r/polyamory

[Dafrunk89]

You're not being "basically forced to be mono" Just leave if you want to be poly.

"I came out as poly" but also "I kinda don't know what it means lol". That's a great start. She can just wing it and blame everything on confusion.

"Crush developed into something powerful" yeah you want to get fucked. Quite powerful. And of course it's about her boyfriend's "friend". It's a trainwreck waiting to happen. At least they're not married and there are no kids involved.

 

[Buer]

^Even if he doesn't say yes to poly she's already in the early stages of infidelity so she's prob going to cheat on him and blame it on him controlling her or some shit. Like, if your polyromantic or something don't get with a clingy dude it's not that hard.

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

Spoiler

If going from monogamy to polyamory is so stressful, than don't do it. Also, anyone want to place bets on how soon the inevitable divorce will be?

 

[Coffee Druid]

Spoiler

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If going from monogamy to polyamory is so stressful, than don't do it. Also, anyone want to place bets on how soon the inevitable divorce will be?

Just saying from my own personal experience, but when your partner wants to "open up the relationship", shit's over. It's a pretty big red flag. I used to date a guy and when we decided to get more serious, said he wanted an open relationship. Quote "I love you but I might want to have sex with other people". I was young and dumb and really liked him so I just went "k..." and hoped it would never come up again. But I had self esteem issues even before then so I felt awful constantly. Like I wasn't good enough or pretty enough and he would dump/replace me the second he found someone better. I was just temporary.

So I dumped him. Now I have no patience for that sort of stuff. When I see people going along with their partner even though they're not poly I cringe, and want to tell them to gtfo. It's selfish, really. "Your partner bringing their date home for you to meet is one of the biggest acts of love and trust they can show"? Yeah okay then.

 

[DumbDude42]

So I dumped him.

only proper reaction to this kind of bullshit

exclusivity is one of the most important parts of a relationship, it's necessary to develop that special level of trust and intimacy that separates an actual relationship from just being fuckbuddies with someone. breaching exclusivity sets in motion a chain of events that eventually makes the whole thing come apart.

 

[Dafrunk89]

Spoiler

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If going from monogamy to polyamory is so stressful, than don't do it. Also, anyone want to place bets on how soon the inevitable divorce will be?

"What isn't changing: your devotion to each other". Yeah sure. Except that's the first thing that will absolutely change, and after that it's an uphill battle until you finally get to a point where you either leave or slowly become an irrelevant doormat full of collateral cum stains. This is why you need to read at least 30 books and check back with our subreddit daily, so that this completely natural and wholesome arrangement will make sense to you, regardless of how you feel.

 

[queerape]

I’ve seen a trio arrangement last 5 years and that’s the absolute most. A polycule is inherently unstable due to the shifting dynamics and too many cooks stirring the pot and that’s no environment for secure attachments to form. At least with swinging or an open marriage where its a couple that just sleeps around sometimes no strings attached you can keep it away from the kids and you can just tell them the people you swing with are just friends and the rest stays in the bedroom. But in a polycule structure there are multiple figures in the kids life and they’ll attach to them and get more emotionally involved.

 

[RisingPhoenix]

^Even if he doesn't say yes to poly she's already in the early stages of infidelity so she's prob going to cheat on him and blame it on him controlling her or some shit. Like, if your polyromantic or something don't get with a clingy dude it's not that hard.

The real sucky part is admitting she knows her boyfriend has personal trauma from a parent cheating and leaving and then trivialising it with "he's soooo clingy, omg it was *years* ago get over it!" and yet justifying staying when they are very aware they *want* to cheat anyway. You don't actually care how your partner feels, just looking at ways to build up excuses for what you eventually aim to do, and frame it so he feels shitty for being (very understandably) upset when the "oopsy" kisses/sex with hot friend happens.

If not this guy, then it'll be the next one, and she'll talk about how noble it was of her to not fall on the first guy's dick when the fall out happens.

 

[le funny sex number 69]

The real sucky part is admitting she knows her boyfriend has personal trauma from a parent cheating and leaving and then trivialising it with "he's soooo clingy, omg it was *years* ago get over it!" and yet justifying staying when they are very aware they *want* to cheat anyway. You don't actually care how your partner feels, just looking at ways to build up excuses for what you eventually aim to do, and frame it so he feels shitty for being (very understandably) upset when the "oopsy" kisses/sex with hot friend happens.

If not this guy, then it'll be the next one, and she'll talk about how noble it was of her to not fall on the first guy's dick when the fall out happens.

That’s what they mean by “poly people are good at communicating.” One party expresses their feelings, the other ignores them to their convenience.

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

Spoiler

No.

Spoiler

"I don't want to deny myself what I want" These people are animals. Her partner is struggling with chronic pain and she's out fucking random people.

Spoiler

More like: "Talking to sane people gets me frustrated."

 

[AprilRains]

"Perusing" her desires? The word is "pursuing", you conscienceless idiot.

 

[Boss Bass]

View attachment 1543625 "I don't want to deny myself what I want" These people are animals. Her partner is struggling with chronic pain and she's out fucking random people.

It’s even better. He guilted her into letting him fuck around while he was healthy (note she didn’t pursue another partner), now he’s deeply ill and she wants to start fucking around. Tremendous.

 

[Gingervitis]

It’s even better. He guilted her into letting him fuck around while he was healthy (note she didn’t pursue another partner), now he’s deeply ill and she wants to start fucking around. Tremendous.

Why do the mentally ill seem to attract similarly fucked up partners?

 

[CORRUPT🍀]

What's a nesting partner

 

[TaimuRadiu]

What's a nesting partner

It's what oldthinkers would call your "spouse."

 

[CORRUPT🍀]

I sort of imagined a partner you stay with cos they gave a house. There's some erm for that

 

[BubbleButt]

Why do the mentally ill seem to attract similarly fucked up partners?

Maybe autism is a magnetic quality, like having a Stand?

 

[TaimuRadiu]

Maybe autism is a magnetic quality, like having a Stand?

Sonic sez, "TOKI YO TOMARE - ZA WARUDO!"

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

Spoiler

Lol she admits it.

 

[haterosexual]

I’ve seen a trio arrangement last 5 years and that’s the absolute most. A polycule is inherently unstable due to the shifting dynamics and too many cooks stirring the pot and that’s no environment for secure attachments to form. At least with swinging or an open marriage where its a couple that just sleeps around sometimes no strings attached you can keep it away from the kids and you can just tell them the people you swing with are just friends and the rest stays in the bedroom. But in a polycule structure there are multiple figures in the kids life and they’ll attach to them and get more emotionally involved.

“Polyamory” is woke polygamy. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that all of the countries where the practice is normalized have terrible human rights records. In the US, religious splinter sects like the Fundamentalist LDS Church (FLDS) and Branch Davidians sexually abuse women and children. It doesn’t end well in egalitarian societies, either. Utopian communities like Oneida and Kerista never lasted longer than a single generation.

I question the ethics of any married couple who’d restructure the family unit in order to accommodate their sexual appetite for extramarital sexual partners; the thought of inviting mommy’s boyfriend(s) and/or daddy’s girlfriend(s) to live with them is morally repugnant to me. Even introducing them as “family friends” seems wrong. Children are a lot more perceptive than we give them credit for.

Overall, I’m just opposed to the normalization of polygamy. It’s bad for society and it’s bad for interpersonal relationships. There’s good reason why many cultures abandoned the practice.