snoop.

 

[JP's_Canadian_Cider]

More assholes, or just some guy practicing his creative writing
http://archive.is/4TSoR
Best quote: "I get that she’s still grieving and she’s a kid and all that. But I really don’t want this read at our wedding, which I want to be a celebration of new beginnings, not death or grief or ex wives "

 

[The Real Fizzicist]

If you live in a 'metropolitan environment', there are definitely opportunistic thieves who will see an expensive car and hope the owner is a dumbass who leaves expensive shit inside. A Glock 19 costs $499.99, a V3 Tac-13 costs $915, and a .38 snubnose is several hundred dollars regardless of brand. If you can afford a Range Rover you can afford to replace your guns, I suppose.

Not to be a culturally insensitive blue-stater, but is this normal behavior in, say, Texas or Alabama?

Don't know about those states, but me and my room mates have a handgun and a pocket knife in our car (We're cheap and pool our money for a group car). One of my room mates puts rifles a d shotguns in the back if they do go hunting after work.

 

[Token Weeaboo]

A mother, whom I can only assume, takes on more luggage than they are responsible for VS the worst case of Helicopter Parenting for some thick enough air you can put candles on it and cut it like a cake. An almost obvious NTA I'd say.

AITA for letting my son invite a friend to his birthday, even knowing the boy didn’t go to parties?

My 10 (just turned 11) year old son has a friend who’s left out of a lot of activities. Not for lack of invitations, his parents would just decline. I didn’t know why until recently, figured it wasn’t really my business.

My son was having a sleepover and wanted to invite the kid. I figured no reason not to invite him, so even if he didn’t go, he’d know he was welcome.

My son was with him after school and asked if he wanted to come and he said definitely and he was free.

He told me his friend could make it so I emailed her and said the boys talked and sent the info about the sleepover. She responded and said she was really upset my son had approached her son about it instead of me writing to her before calling it to her son’s attention.

I apologized and said I understood if her son couldn’t go. She said now that her son knew about it, she had no choice but to let him go or he’d be crushed, but I needed to help manage his condition. I figured that meant supervising his taking some medication or not letting things get too loud or whatever.

She said he was extremely routine oriented and needed routine to thrive and stay on course so I had to go by his routine, and that she noticed the invite said 3:00 but he couldn’t start the sleepover until 5:30. I said that was fine (taking it to mean he wouldn’t be over until 5:30.)

She drops him off and is irate to find we’d already started and everyone else was there. She told me she was upset I had already not adhered to the schedule and I explained the miscommunication. She said to avoid further miscommunications she’d brought his schedule along.

It was very precise. 6:00-7:05, dinner time. 7:06-8:29, quiet indoor play. 8:30-8:44, brush teeth, etc. To her credit, she had written in suggestions of where the birthday activities could fit (e.g., she wrote “or present opening” next to quiet indoor play.)

I took one look at the list and explained the party wasn’t really running on a set schedule, the boys were just hanging out.

She became very flustered and said if that was the case her son would become overwhelmed and she’d have to take him home and he’d be devastated. I apologized but said I definitely couldn’t guarantee adherence to this schedule so didn’t want to assume responsibility for her son if it was of critical importance.

Unsurprisingly, her son was very very sad to have to leave. I suggested to the mom that he join the boys in the yard where they were playing basketball, but she said it wasn’t time for basketball right then.

So he ended up leaving and I feel bad because he was so upset. I keep thinking back and wondering if I should’ve just not invited him and saved everyone all this trouble?

Edit: Sorry thought I mentioned this, she said he needed this schedule because he has ADHD.

r/AmItheAsshole - AITA for letting my son invite a friend to his birthday, even knowing the boy didn’t go to parties?

3,436 votes and 636 comments so far on Reddit

www.reddit.com

(Archive)

Spoiler: I feel assaulted

Even though NTA

WIBTA if I told someone to stop being such a fucking weeb?

—in slightly nicer words, though. Anyway, I (17F) am somewhat friends with this (18M) guy (as in he’s in my friend group but I don’t consider us particularly close. However, we are the only two people of the friend group who watch anime. When he found this out, he decided to start texting me a LOT. At first, I was okay with it, since I thought it was cool that I shared interests with someone.

Then, it got kinda uncomfortable. He’s been calling me weird shit like senpai and neko-chan and has sent me pictures of his anime girl merch. I’m a little weirded out at this point. He has also been sending me random Japanese lyrics and says nani unironically and spams me with his bad anime opening covers. I’ve just been not responding to his texts anymore, hoping that he’ll get the point.

Like, I like anime and all and don’t mind anime merch in general (but the particular anime girl merch he gets is kinda uhhhhh you know), but I really can’t stop cringing whenever he calls me weeb ass shit like senpai and neko-chan. WIBTA if I pointed out he’s acting like a total weeaboo or should I keep ignoring him? It’s kind of awkward since we’re in the same friend group.

r/AmItheAsshole - WIBTA if I told someone to stop being such a fucking weeb?

1,744 votes and 317 comments so far on Reddit

www.reddit.com

(Archive)

 

[The Splat]

A mother, whom I can only assume, takes on more luggage than they are responsible for VS the worst case of Helicopter Parenting for some thick enough air you can put candles on it and cut it like a cake. An almost obvious NTA I'd say.

r/AmItheAsshole - AITA for letting my son invite a friend to his birthday, even knowing the boy didn’t go to parties?

3,436 votes and 636 comments so far on Reddit

www.reddit.com

(Archive)

Spoiler: I feel assaulted

Even though NTA

r/AmItheAsshole - WIBTA if I told someone to stop being such a fucking weeb?

1,744 votes and 317 comments so far on Reddit

www.reddit.com

(Archive)

How that kid with such a schedule like that is managing public school without having a freakout everyday amazes me.